Maternity Ward

TANNER'S MOM wrote: I was watching it last night when DH came home...

There was a 14 yr old having a baby at 25weeks..they both survived..

DH actually watched it..and he said Lord that could be us.. I hope it is never us..
And we both cried at that girls reality..

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I deleted this one.

Jamielou replied: Oh my goodnes 14 years old they start so young nowadays

TANNER'S MOM replied: The dr talked about his role in dr her..and how different it was..

How she didnt understand..

But I was proud of her...they did a forward a month..and she had been to the Neo unit everyday and not missed...and she told the Dr she felt like it was her fault and she was trying to be a good mom...

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: Here is a story about a 14 yo girl in our small town. She went to the hospital because she was having really bad abdominal pain, and they asked her if she could be pg (she is a big girl) and she said no she had never had her period. So they told her it was gas and sent her home. Later that night she had a baby in the toilet. From what I here they sued the hospital.

3_call_me_mama replied:
This is kind of unfair to say. She decided to have sex, not her mother. It's not a parent's fault their child makes a decision adn gets pregnant. My parents were DA"N good parents and were very actively involved in what I did as a child adn young adult and I still did things they wouldn't approve of. and the results I would never place on them.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Oh, Lord. One of my friends didn't find out she was pg until she was 5 months. She was one of those with the irregular periods, and she had just switched from a high dose pill to a low dose. Thank heavens I am regular. I can't imagine only having 4 months to get ready for a baby. Had another friend who went to the ER with bad back pain and "constipation". The baby was crowning. How do you now know at 21 or so that that isn't normal.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: And I am sorry if my previous post offended anyone.

mckayleesmom replied:
don't worry about it....I think that alot of peoples first response is "where were the parents", but the fact is...kids will find a way around the parents. I personally try not to judge...like most teenage girls...I was young and impressionable at one time also and that could have been me. I was fortunant enough to wait to be intimate till I was older.....but what girl can't say that they didn't fall in love at 15 and wouldn't do anything for their little boyfriends..kwim? I always vowed to stay a virgin until I was married...and it didn't happen. I also had a hickey on a not so great spot on my body from my first "real" boyfriend ..and it was there for months after I broke up with him. My mom always kept track of us and was involved....but I was sneaking him into my bedroom after she went to bed...Parents can't be there every second.

JessC replied: WOW!

My moms biological mom is only 11 years older than her... I didnt believe it when she told me. But my mom is adopted, she has never talked to her real mom her whole life.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: There are lots of girl who get intimate long before they should. I didn`t until I was 16... but my brother was 14 when my mom first found evidence - and he`s one of the older kids he hangs around with. At that age... young girls are very impressionable, and due to 'society' (not placing blame just btw) a lot of parents have to work, and don`t get to spend too much quality time with their kids, less so when they`re older since a lot of parents feel that the older kids can sorta take care of themselves, kwim?

So a lot of teenagers feel that they need to be loved - and, to a young girl who just grew out of dressin g up and playing house - what better way to 'feel loved' than to have a REAL family instead of the pretend one she was playing with a year or 2 before? A lot fo young girls get pregnant on purpose... maybe not intentionally, but on purpose. As in: it would be COOL to have a baby that LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT AND WILL NEVER LEAVE ME. Subconsciously - so a lot of em take the risk of getting pregnant without trying to get pregnant.
But it`s not always the case... some girls get pregnant, and their mom is a stay-at-home mom... it`s a matter of educating the kids.

I`m not perfect - I`ve done a lot of crap when I was younger... but I would never blame my parents. My parents did what they could, with the resources that they had at the time.... they couldn`t be with me ALL THE TIME.

I'm of the mentality that I'd rather my children not smoke, not do drugs, not have early sex, not do this, not do that..... however.... if they do, I'd rather konw that they're safe doing it. Don't get me wrong - I would never supply my children with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or any meanse with which to get it - but kids still find a way. I never had ana llowance, and I could still buy myself the stuff my parents didn`t want me to have....

I'm just saying - If I know my 14 year old daughter is going out and being intimate with someone, she`ll do it whether I say no or not - and I rather know she,s 'safe'.... so YES, I would put her on birth control, and YES, if she needed me to supply the other protection, I would. I don't condone that behaviour.... but I rather her be safe than pregnant at 14, know what I mean?

Same with drinking... kids are oging to do it no matter what. The legal drinking age here in Quebec is 18. It`s 19 in Ontario. Not 21 like in the US.... so it comes quicker here. I used to be able to buy booze at 15. If I could, they surely will be able to as well - and I`d rather know that my child is ''safe'' in my home doing something I disaprove of than being out on the street where she can REALLY get hurt, raped, poisonned etc etc.... I`m not saying I`ll let her drink at home - I`m just saying that she`s going to do it no matter what I say, she`ll just find another place to do it.... and I rather she do it where she`s safe.

It`s sad that it comes to this in today`s society - but it`s only society`s fault that it seems so bad. Look at our parents, our grandparents... they were having kids at ages most of us were still in SCHOOL. My great-grandmother was married and had 2 kids by the time she was 16. My grandmother was married and had her first child at 17. My moither was married and had me when she was 24. Genrations ago, the older you got, the less chance of being married and having kids... heck by late twenties, you were WAYYAY to old to start a family!

Today`s average age for motherhood? Mid to late 30s!! That`s TODAY`s society, nothing more. It`s not wrong to have kids younger.... and women`s bodies are just not equipped to have children much past the age of 45. The prime time for a woman`s body to bear children is between 16 and 26. Yet past 45, it still happens... why is it so much less worse when a woman has a child at 45 than at 15? Because of money? chances are, the 15 year old still has her parents paying for a big part of her life... her room and board, clothes etc.... no bills... so it`s not a financial thing....what is the difference?

luvbug00 replied: I must say That I was active very early I don't regret it and I'm not ashamed of it. I was pregnant at 17 but I had been active for almost 4 years already. I think that it would be nice we try as parents to not let our kids be scared of talking to us. Many of us here do that but other parents do not. That is why I think alot of teen pregnancys can be helped. Thease girls should have birth control redaly available to them. I know it sounds like I'm promoting it but I'm saying you can't prevent everything but if you can't stop the act then why not give birth control to prevent the pregnancy result.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well I am the mother of a 14 year old.....

And I think there is a big difference in someone 45 and 14...\
If you aren't responisble enuff to take a pill how can you raise a child..

I was a teen parent..and I did Ok...but there is a big maturity difference in Junior High and High School..

My child can't drive..Can't vote..Can't even smoke..she can have a child..but does she need too..

Finicail is just part of it...Most teen parents spend time in the "sytem" w/ a hard time when it comes to education..
They have to work harder..and try harder. Yes it might make them a better person...but! It might ruin there lives too..

Sorry this is ONE of my issues...

I want the world for my daughter and someday grandchildren..

Now, if this happened.. heck yeah I would love that baby and do my best... but I want her to know HOW it happens..and How to stop it from happening. FIRST

Sry Syr I hope I am not causing a debate

luvbug00 replied: It's one of my issues too. I don't like how people take their fustration out on thease kids. The damage is done. the doctors in the hospital were downright EVIL to me. They talked to me like I was incompitent. ( can't spell but i'm not dumb!!) Any way the doctor was questioning my ability to raise my daughter. In frount of me. I f'ed and blinded him right then and there too. Why hurt feelings when you can try and help thease girls raise their kids? advise don't cridisize.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
This is probably more along the lines of what I should have said originally. I truly do not hold it against any of these girls or their parents. But I feel that if you aren't responsible enough to buy condoms, then you probably aren't emotionally ready for motherhood. Now there are exceptions I know that, one of my best friends had her daughter at 16. Her DH has juvenile diabetes and her DS has ADHD and Tourette's and she is an absolutely wonderful mom. But she spent years in the "system" and never did finish high school. She did get her GED and finished some college courses, though. I just think that parental involvement goes a long way. My mom and I could talk about anything and I know I could have asked her for BC pills. And I didn't become intimate with anyone until I was 20. Just my story, I never meant for my post to become a soap box topic or to cause so much trouble.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I didnt mean for it to be for me either....

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I am firmly convinced that a baby ANY AND EVERY baby is a gift from God~A new life with unlimited potential. Maybe they will never grow up to be president maybe they will-The fact is each and every person touches someone's life at one point in theirs-Think of all the people you know,most everyone knows someone born to a young mom-does it make a difference in how they change your life? Dh was born when my MIL was 17 in 1969.The fact that she had him is something I will forever be thankful to her for! I can debate both side of this issue but I will leave it right now at If God sees fit to send them into this world then who am I to judge the route that he uses to get them here!

gr33n3y3z replied: You cant just throw the girl birth control and say have at it your safe
Because Birth Control only protects agaist getting prego
The girl should make sure the guy wears a condom to protect agaist AIDS and other STD'S Its all about Education now if the kids are foolish enough to play with fire then they may be burned in more then one way.

luvbug00 replied: I ment condoms too. All should be available without parental consent. unless people want an increase in orphaned and abandoned children or abortions. And it is very much about eduation and some of thease kids are NOT getting it! but many parents rely on the sex ed programs at school to do this and think well now I don't have to. But they do!

Idaho boo. I like thease lively friendly converstions

TANNER'S MOM replied: I just to say that I was a teen MOM and that is where I am coming from..

Just more for mine then I had...every Mom is that way.. I think.

Education and open lines..

Mel

A&A'smommy replied:
Maturity most 15 year olds aren't mature enough to be parents!

My thoughts on this no kids under the age of 20 should be not be intimate with anyone because 90% of the time they aren't mature enough to be parents or to get married. Marriage SHOULD come first (although most of the time it doesn't) my thing is if your not ready to get married then your not ready to be a parent (I hope that doesn't offend anyone its JMO) because which is harder?

I plan on staying envovled talking, communicating as much as possible even when she doesn't want to I will talk to her about being intimate with a mad IF i find out that she is having being intimate I will know that I can't stop her because they are always going to find away around you if you stop them then they will rebel more. SO I will put her on bc NOW if she is 14 and being intimate she will have serious consequences to pay there wont be bc there will be punishment. But I hope to raise her smart enough to not to be intimate before she gets married its hard and it will take LOTS of prayer and patience on my side!

Anyway that is JMO

MomToMany replied: What makes you think the kids will use the protection if its readily available?

A&A'smommy replied:
Exactly we didn't!

Oh and I wanted to add that teenagers can get bc without parents consent and that is at the county health departments. I didn't go because I didn't know that you didn't have to have it!

luvbug00 replied:

I think they will because at 14 , 15 ,16 do you really want to hear the lectures from your parents about it all and deal with all that drama when you could go to a clinic get a check up and get some pills and condoms to prevent stds and preg. without having to deal with your parents? I sure would've!!

A&A'smommy replied:

They are still kids they don't really know about those things because most of the time parents don't talk to them about sex and they make fun of it and don't pay close attention in school. They also don't know that they can get it without someone telling their parents what they are planning on doing.

luvbug00 replied:


That's good . I was raised in a strict roman catholic home but religon has a stronger infulance on some and not so stong on others. I have changed my views on religon growing up and so it was not a factor for me. But this isn't a religous debate and I am all for anyone who chooses to follow that path but it's just not somthing everyone follows. I just don't want anyone to get offended.


It's true they don't always listen and most do think you need parents permission. But as a parent do you think you would tell them that they can get BC without you? I would but many parents would not! I guess there is no perfect solution and I just hope future genreations wise up. And they are actually, in a recent poll done at our local middle school 64% of the kids are going to wait until 18 before having sex. and 70% said they'd never do it without protection. SO there is hope yet! ( not going to post poll as location specified and I'm not giving that info out!! too close to home!)

MomToMany replied:

But that doesn't mean they will DO that. I had my 1st at age 16, and it was the hardest thing I did. I wasn't ready for it, so it was a rude awakening.
My mom said NOTHING to me about sex, let alone birth control (which is against our religon anyway). As naive as I was, I never thought I'd get pregnant. Ooops, I was wrong!

kimberley replied:

my parents lectured me about coming home on time and cleaning my room... did i ever listen?? rarely! at that age, i always thought i knew better and i was invincible, and as has been pointed out before, young girls are prone to do nearly anything the boy they "love" asks them to. if he thinks condoms are restricting, do you really think she will chance getting dumped over a stupid piece of latex that she cannot appreciate the value of yet at such a young age? availability isn't everything. it is a matter of maturity and responsibility that MANY young people lack that worries me.

I think education is important both in the home and in schools. we cannot prevent every kid from having sex but it is definitely worth the effort to try and at very least educate them of the real dangers of having sex. i heard of one school that has an interesting family studies class where they put the kids volunteering with single young moms and AIDS patients. those are the kind of eye opening things that might prevent something tragic.

mckayleesmom replied:
Ok..Im going to respond here.....Im not trying to be rude, but were you not in fact 16 or 17 when you concieved Alyssa? How could you punish her for something you did and teach her its a sin? This isn't about religion..don't misunderstand me...but there is a thing called practicing what you preach...and to me..this will come back and bite you in the butt. Picture her at 16...you telling her its a sin...and her comeback is going to be "but you did it".

I don't want my daughter to get pregnant before she is married either, but I plan to communicate with her and keep the doors open. She can come to me no matter what, and I will always be there for her. Fear of punishment for doing something is not going to make her want to come to you IF she choses not to wait till she is married...KWIM? Your choice is for her to wait...but that might not be hers...and she might be afraid to come to you. Also..Im not trying to teach you how to be a parent...you are doing a great job, just thought you might want to think about it. My mom always made sure we knew that we could come to her no matter what..pregnant, gay...whatever...and she would love us and support us no matter what...If I ever thought that she would be angry or I would be punished...I would have NEVER gone to her. I was 17 when I first had sex and my mom flat out asked me...I told her the truth....she made me a doctors appointment for bc and went with me to the doctors. Out of 6 kids...not one of us was a teenage parent...and I think that is largly due to the fact that we were never threatened with punishment based on what we told them or they found out.

MM'sMama replied: I had Brice when I was 15 and my situation as turned out wonderfully. DH has a great job and I get to stay home with my DS god has truly blessed us on that part. However I will admit when I see a 14, 15, 16 who is pregnant I feel sad for them. I remember how ashamed I was of myself and how scared and worried I was. And because I know how hard it was in the beginning for us. And I remember the way people looked at DH and I. The things people said or did after he was born etc. But I think DH and I handled the situation fairly well. We both worked in the beginning and we both finished high school with high marks. And we were using BC and condoms both. Now our parents where always around but as said before at the same time parents can't be with there child/children every second and if they want to do it bad enough they will. We were lucky instead of condoning us our families made the best of it and Brice has a lot of love in his life. But I do think parents do and should play a big role in there kids lives. And should never just let them wonder off without knowing where they are going like a lot of them do. They should no where there kids are and who they are with. The best thing my mom said to me while I was pregnant was that she still loved me and it will be ok in the end. Just my sorry if I offended anyone.

NummyMommy replied: I just wanted to add...I believe God has a plan for every baby born no matter how they were concieved. One of my closet friends was raped by a family friend (he was a deacon in their church and drank too much at a party they threw....he was 30 something) she was only 13....she decided to keep the baby.....that sparked a heated debate in the church and the church split. Anyway...she had a lot to go through but she was the best mom I ever knew. I have also known "planned" pregnancies that were completely and totally abused. I know quite a few people who waited to have sex, got married and had kids....only to be unspeakably cruel to their own children. I believe God has a unique plan for each of those kids. I don't think there is such a thing as the "perfect" time to have kids.... but I would rather my kids wait until they have thoroughly enjoyed their childhoods before embarking on the oddessey that is parenthood. Thats why I have been talking to my boys since they were preschoolers about sex and where babies come from....why I still talk to them whenever I can sneak it in, and why they are not allowed to date until they are 16. I plan to make it incredibly hard for them to be alone with a girl. Call me overprotective...I dont care. If they somehow get by me and become fathers...I will be loving and supportive...and the best young grandmother in the world! (other then my MIL )

mummy2girls replied:

redchief replied: Most people here know my conservative views and could predict what I'd say here. So I'm going to do something different. I'm going to throw up some alarming statistics on teen pregnancy. (None of these statistics are meant to be judgmental; they're just the facts).

83% of teens who give birth come from poor or low income families.
28% of teens who gave birth remained poor into their early 30's. Only 7% who gave birth after adolescence remained poor into those ages (much because of where they started).
Teens now account for 31% of nonmarital births (down from 50% in 1970).
78% of births to teens occur outside of marriage.
The fathers of babies born to teen moms tend to be older than the mother. 1 in 5 babies born to teen mothers was fathered by a man 5 or more years older than the mom. (Disturbing fact this one)
13% of all US births are to teens.
25% of teen moms have a second child within two years of the first. (another disturbing fact)
78% of all teen pregnancies are unplanned accounting for about 25% of all unplanned pregnancies in the US.
19% of teenaged women who have intercourse will become pregnant (this statistic is well down from the 1970s but I don't remember that figure).
Every year 3 million teens (about 25% of all sexually experienced teens) will develop an STD.

Most of the data are from research conducted by The Alan Guttmacher Institute (AGI) or published in the peer-reviewed journal Family Planning Perspectives and the 1994 AGI report Sex and America's Teenagers. Additional sources include the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Center for Health Statistics.
http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb_teen_sex.html

kimberley replied:
Shelly, please don't misunderstand what i was saying. i was also a single mom once, but not by choice... just as you are not a single mom by choice! i know circumstances happen and am very understanding of that. but to purposely go out and get pg when you know that child will not have two parents that love it.. that is what i find irresponsible!

mummy2girls replied:
i know... i just feel awful that this happened 3 times to me:(

MommyToAshley replied: This is such a scary topic ... I am not looking forward to the teenage years for this very reason. I hope to keep the lines of communication open with Ashley, but I can't see myself offering her birth control, just in case she does decide to be sexually active. To me, that's almost like saying that it's ok to be sexually active. Instead, I hope to educate and instill values that will help her to make the right decisions. I am sure that is a lot easier said than it is done though... sometimes kids just make the wrong decisions. I don't think any Mom wants their child to become a teenage Mom or Dad. While there are many that are mature enough to handle it, most just aren't emotionally and financially ready.

MommyToAshley replied:
Your post made me cry... you are lucky to have such a wise, loving and caring Mom.

MM'sMama replied:
Thank you I don't know what I would ever do without my mom she has always been my rock and I love her dearly.

A&A'smommy replied:
I figured someone would say that I am going to be perfectly honest with Alyssa and I'm going to use it to help prevent her from having sex I will tell her how hard it was how broke we were and how much harder we had to work not just to live but in our marriage. YES I had sex before I was married and i suffered the consenquenses from God I had to work harder in life!

As for how old I was when she was conceived i was 17 but it doesn't and I neve said I would use ONLY the fact that it IS a sin but also my life as an example!

when I got pregnant my mom asked me if we used protection I told her no and she asked why I told her because I thought i had to have her permission to get it and she told me that I didn't and told her that I was having sex she would have gotten it for me!

I plan on putting Alyssa on bc like I said IF she has sex and I plan on communicationg with Alyssa and I think it take LOTS of communication to keep your kids from being "teen" parents.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings when I started this post..

I would just like to say that I understand the life of a teenage mother b/c I was one...

I would also like to say.....that people can THINK about how open they would be and how they would do this and that w/ there teenagers.. But speaking for experience..you world changes the minute you see a teenage boy kissing your daughter..or you hear the ever familar....come on baby I love you.. See him try to touch her....That's YOUR BABY.. 14 15 16 whatever thats STILL YOUR BABY.

It is hard to raise teenagers..

Gammy2 replied: This is a tough subject. I was in 12th grade when i became pregnant. I graduated in June, married in July and my son came in October. My husband and I chose to have only one child. It's defiantely tough to be a young mom. My son is a great young man. He has always been excellent in school and is very smart. But at the age of 15 he became sexually active with his girlfriend who is 1 1/2 years older than him, which btw we thought we supervised pretty well _ we were wrong. They have the most adorable little girl named Cadance - my grandchild. This is definatley not what i wanted for my son. I cried for weeks. Him and the mother broke up and she told him 3 months later she was preg. - my son gave her support by going to doctors appointments and even spent 2 days at the hospital and accompanied her in delivery ( i was there too My son is in 12 grade and still making great grades (3.75gpa). He pays child support and has 50/50 shared parenting and has her 3 days a week. Me and his dad (my husband) help him in anyway we can. Our biggest goal is for him to still attend college and be the best dad he can be. We are very proud of him. He does everything for his little girl and loves her very much. We have taught him that he has to be a teenager when Cadance is with her mom. He still does things when he has her - like go bowling. But there is so MANY dead beat worthless dads out there, i do not want my son to be like that (both my brothers are worthless dads - sorry but true). I agree with everyones opinions because i just wish he would have waited and could still be carefree like most of his friends - but we would not change a thing now - she is definately a gift from god.

luvbug00 replied:


No offence here. what does marriage have anything to do with it? We agreed to be friends no matter what and have Mya in both of our lives, But why should I have to commit my life to him just because we had a baby together? You shouldn't get married for that reason! You marry somone because you love them! We just so happen to begin to recconnect recently. But if we had not begun to do so i still wouldn't have married him at all.

My2Beauties replied: I'm going to try and be nice A lot of what people have said has really hit home and sort of hurt my feelings. I'm not going to quote anyone, just address the issues. Boy this is going to be long:

OK probably about 80-90% of people nowadays have sex before marriage. Crap happens - ok! What if you do use condoms, BC, IUD's any form of BC and you still pop up preggo and it's not someone you can see yourself marrying. Please don't say that you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you are absolutely in love or until you are sure you might want to marry this person - don't go there. ALMOST everyone (please note I didn't say everyone, because I'm sure some of you haven't) has sex atleast once with a person they cannot see themselves being with. People have one night stands, people have short love affairs, people might love someone then realize they dont' want to be with that person - gimme a break! When you play, stuff can happen I don't care how many precautions you take. I don't think any less of myself as a person because I had my daughter out of wedlock, whether or not Brian and I would have stayed together and gotten married or not, I still wouldn't think less of myself or felt sorry for myself.

Desiree's mom is my age, so she was 14 when she had Desiree!!!! Brian was 16 when Desiree was born - yeah bad situation. But you know what, I have the utmost respect for her and him, they raised an extremely well-mannered, smart young lady whom I adore. They did what they had to do to get by and they are doing just fine! They used a condom and it broke - IMAGINE THAT!!!!! Someone in this thread said babies are a gift from God nomatter how they are conceived - thank you!!! Brian was into all sorts of things, doing horribly in school, gangs, fighting, hanging out with the wrong crowd, he had been shot at like 3 times - I think God said enough is enough buddy - I'm gonna give you a reality check and a reason to stop the nonsense - and he DID, her name is Desiree! He always stands by that, God gave him Desiree and that is why he is alive or not in prison today! He was headed down the wrong path and it was a wake up call!!!! She was the reason that he stopped doing all that nonsense and became a man! Brian loved Desiree's mom, he had every intention of being with her and even proposed when he was about 18 or 19 I believe it was - but honestly they were 14 and 16 and parents, what are the odds of them staying together forever and being happily ever after? How many people (I know there are some) but statistically how many people are with their boyfriend/girlfriend at 14 still to this day? They grew apart, they fell out of love, but Brian is very much a part of her life and they get along like old friends!

I know the statistics are scary and No I don't want my child having a child as a teenager, it's sad how hard they have to work to achieve things in life and that they don't get to experience things their peers do. I'm not condoning it at all, but I am saying that people should not judge and that some really harsh things were said on here and that I don't even fit into a lot of the categories because I wasn't a teen mother, I'm married to the father of my child (after the child was born, but we're still together) but it still offended me because of some of the people on here.

Finally - kids are going to have sex whether we like it or not, I had friends who made straight A's, star of the school plays, homecoming queens, guess what - they had sex, quite promiscuous too I might add! I was the one with the low income (very low), lived in the ghetto and I was doing less than them - doesn't matter where you are from, those kids just have more to lose so they might be a bit more careful - KWIM My parents were very much involved in my life - very much, I did extracurricular activities, I was a good student, but hey - my little boyfriend told me he loved me and that his ex-girlfriend had sex with him - SURE WHY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This happens every day, the best kids - have sex! You have to educate your children, talk to your children, pray for your children, and hope for the best. I will be open with my child, if she says hey mom I think I may have sex - off to the clinic I go for condoms and BC pills, I'll stuff them down her throat if I have to! If she's gonna do it, she's gonna do it! I don't want to hear, she shouldnt' have a chance to do it, you should watch her like a hawk - that will drive her to do it more and reality check here - I have to work and no one and I mean no one can watch their child 24-7! I used to sneak out of the house and my mom had no clue for Pete's sake!

I could go on - this was just a post went bad if you ask me, Mel I know you didn't mean for this to turn into all of this, but I had to say my piece!

Off my now!

My2Beauties replied:
Thank you (I know I said I wouldn't quote anyone but I couldn't resist this came after I posted)!

That is a good parent, in spite of your son's boo boo ( I wont' say a child is a mistake) you are there for him. You taught him to do the right thing and you have stuck by him - that is what matters! I could give you a big for that post! He has overcome the odds and done what is right - good for him! What a great son!!!!! And a great mom too

A&A'smommy replied:
I agree its SOO hard no child comes with a guarentee you just have to work hard to instill your values into your child and you can only hope and pray they come out alright!!! He sounds like a hard worker and wonderful father and son!!

Mel this I wasn't offended by anyone in fact I probably did all the offending but it wasn't my intentions my intentions was to say what I believed but most of the time it doesn't matter what you believe like LeaAnn said STUFF HAPPENS people do things... Parents WORK hard and your kids are still going to experiment.. peer pressure and you know just do whatever they want! They are going to find away around us i did I found away around my beliefs and my parents and i did what I wanted I didn't do as much as some but I did have sex drink and smoke. I don't regret anything because I have my precious girl that I love more than anything! I hope things will be easier for her, and all of our children!!

LeaAnn I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, and i really hope I didn't offend anyone this is the first time I have ever spoke my mind about something!

TANNER'S MOM replied: I would like to say that when I started this post I didnt' think it would hurt anyone's feelings..

I was stating they my DH and I watched a teenage mother who happened to be 14..we became emotional and realized that it could've have been or could be our dauhgter...

And in that we realized a few things..
1. how lucky we have been
2. How much we have to talk talk talk talk talk and listen..
3. We aren't perfect parents and our kids aren't perfect....but we hope to talk talk talk
Y
ou know I did find condoms in Britts purse.....

We talked talked talked talked talked talked....now she said she didnt use them she just had them... I do believe her..

But in the talk we learned things about each other, I told her if she was old enuff to have condoms she was old enuff to act like a women and have a real talk..and we did... In that talk she realized she didn't know half as much as she thought she did.. I explained that condoms were a must and had to be used in durning oral..she said Mom explain that to me..and guess what I did. It was hard but I explained it to her exactly what it was..she was in shock...
But that is the kind of talking we need... talk talk talk..

jcc64 replied: So LeaAnn, you're always accusing me of saying things better than you could- guess what- you took the words right out of my mouth on this topic!
We humans are an imperfect lot. Mistakes will be made, despite our best efforts. No amount of hyper parenting can or will prevent all teen sexual relationships or unintentional pregnancies. The responses we choose to those mistakes are what separates the men from the boys, so to speak. We clearly have several examples of people who understood what the right thing to do was, and did it well at a time in life when clear decision making and maturity are in short supply. (I couldn't even take care of myself as a teenager, let alone a child)
Hats off to all of you who found yourselves in this difficult situation and managed to rise above it and raise healthy and happy children. I really admire you.

A&A'smommy replied: I just wanted to say I edited my last post there is an opology in it! (I can't spell)

TANNER'S MOM replied: Jessy Ann..

Girl you have a right to your own opionion..
I am GLAD you spoke your beliefs..

No we dont' all have to agree..please don't think you have to keep your thoughts to yourself..

If we all agreed how would we LEARN from each other?

jcc64 replied:

That's the truth! It's one of the main reasons I never shy away from contentious threads. There's always an opportunity to learn from someone who disagrees with you.

luvbug00 replied: No we dont' all have to agree..please don't think you have to keep your thoughts to yourself..

If we all agreed how would we LEARN from each other?

I agree 100% again. I like to see the little fire come out of everyone it's part of our healthy friendships here.

mommy_loves_chase replied: wow 14!! that is so younge, Im glad they were both ok though

redchief replied:
Would that all parents could be so supportive and understanding. I honestly don't know, without being placed in that position (which I NEVER want to be) whether I could. I hope that I could.

redchief replied:
Well said, IMHO. Kids have it tough enough with peer pressure and expectations of others... they certainly don't deserve to feel unwanted or that they were an "accident," regardless of the circumstances surrounding their appearance on the planet. As someone else said, every child is a gift from God and I don't believe God makes accidents. Sometimes we, as the parents of children, don't make wise choices, but that's certainly not a child's fault.

Reproduction of any species is no accident. We are driven to it, we answer the call to it. As intelligent beings (at least we're supposed to be the ones running this world) we need to be sure and educate our kids as best we can. What they do with their knowledge is pretty much out of our hands.

boobies4virtue replied: I got pregnant when I was 16 and miscarried and the doctor who was in there told me "It's nothing to cry about it, It happens every day, besides you're too young to take care of a baby." Exact words, I'll never forget them. He didn't knock me out for my D&C either. Most other people I have talked to said they've been knocked out for those. I always kind of wondered if he wasn't "Teaching me a lesson".
Anyway, other than financially, I would have been perfectly capable of taking care of her and probably wouldn't have gotten myself into some of the things that I did later in life.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I watched one of my best friends in the whole world have a baby at the age of 17. She is my "little sister" and it just amazed me how she handled it all. I was in college and in a time of my life when I wasn't ready for children and here she was having a baby. She is one of the greatest mothers I know. She was fortunate in that her parents were supportive. If by some chance my children become teenage mothers I will be there for them. It is a very scary suject as Dee Dee said before, but I want to make sure that they know they can come to me. My mother didn't hold anything back with me when it came to this and I won't either. I plan on educating my children so that they are prepared for it. No I don't want them to be active, but if it does happen I want them to know that there is protection out there. If by some chance after all of this one of them gets pregnant as a teen I will be there for her every step of the way. In the end she will still be my child and I COULD NOT turn my back on her.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I totally agree.

What I meant is that in TODAY`s society most kids aren`t mature enough.... I just meant it`s not the AGE. 50 years ago 15 year old were WAYYYY more mature than 15 year old today.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Intimacy is supposed to be saved for marriage according to the Bible - I agree....

but weren`t you pg when you got married?

(just discussing here... not meaning to be offensive, and I apologize if I am....)

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Kim - I konw what you`re saying.... it isn`t about BEING married or not - it`s about WANTING to, right?

because neither you nor I were married with our first kid....(with current partner in your case)

but we both WANTED to, so it`s ok, right?

We BOTH know that pregnancies can come unplanned as well as planned, accidents happen even if you`re careful... it can happen to anyone...

Again, I'm not trying to be offensive.... since, you konw, I`m one of the evil sex before marriage and unplanned pregnancy people here....

mckayleesmom replied:
BTW...I wasn't using JessyAnnes religious views against her in my post....I just thought it sounded like it might blow up on her if her daughter knows how she was concieved. Im just looking into the future. I think Jess is a great mom. I hope my post wasn't taken the wrong way and I definantly didn't want to offend.

Heres how I look at it...My husband was a huge druggy years before I met him and when he was in high school. He can't tell our children not to do drugs or they will be punished and its against our religion...because they will turn around and say....BUT YOU DID IT...or ....HOW COME YOU DID IT THEN?....He can talk to them and tell them how much he regrets doing it and how he wishes they make wiser choices...etc....

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Oh I know... I was just trying to make light of a heavy topic!

I used the 'but YOU did it!' on my mom many times.... it`s the CLASSIC response form kids!

I believe that as long as a mistake isn`t to costly - as in dangerous, or life changing really.... kids should be allowed ot make them. A child isn`t a mistake... but I plan to be very thourough with my kids - no secrets.

Yes, I had sex before marriage - yes, I got pregnant, yes, I was on the pill.

It happens, I realize that.

I struggled, but was lucky enough to be making a lot of money at a good job, especially for my age.

I was lucky enough that the father of my children happened to be the man I was going to marry.

I had a really hard teenage life. I plan to be very detailed about it wiht my children... like I said, no secrets. I`m not going to be a hypocrit - yes, I did things that were bad for me, I learned from them, and I`m not a bad person because I did them - but it was tough getting through it. Addictions are awful, no matter how silly they seem... it took me a year to get over a big one. Even addicted to the pont I was - I was lucky enough to have enough sense to still be a good mother to my children, and not let my addictions get in the way of being a decent parent. Many people don`t have that...and it`s the kids who suffer. I like to think that my children didn`t suffer because of my addiction... and I was lucky enough that my DH was there to support me throuhg my year of HE**.

I would NEVER tell my kids that I never did certain things out of fear that they`ll do them too - but I`m going to try my hardest to make sure they`re aware of all the risks involved, consequences... and how I will or won`t help them.

Like if my daughter getrs pg at 14... yes, I`ll still love her. HOWEVER - I will MAKE her get a job to support herself and her daughter, and I will MAKE her take responsibilities... but I`ll always be there to support her. If she needs a babysitter while she goes to work, I will help. But, if she needs a babysitter to go OUT, then it`s her responsibility to find one, and to pay her/him to take care of her child.

Everything you can think of is against one religion or another.... and if there`s only one god, why is ther eso many religions and laws?

I`m not quesitonning god or anything.... but I just think as long as I live a good life, follow good principles of faith, not hurt myself or anyone intentionally whether emotionally or physically - then I`m doing ok. I`ve had a few bumps in the road... but I`m still on the right one.

redchief replied: First off, I want to commend everyone on their restraint and tolerance on this issue that has raised such wide ranging feelings.

I don't think that mistakes we made when we were teens should necessarily become damning in our efforts to convince our kids of the right things to do or the right person to be. In fact, I think our mistakes are at least as good a learning tool as our wisdom gained over time. I think we should be honest about the mistakes we made. I think it's important to share with our daughters and SONS if we were sexually active as teens. I know I remember well sitting on a school bus one day, scared to death that I'd become a father. I stared outside, wondering how I would handle it at home, with the girl's parents. I wondered how I would handle the stigma of being a teenaged dad. I have to believe that all of us who made those mistakes would recall similar feelings and fears. Why shouldn't we share the feelings of stress that we were under when we should have been thinking about our next test?

As I said, I've grown into a conservative adult. I wasn't always thus, I gained my point of views over time. My parents weren't great at communicating with us. I determined when we decided to have children that I'd share what I could with them as they grew. I talked to my boys about my fears. I talked to them about also about respect for girls and ways to control sexual urges. I believe it was helpful to them as they worked through puberty and tested the dating waters.

Both of my boys are now legal adults and both are in serious relationships. I know they're both sexually active, and I know they have problems of conscience because of it, as well they should. But it bears out many of the points already made. Regardless of values, hormonal and social urges to be close, and loved are real and strong. The only thing we can do is give them the information they need to make good decisions. Making them is up to them.

Ahh... yes... another alarming statistic came across my desk from the dept. of health last night. One in every five adults in the US is positive for genital herpes. That's 20% of the adult population infected with this incurable STD. Scary isn't it?

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I know I am about to catch ALOT of heat for this but-I too am a Christian and I would like to interject here that first of all God sent his son to a YOUNG mother! I understand sex was not involed BUT none the less he could have chosen any woman in the world and he chose a teenager! I know alot of married,older,well off moms that are crappy mothers! So to assume that because a girl is young or unmarried means that she will be unfit or less able is very unfair! I was not a teen mom,I had been married for 5 years when we had Tay and I know I was and am better off financally than my friends who did not wait to get married BUT their children are loved just the same. I pray that Taylor makes the right choices when it comes to intimacy-I hope she waits-I will be open and honest with her about it. I did not sleep around and yes I do believe it is harmful to do so-not just physically but emotionally. But using pregnancy to scare kids out of having sex may work for boys but I have yet to meet a teenage girl that does think babies are the cutest little things! Honestly didn't you fantisize about that first boy you loved and a little house and baby??? I think most every girl does. My point is there are other reasons to keep yourself pure for your husband. You can't say that a child that is a 'product of sexual sin' (not quoteing anyone heard it before)is also a blessing... IMO EVERY child is A GIFT no matter the age of the uterus that got them here!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
heh hehe hehh.... couldn`t help but giggle here - my thoughts are a little too graphic to add on this forum....

ps - she was already in a 'relationship' with Joseph though, if I remember correctly....? he hhe he hhe hehe h....

kimberley replied:
yes, that is what i was trying to say. i just know of too many young girls who think having a child is their RIGHT and don't see it as the precious gift it is. some think that a baby will "complete" their life but they don't stop and think about the consequences to the child who is forced to live in a low income, single parent home where that parent has to work hard and cannot afford to give them the care they truly deserve. raising a child with two loving parents is hard enough and we strive constantly to teach them good morals and values. i think it is irresponsible to PURPOSELY get pg knowing that child will not be afforded the time and attention he/she needs from two full time parents. it is a selfish and immature attitude because it is the child who pays for that error in judgement.

i worry everyday and talk to the boys often about my failed relationship with their dad, hoping and praying they never follow in my footsteps. which is why i have always tried to keep things amicable between my ex and i (and that is challenging often!). to the boys, they have 3 parents who all love them very much. i agree we need to show our kids the mistakes we made so they can learn from them. my mom played the "perfect" parent and by my teens, i really resented her lies because all the truth eventually came out. i will never do that to my kids.

A&A'smommy replied:

Yeah but you can also use it to get your kids NOT to my dad used drugs when he was a teenager and he told there is NOTHING good about it, IT SUCKS and you know what I NEVER wanted to try it!! But they NEVER told me sex SUCKS don't do it they said sex is wonderful but it is probably more wonderful after you’re married. Which btw sex is wonderful and so we have to be careful of our wording when we talk to our kids. My parents were VERY honest with me and told me that they would always be there for me. My mom and I are VERY close now and I think that their honesty with me as a teenager is one of the reasons why we are so close now.

I had sex the first time because I was told my longtime boyfriend would break up with me (it was an abusive relationship) so I had sex with him I did NOT enjoy it. I was intimate with Jeremiah because I loved him and at that point I thought that is what you do when you love someone and I KNEW he was the one that I was going to marry. We conceived Alyssa the night we got engaged SO your right I went against my religious views. But at the time I wasn't following what I believed in. I believe God sent me Alyssa because I would have continued to rebel probably WAY more after I got married because I would have been "free" from my parents but because of Alyssa I straightened my life out!

A&A'smommy replied:
Yes she was in a "relationship" but it was a VERY holy one they were NEVER intimate!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think I want to lock Maddie up until she is 21. I heard a lot of mention about daughters here and what you will do with your daughters when they become teenagers. I plan on instilling the same values in my SON. He will hear the same lectures, he will have the same curfews and he will be taught to RESPECT women. I won't allow him to date until he is 16 and I will make sure he is a gentleman. I want to raise a gentleman and I will do my very best. Scotty and I together. I think a lot of the problems lie in that the parents do all the talking to the girls, but the boys get special privileges b/c they aren't the ones that carry the babies. Not to start another debate here, but the boys need to learn responsibility, discipline and respect for the opposite sex. I think that went out the window a long time ago. I can't stand to see the way boys treat girls now days. I hope one day my DIL will thank me. We also need to raise our daughters to respect men...starting with their daddys.

I've learned a lot here. I'm so glad all of you shared your stories and experiences. Truly, it does not matter how we conceived or when we conceived. It's the job we do now with what we have. I know plenty of 30 year old mothers and fathers that would NEVER hold a candle to the 18 year old mothers on this board. I hope we can all look ahead and raise our children to the best of our abilities. Learn from our own mistakes and raise each of them to be upstanding citizens. That's what it is about in the end...socializing your children. Everyone wants their children to do better.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I KNOW that they were not intimate,the bible says he did not know her(meaning make love to her) until the days of her uncleanliness were through-after she had the baby and waited the required time. My point here was that if you are a Christian than we believe God chose someone young (and pure) to give birth to His Son. I understand we don't have virgins giving birth now days but I am saying you CAN'T say that some children are less of a blessing because of the time frame they were conceived in! NOBODY wants their child to get pregnant or get someone pregnant out of marriage but it happens,handing out condoms is not going to change that or it would have already! They have been doing the "JUST SAY NO WITHOUT A CONDOM"since I was in school. Yes the teen birth rate has dropped but the abortion rate('morning after' pill included) has risen~we need to teach kids of today that your bodies are not expendable there are many more life changing things that come with being sexually active!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I know I know... lol

It just struck me as funny - because it was a point that not all pregnancies start with actual sex....

yes, you can be pregnant without ever having had sex....IF your hymen is broken.

And we all (should) know that a hymen can be broken by something as stupid as riding a bike - and WHO hasn`t ridden a bike, ever? Well I`m sure some people have never riddena bike... I`m just saying...

So they might have been really holy together - but who knows what goes on behind closed doors... who is to say, other than those 2... whether other things have happened?



Please don`t take that as if I mean that I don`t believe in god - because I do, however I also believe that each individual person takes out of the Bible what suits their needs, either subconsciuosly or not. I don`t base my life on the 'say' that Mary was a virgin...I really don`t care that she was or not.

Young and unmarried - she still raised the most famous/loving/nurturing/healing/whatever-you-want-to-insert-here young man to ever live.

gr33n3y3z replied:
This is what Ed said about our boys in his post

I talked to my boys about my fears. I talked to them about also about respect for girls and ways to control sexual urges. I believe it was helpful to them as they worked through puberty and tested the dating waters.

Both of my boys are now legal adults and both are in serious relationships. I know they're both sexually active, and I know they have problems of conscience because of it, as well they should. But it bears out many of the points already made. Regardless of values, hormonal and social urges to be close, and loved are real and strong. The only thing we can do is give them the information they need to make good decisions. Making them is up to them.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I agree - the same about everything goes for my son.... just because he`s a boy doesn`t mean he`s any less succeptible to any of the crap that could come his way.

In fact - I`ll probably be HARDER on him than on my daughter.... because teenage girls often succomb to the pressure from the boy - so my boy is going to elarn the value of NEVER pressuring a girl into doing soething she doesn`t want to do.

the 'you'll do it if you love me' or 'do it for me.....' IS a type of EMOTIONAL ABUSE. My kids will learn to NEVER be abusive.... at least I HOPE they`ll learn.

I`ll teach my kids to respect their partner and to treat them right - both in bed and out. It's a tough world.... and if my son comes to me and aks me how to turn a girl on - well - what can I say - I can`t physically show him, but I can give him tips and point him to good ressources.... just like I hope that my daughter can feel that she can come to me for advice if she can`t get to the big 'O'

redchief replied:
Hmmm... I just can't imagine a boy going to mom for that kind of advice.

It would be neat if someday the thinking in this part of the world would make such a thing less taboo and therefore, more possible though. I remember how dumb I was. Learning by accident might be learning, but it ain't the best way!