Is this unreasonable?

Edward's Mommy wrote: My husband gets adult magazines in the mail. And he is always online looking up pictures of adult things. I told him that if he has the magazines, he doesn't need to be looking at it online. I agreed that he could have the magazines despite my discomfort with this kind of material. But am I wrong to say "If you have the magazines, you don't need it on the computer?"

My3LilMonkeys replied: IMO, it's not a matter of right and wrong - it's a matter of your personal feelings and beliefs and your personal relationship with your DH. This is one of those matters where only you and your DH know what is right for you.

For example, my DH subscribes to Playboy (which I read too ) and also looks at adult material online on occasion. But I don't object to him doing it as long as the magazines are locked up where the kids can't get to them and he doesn't look anything up online when the kids are in the room. But what works for us obviously would not be right for you.

kimberley replied: every couple is different as to what each partner will tolerate or not so it's hard for me to answer your question. personally, porn is not a battle i choose to fight. i don't like it, but it is just not worth being miserable over a couple of nude sites or pictures. chatting or private messaging (like MySpace) i DO have a problem with because these are real people they are talking to and i feel like that is cheating. hope you can come to some kind of agreement with dh.

Edward's Mommy replied: Well, my DH gets stuff worse than Playboy. Playboy, I don't mind. He has hard core stuff and I hate the whole idea of it. I feel that it makes sex between and man and woman so impersonal. But I set my feelings aside and compromised and told him he could keep the magazines as long as he keeps them away from the baby (not that the baby has interest yet!) and we agreed together that if he has the magazines, he doesn't need it from online. But he complains about it and goes and does it anyway.

luvmykids replied: I do not like it one little bit. Personally, for me, I think it's disrespectful and belittling to women in general and more specifically our marriage. I may be wrong but I believe even having lust in your heart is cheating, and getting your jollies is, to me, the same as lust. Not to mention he wouldn't like me doing it.

Having said that, I'm sure he does it from time to time. There was a period where he did it a lot and I told him how I feel about it. I guess I can give a little on the "it's a guy thing", but not on a regular basis and I am not spending 7.95 or 9.95 or 21.95 a month on it!

C&K*s Mommie replied: IMO, it is not unreasonble to ask that of him, no.

ITA with Monica.

A&A'smommy replied:
ITA 110% very well put!!

Mom2BNTN replied: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....that is a very hard subject to comment on. Every couple and the relationship they have are so very different. I personally don't like the idea of my husband looking at anything porn in a magazine or online. It makes me feel selfconscience about myself since I don't have the body that they all seem to have.
If he has the magazines then I wouldn't think he would need to look at porn online, but men don't always see things like us women do. Just keep the communication line open and let him know how you feel about it and ask him why he feels the need to look at porn. I'm sure you will be able to come to some kind of agreement on what is best for your relationship.





Kristi

MyLuvBugs replied: I say he needs one or the other, but not both. That's what DH and I agree to. So, he likes the internet (as do I). I don't think you're being unreasonable. Just explain it to him.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I personally would have a problem with both the magazines and getting it online. If one makes you uncomfortable, then the other can't be much better.

CAMSMOM1 replied: I have been there, and felt the same way you do. I posted this message below, when I first joined the boards. I was going through the same thing with my husband, looking at porn, and I was having a hard time dealing with it. So I put my post in quotes below, hoping that it can help you........

Here's what I wrote....



Now, with that said. Things have gotten A LOT better for us, and he no longer looks at porn. ( he doesn't look at magazines or the internet anymore) We had to have a BIG talk about it. He needed to know that for me, this was uncalled for. And that I had-had it with him. He admitted that he started looking at it every now and then, but it became an addiction in many ways. Not only did he listen to me, he AGREED that this is getting out of hand, and he needed to get rid of it. I didn't force him to do so, because I knew if he wasn't ready, he'd do it anyways. But once I opened my heart to him, he saw it in a different light. Just like Monica (luvmykids) said, it's disrespectful towards women and your marriage convenant.

Once they look at a magazine...it doesn't take long for them to move on to something bigger and better. So they go to the internet, and then they start looking at more graphic pictures...and so on. And they use this "excuse" that is helps them with thier sex life, or they are finding new ways to spice up your marriage/sex. No way, not true. Maybe it was at first, but it does hinder your marriage and your sex life over a period of time. What woman/wife wants to do know that all night he is getting off on other women? And we are suppossed to feel loved and respected by that? NO!


Not only do you need to tell him that you don't feel comfortable with this, but why. He has a wife that wants to be with him, and you feel cheated when he rather look at other women. And he doesn't respect your feelings when you are telling him no, that bothers me..and then he goes and does it anyways.

I hope you don't think I was making this post about me, because I'm honestly embarrssed to post my message again. (Since everything's changed.) But I hope that it can help you out. Please feel free to PM me. I hope I can help support you through this.

Ann

Makenzi'sMom replied: Edwards mommie I agree with you. I am not a fan of it, I feel if you have a good emtional and physical intimate relationship there is no need for it. I wouldnt approve of it at all.

CosmetologyMommy replied: My dh is always on porn sites too. He is like a hypocrate though. He calls this women sluts and always says "I wonder what their father thinks" and then the next minute he is online, downloading god's know what. It bothers me a too and we have talked about it but he has not stopped. One time I turned on the dvd/vcr and thought I was pushing play on my workout tape and got a view of something gross! It makes me feel ugly that he has to look at these women.

Edward's Mommy replied:
Oh wow!! I've turned on the dvd player to watch a movie I had put in the dvd player the other day and that's right in my face. Eww!! It makes me feel ugly too!!

1lilpeanut2love replied: We both agree that no porn is allowed in our house. I consider it not good for a relationship. He knows better. It just puts too much strain on a relationship. It is hard to live up to those 'movies.'