I'm Sorry I Need to get This off my Chest - Vent About my Sister

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I know it's her choice whether or not she wants to breastfeed or not. And I know that I really shouldn't be upset with her. But when I call and she is complaining that they have had to switch formulas once again (he's only 2 1/2 weeks old) and they have already tried 2 other formulas. She tells me that he is really gassy and fussy. That he won't sleep at night and he is spitting up. What am I supposed to say? He was latching on fine in the hospital, but as soon as they got home she gave up. She says that he just wasn't latching properly. She knows the struggle that I went through with Claudia and how many resources are out there. I told her to call the breastfeeding clinic before the baby was born. When I talked to her from Toronto after the baby was born, she said she was going to make an apt. with the lactation consultant. But when I went out to visit her I found out that she never did. I don't know, I love my sister and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Am I just being too sensitive here?

I am not trying to bash bottle feeding. Believe me I know how difficult breastfeeding is and I too bottle fed my first baby. I just needed to vent a little that's all and I hope that I didn't hurt anyones feelings or upset anyone with what I wrote.

MomToMany replied: Vent away!! I'd be frustrated too, if I was in that situation. Especially when she KNOWS there are resources out there to help her. Just sounds like a lack of effort on her part . But I think the formula companies have done a GREAT (insert sarcasm here) job to undermine breastfeeding, and to make new moms doubt themselves, and to make way too easy for a mom to pop a bottle in the baby's mouth. It's very sad, especially knowing some of the health dangers that come from using formula.

Sorry, I was venting too. I get real upset when I hear of a mom giving up BFing so easily. It's very RARE to have any problems, but like I said before, the formula companies have succeeded in making moms doubt themselves.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I have to agree. Formula is made to seem so easy.

Kirsten, maybe she never wanted to breastfeed in the first place - and did the colostrum feed for your benefit and the baby's benefit - and was trying to not hurt your feelings.....i mean - if she really was intending to give bfeeding her all, she would have called the lactation consultant, no?

mckayleesmom replied: Just remember that breastfeeding is not for everyone...and maybe she was just to embarrassed to admit that it wasn't for her. Give her credit...she tried. WHen I had Mckaylee....she never could latch on properly because I had inverted nipples...I tried everything...lactation consultants couldn't even get her to latch on. Finally I resorted to pumping and bottle feeding her for a while before switching to formula. I might get bashed for saying this, but with Mckaylee breastfeeding was not a great experience with her...it was very frustrating and stressfull. I was not bonding with her..I was getting extremely frustrated with her..so stressfull that I quit because I was going to lose my mind and I didn't like being frustrated with my baby who was doing nothing wrong.

With Russell it was perfect...I loved breastfeeding him and was distraught when I had stop because of medical reasons some of you might remember.

Try not to be too hard on her...maybe it just was not something she couldn't handle. Since she has decided to formula feed, maybe you can advise her to talk to her doctor about what formula might be best and that switching rapidly will make the babys tummy upset.

With you telling her about the lactation consultants and stuff, that might make her embarrassed to tell you that she didn't like it, so she comes up with an excuse for why she can't breastfeed. Not saying that you are pressuring her, but there is alot of pressure when it comes to breastfeeding these days...kwim? I felt very pressured when I had Mckaylee...although I really wanted to breastfeed her...it wasn't working out and I got alot of judgement from family members. But in the end I had to do what was best for me and Mckaylee.

coasterqueen replied:
Well said.


And McKayleesmom - I know the frustration you had with McKaylee. I had that with both my girls. I have inverted nipples. I had to use a nipple shield for 9 months with Kylie before she'd ever latch on without one. It was a horrible experience but we stuck with it and once I didn't have to use that shield anymore it was great! With Megan we had the same issues and I had to use the nipple shield as well which was devestating to me, but she started latching on sooner. I still had to use the shield, though, but for supply issues, not latching. We got rid of it at about 4 months.

It's really tough when you don't have the resources to help you get through it. I was extremely lucky that I was able to find the support I needed to get through having crappy inverted nipples.

mckayleesmom replied:
I tried all the shields too and it still didn't work, but when I had Russell they came out...it was wierd. Also, with Mckaylee I could never hardly pump anything at all....maybe 2 oz out of each breast and I would pump most of the day. I also never felt my boobs fill up like I did with Russell.

Off topic, but since my surgery my nipples are inverted again and I asked the surgeon about it and he said that with Russell I probably produced more milk that made the nipple pop back out....

moped replied:
Well said Brianne!!!

Just another example of how every parent does things differently. And to avoid an arguement I will leave it at that~

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Okay mabye I should have been clearer, I've never said any of this to my sister. I've never pressured her into breastfeeding. We barely spoke about it when she was pregnant and it was my sister that brought it up. I thought that I could post my vent without critisicsm, I guess I was wrong. I'm not that insensitive, I would never hurt my sister's feelings and make her feel uncomfortable.

coasterqueen replied:
Oh ((HUGS)) Kirsten. I hope I didn't say anything to hurt you hun. I know your frustration and it's perfectly normal. If you want to talk more you can pm me anytime.

luvmykids replied:
Ditto. I feel good that they at least got my milk one way or the other, but it was hard to admit it wasn't working for us to BF. And people assumed when they saw them with a bottle that I was FF and would come down on me, which just made me feel worse.

But I do understand your frustration, and especially if she's saying she WANTS to BF but not trying to find help.

DansMom replied: Kirsten, I would feel the same way you do if it were my sister. I was internally critical of my little sister for medicating so soon into her labor (after saying she wanted to go natural), feeling like she didn't give it a chance. And like you, I would never have pushed her to do anything against what was her choice at the time, and didn't do anything to make her feel bad about her decision; I just felt internally disappointed and then mad at myself for feeling that way. And in your case, because the baby is going through difficulties with formula, it makes sense that you feel frustrated by the news.

I totally hear what you're saying---this isn't about the choices that others have made, it's about your sister and her baby.

mckayleesmom replied:
Oh sweetie...don't get offended...thats not what Im saying at all. I read it wrong and thought maybe you reccomending the lactation consultant might have made her come up with an excuse...kwim? Like I said...it probably had nothing to do with you...but in todays world...breastfeeding is very popular as it should be...and some woman might feel they need to make an excuse not to in order for people not to judge them...kwim? Some people do it because other people think they should or that is what is expected and don't want people to think of them badly..so they make up an excuse not to do it or have to explain why they arn't.

For example...Myself. I thought that breastfeeding was just going to come so naturally and all was just going to go great...and that wasn't the case. When it didn't work out I was really embarrassed to say that not only was it not working, but I didn't like doing it. I felt like a failure. My mother had 6 kids and breastfed us all....I felt like I wasn't measuring up, so I lied to my mom and told her I wasn't producing enough and the doctor reccomended I stop. Partly it was true, but I partly wanted her to stop trying to figure my problem out for me.....It just wasn't for me and Mckaylee...plain and simple.

My whole point is that maybe she just doesn't want to admit that she doesn't want to breastfeed.....if she has an excuse..then she doesn't have to justify it to others...kwim? I didn't want to admit to people that I didn't want to breastfeed because the screaming fights with Mckaylee to latch on every couple hours were making me resent her........

Sorry if I offended you...I didn't mean to...Just trying to maybe help you understand her a little better.

kimberley replied: i understand your frustration. it is hard to watch someone you care about struggle or give up on things they say they want especially with so many resources at their feet. just try to be supportive and vent away here

mummy2girls replied: its ok..vent away! Yes jenna was bottle fed but i regret that 100 percent and i so wish i kept at it but emotionally and mentally i was messed up because i breast fed jordan and thought he was eating but in actual he wasnt so he dehydrated quite a bit on me:( I just wish i kept at it and kept trying:( I will with my next!

LilaGrace'sMom replied: Yes, everyone should make their own choice, but the trick is to be educated about BF and to give it a decent try. It does hurt at first, you probably will blister and scab---it is hard to get the baby latched at first and it sucks when your milk comes in. There is no one who is going to disagree with that. Our bodies were made to feed our children. All of a sudden it clicks and you wonder why you ever felt anticipation.

I cant stress the word education enough. Find out what to expect and how to handle problems. Find someone who has been trough it all before or a professional who can help.

CJ'sMom---

You spread the word you were encouraging...you can't do much more than that.