MIL vent! - my first one!!

A&A'smommy wrote: UGH i use to love my mil until she started hurting my feelings, the first time she made me cry was when she made it seem like my baby liked dh better than me and then last night dh called him mom to ask her a cooking question (cooking in NOT my strong point) well i didnt even know he called her until he came into the living room well i asked him who he was talking to (i didnt know why he called her, he didnt tell me) and after he told me i whispered "momma's boy" i was just playing and he knows its true anyways well playing along he "told on me" and after he got off the phone i was messing with him about "telling on me" and we were laughing and then i asked him what she said about it (forgetting that she doesnt play) and he told me that she said "well can SHE answer your question" that hit me pretty hard dh doesnt care that i dont cook he likes being the one that cooks. Anyways that smug comment really hurt my feelings and it actually made me cry!!! and when i told him he held me opplogized for his mom being so insentive (sp?) and mean (she really is). She hurts dh's feelings on a regular basis by trying to make him feel dumb, she also hurts her daughters feelings by trying to get her daughters son to favor "nenaw" . And she is going to make her other grandaughter hate her if she doesnt watch out like sometimes when the kids get into fights and its jakes fault she will yell at savannah (they are brother and sister) she doesnt tell them to both quit or just for jake to quit she yells at savannah and when savannah wants to be held she wont hold her and then when jake (who is older and LOTS heavier) wants to be held she will hold him and when savannah cries to be held she will tell her to go away that she doesnt want to hold her and there is sooo much more! (this is just stuff that i have seen) Well today dh is suppose to go over there so his mom can help him with his homework and i told him that im not going and neither is alyssa. Do ya'll think i should or am i being immature? i dont know im torn i want her to be able to get to know alyssa and spend time with her but i just dont know what to do..... i dont really want to come away from there crying again and but i also want them to be able to see alyssa... my fil hasnt done anything but i also dont know if he is going to be at work... What should i do, or what would you do? TIA

mummy2girls replied: First of all i want to send you some hugs....

I havent been in that situation before as i am not married...if you feel you cant see her at this moment maby DH could bring alyssa with him and you stay home. I know it may be hard to let alyssa go for longer than an hour or so with out you there because hun i couldnt let let aron take jenna at all for more than a half hour without me there when jenna was really small. maby because i felt a baby should be with mommy!

But to answer your question..your not being immiture in how you feel. i wouldnt want to be around negativity like that.

I dated a major mamas boy a few years back and it was really bad... he was 30 and he still lived with mommy and daddy. He called her mommy alot of the times.LOL. And he acted like a 13 year old boy. It was crazy! So i dumped him.

I hope you feel better soon.

MommyToAshley replied: I guess it depends on how much you want Alyssa to get to know your MIL and how much you can tolerate. I am lucky that I have a great MIL, but sometimes there are things that I disagree with and I just let it go and don't say anything (unless it goes against something I feel strongly about in how I am raising Ashley). The same is true for my own Mom too.

But, I would not tolerate any of them doing something that was hurtful to Ashley. (I can't see either of them doing that though)

Good Luck, I am sure you and your DH will figure out how to handle it.

chloe&tysmommy replied: awe sorry you and your MIL aren't getting along...I'm sure you will decide to do the right thing for yourself

(((hugs)))

kimberley replied: sorry to hear things aren't going well with MIL. i think you and DH should discuss the problem then maybe talk to her about your issues in a nice way. i really hope you do work things out. every baby deserves love from a whole family.

coasterqueen replied: ((HUGS)) I'm not sure what I would do. My mom is a lot like your MIL and I know I have to let Kylie see her, but I only let Kylie around her when I am around or my dad is around.

Hope if you go things go well

jen replied: Well in my opinion, you should wait to go over there. I wouldn't go over there while you still have your feelings hurt. There are going to be plenty of other times for her to see and visit with Alyssa. I would stay at home or go shopping instead. I don't like to be around negative people, or have negative feelings towards someone, I just would rather distance myself from them until I feel better and emotions are not so new and open. Just My opinion. (((((((((HUGS))))))) what ever you decide to do!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry she is being so hurtful towards you. My MIL was the same way (except we didn't have Maddie before she passed). She would make me feel as though I was a horrible wife. She was just jealous b/c she wanted to be the best in her family and when DH would brag on me it made her furious. She didn't like that DH and I got along so well and had such a strong connection, either. I know how you feel. If you decide not to go over there it may make it worse. Stay strong and learn to blow it off. Like I told you before....Kill her with kindness. If she says something to you about not cooking say "Nope, don't cook, but I sure do clean well." Or if she insinuates that your DH is better than you at parenting, cooking, etc say "He is really good at ________, but _______ is not his strong suit." That should shut her up. She wants to feel as though she did a great job raising him. I think she just wants to feel needed and she wants a pat on the back. Those are HER hang ups, not yours. Don't let it get to you, sweetie. You are doing a wonderful job. You have enough to worry about without having to worry about what your MIL thinks. I look back and could regret some of the things I did or said to my MIL, but had I not stood up for myself and my marriage I don't know what the outcome would have been. She truly tried to destroy us. I don't think that is your MIL's intentions, I think she just doesn't have any tact. She might just need a dose of her own medicine. It's a good thing she doesn't have me for a DIL!!!! LOL!

A&A'smommy replied:
LOL your too funny!!! Thanks for the advice everyone!!! Oh and guess who showed up!!! MY MIL thank god my FIL came over too i talked to him and sorta ignored her. Well whenever she was holding alyssa she would sorta fuss and i would just look at her and she would smile and anytime someone would else would hold her she would watch me like a hawk, and fuss when i left the room. So when they were leaving i was holding her and jeremiah was talking to her and she was smiling at him well his mom "asked" alyssa if she was her daddys girl and Jeremiah told her she was her mommys girl and i agreed, she didnt say anything else after that LOL!!! Anyways im just glad jeremiah said something but i kinda figured he would since he knew how bad she has been upsetting me. Thanks again girls (((HUGS)))

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Good!! WTG Jeremiah!!

aspenblue1 replied: WTG Jeremiah!

coasterqueen replied: WTG Jeremiah!!!!