Kids and Sports - (see explaination before responding)

coasterqueen wrote: I am just curious, as our kids get older and as they get into more activities will you put their sports events/activity events first or family first? For instance if you never get to see family and the only time they have time to get together is the same weekend as a big sports event of your child's - would you make time for the family and not participate in the sports event? Or what?

luvbug00 replied: if it truely is a once in a lifetime experience ..sports
If it is family that you see once in a gabillion years..family

if the situation is tied.. niether because you gonna hear whining from one party and to be honest i'd rather hear none from both..lol

coasterqueen replied: I'm just wondering mainly because my IL's are constantly saying they can NEVER get together during sports seasons because they are always dealing with sports. My kids never see them and they live 30 miles away and their excuse is always a ball game, always this game, always that game. And it just makes me sick. We finally just showed up at their house on Father's day and Kylie said "I wish we could come here more often Papa" and he didn't even respond. I feel so bad for my kids. It just really sucks. Every time my FIL gets married the last set of kids, well they get pushed aside and so does the grandchildren. He is remarried for the 4th time (or maybe 5th, can't remember ) and has a 13 year old son now that is spoiled rotten and everything is revolved around him. My FIL will take his grandsons mainly because they can plan with his son. The granddaughters (my girls) get pushed aside, because what can he do with them?

ETA: that I will make Kylie miss ball games for other family activities. She missed one last week because of my work event/our mini vacay so she could spend time with her cousin. Family will always be more important.

My IL's want us to come to their son's game Jul 2 and Kylie has a game then too. I refuse to make Kylie miss her game so we can go, though, because they NEVER rearrange their schedules for us. I know, I'm being petty at this point.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: For us it would probably be the sports event, since the family we don't see much we aren't that close to. I guess if it was a big family reunion or something like that, and the sports thing wasn't something the kids would be horribly disappointed about missing, we might go with family. Tough choice!

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I would say sports.

They make a commitment to play with their teams and it is important to stick with their commitments. Also like Sara wither it is family we see all the time and so no need for whatever to be right that second or people we don't particularly care about

If the event were something like a wedding or a truly once in a life time event and it was someone they were close to the event would more than likely take presidence.

stella6979 replied:
I agree with this.

MommyToAshley replied:
Same here.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think they should go to KYLIE'S game. They are her grandparents. Sports or family event---whatever! They need to pay attention to those girls. Period. I understand having to miss family events or sporting events from time to time--but this is personal.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Same

bluebear replied: Family. My cousin has been playing baseball for 12 years and he has not had a real summer ever. Every summer he plays on 2-3 travel teams, then fall baseball, then winter it's training, and then the school team. It's WAY too much and I don't see how anybody can live like that. His family have missed so many celebrations for birthdays, etc, because "oh we can't miss this game!"
Last summer he went to a bunch of different states for baseball tournaments and I went along for a tournament. I didn't go to any of his games. Reason? To get back at him for missing my graduation because of baseball.
I'm sorry but there is more to life than baseball or any other sport.

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks. I really don't expect them to go to her game. I actually don't care if they do, but it would be nice if they could at least pick up a phone and say "hey, can we have the girls for the night?". Ya know. We are constantly trying to arrange any and all types of get-to-gethers and they ALWAYS say they have baseball going on and can't. My FIL actually scheduled the big tourney for 4th of July weekend knowing that we all go down to visit my niece and celebrate her birthday. Why didn't he do it another time, he only gets to see her TWO times a year. But for his grandsons he actually makes the effort. It just seems that his son (my BIL) and sports always come first. He's getting up there in age, has had heart problems and diabetes. He will be lucky to see his youngest son graduate highschool, and he sees my girls 2 or 3 times a year, that's it. He lives 30 minutes away. Every time we try to arrange something there is always an excuse and it's ALWAYS baseball. We could go to the games, but can't visit with them because they are playing and my FIL coaches. We've tried coming to the games and the girls want to talk to him and such and he gets annoyed at them. It's just frustrating. I don't want to have to tell the girls their grandfather doesn't want to see them, kwim? How do you tell a child that for them to understand? I dunno. I'm just frustrated and probably shouldn't have brought it here. I will always put family first over sports activities. Seriously, I don't expect my girls to be in pro sports, so after highschool or college they won't have sports there to lean on - they WILL have family. KWIM?

jcc64 replied: Sports are a HUGE part of our family culture, and we are the relatives who are chronically over scheduled with baseball tournaments all summer. At Kylie's age, it's easy to say you would choose to miss a game--it's t-ball or minors and the commitment level is minimal, and missing a game here or there is of very little consequence to everyone involved. When kids get older, around your nephew's age, and a casual interest turns into a passion that requires hours and hours of practice and commitment, then the decisions get harder. Games and tournaments are usually scheduled months in advance, and missing one IS a BIG deal, one that is likely to get you benched for the next one, b/c there's always another player right behind you, waiting to jump into whatever opening you give them. Coaches, with kids on the bench, will use absences to determine playing time, b/c it's extraordinarily difficult to manage a team when everyone's missing games for this reason or that reason. I know this sounds over-the-top, but if kids want to compete at a certain level, they have to commit 100%, and I think this is a valuable lesson to teach them in our hyper-competitive society. This isn't about making it to the Olympics or college scholarships, b/c truth be told, 98% of kids' sports careers end when they graduate high school. It's about work ethic, and responsibility to your teammates and working toward a common goal. While kids are in the middle of it, it's everything to them, and an understanding family will work around the schedules, and realize that it's of a limited duration.
Finally, when your kids get to be teenagers, forcing them to be at a family event in lieu of an important game or tournament will result in a miserable day for everyone involved, trust me.
I know family is important, but there will be time when the season's over. And if not, then you're dealing with more than just a sports scheduling problem, which I suspect is what's going on for you in this situation. Hope it all works out.

coasterqueen replied:
Baseball around here can be all year-round as you can do indoor baseball. So yes, it is an all-year round thing. I personally think it's important to teach our children commitment to their families. That they need to make time for their families. I have great work ethics too, but my work isn't going to be the person there for me when something bad happens (or most times not), family will be. If you treat your family like crap and never make any time for them, well they aren't going to be there for you when you need them. My FIL should realize this and considering he won't be around forever since he's so much older than his wife and his child is so young, you'd think they'd realize we are the only family left when he is gone. I think it's sad to not show the importance of family to kids. Maybe this is why people are the way they are today, only caring about themselves. I am grateful my parents taught me that. Unfortunately they didn't with my sister as I was gone by the time she was really old enough to really understand that and she's a spoiled brat who only thinks of herself and what everyone else will do for her, not what she can do for them.

My FIL was the one who scheduled the tourney on the same weekend as his granddaughters 4th of July birthday party, the GD who only comes here 2x a year, that being one of the times. Even if he didn't skip a game in the tourney that weekend, she's been here for 2 weeks now and he's yet to make an effort to see her. He and my little BIL can miss ONE game in this two week period to see their GD/niece, IMO and if that means being benched one game SO BE IT.

I, for one, get sick of how people place so much importance on sports. I am all for sports and I do everything I can to teach my girls commitment and the importance of sports, but I will never take it serious enough like these parents who are hooping and hollering at the games because their kid didn't do this or that. Ryan helps coach Kylie's softball team and there are two girls in particular there that their fathers yell at every mistake they make and Ryan says it's so hard on him because he sees these girls not having fun and hating it and he said his goal is to show the kids it can be fun, that it doesn't have to be so serious. It's very sad. I guess that's a different topic, though, how people can place so much importance on something that won't be there forever, very sad. Well I guess my BIL and my FIL will soon realize it when my kids remember how they never make time for them, because I will teach my kids that if people do not have time for you, don't make time for them!

jcc64 replied:

You're right, it is sad. And it certainly shouldn't be serious at Kylie's age. As a coach myself, I've seen PLENTY of atrocious behavior on the part of overzealous parents. But as you said, that is a different post. I don't see how sports and family have to be mutually exclusive. You can be a serious athlete and still care about your family. And, as is the case in our family, sports can be a venue around which strong family bonding can occur. I'm sorry you're having a different experience.

Boys r us replied: It is so hard!! I went to answer your poll and really couldn't. I mean naturally you want to say you'd have family first. But pretty much all of the sports for kids these days make it impossible to say that and actually stand behind it. I think for us what works is this..our late summer - december is booked...our families know it, we know it, the kids know..it's just how it is! With Tanner and Braedon playing football...we don't have a second to breathe! Fortunately Allie's dance and gymnastics are during the daytime..so it doesn't really interfere with anyone's schedule but mine. We are at 1 football field or another monday -saturday beginning Aug 1 - October. October comes and Braedon balances out football and basketball until the end of oct when football is over. Then he just has basketball until the beginning of December. Tanner's basketball starts Dec and ends Feb.

NEither of them play any spring sports(they're not into baseball and our soccer season here is in the fall and they choose football over soccer). So we just know that come december we can breathe easy again with just basketball for Tannner a couple of nights a week and then come February, we're home free for several months. So we balance sports and family that way. During the late summer when our family is all at the lake..we're at the football field and we do make it down on most Sundays..but honestly..by sunday a lot of times we're just ready to crash and be vegtables at home. and I honestly have to give you moms who work outside of the home HUGE points for having kids in sports b/c....I don't know how you manage. I at least have time before practices to make dinner and clean the house etc..

All of that said, I think sports are worth the sacrafice! To me..a busy kid is a less troubled kid. Not so much as youngsters like most of ours are now..but I am taking middle school/high school.... the catch is..you have to get them into sports when they're young to get them interested and good enough to play at the school level when they're older. I know for my brothers and I, after our school day followed by sports practices and then dinner and homework..we were too tired to do anything but go to sleep..and that my friends was a VERY good thing!!!! haaa

Boys r us replied: I didn't read all of the responses to see your situation before responding..just your first explanation of the poll.

I don't know..it kind of seems to me that you're both in the same situation, you don't want Kylie to miss her game to go visit the family on July 2(and I don't blame you) but it sounds like they don't want their son to miss his games either. and I will say once you're older like 13 or so..it's much more intense..meaning it's not just for fun..the coaches don't allow missed games and practices.

I definitely understand how this disturbs you though..the whole girls being left out and them not making any effort to spend time with you and your family..that is not acceptable..but I'm just not really sure it's because of "sports"...it sounds like it's more because of the person who seems to have clear issues with commitment(marriage #4 or 5) and possibly his priorities way out of whack!

coasterqueen replied: Thanks Nichole. I think you are right I am dealing with someone who has more issues. Ryan says he's going to continue to try to keep doing family things with them for the sake of the girls. I, myself, have no umph left in me to keep trying. The girls other grandmother (Ryan's real mom) decided to renig on her offer to take the girls yesterday for an overnight visit AFTER my girls were just estactic to come stay. We already had everything packed and they were so excited and she called and said she had too much to do. So after a long talk with the girls about it last night (because they kept blaming ME for my MIL canceling) they are sad, but they know it's just how things are. So I called my parents and asked if they would take the girls overnight this Saturday because the girls were feeling like none of their grandparents want them anymore and my parents are gladly taking them. That made them feel so much better and loved, that at least one set of grandparents want them.

So frustrating!