My FIL sent me an email - I'm speechless...

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: he sent me an email, basically telling me to shut up, and not to ruin his son's "career", because he'll never get another good job again. How he still can't fathom how a high school graduate was making as much as I did before, while his son was stuck flipping burgers and selling telephones, with a university degree... that it wasn't right, and that he doesn't know how I "pulled it off".

He goes on to say that although he isn't a chauvinist (ya right) he thinks that it may be best for me to shut my mouth, stay home with all 3 kids, and take care of all the cooking and cleaning so that his son can be "less stressed" about all this, and be the "good little wife" he knows I have inside instead of this person who is ticked because she can't control ALL her surroundings.

He said that I can just collect my mat leave benefits, then unemployment - that will be my salary for being at home, and that with my education, it was all that I should, by all rights, get - and leave the jobs to those who have earned them.

DH read it real quick and had no comments.

WTH?

I don't even know how to feel.

MamaJAM replied: Wow - what a jerk! Aside from the fact that none of that is any of his business.....he's got a major attitude problem. I could say more...but I won't because I'll just get really nasty.

Also - your DH deserves a smack upside the head for not commenting. (JMO)

mom21kid2dogs replied: Naawww . .he's not a chauvanist at all . . . .(dripping sarcasm)

BAC'sMom replied: No way, get out! He didn't ! He deserves more than a smack on the head.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: ummmm i can't put what my first words and reaction was to this because well its not "appropriate language" at all. What a DONKEY !!!!!

wow if someone especially family said that to me I would b. slap them and go off. I can't believe that he would say he isn't a chauvnist but yet he gives a good impression of one!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: oh he;s TOTALLY a chauvinist. And his wife is a working wife by day and housewife by nght... not to mention she's asd tactless as a telephone post.

I mean... she does all their laundrey, cooking, cleaning etc... she still folds or presses her dh's laundry, and puts it away. The cooking, and the cleaning after....it's awful.

I just don;'t know whether to laugh - or get horribly mad!!

jcc64 replied: When dh and I were still pretty young (early 20's) and not even married yet, dh's father yelled at me when he saw dh doing laundry- telling me that was my responsibility, not the man's. I just kept my mouth shut and silently wished him a slow, painful death. In this case, it was cultural, they are first generation Korean immigrants, and I've never seen his father so much as make himself a cup of tea. I find it ridiculous, of course, but I do realize that my views are formed by my experience in this culture, not his. In the end, I find it's always best not to directly engage the in-laws- either leave that to your husband, or better yet, just ignore his idiotic rantings and do your own thing.

booey2 replied: Oh Rocky I am so sorry and very pissed at your FIL and I don't even know him. He has no right to say that to you. Does he not know about all the very successful people in the world who don't have a university degree, I think Bill Gates is one of them. Hugs to you.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I really dont know what to say

mckayleesmom replied: OMG....I would be so flippin mad. And if my dh didn't say something and put his father in HIS PLACE...I would pack my stuff and the kids and leave him to his "career". WHY? Because your husband is obviously talking to his parents about you...how else would they know??

DansMom replied: Here's what I would do. Print out the e-mail. Stand over some safe receptacle, take a match or lighter, and burn that piece of paper while cackling. And don't respond to it at all---let silence be your answer.

luvbug00 replied: what a @%$^%%&^*(()**))*(&&^&#$@#@$*^

Hillbilly Housewife replied:


you gave me tears of joy at the thought!!!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Umm I would explain.. that if your DH didn't feel different.. then he could go live with his Daddy!

What did you do before that he is so bitter about. And how come you don't still work in that field?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I think I am beginning to be upset that if FIL knows all this stuff, dh must have talked to him about it - because he didn't talk to ME about those feelings. So I think I'mbeginning to be upset at DH for not having been honest when we had a big talk about this.

MyLuvBugs replied: I know how I'd feel......POed! WOW! Ya know, I'd totally write back, and CC my husband. I'd say "Why don't YOU butt out of MY families business b/c YOU don't have any right to medle in our personal lives. And as for my "education", I obviously have more smarts than some people, including yourself, and THAT's why I was able to get a good job." But that's just me.

I can't believe your husband wouldn't say anything. I just read your post to my DH, and he said "WOW....what an a$$".

moped replied:
I can't remember what you did - I think you told us once?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I used to be a legal assistant for the government, working with lawyers travelling across canada mainely to Calgary and in the North (they travelled, not me), and one in Washington DC. Before then, I was privy to information disclosed to the general public, at the Access to Information and Privacy Office of the Department of Justice - I was one of the people blanking out the information, according to standards of the Queen's Privy Council Office.

I got the job around 17 years old - starting salary of about 37 000$

moped replied: Good wage for 17!!!!! Did you leave to have babies????

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Uh - NO. I left to come to this crap hole.. to give dh a chance at a career.

I had worked my way up tp about 46000 when we left... with benefits, life insranvce, and dental. Had I not had babies, I would likely have gone up to bigger and better... I had to drop a PM opportunity (Project manager) in the ATIP office because I was going on mat leave... i should have taken it... lol it would have been tougher to leave in the first place!!

Believe me - if we had known things were going to go this way... we wouldn't have come, and I would have kept my nice cushy job. Now I'm calling Bingo #s twice a week...

C&K*s Mommie replied: To be honest, I would not have been mad at my FIL for saying those things-- he is entitled to his opinion- expressed or otherwise. They are obviously coming from someone having been raised in a different time than it is nowadays. So be it. However, there are two things that would make me sick with anger: 1) it really is none of his business to come to you third party and say those things to you. He is not in your home, you did not come to him to vent- thus causing him to vent back with that. 2) What would really #@$@ me off would be that my DH would disclose his feelings that involved me to his family. I can understand that we all have issues that we need to vent, and sometimes it happens to be our family that we vent to. But to not stand up for me, when I was being attacked as if he agrees with his father-- that would send my flying! As the others have said, he got into your personal business & spoke his mind, unprompted other than your DH saying whatever he said. He is the third party in this case. He needs to stay OUT! of your family business.

moped replied: AND, I just had a thought, why doens't FIL have any faith in your DH, to say that he will never get another good job again.......I highly doubt that is true.

luvmykids replied: I don't want to start a fight with you and DH but I think I'd be the most upset that he A) told FIL the details, he should be talking to you about this, not him and that he didn't seem bothered by the email.

However, I think your FIL sounds like a (*#&($%*, (*#%($&%, and a (*W@#(%!!And needs to butt out.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OMG that it so terrible! I can't believe he would say something like that too you! He sounds like a real a$$ I would talk to your DH about this, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with saying that too you!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

Honestly, all your FIL is thinking about is his son. Not what is best for the family, or for you. He wants his son to be taken care of, and even if that means you are put on the back burner.

Does he not have confidence in his son to find another job? What is he implying with that? Obviously, he knows you could find work...and a good job at that. And he is intimidated that you are "out-doing" his son, a man, and he doesn't like that. He has that old school way of thinking, that a woman's place is in the home, that we have to wait on our men beck and call, and be subserveant. And I know you well enough, Rocky, that you aren't that kind of woman. Yes, you love & support your husband, but you're not going to be a doormat either.

FIL, or any in-laws for that matter, should butt out of their kids business. And your DH should've stuck up for you. Maybe he didn't because he feels the same way, and is afraid to tell you that he believes his father is right????????

I don't know if you wrote him back or not, but I wouldn't. You're not going to change his way of thinking. He is who he is...and that's that. But if it makes you feel better, then you should. Just know that he's not going to see it from your view point, and he'll always stick up for his son's best interest.

Do what's best for your family. And your DH needs to get the guts enough to talk to him about this. And I really think you should talk to your DH, because maybe secretly he is feeling like his father is right.

coasterqueen replied: Wow, I'm speechless. I can't believe your DH didn't have a comment either.

fashionmumofboys replied: Sorry your FIL was being a #$%#$#$#$.

Your DH should have really come to you first off before anybody else with personal information like this. This would make me so mad if my DH did that to me.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:

Ditto!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I hardly even engage with the outlaws, don't worry. I think Ann hit it on the head...he may be intimidated that I was "out doing" his son, so to speak... but still.

I'm not mad that he sent this to me, really... I just wasn't too sure what to think, because I'm not too sure where it's coming from. DH and I are going oto talk about this when he gets home.

I don't mind staying home - I really don't, I was thinking about it anbyways... but to be told that i'm ruining his career - wat about the one that I left behind? Granted, the definition of a career is job in the field of education, and since I don't have a degree, I can't technically have a career... but still. It's not my fault I'd gotten a lucky break.

kimberley replied: that is all you "should" get?????? omg i would be livid!!! i agree with not dealing with the outlaws.. especially with crap like that flying around. i would talk to dh too. FIL is getting info somewhere. hope your talk goes well.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG that is awful SICK he is a chavenist and he should mind his own business!!!! I'm sorry rocky!!!

ions_momma replied: OMG What a jerk!!! IMHO he needs to mind his own business and stay out of yours!!

My3LilMonkeys replied:

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Okay my first reaction upon reading this earlier was, "Son of a B____!!!" But that is an insult to my gender so I'll just say he is an enormous "Donkey". If I were you, I would make staying (if you choose to stay there) conditional on moving out of the building. No way should you have to worry about drop-ins and phone calls and everything else. And your FatherOutLaw can just go to heck.

CantWait replied: Rocky I'm so sorry. That really would quite tick me off as well. Hopefully your dh comes to his senses and apoligizes for taking behind your back and not to you and also for not sticking up for you

3xmommy replied: Rocky,

This may sound morbid, and well, it is... but I'd take me a needle and thread and show that old man what I think of his opinion.


Ain't a thing wrong with a man helping his wife do some of the housework. He helped make the babies, won't kill him to help clean up some... and I'm sure he helps with some of the messing too!

HUGS

-Diane

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I'm dying here.... my mom said somethin glaong those lines when I sent her the meail to read - something about detaching a certain part of his body, stuffing it somewhere else, and using a needle and thread.

I just had to laugh!!!

I talked to dh about it... he is swearing up and down that he never said a WORD to FIL about it.

Edward's Mommy replied: I would just ignore the ignorant comments he made. We all believe you're better than that. We all KNOW you're better than that. But I would have a serious talk with DH. Some in-laws can be such ignoramouses!!

Boys r us replied: If my IL's said something like that to me, I wouldn't let it stress me out, b/c in my heart I would know that they had no control over my family and that his comments were just from a different generation.

However...your DH..there's not really any way to defend him. I think his lack of reaction is completely unforgivable!