Little bit of an update
Hillbilly Housewife wrote: It's not the greatest news.. it seems that there will be no charges laid, based on the age of the sitter, and her reactions gauged by the detective doing the questionning. It seems that the "games" seemed to be innocent enough, as far as the detective was concerned, she felt that because the girl did not understand terms such as "thrusting", that she was too "under-developped", knowledge wise, to know what was going on. That, and her parents insisted that the girl knew nothing about that kind of stuff.
The mother was apparently in hysterics the entire time, the girl was upset and confused, and the father seemed to be in shock. Seems that the only thing he had to say was that my youngest once told him that she was scared of daddy when he was over at the house.
1) what 3 yr old ISN'T afraid of their daddy at one point, and
2) WTF was the dad doing at the house in the first place?!
The detective did speak with our previous caregiver, the one who gave us the girl's name as a reference, and made her aware of the situation. The sitter was absolutely flabbergasted, didn't know what to say.
SO - because of what the sitter's father told the detective about Naomie being afraid of her dad, now my ex is being investigated as to WHY she's afraid of him. Worst he's ever done is spanked on the bum, and yelled. Let's not get into a debate as to whether that is right or wrong, half of us yell at our kids and half of us find it's abusive, and half of us spank and half of us find it's abusive. Regardless of your personal stance oneither the yelling or the spanking, we've done both, and I've personally done it more than my ex has, so if they'd have been afraid of anyone it should ahve been me, not him.. ya know?
Anyway.. so children's aid is investigating possible physical abuse towards our children by my ex... and i'm the first to say that he's an idiot, but he's no abuser.
They're not even investigating this girl's curiosity with what happened.. no investigation into possible abuse from her parents, nothing.
I'm just so sick with all of this, I just want it over.
mummy2girls replied: ((((HUGS)))) Oh geez That is twisted and awful! I am so sorry this is happening to you all. What a mess!!!! they should be investigating this girl curiosity... im sick to my tummy thinking about this all
coasterqueen replied: OMG Rocky. I am so sorry. I am at a loss for words. 
PrairieMom replied: WTH? a 14 year old that doesn't understand "thrusting" ? in this day and age? I am sorry, but I don't buy it. and what ever the "games" they obviously weren't appropriate to be played between a 14 yo and a young child. I am so sorry. Is there something else that can be done?
MommyToAshley replied: That's INSANE!  Is there anyone else that you can talk to?
bluebear replied:
I completely agree. this isn't like they were playing and she fell and broke her arm or anything!!
boyohboyohboy replied: oh Rocky how frustrating this must be. How is emile, and how does she feel after being asked to repeat her story and being put thru the questioning ? Does she feel like the sitter needs to be punished? I wondered only because it must be so hard for her to be in this position. I hope the kids dont feel bad about their dad being questioned either...
Its so sad that instead of taking care of the problem they are causing more of a problem..once they find your ex isnt the abuser what will happen, nothing?
I agree with tara in this day and age a 14 yr old certainly does know what thrusting is, and what ever games she played she found out about it, and saw it somewhere......
luvbug00 replied: at this point i'd be going postal if i were you. I'm sick that they have turned this into an inestigation against your family..I'm so sorry
luvmykids replied:
ITA!
I'm so sorry for all of you, what a nightmare and most sickening is that the worst of it is being focused on the wrong family! Continued thoughts for all of you
Mommy2Isabella replied:
I am so sorry that this has been turned against your family.
A&A'smommy replied: OMG Rocky I'm SOOOO SOOOO sorry that this has happened to your family!!! And I agree that little girl is LYING because I promise you even when I was 14 and slightly sheltered I KNEW what that was I hope it will all be over with soon... I wish it had never happened to your baby girl!!!
youngmomofone replied:
~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I didn't know what that meant until I was in my early 20's... yes I was very sheltered! But it doesn't matter.... the girl could have no idea what any of the words or terms used to describe it mean she still could have repeated something that was done to her or that she's seen somewhere. 
I'm so sorry Rocky!  I'll be keeping your family in my prayers.
Kentuckychick replied:
yeah... I'm pretty sure, nay certain, that at the age of 14 (even when I knew what sex was) I didn't know what "thrusting" meant... at least not in sexual terms.
It's very likely she may not know what that specific term meant... but it doesn't mean she doesn't know what the action is, hasn't seen it, or more specifically, God forbid, hasn't had it happen to her.
I'm so so sorry that this is going on.
msoulz replied: I applaud your courage to see this thing through despite the lack of results. Your family is still in my prayers.
ETA I also applaud your compassion for the babysitter. You are a truly amazing woman and mom.
CantWait replied: Rocky all I can say is how sorry I am. The system is sick and twisted and just doesn't work well for our kids and their safety.
My friend in BC is going through a situation all to familiar and unfortunetly lives only doors down from her daughters abuser.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Emilie is actually fine, thanks for asking.
She doesn't realize what's going on. To her, they were "fun secret games", and the way she was telling me what happened, she was smiling and laughing as she showed me what was done. She doesn't realize how wrong it was, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Children's Aid advised us to discourage her from repeating the actions, but under no circumstances should we tell her that she's being bad by doing them, and they advised us to keep praising her for having told us her secret games.
Emilie is a very verbal child, she's constantly talking, singing, humming, whatever... so she was more than happy to share her secrets. She doesn't feel that the sitter needs to be punished, because she doesn't realize what's going on.
We did tell them after we were asked, following the discussion with the sitter's dad, that yes we have spanked, and it's happened that we've smacked their hands away from something... and she did tell us that those actions were illegal, and that they will need to follow up. I told them that if my kids are reaching for a knife, my hand connecting to theirs will likely be the gut reaction rather than calmly telling them "no". I'd rather inadvertently hurt my child's hand with a smack than have them cut their finger off, sorry. I will continue to do so when necessary, and it's not some uppity caseworker itchy bee that's going to come stick her nose into my business, to tell me that I have to SPEAK with my child to get them to understand no.
They're doing a great job. I mean, kids today have fantastic respect, and NEVER do the little brats mention Child protective services when they're being little turds and are afraid to get a smack upside the head for something stupid they did.
Sarcastic much? 
My3LilMonkeys replied: I haven't been around much and just saw this and I am so sorry to hear about the whole situation....it really sucks when the system doesn't work and the wrong people end up being investigated. I am incredibly glad to hear that Emilie is okay.
PrairieMom replied: rocky. That beyond sucks. I'm glad to hear that Emily is doing ok. So as far as the abuse alligation goes, is that all over? Is anything going to be done about the abuser?
Kentuckychick replied:
I understand completely why the child's aid would want you to make sure not to make your daughter feel like she did anything bad and to praise her for telling you the secret...
But isn't it maybe time to help her realize what's really going on? I'm just asking because to a child who just innocently thinks these were fun games and that nothing that happened was wrong, what's to keep her from going out and playing those games with her other friends?
I think it's absolutely the best to let her know that SHE did nothing wrong, but did the children's aid give you any advice on how to teach your daughter that what happened to her WAS wrong so that the pattern doesn't repeat itself?
I don't know if this is the case (and it may not be the case at all), but what if that's exactly what happened to that fourteen year old... what if she was abused as a child and no one was ever there to tell her that those secret games were inappropriate?
for all you're going through. Stay strong and positive!
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yes - they told us to discourage her from doing those actions, but to not telling her they're "wrong"... more to say things like:
"that's a game you can play when you're older, but not right now"
"we don't jump on people like that, here's a better way to jump"
"we don't do that to legs, only dogs do that to legs"
at the very least until she is a little older and starts asking more questions, those answers seem satisfactory for the time being. When she is a little older, and puts some pieces together, then yes, i will be more than honest with her. We have taught them that NOBODY touches them in "private places" except if the doctor has to check a "bobo", and that they are never to touch someone else's "private places", because they are not doctors. When they get older, obviously the answers will change a little..but their attitudes will also have matured enough to understand terms such as thrusting, molestation, abuse, violation... and hopefully they will grasp the severity of the consequences of their actions.
I truly hope that the girl gets some help for herself. Whatever her situation may be. I find it terribly difficult to believe this kid didn't kow what was going on... but it's not my decision.
As far as the abuse allegations towards my ex, we haven't heard anything else. 
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