Moms who work - out of the home

mom2tripp wrote: I NEED SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT!!!!!! January 9th is fast approaching and this guilt about leaving Tripp has pushed me into a very depressed state. Please tell me the guilt will subside and you eventually feel ok about working and leaving your babies!!!!!!!!!!!

CAMSMOM1 replied: I know exactly how you are feeling. I stayed home with our son until he was 6 months old. Leaving him just killed me! But he was staying with Grandma when I was at work, so at least I knew he was in good hands. I'm not going to tell you that's it's easy, but it does get easier. A mother naturally wants to be with her children, but in this day and age...most of us can't do that. We live in a 2 income society, not because we want to but because that's how it goes. I opted to work only part time. I work in the afternoons only, so I get to stay home with Cam in the mornings. For us, it was the best of both worlds. I am bringing in enough money to help out with bills, but I can always be at home with my son. Have you looked into getting a part time job? Or working from home?
ON the postitive side, it was good for Cameron to get used to being with other people, and with other children. (Grandma takes care of 4 other grandkids) It was good for him socially.
My advice is to spend "quality" time with Tripp when you get home. Who cares if there is dishes in the sink, or people calling you on teh phone. Quality time is better than quantity time. Have something special each night that you do together. So you both have something to look forward to at night.
Also, if you find it to hard to work full time, check into some part-time jobs. I work at an after school program, I'm the Supervisor, and it brings in enough money for us, since my DH is working too.
I will be thinking of you on the 9th. Let me know how it goes.
Ann

Kaitlin'smom replied: YES it is hard at first I had to go back when Kait was a couple months old and it was harder on me than her. I still have days where I feel horribly guilty for having to work. On the flip side its good for he she gets to be with kids everyday, sees her best friend at least 2 or 3 times a week. She does love going there, and I feel good that she is not far from work. I do believe she has benifited form having a sitter.

jem0622 replied: First, you are so lucky to have been home a whole year. That is fantastic! The most I've been able to take was 3 mos. The least was 6 wks (with my youngest DS and girls).

Initially it is rough, but you do adjust. I spent a lot of time dropping off and picking up and I really enjoy the time we do have. My DH is a SAHD now, but when I had to leave my oldest DS and daycare I had a lot of issues. I did make it through okay and his providers were understanding.

HUGS

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Yes, it feels ucky, but yes, it gets better. Logan was in home care for 5 months then 2 weeks before his first heart surgery we had to switch to a center. He's been there ever since. And he LOVES it. He loves the interaction with the other kids, he sometimes throws a fit when I come to get him because he isn't ready to go home yet. Tripp will do fine. But if you are a wreck when you drop him off, he will pick up on that. See if you can go over for a few hours with him a day or two before hand. That way you both can get used to the idea. Hugs, it gets better.

coasterqueen replied:
I totally agree with Di. It is very very hard at first. I cried a lot at the beginning, but my babies were only a few months old when they went back. It's still very hard for me, especially when Kylie says she doesn't want me to go to work, but we have to do what we have to do, unfortunately. I also believe Kylie has benefited extremely from going to a sitter. Not that I couldn't have taught her all the same things but she gets that daily interaction with other kids for longer periods of time than just going to a playgroup. Also for me I like that she's at an at-home sitter because she gets that one-on-one time with her and we don't have to put her in a preschool setting too early because she learns the same things there at home.

It does get better I promise. I still get sad, but it's a different kind of sad. I also feel good knowing that I'm helping to provide for them and their future.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Oh I have been there. My baby is 7 and I still feel guilty for leaving and HE isn't even there he is at school..lol

But it will get easier. You will get a routine going and you find some really good things and bad. You find yourself..being yourself. Finding a little indepence away from your home, but then you will find that no matter how much ADULT conversation you having.. you just want to be home rocking your baby.

But it does get better. You will feel a little freer and you will enjoy your time with Tripp more. Quality time is very important.

Hugs to you.. !

mom2tripp replied: Thank you all so very much for your kind sweet words. Yes, I'm very lucky to have been with him for over a year and I keep telling myself that. I think it will be hardest on me, who knows he might just go on without a look back for me!!! He is staying with an at home sitter, a girl that I grew up with that just has one daughter and she doesn't watch any other kids so I think it will be ok.

THANK YOU ALL. You are such a support to me, DH just doesn't understand the bond that Tripp and I have

PhiMuMommy replied: nope. at least not for me.. he cries and i cry... i did stop crying everytime i leave and some days it's ok.. the only thing is to tell yourself over an dover it's for the best and someday he will understand. that your not going to miss everything and this is the best way to take care of him right now.


but as long as you do that then you'll be ok. just keep that in mind.

mom2tripp replied:
Is he at an at home sitter or center?

My2Beauties replied: Well it has it's ups and downs and it's hard but eventually you get used to it and he'll probably love the interaction with other kids, if he's going to a center and if it's him with another person it does get him used to being with other people, so it makes it easier to leave him when you and DH want to do something. There are still days that I feel bad and miss her, but unfortuntely I have no choice but to work and I find that the adult conversations and stuff make me a better mother when I get home at the end of the day, I think if I stayed at home all day with her, she'd drive me bonkers and vice versa

My3LilMonkeys replied: Some days it will be hard. There are days I sit and stare at the pics on my desk and wish I could be home with them. But financially we couldn't cope if I didn't work.

I went back to work with both girls when they were 1 month old. Fortunately my DH is home with them most of the day and either mom, MIL or SIL watches them the rest of the time so I know they are in good hands.

Try and focus on the positive things about it - adult interaction, the chance to broaden your knowledge. And you'll also find it helps you focus on the time you do have with him and make the most of it.

Good luck!

CantWait replied: It will, think of the good things about it.

1) You get mommy time, and aren't stuck in the house with the kids all day (although I loved that also)

2) Think how excited he'll be when you come home, or pick him up and he sees you. That's an awesome feeling.

Everything will be just fine. Good Luck

moped replied: Well............I would say it does get easier and all you have to do is tell yourself that he is ok and just fine with whomever you choose to be with him. Now that I work full time I found the first week really hard and then we found our routine for when I got home and everything is good now - I still don't like leaving him but it is ok because heis so excited when I get home and we get serious bonding time before bedtime. I know how you are feeling but it is good for you to be away too..........I find it sometimes a bit of a treat to go to work and Tom can get a feeling for what it is really like. He doesn't understand our bond either but he never will so just know how much Tripp loves you and one day he will understand that you have to work and that is ok, he will be just fine. HUGS to you, I know how you are feeling..............it will get better.

mom2tripp replied: Thank you Jen, I know you've been there and know what I'm going through. I will keep you posted on how it goes. I MISS YOU

moped replied:
We got home last night from Manitoba, but I will try to call you tonight when Jack goes to bed...............I miss you too!!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: It does get easier. I think the inteaction with the other kids really helps.

Altyhough, where they go now, the sitter's son is 5 and goes to school... and he has an "attitude" that zach is picking up on and bringing home.... Not fun. but, that is life.

CosmetologyMommy replied: I took a leave of absence from cosmetology school while I was pregnant because it was such a strain but because of my student loan contract, I had to go back when he was 3 weeks old. It hurt me emotionally and physically because I was still so tired. My MIL was watching him but then decided not to n e more so tomorrow is his first day of daycare and I am so sad................

PrairieMom replied: there is nothing to say that will make you feel better, so, just know that everything is going to be fine.