Mother in Law - ... visiting

Calimama wrote: My MIL is planning a visit for Thanksgiving, and I am LESS than thrilled. My Dh and I have been married a little over a year, about 3 months into we had an unplanned pregnancy. There was NEVER any question we would have, raise, and love our child. Well when we called my MIL to tell her she had the nerve to tell us that she would raise the baby as her own since we werent ready for a child (because I'm 19)! She didnt ask us, she TOLD us. Anyway speed up to the present. She called and said she and her 6yr old son were coming for Thanksgiving and are going to be staying with us. She said she cant wait to meet her new "daughter" NOT grandaughter.. and told us that she wants Bella to call her Momma Jen. I may be totally overreacting but I reallllly dont feel comfortable having her around my child. If I hear her say " She's so gorgeous, She'd complete our family" one more time I'm going to lose it. I just dont think it's something you should joke or kid around about? Am I totally off here?

CantWait replied: You need to fix her NOW. She is WAY OFF!!!!

What does your dh say about this?

mummy2girls replied: +She is so out of line! I think you should have a talk with DH and your MIL. Thats is crazy the way she thinks!

TheOaf66 replied: I agree, put a stop to this as soon as you can and for goodness sakes get the DH involved.

Calimama replied:
He says she's just kidding around and would never take Bella away from us. He did say if it bothered me that bad he would talk to her about not coming. But then I feel like I'm keeping her away from her son and grandchild, and I dont want to become that person.

TheOaf66 replied: well he doesn't have to tell her not to come but he should talk to her about what she said and what her intentions are and nip it in the bud right away

luvbug00 replied: Please I was 17 with Mya. young parents can have well ajusted kids too. I'd just tell your Dh . she can come of course but he NEEdS to nip this in the bud. NOW.

kit_kats_mom replied: Is it that she feels too young to be a grandma? Is she a very vain woman? That's crazy.

CantWait replied:
Coming to visit shouldn't be the issue, make sure you let him know this. Your MIL is going to play a very important part of your dd's life. The issue is what her role is, and she needs to know what that role is.

I also wanted to say that being 19 doesn't make you a bad parent, I was 18 when I had my first, and he's healthy, smart, and I'd say relatively happy.

C&K*s Mommie replied: What she is saying is whack!

I would have a talk with her about the discomfort you feel with the past comments, and the most recent ones too.

Calimama replied:
Possibly. She has a 6 yr old of her own and would love to have another child.. a girl. I'm going to sit down with Antonio tonight and talk to him again. I just wanted some more opinons before I pushed the subject farther. Thanks everyone!

Boo&BugsMom replied: Wow! This reminds me of my cousin and her mom. My cousin has a 13 year old daughter and has had some rough times in the past and recently, she is a single mom and struggles just like any other single mom would. My aunt (her mom) is always making jokes about her daughter mocing in with them and them raising her. Even though she is joking, I can tell you that it hurts her feelings A LOT because she doesn't hear a lot of positive comments from her, only negative. Joking or not, it's still over the line and needs to stop.

I would have hubby have a talk with her. She needs to realize her hurtful comments and give you some credit!

J-rod replied: edit - holy crap...wrong person....we got 2 bellasmommy's here now.

holley79 replied: My mom was only 16 when she had me and I think I turned out ok. 19 is a freaking adult for goodness sakes. I would defiantly have DH talk to her BEFORE she gets here. Have HIM explain to her that both of you feel uncomfortable about the comments she makes. It has to be nipped quickly and efficently.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
LOL! Yeah, I thought it was Jess at first too!