My I*&^@)($#*& Mother-OUTLAW.... - AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I'm SOOOO fed up with her. She gets up my butt about EVERYTHING.... this is the lastest conversation we had, by email.
Context: SO called her on Monday to wish he a Happy Mothers Day. We were out all day on Sunday, and then we were busy at home, him with the kids, me cleaning. ANyhoo.... he calls his mom on Monday, and she gives him crap about how he forgot Mother's Day, was angry that he didn't call ON Mother's Day, gave him a big guilt trip.
SO gets annoyed, tells me about it, so I email her at work. This is the jist of the conversation:
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Me: What was the purpose of your guilt trip to S over the phone? It really wasn't necessary.
Her: I only expressed my dissapointment that he forgot about me on Mother's Day. It's one day a year where he should call me. It should come from the heart, not as an obligation. You have expressed your sentiments about this, leave me the discretion of expressing mine. Besides - this is an issue between me and my son, not between you and me, if something was bothirng him, he should have told me himself instead of going through you.
Me: S didn't go throuhg me, I'm on my own here, because I find it sickening the way you treated him over one stupid phone call. He didn't tell you, because he felt that it wasn't worth the crap he'd get from you over it, didn't want another guilt trip. It's between you and him, yes, but it causes friction between him and me. He didn't forget about Mother's Day, he spent it with the mother of his children. That's a priority for this family - family. It will always be a priority, it will be the same on Father's Day, and any other family related holiday, if we are away from the extended family.
FIL told S once not to put him in a position to have to choose between his wife and his son, because his son would lose. It's the same for our family - except that it's just not worth the crap we go through for S to be on my side, so S sides with you, because the crap you put him through when things don't go your way is way worse than any of the crap I could ever put him through....
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I'm so angry at her...I coupd SPIT, and more. The worst of it is - she plays this <poor me> card and complains to EVERYONE about it. She went to MY mom, and told her about it, cried about it, blah blah..... my mom calle dme to know what the hell happend. I told my mom that I told MIL off, in a sense. My mom got all snotty as to why I was treating my MIL that way, all she wanted was a phone call on Mother's Day. But if she would have said to S "I would have liked a call yesterday, on Mother's Day...." instead of "I can't believe you forgot about your own mother on mother's day. At least you called before I died. I was worried something had happened to you, because you didn't call. I tried calling you all day." and repeating the same comments to my mother, on mother's day. It probably wouldn't have been as bad.....
I'm just TIRED of S whining and being annoyed and upset at his mom for things she does or says - and he never has the cohones to tell her - I'm TIRED of it. So I told her. Because *I* have to deal with a crabby hubby, him not talking to anyone because he's sulking, or feeling bad, or angry, or whatever.... point is, whenever he talks to his mom he's a real butthead afterwards.
I probably went too far, but I really don't care.....
Another thing she did - lcontext: the night before our wedding, S is staying at his parents house with his parents, and the groomsmen. I'm staying at my mom's with the bridesmaids. Last week she was talking to one of her relatives, or someone. Anyways - that person came to ask ME if they could stay at my mom's next weekend for our wedding. HELLO?! I've met this person like 3 times... they're invited only because they're MIL's family.... so I asked if there wasn't any room somewhere else, and they replied that MIL's house was already full of realative, some will already have to sleep on the floor in sleeping bags.... WHAT?!?!?! And S and the groomsmen are suppose dto stay ther HOW?!
So I also emailed her that this isn't HER family reunion, this is OUR wedding, and that we wish she'd respect that.
She replied that it was her house, and that S would be more comfortable and better off with his family than with his groomsmen.
FINE - it's her house, she can have whomever she wants to stay there - but don't spring this on us 1 week before the wedding, when plans to stay there with the grommsmen were MADE..... friggin IDIOT.
I have issues with my MIL. 
JessC replied: WOW what a psyco!! 
I have problems with my future MIL also. BIG ONES!!! 
- That reminded me alot of Neopolean Dynamite!!! 
3_call_me_mama replied: Sorry she's being such a *&$^#@$ @! Don't know hjat to say except offer hugs! Soon the wedding will be over adn then you will have less to stress about! I don't have these problems with my MIL, we actually get along wonderfully, (most people find that ODD!) But good luck to you... maybe she should be the one in the sleeping bag on the floor!!
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
That movie had to be the dumbest movie I ever saw... it was great!!!!!
loved loved LOVED the dancing!
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Pfft. I think the comfort the sleeping bad would offer is WAYYYY more than she deserves... 
kimberley replied: well i am starting to think it is a moms job to give her kids grief about mothers day . DH's mom was none too impressed that he didn't go up to see her on sunday. i told him he could go if he wanted to. only thing i wanted was to BBQ for supper so as long as he was back by then it would be fine. he didn't go.. that is his choice tho i am sure she blames me for his absence  .
this mother's day was probably the first one i have had that i truly felt special. DH and the kids really made it wonderful and it irks me that there had to be any "dark cloud" on that day. sorry to vent in your thread, i just get your frustration. maybe the upcoming wedding is making them crazy knowing the finally have to cut the apron strings. me.. i couldn't be more thrilled about it!
mammag replied: I hate to say it, and I'm sorry you are upset, but I think it was a little rude of him not to call her.....sorry. I also don't think you should have emailed her. It should be left between them, imo. If he wanted to say something to her than he should have while he was talking to her.
Well, anyway, I'm sorry you are having a hard time with her...
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I'm sorry too, but I'm with Jeanie. I have issues with my MIL, but there is a bond between mother and son. I somehow TOTALLY GET THIS NOW! So I do think he should have at least called her. And I don't think it is necessarily your place to tell her off even if she made a guilt trip out of the situation. I've finally realized that we can't control our parents or in-laws in terms of how they REACT to what we do, say, or feel. They're entitled to their own feelings just as we are. Sorry I'm being honest.
Hang in there...I have issues with my MIL too and I'm glad you voiced them here. I'm just dealing with them differently lately. It's time I see her for who she is, not as a threat to me or my relationship with my DH. 
MM'sMama replied: So sorry she is this way to you and your family what an idiot!!! 
amymom replied: I am so sorry you are having MIL problems. You have mentioned her before and I am amazed you always have the email to give us the story first hand so to speak. The wedding guest thing is way off and I love the way you put it for her.... this is our wedding not your family reunion. You have a clear way of speaking.
I realize that your upset with her about Mother's Day is about the guilt trip she put on her son your SO, BUT he should have called her on the day. I insist that my husband keep in touch with his family (even though he doesn't think of it), honor his mother in special ways just for the example it sets for our children. Just my opinion and what I do it doesn't work for everyone.
Again, and I love the way you are so straight forward with the MIL. Good job.
My2Beauties replied: I'm glad someone else said something. I know that you have issues with her and most of them rightfully so and I'm glad you stick up for yourself, but I hate to say I'm with MIL on this one, I would feel awful if my child didn't call me on Mother's Day! Just plain awful. Sorry that is just MHO!
TANNER'S MOM replied: I haven't spoken to my Mom in law in months..and neither has DH..
Well 6 months now since Christmas.
I made him call his Mom on Mother's Day. They spoke for a brief moment and they both cried. I actually DIALED the phone for him...because it was the right thing to do.
I can't imagine having a Mother's Day with out one of my kids calling..
My daughter was gone on a trip and it hurt me but she still called collect..lolol
Mel
jem0622 replied: My MIL is an alcoholic, has OCD, panic attacks...you name it. She has run away without telling anyone and come back saying she slept in the woods. All of her children have had it.
Still, I did send her a card from the kids and from us. There are generous things that they have done, and without her I would not have my wonderful DH (who is not like her at all) or our beautiful children. So for that, I am grateful.
We don't see them a lot, but the kids enjoy their company. And if they ever showed up totally wasted then they would be kicked out.
HUGS
Lynda836 replied: If your hubbie has a relationship with his mother, I'd have to agree with some of the other people on thread..., he should have called on Mother's Day...it only takes a second and it does save a lot of grief.
If they have a relationship. .. Because if they don't, I don't think someone should be honored one day of the year if she doesn't act like a mother the rest of the year. I sound bitter, but I'm in that situation.
My husband doesn't call his mother on Mother's day or his Dad on father's day...and I have no intention on encouraging him to do so because it only causes him pain to be reminded that he has parents that wouldn't give him the same courtesy. His parents are divorced, and basically left their kids to be raised by their grandparents. For most of his life, neither have called him, not even on his birthday or at Xmas, and only since we married has he had the occasional call from his Mother. We recently moved to the same city as his father, and he's made several attempts to try to have some sort of relationship with his Dad...only to be blown off by weak excuses. For him. Mother's and Father's Day are just a painful reminders that his own parents didn't care to be part of his life.
So while Mother's Day is a special day to show thanks to our mothers, I think that call on Mother's Day needs to be earned. And while I don't have a mettling MIL or FIL, I wish I did, because I think my husband would happy to have parents who loved him and were concerned enough to mettle in our lives than to have parents who have no interest at all.
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Don't get me wrong.... I COMPLETELY agree that he should have called her on Mother's day. I just don't agree that she really had to dig into him about it....she really made him feel bad, he was grumpy the rest of Monday.
Especially when she expects things to be done for her, yet she doesn't do them in return. For instance - she'll call SO on his birthday, she won't get him a present. Not that the present matters - that's not what SO expects - however on HER birthday, she EXPECTS a present, and will give him crap if he doesn't get her anything else but a card.
It's a double standard, it really is. She doesn't wish ME a happy birthday, why should I? She got angry last year that we didn't celebrate HER birthday, November 13th, that we didn't get her any presents, we ONLY called. Yet when our birthdays came before that, April 22nd for SO and May 3rd for me, she didn't call us or give us anything (again, not that the present matters to us....)
My response to her on that one was that since we hadn't received anything, not even a phone call on OUR birthdays, that we assumed that she though we were getting to old for that kind of stuff and that she was no longer interested in celebrating birthdays.....
At Christmas - she'll get us dollar-store stuff.... or very cheap tacky stuff, like cleaning supplies, or a frilly pink and white couch cushion with a picture of a bird on it - our living room is taupe, with black furniture and glass tables, and beige and brown decor (cushion, curtains etc...) for under 5$. But she gets upset if we only bought her the SMALL bottle of Eau de Temps (which is still 65$) instead of the bigger one, which is like 120$, and a certificate to her fave restaurant for 50$.
It's the double standard that she always gives DH crap for little things, however she expects us to go the mile for her - when all we get from her is crap thrown our way.
I probably should not have sent her an email.... but my SO is too yellow-bellied to do it himself. If I'm to hear crap from him for a day about the way his mom talked to him.... might as well let her know that what she said to him really got to him.
They're certainly entitled to their feelings. THey just don't HAVE to stomp on everybody else's feelings when they don't get their way....I can't control her, but I can control how much crap she throws at me. I can control how often I pick up the phone to hear her complain, and I can control whether a situation that influences my family should take place or not - in this case, I just got tired that MIL is always digging into SO, and he just takes her crap, then I get the crap from him becuase he's too chicken livered to tell his mom - so I tell her.
It used to be, between SO and I, that if there was an issue - he'd get really annoyed at her, then tell me about it. I'd tell him to tell her. He'd always refuse, I'd always bite my tongue. THen it because that I would tell him to tell his mom, or that *I* would tell her. You've all noticed that I don't necessarily mince my words when it coes to her, she's caused me too much grief for me to respect her - even if she is my SO's mom and always will be - she is still my kids grandmother, and I won't take that awya.... anyways, then it got to be where SO didn't tell his mom, knowing that *I* would tell her - we already have friction between us. What's one more speck of it? It gets HIS feelings out, she knows how HE feels, she doesn't do THAT again. At least not for a long while.....
I'm just tired of her.... lol but I do agree that he should have called her. It would have avoided all of this crap the fan spun back at us - however he's a big boy and call remember to call his mommy all on his own - I'm not his mom, I shouldn't have to tell him what to do. If he didn't do it....his fault, not mine... Maybe next year he can make her a glued macaroni handmade card with big block lettering saying Happy mother's day, with glitters all over.
A&A'smommy replied: UGH I'm sorry I guess sometimes its hard for mother to realize that their babies aren't babies anymore and that their opinion is only important when its respectful and when they aren't treating them like children. My mil treats my hubby like a child too and it BUGS the crap out of me but I'm not as brave as you I don't know if I could ever really say anything too her, kudos to you for speaking your mind!!
mammag replied: She does sound crazy but what I would probably do is take the issue up with him and come to a new agreement that if he has a problem with something she does he needs to either take it up with her or keep silent about it and not take his mood out on you. Relationships with inlaws can be pretty touchy sometimes and when you already have issues the best thing to do is step back and accept it for what it is. I used to have issues with my mil but I know there are certain things that will never change about her that drive me nutty (like regifting my gifts back to me one year later ). I try to just let things go now and we actually developed a wonderful relationship of mutual respect for one another. Truth be told, she's more a mother to me than my own so I can take the bad with the good.
Now, I'm not saying you'll ever have a great relationship with your future mother in law but you can at least make it more civil by letting SO deal with his own issues with her. Don't worry about her getting upset about what you get her. Just smile and say "oh I'm sorry you didn't like it but that's what we could afford...you're welcome to return it and get something that suits you" If you remain pleasant (even when you want to shake some sense into her ) there's not a whole lot she can say and I'm betting she will chill out when she sees her antics aren't getting the desired effect. I would just encourage SO to call her on occasions and if he doesn't let him deal with her later. You could even call her on your own just out of respect as his mom. You don't have to be all lovey dovey but just be as respectful as you can.
Well, I'm just going on and on aren't I? Sorry about that! I also just wanted to say, I've had to do a similar thing with my own parents. We've had some really rough times and even went about a year not speaking to each other what so ever. Mostly stemming from his alcoholism.... We now have a relationship, certainly not the loving father/daughter relationship I would love to have (with a normal dad) but it is what it is......
Okay, I'm shutting up now....Promise!!
SOUTHERN MOMMY replied:  WHAT GUTS I COULD HAVE NEVER BEEN SO BOLD (((HATS OFF TO YOU))) 
uwishucudfly replied: I understand your frustration completely!
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