Marriage Counselor taking sides!

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I left our session with our Marriage Counselor yesterday in tears and ready to walk out on my DH and never come back! She blamed all of our problems on my mental illness and took my DH's side on almost every arguement! I'm so fed up with my mental illness being the cause of everything! This morning I told my DH that our problems began long before I had a mental illness and that not everything is my fault! According to our counselor I'm not allowed to dredge up the past, but my DH is allowed to continue to punish me for mistakes I made YEARS AGO! Most of our problems are related to our financial situation! I'm so angry , I honestly don't want to go back and see this women! Also she had referred me to another client of hers, this women has the same mental illness as I do. I think yesterday she crossed that line between breeching confidences. I'm not comfortable and I'm not sure what to do! My DH and I do need marriage counseling and if we switch agencies, the wait lists are so long!

MommyToAshley replied:

I am so sorry... how unprofessional of her! I can't believe she would place blame like that, and I agree that she crossed the line by giving you the name of another client without permission. What is stopping her from giving your name out?

I think that you would be better off waiting on a counselor that you both would feel comfortable with. I think it would be a waste of your time if you go to her and you don't feel comfortable enough to talk freely and openly about your feelings. It defeats the purpose of the counseling.

Did you get a referral to her to begin with? If your doc or someone else referred you, maybe they can refer you to another counselor.

Here's some hugs, I hope you are able to find another counselor soon. It is a positive step that you and your DH are both willing to seek counseling. It means both of you want the same thing, now you just have to find the right person to help get you there... and obviously this lady is not it!

kimberley replied: that is very unprofessional of her. they are not supposed to blame one party... it takes two people to make or break a marriage. i am so sorry you have to deal with this after all your difficulties already. she definitely did breach confidences by giving out your personal info. is it an agency that has other counsellors? maybe you can go to the head of the agency and get switched if you explain what happened. they shouldn't put you on a wait list if you are switching because of their incompetency.

i hope you find a professional consellor soon.

mckayleesmom replied: on her.

A&A'smommy replied: ugh im sooo sorry!!! she just doesnt understand that you are going through heck too im sooo sorry sweetheart!!!! (((((HUGE BIG HUS)))))

amynicole21 replied: You definitely need to find a new counselor! That is unbelievable! I'm so sorry

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
I should clarify this. She spoke to the other women and got the other womens permission to pass on her name and phone number. This was before Christmas. But in our session she asked me how my meeting with this women went and it got very personal. We discussed things that I really don't think we should have discussed about the other women.

kimberley replied: ohhh... but that is still a breach of the other ladie's confidence! that is very unprofessional!

MommyToAshley replied: I agree, I still think it is a violation of the other person's privacy and doctor/patient relationship. I think this counselor is very unprofessional and I am sorry you had this experience.

MomofTay&Sam replied: I think you get a new counselor. She needs to be helping BOTH of you or whats the point? Sorry you had to walk away feeling so bad.

jem0622 replied: I agree. Violation of patient privacy. In the US, that is a violation of the HIPPA law. Nice.

Anyway, not a good counselor. Find yourself a new one. Money problems can't be fixed by a counselor like that. They need to be solved elsewhere. And we all have to deal with money.

HUGS
Julie

MomToMany replied: Wow! How totally unprofessional!! You need to find someone who is objective and willing to help both of you, instead of someone who is one-sided. I think it would be worth the wait to find someone else, instead of risking your entire marriage on this idiot.

coasterqueen replied: Wow! I agree you need to find a new counselor. Even if your mental illness was to blame, she shouldn't be throwing that blame on you. You are not to blame for having a mental illness. What she should be doing is finding ways to help you to deal with this and go on from there. UGH!