Just something has been bothering me..

3xsthefun wrote: Ok, this is something I’ve had on my mind for couple months now. I’m not sure if I should post this or not. I’m just afraid I will be bashed or something. But I really needed to get this off my chest and get other people’s opinions. This might be long and may not make lot of sense either. So please read carefully. I know a lot of people here have strong opinions on certain subjects. But please don’t turn this into a debate.

Rob and I have decided that we are done having kids. We want one of us to go the permanent way so we know for sure we will have no more children. Ok so here comes in the part that kind of bothers me. He thinks I’m the one that should have something permanent done. He wants me to have my tubes tied. But here is the thing I told him “if” I have another c-section I will get my tubes tied no problem. But if I should have this baby vaginally I would rather not go through with the tubal ligation. The biggest thing I’m scared of being them putting me under while they the tubal ligation. I don’t know maybe they put you under while doing a tying your tubes and c-section at the same time.
Ok, call me a big baby but that has always been one of my biggest fears is general anesthesia. I know having a c-section is no walk in the park either and no this does not mean I want to have a c-section.

The thing is if I’d go into labor all by myself without being induced then I’d be more then happy go this route. The thing I’ve also heard not if it is true or not maybe I should talk with my doctor about this. I have heard that most doctors will not try to induce you after you have had one c-section. This is one reason why I’m wondering if this is true, when I went in for one of my visits. My doctor told me if I’m not in active labor or if my cervix is not doing anything by 39 weeks, I’d most likely have a c-section.

Everyone in my family think I’m the one should tubes tied also not that it is really any of their business. Maybe I should just tell them to butt out or something. I know one reason why they say this is because Rob was suppose to have the vasectomy a few months after Maegan was born. But we decided for him not go through with it at the time, cause we were not sure if we was done or not.

I guess what I’m trying say here is that I don’t know why everyone is pushing for me have my tubes tied. Yes I know I definitely do not want any more kids. Rob done told me he would rather not go through with having the “V” done. His biggest problem is he is just don’t like going to see doctors. He has hardly ever gone to one and I know this is one thing that scares him. He is also hoping I will decide to have a c-section in a way
so I will go ahead and get my tubes tied.
This is what bothers me the most, why should I be the one have to go through a c-section again so to get my tubes tied?

I know Rob and I need talk this out some more but in some ways. I think he has already made up his mind.

cameragirl21 replied: well, tubal ligation is far more invasive than a V, which can be done outpatient with minimal anesthesia and minimal recovery. it's also the easiest to reverse, should you change your minds, which you never know, you still might.
also, when you have a brand new baby, along with 2 other kids who need you, having just had major surgery, such as a tubal ligation will wear down your body and will make it harder for you to care for the kids and recover at the same time.
personally, i think when these decisions are made, it should pretty much always be the guy getting it done because like i said, it's easier to reverse and easier to recover from...and it's not major surgery, just a simple snip snip.
that said, i think considering you were the one who carried a baby 3 times and went thru labor and delivery 3 times, it's perhaps his turn to step up to the plate.
JMO of course.

moped replied: Well i am all for the man having the V....I eman the way I see it is that we have to have the babies - they can stop it when it is time.........I am sure it is weighing heavily on your mind and i am sure that you will make the right decision, but should you have Ryan vaginally - I would make him!

lisar replied: Well you haveing your tubes tied is more dangerous than him having a V done. I think it is up to. I had my tubes tied 6 weeks after my last c-section and it was breeze. No big problem. Just relax a little and in 48 hours your back to normal. I think you should discuss it more with him.

jcc64 replied: A vasectemy is a much much less invasive procedure- it's done as an outpatient under local anesthetic. A tubal ligation is major surgery involving general, as you already know. Frankly, I don't think your dh has a leg to stand on- you've made all of the physical sacrifices to this point, and it's time for him to grow up and go to the dr. And as for the opinions of everyone else in your family- is it really any of their business at all? It's your body, your decision.

Crystalina replied: You carried the babys let him have the V. Men hate pain (to be safe on here let me add...the men I know ). You did your job.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This is my thinking too. You have already gone through the carrying the kids for so many months, labor, etc. It's HIS turn! That's my take on it. I refuse to get my tubes tied. My body has been through enough. No, a "V" I am sure isn't pleasant, but it's far less invasive and complicated than what a woman would have to go through.

Calimama replied: As far as my husband goes, I don't feel like, "well I had the pregnancy and labor, YOU can have the v." JMO but I don't feel like he should do this because I was the one to have the children. I would ask him because it's an easier procedure and that to me makes sense. If he voiced concerns was really worried/scared, then I would do it. Luckily he's better with that kind of thing than I am.. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain. Good luck with your decision!!

Brias3 replied: Personally, I've always heard that a vasectomy is a far less dangerous and painful (recovery-wise) procedure than a tubal ligation. What's more, is that it can be more easily reversed if needed. If you're feeling any sort of anxiety about it or the anethesia, I don't think you should be the one to go through a permanent procedure when he has the option as well.

My DH and I have discussed this in the past too and I am very set on the fact of him getting the vasectomy and not vice versa when we come to the point of being positive we are doing having children.

paradisemommy replied: i agree with the other gals - we decided when we are finished, dh will do the deed and he had no qualms, in fact, it was his suggestion for him to go in and get it done..tell your dh to suck it up and go..

HuskerMom replied: Well I must be the odd one out here. Dh and I talked about it awhile ago and we decided that when we're done having kids I will get my tubes tied. I don't feel right telling him that since I carried the kids and went through labor that he should get a V. I honestly don't mind getting my tubes tied when the time comes and even though a V is reversable I would feel like he's getting something taken away from him by getting one. JMO

Crystalina replied: You gals that are willing to do it because "you carried the babys" are very nice. I think that I wouldn't have had those babys if not for him.

redchief replied: I had a vasectomy almost 13 years ago. It was done on an outpatient basis and the discomfort, while substantial (the doc damaged a nerve; just one of the possible drawbacks, but no permanent harm was done), was something that I could live with. Because of the pain I was out of work for two days, but that was that. At any rate, I'd recommend the V, as it is safer and less invasive than TL.

hoosier momma replied: Although I don't think a tubal ligation is a major surgery anymore, I am sure it is more invasive than a vasectomy. I might be wrong, but I think that a tubal ligation is done on an outpatient basis also, not sure because my OB/GYN doesn't do them anymore. I will also be in the minority here and say that I am the one who sought permanent birth control. I had a new procedure done that is called the Essure. The tubes are blocked with a "coil" during this procedure that took about 30 mins in my doc's office. I went back to work after it was done and had no after effects except for some minor cramps. To me, this was much easier than my husband having the vasectomy.

3xsthefun replied: First of all thinks everyone for your opinions.

Second, I do not feel in any way "just because" I'm the one who had the babies that he shoud have the "V" done. I'm thinking because the "V" seems to be a less invasive procedure, he should do it. Maybe I am being a selfish in my reasoning. But if he is really against it I know I can not force him.

Knowing me though I'd go ahead and do as he wants though, just because I think I'm making him happy. I know that is bad in some ways. He even tells me I need stand up for myself sometimes and talk to him. Especially if it is something I don't agree with. Its not like I can tell him you either have this done or I won't give you any loving anymore. This is one reason why need someone not involved in our personal life to talk to me. If not I would just go ahead and do what he wants.

I'm not going make a decision one way or another with giving it lot of thought.

Oh, and far as my family goes... it really is none of their buisness. They just ask me sometimes though. You are going have your tubes tied, right?

holley79 replied: DH and I have talked about this. We aren't sure who is getting "fixed". He isn't scared of Dr's so that isn't a major issue. I think it just all depends on what you both want. If you dont' want to have it them express that to him.

Good luck.

Mommy2BAK replied: Aww girl, I'm sorry your battling this right now, it's definately not what you need at all. Maybe you could sit him down and look it all up online and let him see what exactly each procedure calls for, ect. I think your family should leave you alone about it, it's your body and you can do with it what you like. I hope that yall are able to come to some sort of agreement about this. And in no way should you feel like you might as well have a c-section (i know no one is presuring you for this) because if you can have him vaginally then why not?! ya know?

Anyways, just wanted to offer my support, not sure if it helped at all but here are some hugs to help you through it.

Cece00 replied: I didnt read the other responses yet, BUT- if you have a csection, they do the tubal right then, they dont put you to sleep. But if you go vaginal, you usually go back @ like 8 wks I think, for a laproscopic one. I had mine done with a csection so I have no idea how the lap tubal is.

I dont know that a lap tubal is any more invasive than a vasectomy, so I really cant give you any advice there. To me, they are both pretty invasive.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I don't think it's your family's business, but they sound like mine and will tell you their opinion even when not asked. So anyway, did you say that once you have a c-section, you can't be induced the next time? Did I read that wrong? Meaning you can't get an epi the next time? Or that you just have to schedule a c-section and go straight into surgery without laboring? I'm confused.

My DH is completely against having a vasectomy. Not for fear of doctors or the surgery, but just because he thinks it's unatural. He doesn't like the idea of tube tying either. So I really can't give you advice on what direction to take. The conversation comes up with us from time to time, but my DH gets pretty worked up over it and clearly doesn't want either of us to do it.

I'm sorry that I don't know more medical info on the procedure, but all I can say is good luck with your decision. If you are both uncomfortable with it, then I would just look into other less invasive options.

luvmykids replied:
It may just be my doc but mine required an overnight stay and anything that requires general is considered major surgery. That was three years ago so maybe things have changed.

At any rate, I think the simple fact is he needs to take as much responsibility as you for getting something permanent done.....I had the TL because I knew I'd never get DH to get the big V and I definitely didn't want any more children so I had no choice but to get the TL. Otherwise, with a more cooperative guy, I would have pushed for him to do it.

3xsthefun replied:

Ok, from my understanding if you have already had a csection. Most doctors don't like induce you because the risk of uterine tears. I know this probably doesn't make much more sense. Sorry.

But I'm not entirely sure if any of it is true or not. I need to ask my doctor next time if I see him if they induce women after they have had a csection.

I'm also going on little info my doctor has told me. He pretty much told me if I am not in active labor or if my cervix is not dilated any by the time I get to my 39th week. That I will have to another csection.

So see this is why I'm confused myself and wonder if it is true?

3xsthefun replied: Thanks, again everyone for your opinions and being supportive.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Tina, I'm sorry, did you have a c-section with both girls? I have heard that by a third c-section, it is definitely a risk as far as laboring goes. Primarily because of what you mentioned, the uterine lining has been cut and sewn up a couple times, so it is of course weaker. I have read that they worry that any major contractions can cause tearing and excessive bleeding, so of course induced labor (pitocin) is typically "major" contractions. This is maybe what your doctor is referring too?

Anyhow, I would just double-check with him/her at your next visit. I know how difficult it is to try and remember what they say each time, especially if you have to take the kiddos with you on your appt! Hang in there, k? I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

3xsthefun replied: No, I only had a csection with Maegan she was breech. I might be ok then since I have only had the one csection. But like I said I will talk to my doctor again, I haven't really gotten chance to talk to him about all this stuff yet.

I will make sure we talk to him about this stuff at my next appointment.