Mother vent!!!!

coasterqueen wrote: Okay, what is it with some grandparents? I had a function to be at last night so Dh had DD. He had to go down to my mom&dad's to look at something so he asked my mom to watch Kylie for a few minutes. Then DH and Kylie were going to go home and fix dinner for themselves. Well, as soon as Kylie got there my mom immediately gave her an apple (cut up slices) and a HUGE glass of water! Ryan said by the time he got back from the garage Kylie had scarfed most of the apple and ALL of the water! He was so mad. When he got home he fixed a nice well-balanced healthy meal and of course Kylie was sooooo full that she didn't even eat it. She would even take any ebm from him until about an hour later.

My mother makes me soooo angry sometimes. Every time we go over there she immediately gives Kylie food. Now I know DD is 14 months now and can have more solids, but why is it every time we walk in the door she gives it to her, like I'm starving her or something? She also continues to give her unhealthy snacks.

Two weekends ago she watched Kylie for a bit while Ryan and I went and seen a movie. I gave my mom 2 5 ounces sippys of ebm for her to have while we were gone. But we were only going to be gone for 2.5 hours so I knew she probably would only want one. We get back to pick her up and DD hadn't had any of it. My mom gave her water. Her comment was "well, she was thirsty!". Like my breastmilk won't quench her thirst!?!

My mother continues to defy me and ignore my wishes and this is why Kylie has not been over there a lot. But now that she is getting a bit older my father really wants her to come visit more. My parents just live right down the road from me so it's hard to ignore them. I'm explained time and time again of my wishes, but I guess I'll just have to keep repeating myself ;-)

I'm wondering though, could she acting this way because she is so against BF? Could she be "offended" that I succeeded at BF and she didn't so she refuses to give my DD her ebm and gives her food instead? I guess I will always wonder this. You know my mother is VERY overweight and it kinda runs in the family and so does Type 2 diabetes. She is always trying to give my DD chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, etc, etc...you would think she would not want her grandbaby to end up that way too. *SIGH*

Sorry for letting me vent and thank you for listening. I've tried venting to DH, but his comment everytime is "not my fault your mother is phsyco!". Grrrr.

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe you can talk to your dad so maybe he can intervien if she trys giving her that stuff why shes over there. Ask your dad to put his foot down too. Kwim? Get someone on your side.

DansMom replied: It does sound like she's expressing her discomfort with your choices by disobeying your wishes and instructions. I'm guessing that she feels (probably unconsciously) that your parenting choices are ways of judging her lifestyle, rather than just different choices. And when it comes to food issues, things get really dicey and emotional for some people. As far as dealing with it, I don't know. Family is tough. I've never figured out how to deal with the weirdness in my family either.

MommyToAshley replied: I think it is a Grandmother thing... they think they have to feed their grandchildren all the time! My parents and in-laws do this, but I am lucky, at least they ask first. Most of the time I say yes or suggest something different. I don't mind if they give her healthy snacks like fruits and veggies, but I don't let them give her sweets except some ice cream occasionally. However, I do think they try to overfeed her sometimes.

I don't have much advice for you. If you are there, and your mother tries to offer a chocolate chip cookie, you could always suggest some fruit instead. If you don't want her to eat anything at that time, I guess you are going to have to put your foot down... I know that is hard when it is your mother. But, I don't know what you can do when you aren't around, which is when it sounds like you are having the most problems. Maybe let your mom know exactly what you told us... that you don't bring her around as much because she doesn't eat/drink the proper diet when she is with them. It may hurt her feelings, but it might also solve the problem. I make this suggestion knowing that I would never have the guts to say that to my Mom in the same situation. I would probably avoid leaving Ashley with her unless I was there.

jen replied: This is just what I would do, so don't take offense to it if you think it is harsh. I would print out nutritional articles as well as explain what the pediatrician suggests for your individual child's needs and family history of obesity. Make it more of a FACT than a suggestion and if she doesn't abide by it stick to your guns about the FACTS until she does. I am much into nutritional research for myself having hypoglycemia and there is plenty out there about nutritional health starting from the beginning of life up into adulthood. Just my suggestion. It always helps me to rattle off FACTS and STATISTICS. goodluck!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: My mom is always trying to shove food down Maddie's throat, too. When she was younger I didn't mind. I could never get Maddie to eat anything and I was glad she would always eat for my mom. She won't give her junk food unless she asks me first, though. I'm sorry your mom won't listen to you. I think maybe since she didn't BF, she doesn't know the importance in it and why you would like to stick with it. She probably just doesn't think about it.

maestra replied: My mom is the same way about the ebm- it's because she feels that I should have stopped bf at 4 months. She didn't bf for very long with any of us. We have agreed to disagree, and she knows that it's my way or no grandbaby- and Jaci's her only one! Good luck!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I understand completely with what you are going through. I feel like I am in a constant battle between my mother and my MIL. They let the kids do whatever they want, they let the kids eat whatever they want and they do not respect my wishes at all! I think it's just a grandparent thing!

aspenblue1 replied: I know what you are going through. My MIL is that way also. I think it is a grandparent thing.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: My MIL W-A-S like that too. Except I let it go on so long without sayign anything....by the time I started to express my wishes, she's just scoff and say "I'm the grandmother - it's my right to spoil her!"

So after a while of that.... I just plain refused to go over there with Zach, and I told DH that if she wanted to see Zach, she could come over and see him at our house, I'd take off for a walk or go shopping or ssomething while she's be there, because I didn't want to have to see her. I refused to let hier babysit, and although DH was kinda cranky about that one, I held my ground and told him that if his mom couldn't respect our wishes on certain subjects, then she would not be left with Zach, period, until she can prove that she can listen. Of course, she didn't understand why I wasn't letting her be with "her baby"...so I wrote a 4 page letter detailing why I was upset, what she had done, and why it has to stop - basically telling her that the bottom line was "My child, my rules, if you don't like it, too freakin bad".

After about 2 more months of not seeing her, I started going back to her house with Zach, but I still woulnd't let her be alone with him, she hadn't proved to me that she could "listen". It took a few times of her doing something "wrong", me picking up Zack and simply walking out the door and DH telling her what she had done for her to understand that I was indeed serious about everything I had written to her, and that unless she smartened up, things would not change. Even now, when we go over, she "takes over" during meal times.... I'll start feeding Zach and she'll take the fork/spoon right out of my hand and continue feeding him. The last time she did that, I took him out of his high chair, grabbed the bag of cut up cold chicken I had brought Especially for this, and went to sit outside, and fed Zach the chicken. Then, I grabbed the stroller out of my car trunk, and walked home with Zach, leaving DH at his mother's.

Now, it's much better with my MIL, she knows I won't put up with her crap, but I still have doubts about Zach going there. He does though, and I still don't think she's listening to everything we say, but I do like a night out once in a while, so I'm willing to put up with a few hours of her bull now and then.

I'm not afraid anymore of telling her when she does something not acceptable, and I think she's a little intimidated by me, becaseu whenever she asks something about Zach, she always calls DH's cell, and of course he always says he'll talk to me...so she gets mad at him for wanting to discuss whatever with me... but shenever has the nerve to call ME. heh!

All that to say that I understand where you are coming from....and that it will not stop unless you tell her seriously. If you threaten to stop taking Kyile over, you have to be prepared to actually follow through....or things will never change. She's YOUR daughter. Not HERS.

kimberley replied: yikes, sorry you all are going through this. i agree that it is a grandparent thing... it's like they think it is their right.

kudos to Zach's mom for standing your ground.

mummy2girls replied: why is it that she doesnt like bf? I wish jenna wanted to bf! I tried for the longest time to breast feed but she rather be bottle fed. I even pumped so at least she was getting it somehow. But then i got lazy and stopped and switched her to formula. which i hate myself for doing that because i think she wouldnt of been so sick now if she had my bm.

For me my mom believed in bfeeding as she did it for a bit and also my grandma believd in it and actually got mad at me because i stopped giving jenna bm. But my ex's mother believed in formula rather than bf... but i just never let her convince me otherwise when i did use my bm.