I'm STEAMING MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!! - How could a school think this is approp?

Boys r us wrote: I recieved a form from the school today that said, they were only sending this letter hom to parents of children who's BMI was greater than 90% of their classmates or lower than 10%. It then goes on to tell me that tanner was weighed at school(along with all of the other kids) and that his BMI is 21.

THENNNNNNN it goes on to say list MY OPTIONS regarding this. I have three choices to check and sign and return to the school:

1) after reading this I have set up an apt with my child's doctor to discuss this and this is the date of his appointment (SPACE FOR DATE)

2) I do not have the financial means to visit the doctor

3) My child was examined on (space for date) within the last 3 months to discuss this.


So anyhow, tanner was crying and refusded to eat dinner saying he was too fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's HUMILIATED!!!!!

First of all, Tanner isn't FAT, he's chunky at best.

So I wrote the following letter and plan to hand deliver it tomorrow morning!
am I out of line???



Ms. McCormick,

I have reviewed the letter sent home regarding Tanner’s BMI being 21.
I do understand that you are required to send this home; however I am actually quite furious that I am sitting here with a sobbing 9 year old over this. He is so upset because the school has proclaimed him to be “fat” that I cannot get him to eat dinner, which he needs to do prior to his basketball scrimmage tonight. I firmly believe that things of this nature, which inflict emotional turmoil directly related to weight, can cause ongoing issues with weight in a person. I’m sure that Tanner realizes he is larger than a lot of the children in his class, however, I believe that having him weigh at school and then hand carry a letter home to his parents about his weight “problem” is demoralizing and demeaning, it has truly crushed his spirit and has effected his self confidence. If the school system feels the need to interfere in the medical well being of a child, which has in turn negatively effected his emotional well being, then at the very least the school should spare a 37 cent stamp to mail it to the parents. If it had been mailed, I would have at least been able to discuss this with him in terms that aren’t so black & white & hurtful to him.
I am very angry about this, I send my child to school to be educated. I take him to his physician to be medically evaluated. Furthermore, the paper sent home indicates that the school system believes that they have a right to demand that I make a special appointment with his physician to discuss this, by only offering choices to check off as to the exact date of the appointment I have made for him or to list the most recent doctor visit in which this was discussed or that I am financially unable to him to the doctor at this time. We certainly have the financial means to visit a doctor, however I have no intentions of setting up a special appointment to discuss this and regret that the school system feels inclined to try to mandate how I handle my son’s healthcare.
His doctor and I have discussed Tanner’s weight and he has assured me that as long as he is active and healthy, Tanner is fine. My children are the most important things in my life and I assure you that they are very well taken care of and that their physical AND EMOTIONAL well being are at the very forefront of every decision I make regarding them. Tanner’s emotional well being is the very root of my letter to you, because I can assure you that the school’s decision, to send this form home via a 9 year old whom doesn’t have the judgment to objectively evaluate the contents of it, was not a well thought out decision and has had serious repercussions on his emotions.

I strongly suggest that the school reevaluate its policy on how such a letter is transported to the parent. However, if the school should decide that it is still acceptable to have the children perform the administrative duty of bringing something of this nature home, I ask that you respect my wish to NEVER put Tanner in an unhealthy situation like this again. Anything further of this nature, should be mailed home in a letter addressed to myself.

I hope that my sincere concern, not just my anger, has been reflected today.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: OMG. that is the most humiliating thing scxhool could do. They really are there to educate - not to criticise a child's body.

I think your letter is great... and I would send a copy of both letters to the school board as well. They don't have a right to weigh children - they're not the medical professionals.

Maybe take your outrage to the local media?

to Tanner

jcc64 replied: That is absolutely absurd, Nichole- I cannot believe it! Why is it their business in the 1st place?!!!!!! I think your letter was articulate and not at all inappropriate.
Is this a state mandate or something? I really feel for Tanner.

moped replied: Oh Nichole and Tanner, I am so sorry. How very sad for Tanner. I think your letter is very well weritten and please let us know what is said.

Sooooo terrible for them to do such a thing!

DansMom replied: I'm fuming right now too. Lots of expletives come to mind. How horrible. Is there any way to make a stink in the local media about this? I have heard of this going on at some schools and it is definitely controversial, so the more parents who speak up the better. I think it's a great letter. If you know of any other parents who might object to this disgusting practice, I'd ask them to write letters too.

Kaitlin'smom replied: OMG your letter was so much nicer than I woudl have worded it. They Have NO RIGHT to do that. I am so appallud and sick. I just cant imigine why they feel the need to humiliate him like that. Do they do the weigh in in front of other kids or in privet with just the gym teacher or something? OMG I am fuming and its nto even my child


PS the post rate went up if your not aware its now 39 cents, dont mean to upset you just want you on top of that.

PrairieMom replied: Your letter is great. I would copy it and send it to the prinipal, and the school board, who ever it is the school board answers too. This was completely mishandled on their part IMO.
I was reading an article the other day that was saying that some schools are going to start putting a childs weight on their report card. How crazy is that?

Good for you for taking a stand for your son.

My2Beauties replied: Grrrrrrrrrrr How absurd Nichole. Your letter is very weell written and much nicer than I would have been might I add. I think you should definitely call the media in on this one, if you can. They may be perceptive to it, it's worth a try! I have a few words in mind for what I would say to his teacher and the scholl board. Keep copies of that and send them to the board!

gr33n3y3z replied:
That is so rude of what they did to Tanner they should never have sent that home with him

I agree send it to others also.

A&A'smommy replied: That is HORRIBLE I cannot believe that they would do something SOOOO mean to a child!!!! I have SEEN pictures of Tanner and he is NOT fat!!! I think that is a VERY appropriate letter!!!!

luvbug00 replied: Granted i should bite my tounge..I think it's wrong for them to send a note like that home with a child. I also think it's wrong to tell you how you should medically handle ANY situation regarding your child and furthermore inqure (in a way ) about your finatial status. grr again.
But I do think it's good that they inform the parents if they feel the child's health is at risk. wiether it's wieght related or sight related or hearing related. But communicating with parents should be in a letter sent home informing them and NOT telling them what to do.

booey2 replied: That is just totally WRONG of them to do this. You have every right to write the letter you did and in my opinion it is a great letter. As others have said I would definitely forward it to the principle and the board of education. This kind of thing should not be happening in any school system. Good for you for sticking up for Tanner he does not need this kind of negativity at his age.

Freckled Momma replied: Well OMG...that is horrible...wtf are they doing that to the children??

Your letter is very well written...(forgot to mention that in my fury )

Oh, I have a suggestion, maybe call your doc's office and have them write up a letter confirming what you said. I might also mention something about contacting a lawyer for consultation because they have emotionally destroyed your child based upon their small minded views of what a person should weigh. Everyone is different and it's not their business to tell you otherwise. Or a group of the parents form an alliance against this practice...something needs to be done! If such things are allowed to go on...are they gonna eventually consider it child abuse if you don't make your kids go to the doc and diet?? Good Grief

Insanemomof3 replied: I would have been LIVID! I think the letter was worded well. A lot nicer than I would have been. I was just on the phone with my 10 year old daughter last night trying to calm her down because she also thinks she is fat. Kids at school make fun of her and she got a pair of pants that don't fit. I told her that she needed to ignore people and not worry because she IS NOT fat (she really isn't) and that she is just growing.

And people wonder why people develop eating disorders....DUH.

ions_momma replied: OMG I would of been soooo angry too! What right does the school have to do any of that?? That is just terrible!! Poor Tanner!!

Your letter is very well written by the way

mom21kid2dogs replied: I propose that we publically weigh all the school staff & board members and post those with a BMI over 20 and under 10 in the local newspaper. Let's see how well that one goes over.

Insane! Your letter, was great. I agree about sending it to the superintendent & school board.

MichaelsMommy replied: OMG Never have I heard of such a thing - that is really testing the
lines of the law.. thats for sure. Your letter was written very well and you
sounded very mature and professional about it .. good job. Let us know
if you hear back from them about it or what happens.

Wow.. just unreal

ETA: Nichole (sorry I'm new) - where are you from?

Hillbilly Housewife replied:


sorry - not really funny - but i can just get a mental image of the huffing and puffing that would happen.... lol

it would be a good idea though.

huggybugboy replied: Along those lines, as awful as it seems, they are trying to pass legislature right now that will not allow students to pass to the next grade if they do not pass their Physical Education fitness tests. How insane is that?!? I would still be in 5th grade if that were the case. And yet, they have cut funds (at least in our state) that would provide Physical Education teachers for elementary schools. So here we teachers are, supposed to devote so much time to reading and math, according to NCLB, and still supposed to teach PE in such a way that will make kids successful on their tests??? Obsurd. Sorry, just a little mini vent

Anyway, I thought your letter was excellent. Very well written, and to the point. I think it will open up their eyes. (even if it isnt totally their fault). At the very least, as mentioned in your letter, they could have mailed them.

coasterqueen replied:
OMG I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
What?! how does how big you are affect how smart you are??

no child left behind... except if they're too fat for us to send oversees once we recruit em for the army.

Sorry, I don't like certain government personel, nor their legislature - but that's a whole nother post.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: WTH!!! I don't think a school should be concerned about a childs weight unless they are sick. I can't believe they sent out that letter. I would be furious too. Your letter is very well written. I still can't believe they did that!!

C&K*s Mommie replied: Everything everyone has said here is what I would say too!! But I would be seeing red, and I probably could not even compose the letter, in the professional manner that you did!!! THE NERVE!!!

Very articulate letter, that went straight to the point!! I hope that you are the only one that makes this known that this was beyond inappropiate in so many ways. Hopefully no other parent will sit on their hands about this. Best wishes that someone will get the msg loud and clear!!!

PhiMuMommy replied: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is THE most ridiculous hurtful and STUPID thing i have ever heard! how dare they.. i think you were much too nice on them.. i would personally go there and tell them exactly how you feel.. you know some people are big.. some are little.. unless the kid is exceedingly OBESE there is NO concern to the school and even then they shouldn't say much about it.. look at half the teachers i'm sure.. i know at my school half of them were overweight where is THEIR letterr? i bet they still have cokes and snacks in their machine!!!! .... oh that is just tooo freakin much..

let me guess my kid is going to be deemed anerexic like i was in school because he has the same high metabolism that i have...

where is this their business?

luvmykids replied:
Yeah, what happened to leading by example? I know childhood "obesity" is a hot topic right now, but since when are schools medical experts? They fight to have "God" taken out of the pledge but they want to play "God" to your kid? *&%&*(*&&^^%%%&&#@%^@%$*&#%*#*$^&@*#^%*#&^%*#@^%)#@%^!!!!

Stick it to em!

kit_kats_mom replied: Nicole, that is truly absurd. I could understand their concern in a way since some parents do not really parent their kids & they leave it up to the schools. Perhaps the school thought they were helping those kids. Some parents really are dense and uninvolved.

However, ITA that even if they were trying to "help" they really should have mailed the letters to the parents. No kid should be made to feel badly about their weight especially by a teacher.

Well written letter. Good job and let us know if anything comes of it.

ediep replied: awww, pooor Tanner!! I feel so sad for him.....poor guy!

Your letter is perfect! Im sure that the idiot who though it was a good idea to send that letter to parents is going to get a lot of angry responses.

I'd ignore the schools request to take him to the doc over this. Thats just silly. I mean the kid plays so much sports and he gets a physical for each one right?

MamaJAM replied: I know that most, if not all, states now mandate that children's BMI be figured out at school...and that parents be informed of 'unhealthy' results. BUT -- I think it is of extremely poor judgement to send such information home with the child (either they should mail it home - or at least put it in a closed envelope). And I agree the options they gave you don't cover everything like they should.....like you said, you've discussed your child's weight with his doctor in the past -- the school does not need to know the exact date of that appointment.

I'm sorry your son was so upset over the note. I hope he's feeling better today.

kimberley replied: omg Nichole, i applaud your restraint... i would have gone down there with both barrels

big (((hugs))) to Tanner. i am so sorry they did that to him.

BAC'sMom replied: Your letter was great, very professional! I would be steaming mad too, such poor judgment on the school's behalf. How dare they!

I hope your son is feeling better today!

You go girl, whatever it takes.

amynicole21 replied: I am at a complete loss for words. Those flipping idiots!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Oh Nichole.. I know where you are coming from. I have been there.

My Tanner is alot like your Tanner in build. My son was little thru Kindergarten ..short and very skinny. Once he had his tonsil's out .. he had that nasty infection out of his body.. HE grew.

My Tanner and your Tanner.. are built like MEN.. They are as broad as a house. They have broad shoulders and chest. These are boys who will hit puberty and grow up to be 6ft tall and 200 lbs line backers! My Tanner is the 2nd tallest boy in the class also. But his MBI was 19... at risk for being overweight.

They sent our letter in the mail. Okay.. I know my son and your son are both very atheletic! My son...does not sit infront of a video game. He is outside everytime the weather allows. He will ride his back..jump on the tramp for hours. You have to threaten him to make him come inside.. He bucks hay..feeds and waters..and rodeo's. He lifts weights already..to strengthen his arms for riding! But he does have a little belly.

When puberty comes.. I have no doubt all his baby fat will be muscle.
I hid the letter from him.. I did make some changes... No snacks of goodies...at night. Fruit snacks and stuff. He eats healthy same as I do. Limited caffiene.. so I know he is healthy!

Thank God he didnt read the letter!

Now my step daughter is 12. Just turned 12. She is 5'4 and 110 wears size 1-3. She went thru puberty very early..got her period at 9. Has boobs and hips.. Has a womans body.. THey sent a letter saying she was OVERWEIGHT! Okay..she is not fat by anymeans whatso ever. She cried and cried. She got the mail that day BTW.. IT was awful!

There are so many factors that a BMI just doesn't take into effect. In children..there are many varitions. Not everyone is small boned or thin. Not everyone is meant to be. But kids aren't mature enough to realize it is OK..to be you. It is okay to be the LINEBACKER..instead of the quarterback or wide reciever.


This whole thing is a sore spot for me! We are the parents..we are not dumb..we know what our kids look like..we are honest about it. Why should my childs weight affect who is he in school! His grades are something he works hard on.. I will be darned if they take that away from him

It's wrong wrong wrong!

coasterqueen replied:
So true Mel. Also, society already dictates to our children how thin they should be, why are our schools conforming to this? I understand they want them healthy and they teach such subject so if they need to weigh them, so be it but they should handle the situation in an appropriate manner.

I so like the suggestion that the adults need to be held accountable for their BMI's at the school. I would so put that in your letter Nichole. I've seen how big most of the school employees are in our school...if I was sent home that letter regarding my child you'd be darn sure I'd be bringing up their weight as well and how they are handling THAT situation.

Edit to say that last paragraph might be a bit harsh. I hope it's not taken the wrong way.

CosmetologyMommy replied: That is ridiculous! I remember when I was in school they would weigh us in gym class and I hated that because I was a chunker. I would have been mad too!

fashionmumofboys replied: OMG I would be livid as well. What a cruel and uncalled thing to do. These schools what are they coming to, by no means are they doctors.

Your letter is well written and I would send it to all the authorities at the school, the board and even higher.

Stick to your guns on this one, and fight them til the end. That is so uncalled for.

to you and Tanner.

momtosunshine97 replied: I don't post here often, mostly I just read posts because I think there are some great people with great advice on here, and I am basically a quiet person, but I had to comment on this one.

As a mother of an overweight child, I am truly horrified that the school did this. I know my daughter is overweight and we are working on the issues with it. Part of it is her basic body type and some of it is bad eating habits which she developed while her father and I were going through a divorce. I do blame myself for these habits, but we are working on it.

However, even if a child is overweight, it is not the school's business. It is the parent's business only.

And, the way it was handled was way out of line as well.

I think your letter is great and I am glad to see you took this to the news station. I hope they air your story and the school is forced to rethink this policy.