Kicked out of "LapTime"

KatieLeigh79 wrote: Wow, I feel like a horrid parent! Decided I would start him in a library lap time group today when they opened being we can't really afford the other ones in the area, and 3 minutes into the group he was asked to leave Everyone always joked I had no control but gosh I really don't! He wouldn't sit when I asked him to (and he does know how he has a few months already) then I went to the back of the room when they started with the stories and he started screaming and trying to pull peoples hair and was just so dissruptive the librarian said that maybe he isn't quite ready yet *argh* So now we are stuck back at home again cause I am seroiusly wondering if this child should even be allowed in public... why do I feel like I'm a bad parent and raising a demon?

amynicole21 replied: Oh no Everyone knows that EVERY kid acts up at some point. I'm sure no one thinks he is a demon or that you are a bad parent.

I feel for you though - every time we get out into public Sophia acts up... people tsk tsk and shake their heads, and I wonder if they are thinking what terrible parents we are

coasterqueen replied: Aww ((HUGS)) I totally know how you feel!!!! I can't take Kylie anywhere without scenes and it's not because she's a toddler, it's because she's spirited. It's just her nature/personality and I've tried dealing with it but it's so very hard.

We were at a family birthday party a few weeks ago and all the other little kids were playing. I tried to let Kylie play with them but she was being too much. I just couldn't handle her. Everyone kept saying to me "come on mom, let her be a kid, let her play". Finally after tired of listening to it I went ahead and let her loose. Moments later I was getting serious dead looks from family members asking me "is your child always like this?".

People just don't understand sometimes! It's so frustrating. They look at their child and they are "in control" most of the time besides a few tantrums here and there and they have no clue. So they look at you like you are a bad parent. *SIGH*

You are NOT a bad mommy, though. Can I ask is he always like this? Or has this come about with age?

DansMom replied: Daniel has had similar moments---I totally relate! I've felt extreme shame as everyone stared at me, and I could read them thinking "wow, that mom has no control over that demon child". Sometimes it's just a bad day, he's teething or fighting off a cold, or the event is not well timed in terms of nap. Absent those conditions, he can be quite absorbed and cooperative and easily pleased. Give it a rest for a little while, but do try again in a month or so to see if things go differently. Sometimes it just takes a couple of tries.

And I have to say, I love feisty kids. They are passionate and intense, they can be difficult and push all your buttons, but they become great artists, musicians, creators and influential people when they grow up. At least that's what I tell myself when Daniel's having a feisty time LOL!

My2Beauties replied: You know Hanna is starting to do the throwing back her head thing when she doesn't get what she wants and she is only 10 months old! Beginnings of a temper tantrum I'm sorry hon and he is just going through that stage, to be perfectly honest I have never met a totally well behaved child that age!! They are inquisitive and natural wanderers, wanting to find out more about their environment! It'll stop with time!

momof2girls replied: Dont feel bad!!!
My baby is 11 mo and has fits already and is LOUD!!!

everyone knows that kids do not always do what you want!!!

he is a normal kid!

KatieLeigh79 replied: I guess he is normal Well as normal as my family is if at all possible... He has always been rather "high needs" and ever since he could say a few things whenever I would tell him no (still to this day) he gets a high pitched squeal going then screams "YUP" or "YES" depending on how into trying to say the right word he is, and if that still doesn't work with getting his way he slaps you in the face or tries to bite you (depending on if he's at your face level or not) the Dr. has even said we have to start showing some reinforcement to stop it but even slapping his hand (which sometimes granted I get so scared of what he does that he will hurt himself or after about the 50th attempt at getting him to stop doing something I will) just makes him laugh and swing back at you - so I guess I'm not even doing that right... I just want him to have a better chance at doing things with kids his age, and we don't really have options around here for him to do that, so I think when I get him into a situation like that he just gets way to over stimulated and decides to do "what he wants" just need to find a different group I guess that doesn't require sitting and maybe has a few less kids... Considered posting on one of the sites looking for "friends" but half the time they are all oddballs and normally its all "friendly" advances and all I need is a dang playgroup for the little monster child!!!

DansMom replied: Daniel bit me last night after a good long spell of no biting, because I wouldn't take him downstairs to play with the train set---it's newly set up, and it's all he wants to do. I was helping with dinner preparations, and I do admit that he was not being directed and thus was sort of clamoring for my attention while I was preoccupied, which is when he usually does the biting. I said ouch very loudly, and then impressed upon him that he had hurt me, then I wouldn't speak to him for about 5 minutes. After the 5 minutes I gave him a big hug, spend a little time with him, moved onto some other topic and life goes on. This is the routine I have found most effective. Even though he does still try to bite once in a while, this approach had a dramatic effect when the behavior was happening daily. Like you, I was getting laughter from him whenever I rose my voice or reacted angrily. What really worked for me was to give him the cold shoulder after an incident---as soon as it was safe to do so (can't leave the kid in the middle of the street or in a department store of course). It sounds like your guy is a little more high needs than the average kid---but this could be great for his later achievements, when he's older. He'll be very determined and likely to keep at things until he achieves the result he wants.

coasterqueen replied:
I've learned from my "spirited" child that smacking hand does nothing but then again "no" doesn't mean anything to her. UGH! She know has this eye movement thing down pat that she gives me a dirty look and blinks her eyes like "you can't tell me what to do". Grrrr. Time-out doesn't work either.

Last night Dh told her she couldn't have something and she picked up one of her little Tikes plastic chair and THREW it across the room at him. I'm NOT joking. She went to bed early needless to say.

Just hang in there. If I find anything that works I'll let you in on the secret...do the same for me too

KatieLeigh79 replied: Will try what you do and see what happens... and yup he is going to try to get what he wants out of life Assuming he doesn't put me in the ground before he reaches Kindergarten we will be doing pretty good ... I always tell my hubby that I want a room with rubber walls if they ever send me away *g* I really don't like to smack his hand or his buns, not into the physical punishment thing, but I found putting him in his bed didn't work either as he would just play for a few minutes until his time was up and enjoy it - so that never seemed to work, will try this though and see what comes out of it .

MomofJandB replied: When my daughter was younger, between the ages of 2 and 5. She was a biter. It caused huge problems with other parents and children. Sometimes I wished their kids bit too so they knew there was no easy solution and so my daughter could see how it felt! Actually, when my son came along and got to be about 2, he bit her a couple times and she hasn't bit since! I was so determined not to have another biter, I put soap in his mouth each time he bit! I know that sounds terrible, but it worked. I would put a little soft soap on the tip of my finger and swipe it over the front of his mouth, either on his lips or his teeth. Not like when I was growing up and got the bar of soap scraped across the teeth!! After 2 or 3 times, all I would have to do is mention or show him the soap when I saw him getting too close to someone else. He never turned into the biter my DD was and he is turning 5 in November. Maybe this will help some of you. (either that or you'll all think I'm crazy and a horrible mom! !)

Oh, and by the way, I had to pull my son out of library time, too. He's not a sitter. It's just not for him, never was. He's too active! I hope you can find something cheap and active for him. Have you looked into the YMCA? We have a playtime through the YMCA here. Just a thought! Good luck and hang in there!!!

Alice replied:
For starters, ease up on yourself. Of course you're "doing it right"-- this isn't rocket science we're talking about !! The problem is that you haven't found the thing that will make him stop the behavior. So keep trying things. But give yourself a break... kids that young are murder because they know exactly what they want, but don't have the verbal skills to express it. So it's lots and lots of guesswork on your part. Some moms have it lucky and hit on a method that works for their kids early; some moms have it harder and have to keep trying until they find the one that works. It looks like you're in column B.

Why not ask your pediatrician for help recruiting some mommies for a playgroup? Or post a sign at the local supermarkets? Call the local preschools and ask if they'll post a sign-- lots of those 3 & 4 year olds have younger siblings.

And practice the "lap time" thing at home too. See if you can find a way to get him to quietly sit and listen for 15 minutes. If it works at home, go to the library during non-group times and try the same thing in the children's room. Build up to where he's able to do it. He just needs the desire and the practice. Between times, spend as much time running and playing outside as you can manage before the cold weather hits... he may be more receptive to lap time if he's tired and wants to snuggle.

Good luck!