MY Maid of Honor - I don't know what to do...wedding ??'s
My2Beauties wrote: OK so here it goes, and sorry if this is long...
Last Friday night my best friend who is also my maid of honor emailed me and asked me to go out with her. I talked it over with Brian because he had plans that night as well about getting a babysitter for Hanna and he called up his mom and dad and they kept her, I dropped her off and was looking forward to my girls night out and everything. Well I dropped Hanna off around 6:30 in the evening and by this time my girlfriend was supposed to have already called me. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited until like 8:30 (we don't go out until late anyways, and she said she couldn't even drop her kids off at her moms until 9:00). Well she didn't answer her phone (this is long sorry) so I'm real cool with her mom and I called her mom's house (she is over there a lot) (this is where you guys need background info, the father of her children is a butthole loser ok, he gives her no money has two other kids by two different girls, pays no child support, has warrants on him for child support, is on the run, does drugs (including crack cocaine) and he has beat her on several occassions right in front of herkids. I have tried for years to get her to leave him alone but she won't do it and she is drop dead goegeous you guys shouldn't have low self esteem I mean she is literally a knock out and I am not just saying that. Well at this point I've been talking to her mom a lot and she told me that she washed her hands of her, that she will watch her grandbabies but doesn't want to have anything to do with her because she runs back to him after he beats her and doesn't help her and all this stuff, ok background pretty much over) So anyways when I call her mom she is like LeaAnn do you really think that she cares about the plans that she made with you and I was like what do you mean she said she came over here after already having dropped the kids off pickled them back up, was high as a kite and said that she is going out of town to pick up Glenn (her boyfriend). She didn't call me or anything, by this point I am fuming and I had already dropped Hanna off and everything. So, she never called me all weekend and Monday I emailed her and asked her what the h - e double hockey sticks happened with her and why she was so rude, she apologuzed and said he was stuck out of town and he gave her $100 to pick him up (the trip was 2 1/2 hours away there and 2 1/2 hours back, gas is $1.95 a gallon down here, $100 doesn't even make up for the trip and her time and taking those babies out on a bad highway at night to travel especially when her mom said she was high). Anyways the bottom line is she lies and is starting to get to the point where she covers up for him and rationalizes way too much when she goes to see him...OK this isn't over yet I'm just now getting to my main question...that being said I've pretty much gave up on her at this point as far as that goes.
However, she is still my best friend so I made her my maid of honor. But after Friday night the more I think about it the more I don't know if she is reliable in a sense. I mean the maid of honor is supposed to get your bridal shower as well as your bacholorette party together , I have less than 8 months until my wedding and she hasn't even called anyone to set anything up, reserved anything none of that stuff. I will help out as much as I can and so will my other bridesmaids but and I know this might sound selfish but I don't want my bridal shower or party to be a mess!!! How should I let her know nicely that she needs to start planning this stuff because renting a hall and a limo and all that cost so much money that we all need to be making payments and get her off her butt and on her feet so to speak about her maid of honor duties? She begged me to be the maid of honor in the first place because I have no sisters and I have 5 best friends but I've known her the longest and she wanted to it so bad and my other friends were not upset by it so I agreed..what should I do?
coasterqueen replied: Wow, sounds like your friend is not really reliable at all. I think I'd be more worried if she would show up the day of your wedding (and on time) etc etc etc than how she will be when it comes to your shower and party, though.
I am in my friend's wedding this weekend. I've been pretty much an awful friend not supporting her, seeing what she needs etc. I don't know I guess it's this pg and Ryan being gone off and on so much..I just can't handle things and I'm a mess. Anyways, I didn't even offer to plan her shower (I'm not maid of honor though), but I did offer to host her bacherlorette (sp?) party.
I'm rambling sorry...we had our friend's shower in August and her party just two weeks ago. Her wedding is this weekend. The others didn't even started planning for the shower til a month before that and I didn't even plan her party til the day after her shower. I don't think it takes one 8 months to plan these though.
I definitely think if you are mentioning hall and limo as part of these parties that I definitely would talk to her. We didn't do anything that glamerous for our friend because we couldn't afford it. She understood that and still had a great time at both. If you have "expectations" then do talk to her.
My2Beauties replied:
See the reason I need a hall and stuff is because literally my baby shower had almost 100 people (DF family is huge) so my bridal shower will be the same, no one's house can fit that many people. As for my bacholorette party I can't think of one person that is going that could be a designated driver and there will probably be at least 40-50 of us when the night begins....again DF family is so huge and they love to party!
coasterqueen replied: Well like I said before I would definitely talk to her. She may not know your expectations. I will say that's a pretty HUGE expectation of just one person, though. I know that would scare me off as maid of honor, lol..unless I was rich.
I have one friend who had a huge wedding shower and bach. party...the whole wedding party helped out in both.
As far as transportation goes..that's a lot of limos! ROFL. With my friend's party...IMO I only considered how the bride was getting around to the bars...not everyone else. That's everyone else's responsibility IMO. So since I couldn't go to the bars because I'm pregnant I made sure there was a designated driver for her.
Just talk to her and see what she says.
My2Beauties replied:
Thanks I will. I have made it aware that everyone needs to pitch in and we all will but she needs to get the arragements together. I hope no one misunderstood me I'm not expecting her to pay for all this stuff  Sorry if I sounded confusing in my first post, but she knew that she would be in charge of planning a large event!
Again sorry if my post was confusing 
coasterqueen replied:  Yeah, I'm having a bad day..I could have read your post wrong.  IMO I would have the whole wedding party (i.e. bridesmaids/maid of honor) make the party/shower arrangements together. That's what we did for our friend. We just all got together and decided to help each other with it. Especially since we are all busy and I'm the busiest with a kid, lol.
Maybe suggest that to all of them  But DO make your friend aware of what it is you want for the party/shower or else she won't know.
My2Beauties replied:
Thanks!!! That is a good idea I am going to talk with her tonight and then get with everyone else.
You guys give the best advice 
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Let us know how it goes after you talk with her. I would have a general meeting with the entire wedding party. That way she doesn't feel targeted and they can then designate certain people for certain things. If your best friend decides not to show or forgets to do her part, more than likely someone would be there to fill in. There is no way that I would let her do all the planning and orchestration of the events. She is far too selfish right now.
Alice replied: It seems as though you have lots of really close friends. It also seems as though this one has an awful lot on her plate right now. She's in danger of being beaten up by that idiot, and has children who may also be in danger. And she can't see that it's all a problem. So it seems to me that, as much as you (and probably she) wishes it were different, your wedding is not the most pressing issue in her life right now.
As long as you have several other friends you're that close with, I suggest that you ask your other bridesmaids to cover all the organizational stuff. You don't have to do it, just fill in the others as to the problem, and ask them to do this favor. You don't have to drop her from the wedding party, just ask them to cover for her.
(And, in the very remote chance that she doesn't show for the wedding, promote your mom to the position. No one but your very close friends needs to know why. But I bet she does show.)
I know it's not fair-- this is the biggest event of your life. But I think that, right now, your best friend needs HER best friend to cut her some slack. She can plan your surprise 10th anniversary party when she's gotten her life together.
momof2girls replied: that is a totally poopy situation, I really dont know what advice to give you.
I just wanted to offer support!!!!
It was really rude of her to not even call you, that would make me wonder about her. its not hard to just call someone.
aspenblue1 replied: She definately doens't sound dependable! I would definately talk to her and tell her exactly what you expect.
My2Beauties replied: I spoke with her last night and it actually went pretty well! I really didn't give her enough credit. She has been coming up with some really great ideas and threw out some things that I could have never thought of myself. She told me on the phone last night that it means the world to her to be able to do this for me but that she isn't the richest person in the world and I informed her that I am going to talk with everyone in the bridal party and hope that they can all chip in, including myself.
She does have a tough situation going on right now and I understand that but as far as that situation goes I've washed my hands of trying to get her to leave him alone because she just won't but I am always there for her when he does something to her. I just want her to know that I'm counting on her and I want her to be there on my special day sharing that with me and that I will be there to help her get her life back together when she decides to ditch that loser!!! I always help her out as much as I can.
It went great, I'll keep you guys posted! 
Alice replied: You're a good friend. She's lucky to have you.
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