Isn't it weird? - (loss mentioned)

PascosGirl wrote: I have been reading some of the other threads on this site and I have noticed something strange about pregnancy altogether. Why is it that some people can do everything by the book and still have problems carrying or having healthy children? I mean, I don't want a scientific explanation but I just sometimes don't get it. I had 3 miscarriages. 1 before my first son was born and 2 after. When my first son was born, he was full term yet still could not breathe on his own. He was in the NICU for 9 days. Doesn't seem long looking back, but at the time, it seemed liked forever. I had 2 more miscarriages while trying for my second. One "miscarriage" was in the last trimester. I don't really consider that a miscarriage, but that is what they call it. Anyhow, I had my second and he could not breathe on his own either. He had to be intubated and needed a lot of therapy before he could be released from the NICU. He died one time and went without oxygen for nearly 4 minutes another. He made is through and seems to be fine now.

I know you are probably wondering why I wrote this and I will tell you now. I have a friend whose younger sister is 15 and pregnant (well not anymore). She smokes cigarettes, pot and has tested positive for meth while pregnant. She doesn't eat right and lives a horrible lifestyle. Her baby was born yesterday and is in top top perfect health. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish for any child to be born with problems, but I just don't understand how someone like me (and other people I am sure) can do everything right and even go so far as staying away from shellfish out of fear you may hurt your child and other people can do everything possible to not take care of themselves and still have a perfect pregnancy.

I wonder if a test has ever been done on some women's hormones or something?

Sorry for the rant.

mummy2girls replied: oh i know what your talking about. i get frustrated too. When i was pregnant with jordan my friend was also. i did everything right...took my vitamins, ate right, didnt smoke or drink and took care of myself. and i had a very sick little boy. My friend didnt take her vitamins, didnt eat well or anything for days at a time, she smoked, dranks and just didnt care about ewhat she did and she went on to have a very healthy boy 2 months after i lost jordan. So it is bvery annoying how people that want kids so much and just cant seem to have them or healthy ones and then you have the ones that dont care and go on to have healthy babies... Its a question i dont think anyone of us can answer...

BTW i am so sorry for all your losses.

PascosGirl replied: I probably shouldn't have even posted this thread. I just get frustrated sometimes. It seems it is almost better to be bad.

I am sorry for your loss as well. I have ventured to the precious angels thread but just can't bring myself to really post on it. It is just way to heartbreaking for me. Not just for myself but for everyone that has had a loss of any sort.

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry you have been through so much. I get what you are saying.... I felt the same way when I went through everything with Joshua. (He was stillborn) I don't drink or smoke, and I did everything I was supposed to when I was PG with Joshua. I just loved him so much, it just didn't seem fair. Even after every thing I went through, I do believe that things do happen for a reason, we may just never fully understand that reason. I suppose the only thing we can do is to make the right choices when we do have options.

kimberley replied: i am sorry for your losses. your frustration is completely understandable so don't apologize for it. we are here to listen

Mandasmomma replied: I totally get what ya mean. My sister got pregnant, not married - not trying, she smoked, she lived the life of someone NOWHERE eady to have a child. Not that she isn't a good mom now, her daughter changed her life for the good.

I had a house, was married, a career - and it took forever to get preggo - just to lose her in my last trimester. I was also pregnant with twins with both of my pregnancies - and thankfully I was able to carry one beautiful child into the world. Yes, she was a little early - and a little sick, but after sometime in the NICU, she is as good as gold.

It is strange - and dont feel bad for posting this - sometimes you just gotta get it out.

Celestrina replied: Definately don't apologise for posting any thread. I have an idea what you mean. My DH and I had been trying for 2 years to get preg. Steve's nephew was able to get his girlfriend pg when they were trying not to have a baby. I was furious. There was no way they were (or still are) ready to have a baby.

mammag replied: Yes, you shouldn't feel bad about expressing your feelings. I have never experienced your loss but know many who have. I have four and they were all healthy. It makes me feel bad though when I get pregnant without planning it when my brothers wife lost hers and also a couple of my neighbors. I never knew whether I should tell them or how to tell them. I know I shouldn't feel bad about it, but that's how I am. Some people say "oh God has blessed you". Yes he has but I don't think that it is about that...I mean to say, I don't think God is un-blessing people with these losses. Am I making any sense? I don't know why it happens but any time I hear it my heart breaks.

I have said before. When I see JennasMoms picture of little Jordan and when I read her story, I cry. Just seeing him breaks my heart. The only thing I can figure is that God knows I couldn't bear it. I think that would just be something I wouldn't be strong enough to get through....and what would that do to my other kids? I commend you for your strength and my heart feels your pain even though I have never experienced it.

PascosGirl replied: Thanks everyone. Your support means a lot. I was just having a bad day yesterday. Better today though!

adamsmom replied: Hi everyone! New here, and was reading for mommy tips. I am a nurse in a pediatric office and was moved by this post! It sure does seem like you are right about trying hard to do everything right and the moms who are more careless have the healthy babies without scares and problems. But I have to tell you that I have my own theory on this! After 10 years of working with new babies and parents of all backgrounds, the babies with problems need mommies like you. A little one who has a difficult time breathing or open heart surgery, etc- needs a loving mom who is not sidetracked by drugs, selfishness, or just ignorance. A mom who has worked hard to have a baby is the kind of mom who will care, observe, worry and nurture these fragile little ones. A baby with problems recovers most because of love, physical contact, a keen eye for behavior changes- no matter how slight. How can a mom on drugs, or a mom who's even just not willing to educate themselves about the medical condition the baby is dealing with, provide the kind of recovery atmosphere they need? A mom who has read all the suggestions for proper pregnancy diet, counted the days while lying motionless in bed to avoid delivery(and spent umpteen hours rubbing their belly to find the foot, the hand,etc) is the mom the special- needs little one should have to depend on.
Iknow it seems unfair that the carefree times of being able to just enjoy delivering a baby and going home in a day or two are given to the mom's who seem to take for granted what they've been given, but you're babies will be all the more precious to you because of what you've been through.
In short, you got the babies that needed you! And you need to pat yourself on the back for being that mom for them.

hope no one minds the unsolicited comment!

amymom replied: WOW! Adamsmom--thanks for saying what you said.

I understand Pascosgirl what you are expressing. I feel that often as well. When we were TTC and didn't, or had a miscarriage, I often would get upset with those that took advantage of their good fortune. Which is how I saw it.

Thanks your expressing helped me know that I am not alone in my thoughts.

A&A'smommy replied: Your right!!! I have noticed this also and talked about it with my SIL she had miscarriage when she first started trying and after that she quit trying I guess she thought it was too much for her (on top of some finacial problems)... she was lucky after that though she finally had two babies within 12 months of each other... I'm sad that this happens I told Jeremiah last night that I wished you had to be licenced to have a baby because of what people do while their pg and what they do to their babies...

I'm sorry this is an issue for me too ((((((HUGS))))) I'm sorry for your losses!!

mummy2girls replied: wow adams mom you brought tears to my eyes. thats what my parents and family say to me.. God gave you Jordan because he knows you were the perfect mom to love for this sick little boy. I didnt know it at the time but im learning to accept it...

PascosGirl replied:
That was the best post yet (sorry everyone else) but it was. I think you are 100% correct. Thank you so much. I needed that.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: ITA! Adamsmom, what a wonderful post and so reassuring.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I hope you find peace and comfort soon.

A&A'smommy replied: wow I somehow missed what she said but WOW that is SOOO true!!

MommyToAshley replied:
I have to agree, I am so glad she posted that. Thank you!

adamsmom replied: Hi everybody! I'm glad that you may have found a little reassurance in my post, and am glad I didn't get "flogged" for just jumping in uninvited. I've not done the message board/chat room thing before, so I'm not sure what 'manners' to use as far as joining conversations. But, I couldn't help getting teary-eyed at reading everything you've been thru, Pascosgirl. I also didn't get everyting the easy way with my kids, but I do believe that I have to try to be the very best mom I can to the children that were given to me.

I have to admit, I've been nosy and read some of the posts on here and looked at lots of pictures of some really cute little guys! Since many of you have introduced yourselves to me- even without knowing it- I am Dawn. 3 kids- a 14 year old step daughter who's been with me for 13 years, so she's as much mine as the other 2 (even better in that she came without contractions and labor-lol) a 10 year old son, and a 16 month old baby boy. There's a big gap as it took 7 years to be successful the last time.

I live in Florida and like I said before am a nurse in a Pediatric office. I work full-time which is 4 days a week-they're long days, so i don't usually get on the computer more than 1 or 2 times a week. trying to change that tho- mom has finally realized that a few quiet minutes even every couple of days makes for a happier mom-which makes for happier dad and kids!lol

anyway, I wanted to say hi and thank you for not taking offense at my jumping in without being asked. I swear I see a true difference in growing children who have moms that don't take for granted that "everything will be ok" and work hard to give their children the best opportunities to grow, learn and be loved. Unfortunately, I've had to learn that I can't take over for some of the moms who are not willing to put in the work, I just try as hard as I can to educate them in ways I think will appeal to their mind-set and will encourage them to try hard to treat their children as the innocent, precious, inquiring little loves of our lives that they should be.

Hope you all have a great day! (I know, sometimes that means you just get to pee by yourself- trust me at 10 and 14 the world still falls apart if mom's in the bathroom for 30 seconds lol)

It was nice to meet you all- will continue to read and see photos!

-dawn[FONT=Arial][FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial]

Daisyx3 replied: I know how you feel. I had a friend that lost her baby still born at 39wks ugh. Then i new someone that got pg and didnt want it.. Why couldnt my friend have had her baby? I'm like you i dont wish a baby to be sick but its frustrating.

PascosGirl replied:
Hi back to you!