Monitoring child's internet usage - My wife says I'm wrong

leaf wrote: We have a computer downstairs that is just for the children to use. About one month ago, I decided to put some internet monitoring software on the computer. It logs keystrokes and mouse clicks. My wife says it is an invasion of their privacy and she is against it. I say we have a right to know what they are doing on the computer. When I told her that her daughter who is 12 was using profanity and mentioned her preference that my wife and I divorce, she didn't believe me but would not come and look at the log. Now, I just want to know, does anyone else believe I was wrong, does anyone else believe I was right? I told her we have a right to know, she says it should be private. What to do, what to do.

mammag replied: IMO you have the right to and should be monitoring. You hear all the time about young girls being seduced into meeting up with some freak they were talking to on the internet. There's a lot of scary stuff out there. I would maybe tell your daughter that you are monitoring it if your wife feels like it's an invasion of privacy. Now I'm not one to go reading a diary or anything but I don't think this is the same thing. If you recognize an email address as one of her school friends I wouldn't necessarily be reading those but as far as knowing what sites she is going to and if she is chatting with anyone I think it is better to be aware. Your job as a parent is to protect her and in this day and age that means knowing what they are doing on the internet. Just my opinion.....

mom21kid2dogs replied: When I was a social worker I worked with two families whose daughters were stalked on the internet. One was by a potentially homicidal ex boyfriend who was later prosecuted. Personally, my child will never have a computer in any "private" area of the home. WAY too many preditors out there and they are kids, not adults. They lack appropriate judgement in these situations as they are far too trusting. Both these girls were considered "great" kids~good grades, athletes,popular, articulate, in families who had strong values~they just got in over their head. Sorry mom, I'm with dad on this one. If she wants privacy, write in a diary or call her friends on the phone!

Allyson&Patrick'sMom replied: You are doing what is safe for your child. We have an 8 year old and right now she only goes to Barbie.com and the computer is right in the living room ao we monitor her, but when she gets older and a computer goes in her room, we will add the software.

Boys r us replied: I have no problems at all with what you've done!
After all, it IS our job as parents to protect our children and well, sometimes that may mean that we have to invade their "privacy". There are too many dangers out there on the internet. We have a home network set up, so when my 8yr old logs in to his desktop, he can only go to child friendly sites and I have it set so that he cannot send or receive IM's.

ammommy replied: I agree with you, too. There are too many opportunities out there these days for sickos to stalk people, especially young girls. Your daughter probably wouldn't understand the reasoning, but have you considered telling her that the internet is being montitored? She will probably throw a fit and "I hate you" will probably come out of her mouth (remembering my drama teen years, here) but at least she will be warned that her activity is being monitored. It could be a good reminder for her that the internet really isn't as private as she thinks. Good luck. I am dreading those years.

ctymom replied: There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! It's a parents job to keep kids safe. It's not an invasion of privacy.. its the internet. Can be a very dangerous place. Reading their diary is an invasion of privacy. Keeping them safe online is not.

Pamela

CCTandME replied: I am all for monitoring.

jcc64 replied: We are dealing with the very same issue here. My ds is 12, and a big fan of AOL im'ing, as are all of his friends. Initially, I was horrified when dh told me he secretly set up a running log of all of his conversations/website visits, but now I'm glad he did. He essentially speaks with his "buddies", but the potential is definitely there to be invited into a chat room with perverts posing as other kids.
Way back in the stone ages, we used to talk on CB radios in much the same way kids chat online today. We had "handles" instead of usernames, but the logistics were much the same. One could pretend to be anyone from anywhere, and when I was close to ds' age, I was chatting with strange boys all the time, even going so far as to meet a few who lived near by. The potential for disaster was obviously HUGE, but thankfully the boys were genuine kids like myself. I was a straight A, honor roll, high achieving athlete who was by all accounts a level headed good kid. But all kids are curious, and stupid, and woefully unprepared to anticipate all the depravity out there. As much as I'd like to respect my son's right to privacy, his safety and well being come first. When he's older and mature, the rules will change. For now, we're watching....

WillandFinn'sMom replied: Hmmm...I definitely think at that age there should be some filtering software on there. I'm not a big fan of keystroke loggers. Instead, I think a parent should check on their children often (or be right there with them) while they're using the internet. I do think that Net Nanny or something like that is imperative to filter out pornographic websites.

If someone is going to use a keystroke logger, I think the child should be told beforehand.

mckayleesmom replied: In my opinion..I OWN my childrens privacy until they are 18 years of age. If they don't like it...tough...I will have 2 c-section scars as proof of ownership until they are 18. I am not their friend, Im their mother.

aspenblue1 replied: I see nothing wrong with it. It is our responsibility as parents to do everything we can to keep our children safe! There are too many people who prey on children on the internet.