Maybe I'm just weird...

Danalana wrote: but I don't understand my brother-in-law and his wife. Let me start off saying I do love them and love spending time with them. The thing is that I really think they go overboard when it comes to spending on their son. I know it's none of my business and I would never say anything...I just know we won't be doing that much for ours because these kids grow up to be teenagers who expect everything they want...and i think they have a right to throw a fit when they don't get it. After all, they always have, right?
I definitely want to give our kids good things...things they want and need.
My nephew's name is Keenan and he is 8 years old. He's a very good kid, thanks to being spanked about every day of his life til he was 5 or 6 Seriously, he is very happy and well-behaved. His birthday was in October, and his parents spent at least $1000.00 on him. And it's not that it was $1,000.00, so much as the fact that they didn't really have that much to spend. They are youth ministers, and she is also the secretary at our church...SO they aren't paid a whole lot. So far, for Christmas, things I know they (and this does not include what we and his grandparents got him) got him are: a 32" plasma tv (for his playstation or something, even though he has a tv already), a trampoline, a North Face jacket, and other clothes. There's more, but I don't know what it is.
I'm not sure if that's a lot, or if I'm comparing it to my childhood, so maybe I'm off. Keep in mind that he's 8. I don't want to judge them, cause I know they love him and are raising him to be a little man with good values. I've known them for 3 years now, and I am always blown away by how much they spend on him. And I might change my mind when my little one comes, but I can't imagine dropping $1,000.00 for every birthday and Christmas.
Does any of this make sense? or is this just how it is now? When I was 8, we were getting Etch-A-Sketches, bicycles, soccer balls, etc....heck, I could stay outside all day long and play with NOTHING. I entertained myself. Have times really changes this much? Will I be uncool if I don't spend tons of money for everything that rolls around?
Honestly, I know it comes down to individual choices.
Do any of you have any insight?
I told Richard we weren't doing that with ours because I want him (them) to grow up and know the value of a dollar. I just don't see how you can cut it off/down after you spend so extravagantly year after year. It becomes an expectation. Like I said, he is a great kid, and maybe this will never turn him into a spoiled person...it all just blows me away, though.
Oh! Another point is that he is adopted. They got him when he was 3 months old, after much prayer (they can't have babies). Maybe that's a factor, as well.
LOL, watch me be spending untold amounts of money on our kids in a few years. Then I can eat my words

Anthony275 replied: is he an only child? that could be why. kinda ridiculous

msoulz replied: Wow, that does seem excessive, even if you can afford it. But to each his own, for sure, and hopefully he is a kid that does appreciate his worldly goods and the sacrifices his parents made for them.

If I bought my son a TV he would probably have a stroke!! He whines a lot about all of his friends having TV's in their bedrooms - dream on, my boy!!

Toys have changed and what kids want to play with - for the better, who knows, but it has changed. You may find yourself spending more and buying what you thought you wouldn't! We do our best to give some of what the boy wants but not too much - although, my "some" is "too much" to others I am sure! It's so tempting to just spoil them rotten!!!

You'll make all of the right decisions for you and your family, and that's all that matters.

Cece00 replied: I'm probably not one to talk...I spend a lot on my kids. I DONT spoil my kids all year & so I really like to buy for them @ holiday time. Personally I would ignore anyone who thought it was a problem- its not their business.

I grew up with very giving parents like that. I did NOT turn out to be a spoiled brat. So I wouldnt assume that will happen either. My mom & dad bought DH and I a $1300 television for Christmas, plus probably about another $500-700 of other presents. She spoils the kids. We figured out last yr she spent around $2k on us & the kids, if not more. My mother loves giving presents, and loves Christmas, more than ANYTHING. I'd never tell her "Its too much!" no matter what, because she loves doing it.

MyBabeMaddie replied: This year is different because I'm not getting any child support, nor do I have a job, but I took out a student loan and saved about $500 for Madisons christmas - Next year this time I will hopefully have just gotten a "real" job with a decend sign-on bonus, as much as I would love to say it would go for a down payment on a house or a new car, I will probably spend that much on Madison. I had a trampoline growing up, my mom threw it away when we down-sized houses, I would LOVE to give one to Madison i would definitely use it myself.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
I agree. We probably spent around $1,000 buying for around 22 people. My kids get about $100 spent on them for birthdays and Christmas - we just can't afford any more than that. Even if we could, I wouldn't want to spend a whole lot more because they don't need it.

But, to each his own - what works for my family won't work for everyones.

CantWait replied: I had a friend growing up that wouldn't get much during the year, but on her birthday and Christmas her mom would spoil her rotten. She would get computers, the latest videogames, the best clothes, shoes etc......

Danalana replied: Haha...well, he pretty much gets what he wants all year. I don't have an issue with the amount spent (though I can't imagine doing it), but I wouldn't wanna go into debt for it, you know? I'm probably not making sense. Oh well, i don't have to understand everything people do

Calimama replied: Eh to each their own!!

luvmykids replied: It's hard to say, IMHO it's excessive, but I also just finished wrapping waaaay to many presents for my kids I'm sure although we only spent about $200 per kid that people would call it excessive since I'm a bargain shopper and got A LOT for that amount.

I think the main thing is that it sounds like they're teaching him other values that are much more important. I'm still spoiled, but not a brat about it. I worry that we do too much for our kids but it's so hard not to that I wouldn't ever judge anyone else.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: To each their own, but for my kids, we spent maybe $100 each, plus I made them some things too. I think it's ridiculous to waste so much; I thought it was about being together as a family, not material posessions, but whatever. It's your money!! You also have to wonder what it teaches your kids about society. They learn what they see, and I'd rather have my kids learn about helping others & how to work hard than expecting everything under the sun.

I wouldn't let my parents spend so much on the kids. If they were going to do that, I'd have them deposit money into their savings accounts than on frivolous gifts.

gr33n3y3z replied: Its not the point of how much is spent but you said they dont have the money to do that ..... I'm just wondering how they got the money to do it.

Danalana replied: Well, that's why I was talking about going into debt for it. They use credit cards that they can't really pay off. See, his father (also my DH's father) owns a transmission business. DH works with him in the business. Anyway, their father doesn't know that their mother helps them A LOT and that they (DH's) parents don't have as much in savings as he thinks. Basically, Richard's brother and sis-in-law make less a week than we do, and I have been debating which vital organs we need to sell to buy everybody's presents with That's the only part I don't understand. I don't personally care what other people buy or how much they spend (though I do think so many kids are WAY spoiled). I just know they are going to struggle to pay for it, or his parents will end up doing it somehow.
Does it make more sense now? There's nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have good things. Man, I miss the days when we all actually played! Now kids just sit at the television or computer all day and play games. *sigh* That's a different thread...well, not really, but you get my point

luvmykids replied: In that light, it's even more excessive. Pretty sad, actually, not their intentions, but the mess they put themselves and eventually someone else in

Danalana replied: Yeah, and I know they aren't intentionally doing that. I guess sometimes it's hard to see things when you aren't outside it.
Personally, it would stress me out to be doing birthdays and Christmases the way they do because I would feel pressure to out-do it every single year. At this rate, he will have a car in 2 years

luvmykids replied:
Definitely...my kids have been to some bday parties they'll never see the likes of for themselves:wacko:

Nina J replied: I don't mind what people buy there kids, even if to me it seems excessive. But when they aren't financially able too, it's kind of sad. I mean, at some point they are going to have to discuss how they'll pay for it and they might have some financial troubles with buying groceries or something. There son might over hear a conversation about finances or see that they're having money problems, and those are the things that stick with a kid and can make them sad.

IMO, I'd rather know I am financially secure and get my child smaller gifts, than jepardise (sp?) my childs financial security for something that is, when it comes down to it, just a material item.

grandma replied: As fun as Christmas is, it's not about giving huge amounts. I'm surpirsed youth mininsters would even go into debt to overspend on thier kids. I'm telling you, it's a bad habit to go into debt over any holiday. If they don't regret it now, they will in the future, this kid is gonna expect a car before he's even of age.
We have six grand kids and we think seriously what each one would really like for Christmas at around $50. Could we spend more? Of course we could, we choose not to.
As far as I'm concerned and using my our own adult kids as examples, parent's today over do when it comes to their kids at Christmas.
LOL - we use to get fruit & life savers in our stockings and we still got excited. Kids don't need as much as you think they do, so why spoil them?

gr33n3y3z replied: See I feel if you can afford I see nothing wrong with it
But when you have to put it on credit to make payments to get it no way cash or nothing.

Danalana replied: Yeah, Richard thinks credit cards are a ripoff. You can buy tires for $500, and pay $800 for them by the time you pay the interest. *shrug* They're good to have for emergencies, but I wouldn't wanna go around and charge everything.

mckayleesmom replied: Sounds like they are overcompensating. Not saying that all adoptive parents do it, but alot think that by giving alot of material possessions it shows how much they love the child even though they are not biologically theirs. Im sure they love him dearly...but just don't realize that that is enough.

Danalana replied: Yeah, I think that hits the nail on the head.