Mason's not doing well at school drop-off

Brias3 wrote: Well, I never would have guessed it. My brave, excited to go to school little boy who did just FINE the first two weeks has decided to begin FLIPPING OUT at drop-off for the past two days now.

He is attending school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and on Fri and yesterday, he nearly had a heart attack when I brought him to the classroom in the morning. And by that I mean full-blown, screaming at the top of his lungs crying. Not only is this behavior very unusual of him in general, its especially unusual for school. He's been looking forward to going for as long as he has known what school IS practically and now he's just doing horribly when its time to bring him in the morning.

I talked to his teacher on Friday and she said nothing out of the ordinary has happened there that she thinks would be a possible cause for this. This is now his third week, so I don't know what this sudden change means. Yesterday morning, I had to literally wrestle him out of my arms and just keep saying, You know I'll be back before lunchtime like normal. You'll have fun today and I'll see you soon, Mommy will be back after snack, etc. etc. I didn't want to linger for fear of prolonging the tantrum but I felt horrible practically prying him out of my arms and leaving him there.

My older two have NEVER ever had an issue even similar. I'm totally thrown for a loop here! The teacher suggested me lingering a bit to ease him into the first activity, but that's what I tried doing Friday and same reaction from him.

ANY suggestions??

luvmykids replied: Oh boy, lots of hugs to you first of all

Fortunately we haven't had anything beyond minor whining and in our case I know it's because they're tired, we still don't quite have the bedtime routine happing smoothly and/or early enough.

Has anything changed elsewhere, has DH been gone more than usual, are you busier than usual on his off days, etc? I think a lot of kids that age are sensitive to routine in general and even seemingly small things can throw them for a loop. How is he once you leave?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I hope someone else does. Hang in there though, I hope it passes soon.

amymom replied:

gr33n3y3z replied: just keep dropping him off and soon he will stop

bawoodsmall replied:
I must say I agree. My sisters child did the same thing after going fine for a week. Then all of a sudden he wigged out. He carried on for two times and then he stopped as easily as it started. Hang in there. It will get better.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree too. It will pass. Many kids do this, even after months of going to school.

jcc64 replied: Very very normal, hon. I'm kind of surprised the teachers there weren't familiar with the dynamic. It's common for kids to do very well the first few days, weeks, or even month of school. But once the novelty wears off, and they realize it's a permanent situation, it's THEN that they start to question the whole experience and get negative about it. My dd did the exact same thing in preschool. She was fine the first 2 months, and then, bam, out of the blue, she became impossible at drop off. Actually, the teachers would tell me she would kind of be weepy on and off all day. In my own experience, the faster you could get out in the morning, the better it is for the kid. Lingering only prolongs the inevitable meltdown and prevents the child from engaging with the classroom. Eventually, it just passed. It's a process some kids have to go through to learn how to separate.
You need to be as matter of fact and positive as you can. Make your child believe that you are completely confident that he can handle it, and that you are SURE preschool is a great place for him to spend his time. If he senses even the slightest ambivalence or guilt on your part- he's gonna run with it.
I know it sounds kind of harsh, but sometimes they need a little push out into the world. I know it's hard to do, but know in your heart it's the best thing for him.

luvbug00 replied:

mya did this kindergarden and first grade. he'll be fine

lisar replied: Lexi hasnt done that to me. She was so excited that she the first day of pre-school she didnt want me to walk her in. Now she is in 1st grade and hates it when I walk her in.

Brias3 replied: Thanks for the advice, all. I can't think of anything out of the ordinary that's been occuring besides to throw off his schedule, so I'm stumped here!

I know I just need to brave it and leave him, but it gets to the point of sheer disruption and embarassment! I'm actually surprised his teacher suggested I stick around for a bit to help him ease in. She certainly seems to mean well, but I won't be too shy to admit I was a little off-put by the lack of "help" she and the assistant in the room give me in the morning. Part of me thinks, well maybe they're letting me handle this and leave on my own so he knows this carrying on won't allow him his way, which I appreciate, and part of me thinks that they a little too oblivious for preschool teachers to playing a more active role in guiding him away from me in the morning, etc! I don't know

Unfortunately, he didn't do much better today. I was as firm as possible this morning. My kids aren't typically the type to play this game with me- they know they don't get away with behavior like that for no reason. They've never been given more attention or rewarded for negative outbursts like this, which is what shocks me.

I guess I'm going to have to ride this out!

A&A'smommy replied: OH no I hope it passes quickly!!!!

DansMom replied: The only other thing I can think of to ask is how things go once you're gone? Does he quickly change gears and engage with the classroom? I agree with the advice to be very sure in yourself about how great preschool is and convey that with confidence.

At my preschool they didn't encourage separation either---they were fine with parents staying indefinitely. It may be a new trend, or the type of preschool (is it a coop preschool you go to?).

noimthesister replied: I had a similar situation with the boy I nanny. He shoved Mommy out the door the first couple weeks and then started making a big production every day the third and fourth weeks. It's the whole "new fun thing" vs. "permanent situation" another poster mentioned.

One thing is that Mommy has to be firm and consistant. Tell him you have to leave, you will be back to pick him up later, and you love him and goodbye, then leave. Do not stay to mitigate the tantrum, it's encouraging it to continue. Likely it ends moments after you leave. And it will get better once he realizes you leave speedily whether he kicks and screams or kisses and waves.

My guess it the teachers don't want to interfere with your parenting, so they're not going to step in and grab him away. And paying attention to a tantrum always makes it worse, so it wouldn't be helpful for them to come over anyway.

Hopefully this gets better quickly! Kids are fast learners and fast forgetters.

coasterqueen replied: Could there be a kid at class being mean to him that the teacher is not seeing?