Mistake?

SingleDadof4 wrote: Hello everyone, I'm new to this site and you can read up on my situation in the introductions board.

Well this weekend did not go well for me. I hired a babysitter for Saturday night to spend some adult time with a few friends from work. Well things got a little out of hand and all I remember is being woke up by my 4 year old on Sunday morning and him asking who the person was in bed with me.
I was really embarrassed and explained that it was a friend from work that needed a place to stay.

How should I explain this to my kids?

Thanks in advance.

AiT replied: Uhhhhhhhhhh.... WOW!!! You drove home drunk enough to not remember it? I think you need some help. You let a stranger sleep in your house with your kids?

I'm at a loss as to what to tell you other than I really think you need some help.

SingleDadof4 replied: Well seeing as you are new to this board, I don't think I will place a lot of stock on your opinion.

But just to clarify:
My car was not in the drive way so I did not drive home.
The woman that was in bed with me was not a stranger but someone from work that has been a really good friend to me during these past several years.

I understand that this is not the best situation but it has happened and I was hoping to get some advice on how to mitigate the problem, not make it worse.

moped replied: I don't think he said anywhere in this post that he drove home drunk - and he said it was a work freinds he was out with - geez, give the guy a break for a minute here

moped replied: Now on to the real topic - YIKES, that is a tough one but we all make mistakes.......

It is great that you got out with some adults for usre. As for talking to your children about who was in bed.........I dont' know much about 4year olds, but I think explaining that it is a freind and she needed somewhere to stay should suffice and if the questions keep coming, just make light of it - no big deal.....gosh I don't know.

Did you ahve a good time though?

AiT replied: Oh, I just assumed since he went out and didn't remember coming home that he drove himself. A little presumptuous, I gu4ess.....

moped replied: Yes a wee bit

Kaitlin'smom replied: Well if your 4 yr old does not ask anything further than what you already said a friend needed a place to sleep then leave it at that, if more questions arase simple short answers.

Mommyof3 replied:
I agree 100%. Since it is a 4 year old, they may just take what you said and let it pass.

lovemy2 replied: I agree - let it slide with the kids but lesson learned for you huh? We all make mistakes - hope you at least had fun...

Some advice though - get out more often then maybe you won't overdo it when you do go

moped replied:
Good one -

Haven't we all had nights like that????

Mommy2Isabella replied: I agree with others, if your 4yr old continues to ask questions, simple short answers. But since it is a 4yr old, they probably are just saying oh daddy had a friend over.

This may bring your 4yr old to ask if he/she can have the opposite sex stay the night... thats another battle ..

moped replied:
YIKES - need to avoid major arguement here - and I have raging pg hormones as well

To sum up:

Yes I have had a great time in my life, partied and had fun before i met my husband........I am not perfect, glad to know you are!

Not offended in the very least with his actions.............

moped replied:
This has NOTHING to do with wedding vows whatsoever.....he is not married and has every right to go out and twist off - he has been through some tough times!

msoulz replied:
I haven't experienced a night like that either. But I don't live in a glass house and have no right to judge.

And I agree that your explanation is enough.

kit_kats_mom replied:
hey now, play nice ok? we are a very diverse group of individuals. The members of this board run the gamut from the very religous types to more of a hedonistic type. The reason we are all here is our children and to learn how to be better parents and to support others. It's fine to share your POV, in fact, it's welcomed. However, you may not get mean. KWIM? I've learned a lot from those who have God as a strong part of their lives and I've learned a lot from the others as well. Open the mind, take in what you may, share what may help and if you don't have anything to give to contribute to the convo, then just go on to the next topic.


Oh and Jen, I think you and the preggo hormones need to just skip this post for the rest of the day.

kit_kats_mom replied: Now, on to the question at hand. You made a mistake. Many of us have done it. As long as it's not a long line of drunken nights followed by a parade of partners though the house, it shouldn't be an issue. He's too young to know what you were doing. Just leave it as you did and if he asks more questions, just answer the questions as truthfully as you can without getting into anything over his head.

Just try to not let it happen again with him in the house. I have actually pretty much quit drinking because I am a chronic worrier. What if my house caught fire and I was too buzzed to be able to save my babies etc. Save the nights of relverly for when he's at his moms.

moped replied:
But but mommy, I just can't skip it!!!!!!!!

I understand what you are saying - thank you.

Just to clarify, I am not hedonistic or weird..........

Just have a hard time with newbies judging is all

kit_kats_mom replied: Jen...I C U. I said go. Stay away! Go eat some salt and vinegar chips and ice cream. I'm doing this out of love for you and to keep your blood pressure at a reasonable level.

CantWait replied:
Maybe before jumping on people for choices they make, you should get to know them at the very least and their circumstances.
Incredibly rude of you.

moped replied:
OMG I just had a bad of S & V with my sub - HILARIOUS!!!

I can't - mommy, I just can't!

tammyhopkins replied: As for telling your 4 year old it was a friend no biggie needed a place to stay.

I am new but not new just haven't wrote in about 2 years is all. But this one is getting juicy LOL.

coasterqueen replied:
Ok first let me say let's all place nice so we don't have to close this thread. Please. Cary that wasn't directed at you because I quoted your thread, just so you know.

I wanted to agree with Cary on her advice, but I did want to say that don't underestimate the 4 year old. My child is 4 and would be asking a ton more questions, I know she would. Let's hope your son doesn't.

And I'm glad you came here to ask for advice. That took courage knowing that some may judge you poorly. We all make mistakes, NO ONE (and I mean no one) is perfect. Although, I like to think I am. Shhh, don't tell me I'm not, please.

moped replied:
We can't say you aren't perfect - you are a moderator!

Teasing!

I better get out of this or Cary is going to be kicking my butt!

tammyhopkins replied: Jen you are hillarious, Makes for a good Monday. LOL and yes guys she is experiencing hormonal rage lol

Just kidding SIS

moped replied:
I need to figure out how to be invisible on here.............
Just be gald you don't live anywhere near me!!!!!

PrairieMom replied: I'm jumping in with both feet!

I agree with telling the 4yo that it was just a friend that needed a place to stay. I say that is a simple answer that a child of that age can understand.

Okay, Here goes...
I also think that if you get drunk to the point where you black out, something needs to change. even IF it only happens once in a while. what if something had happened last night after the baby sitter left, but before you woke up? What if your child needed you, but you were passed out and couldn't help him?

IMO, whats done is done, but lessons could be learned here. don't party quite as hard, or maybe stay elsewhere (like a hotel) until you sober up.

lovemy2 replied: Gosh I was going to post again on this topic but have decided better of it - mostly because I respect this place and the people too much to let this get out of hand...

But JEN - YOU GO GIRL

lovemy2 replied:
Totally agree Tara - my sentiments above exactly -

I guess we can tell though that you haven't yet convinced DH to have that 3rd baby - no raging hormones with you eh?

ps - Love Ya Jen

PrairieMom replied:
I try to play nicely.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Whoops!

Hmmmm....I think your explanation was perfect and if your child continues to ask questions, then go with the flow and answer them as best you can. You don't have to tell your children everything and they don't have to know everything you do. You can always just tell them in a nice way "Daddy is an adult and what I do is my business"

This is not going to scar your child, not unless it becomes a habit. We all make mistakes. And nope, no one is perfect. If anything, your kids will just learn that you are human, but you did try your best to be the perfect dad.

kit_kats_mom replied: heheheh. Jen is gone now guys and I don't think she's coming back here. Let's all talk about her behind her back. JUST KIDDING. Man am I in a weird mood today.

moped replied: Waaaaaaahhhhhhaaaa - never say never!!!!!!!!!

Miranda1127 replied: some great advice here i would also like to add that it does take alot of courage to come to a place and open yourself up for a possible beating. now as for my opinion on your situation, the fact that you realize what was done was a mistake means a good deal. live and learn i always say. playing the role of mommy and daddy is a hard task and calls for a more responsible person than most of us could every imagine being. we all need a night out sometimes and as long as we realize our limits and accept them for our childrens sakes the happier we will be (i know the last part was barney im such a SAHM ).

good luck, Live and Learn

Mommy2Isabella replied: Like many people on here have already said. One mistake isn't going to tarnish your child view of you as a parent. However, I wouldn't encourage you to go out and not take limits into consideration knowing your limits at this point.

After all we all do need a night out every once in awhile. Good Luck with the situation!

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Oh please, we don't live in the 1800s anymore, although I think people that can save themselves for marriage are awesome (more power to them) thats just not realistic these days, I think he feels bad enough about it, he doesn't need you to make crude judgments and make him feel worse.

Since you seem so "old-fashioned" don't you remember that old saying "if its not nice to say then don't say it at all"

luvmykids replied: I doubt you're the first parent to make such a boo-boo, I'm like Cary, a big reason I don't drink anymore is because I'm afraid that if duty calls I won't be able to respond. But having said that, you're in a pretty tough situation and if I were in your shoes I can't say I might not do the same

My kids, unfortunately, wouldn't be satisfied with such a simple answer but I agree, only answer when questions are asked and keep it simple.

lisar replied:


Well I put. I agree.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ok...I was going to stay out of this, but...I can't any longer.

First, I commend you on your waiting til you were married. I wish everyone had the commitment to do that and the will power to do so. In a perfect world, it would be this way. However, the world isn't perfect and people make mistakes and sin. As a Christian (sorry to get all religious on everyone, but it's part of who I am ) I feel it's the right thing to do to wait because that is what we are told to do by God, HOWEVER, it doesn't mean that I did . I'm still a sinner and no more better than anyone else. Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean I don't sin. I certainly was not pure when I married my husband, but I have repented my sins. Does it make what he did right? No, not by any means. BUT, it is not our place to judge others for their sins and actions because a sin is a sin no matter what sin it is. It's ok to be in disagreement for this person's actions, but he wasn't looking for someone to slap him on the wrist. I'm sure he feels guilt just like anyone would. If this was a regular thing, I am sure he wouldn't be asking for advice on how to speak to his child about it. Noone is perfect. I am sure we ALL have skeletons in our closets. I'm sure you do too. I don't know why someone would be "offended" by his actions. Dissapointed, sure. But, also understanding that people make mistakes and forgiving them for their mistakes.

Always remember...use a soft tounge. There is always a polite way of saying something. I am sure there are other people who see it the way you do, but they seem to have chosen a less harsh way of saying it. Ok...sorry, I'm . I tend to do that.

Ok...to the OP...I agree I would let it be unless he says something again. If he brings it up again, just say it was a friend and leave it at that. I do hope a lesson is learned. But it sucks sometimes we have to learn from them the hard way.
ETA: and welcome to PC! I hope you feel welcomed.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Short and simple. Don't let it happen again. Not judging, but your kids could have been hurt while you were "out", you know that. You told the kids who the girl was, time to move on. If they bring it up again, just repeat that she was a friend who needed some help. I wouldn't use words like "sleep over" just in case they feel inclined to repeat it out loud to their friend's parents, kwim? "Daddy had a sleepover last night!"

gr33n3y3z replied:
LoL sorry I cant help myself

Tell them that you were not thinking and it wont happen again well at least not drunk

A&A'smommy replied:
I know this is kinda old but I have to say VERY well put!!!!!

And my advice is the same as others but next time your going to have a "daddies not out" I would make sure your little person is staying with someone overnight, thats my advice.

aes2005 replied: Here's my take ...

Just tell him what you told us ... a friend that Daddy works with needed a place to sleep for the night.

Nothing more needs to be said.

Bamamom replied: