Mad this morning

Halo42101 wrote: Before I came on the messaging board this morning, I had some of the same thoughts as Sara. Some days are a little better than others for me. I find myself crying a lot still... almost every day since the miscarriage. Yesterday, I almost cried but stopped myself because I knew if I started I would have trouble stopping. This morning, I got thinking about how I saw our baby go from looking like a little jelly bean to looking like a little human being. Then, I thought about how I saw and heard the baby's heartbeat. I was so happy that day, I even asked the lab tech. to play the baby's heartbeat again, just a little longer so I could hear. The next visit, I actually saw the baby move. I'll never forget seeing how it looked like our baby was dancing. It was waving it's arms and legs like crazy... and now, now we have nothing. And somehow the ultra sound pictures we had just disappeared. My husband insists the pictures have to be around somewhere but I think they are gone... just like our baby. My husband & I were really starting to plan for that baby. People started giving us baby clothes and we almost rented a 2 bdrm. apartment but my instincts told us not to. My mom wanted to start planning our baby shower for June. I told her she shouldn't plan a baby shower for us. Do you know how hard that was to tell her? I wanted it so badly, yet I had a feeling. So how do you go from expecting this new, wonderful, little life to grieving after? I am so mad! Every time I hear about a woman who has had a miscarriage, I cry because I know all too well what they are going through. I also get mad thinking about how when a person dies, at least there is a grave stone to go to for some comfort. You can put flowers there, balloons, etc. But when you have a miscarriage, there's nothing to hold or go to after for comfort. I think there should be something like a memorial of some sort for those grieving the loss after a miscarriage. Sorry, just needed to vent.

PrairieMom replied:

BAC'sMom replied: Don’t know if this will help….. After DH & I miscarriage in 1995 we went down and bought a baby’s ring. I kept it around my neck; it was kind of my way of remembering. And bless DH’s heart he once told me “that is not the only baby ring you will ever buy, I promise you will other’s.” And he was right.

I have noticed miscarriage jewelry sites, why don’t you go and look. As you and I have discussed many times I know how your feeling. And I am here for you.

luvmykids replied: I wish I had words but I don't, just that we are here for you and you went through so much in a short period, not only the baby but the health complications. I think it is probably one of the most unbearable things to go through and even though you may not feel like it you are bearing it and are completely entitled to everything you are feeling.

Many thoughts and prayers with you

Halo42101 replied: Thank you so much, Jimmie. The thought of miscarriage jewelery does help give me some comfort. I am glad it helped comfort you in your time of need, Jimmie. It sounds like your husband was wonderful and very supportive. I guess I got thinking about our baby more this morning because I was hoping that for our 5th anniversary, we would find out the sex of our baby. We were also excited because our baby would have been due in September and that is my husband's favorite month. It just seemed so perfect. My husband has been promising me too that we will have another baby. But it's just so hard to believe right now. I think until I actually give birth, I won't believe it. And even then, I will be checking our baby all over to make sure it is exactly the way it should be. Yes, I am crazy, I know.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm so sorry Jessi. Even though I would have liked to be able to see my baby moving on a u/s and hear the heartbeat before it was gone, I can imagine that it would have made it even harder. I really hope you can find the u/s pictures. I know what you mean about wanting something to remember your baby by. I know it probably sounds awful, but I almost wish I had a picture from the ultrasound they did in the ER, even though by then the baby had already died.

5littleladies replied: I'm sorry. I know how hard this is. When I miscarried 2 years ago, I cried more than I can remember over the fact that the only tangible thing I had of my baby was the hospital wristband I had from my ultrasound telling me the baby died. It was so hard. Then when I neared what would have been my due date I started getting emotional again and my husband bought me a mother child necklace to be a reminder of my baby. It was so sweet of him and it's a comfort to feel it close to my heart where my baby will always be.

EvesMom replied: I'm sorry I don't have the words. All I can offer is, my love, prayers and loads of
Love Ya Sweetie!

Halo42101 replied: Thank you for your kind and comforting words, Monica. You have always been so helpful and caring to me. I appreciate it more than you know. Sara, thank you also for your comfort and kind words. No, it doesn't sound awful that you almost wish you had the last u/s picture of the baby. That was your baby. Of course, you would want whatever you could to have and remember it by.
and prayers of comfort to you, Sara.

Halo42101 replied: for all our s

ashtonsmama replied: That all made alot of sense, Jessi. We're here for you, and we love ya hun...

na81 replied: I know how hard it is, as I am still trying to understand why I miscarried. I just wish I had something to remember my baby by. I never got the chance to see or hear the baby! I guess as hard as it seems, we all have to remember that everything happens for a reason and our little angels are where they were meant to be! Even though my miscarriage happened just a little over 3 weeks ago, I am here for anyone that needs to talk!! You are all in my thought and prayers!!! Thank everyone for the support you gave me during this rough time in my life as well!
Nicole

CosmetologyMommy replied: I have never experienced it myself and do not know quite what to say but I know that it hurts. I just try to think that things like this happen for a reason. I hope u get blessed again and u and ur family are in my thoughts.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: