If your teenager became pregnant....

cameragirl21 wrote: So as I had mentioned previously, I had swine flu last week and logged quite a few hours in front of the tube and discovered a show on MTV called "16 and Pregnant" that is basically propaganda to discourage teens from having sex and/or becoming pg and tells the story of a teen girl who is pg and more often than not (based on the handful of eppies I watched) the baby's father is in the picture and the teen couple usually live together, usually on their own.
There was one eppy about a girl who was doing it alone, the baby's father was not in the picture and from what I could see, her parents were pretty well off financially and she was living at home, and would continue to do so after the baby was born.
The parents seemed to be supportive for the most part, agreeing to buy her a car so she could be mobile, setting up a fancy, expensive crib in her room, etc. But the mom was very meddlesome and offered unsolicited advice quite a bit to her teen daughter, who was 17 btw. The teen girl complained that her mom was constantly telling her how to parent but as soon as night rolled around, the mom would disappear and leave the teen mom to attend to the baby who was waking constantly and leaving the teem mom with very little sleep. So the teen's mom commented on how tired the teen looked and seemed and the teen girl responded with, "how much would you be willing to help, like at night?" and to this to mom replied, "not much, I need my beauty sleep" essentially letting the teen know that the baby is her responsibility at night.
I was a bit surprised by the mom's attitude, I mean, I get that the teen is the mom and she chose to have the baby and keep her (her parents tried to convince her to consider giving the baby up but the girl wanted to keep her) but I am wondering...if you had a teen daugther who became pg and was without the baby's father, would you leave most of the work to her or would you be inclined to help, given that in all fairness, she is little more than a child herself.
I admit, I did have a pg scare when I was a teen and my parents never found out about because it turned out to be just a scare but had I been in this girl's place, my parents would have strongly discouraged me from having the baby, which I realize is a controversial topic here but I only mention it because it's very hard for me to picture just how much my parents would have been willing to help had I been a teen mom...I think they'd not have easily forgiven me had I insisted on having the baby and raising him/her in their home. Idk how much I'd be willing to help but it's hard for me to picture that I'd be doling out advice left and right and then suddenly disappear at night and expect my teen daughter to know what to do...tbh, that would likely be my biggest concern, that she'd be on her own at night and what is something goes wrong, like if she's so tired and not thinking straight, etc...?
How much would you help and how much do you believe your parents would have helped you had you been a teen mom? And if you were a teen mom, I'd love to hear about your experience.
Just sheer, morbid curiosity here but I must admit, in as much as MTV is running this show to teach teens about the horrors of being a teen parent, I do find myself impressed with the maturity of some of these teen moms and for the most part, I'd say they appear to be excellent moms...one of them said she never wanted to be a mom, ever, and yet as a teen she seemed to be doing an amazing job.
This btw should not be taken as a suggestion that I have anything against teen moms, I am just curious how much you would help or how much you believe your parents would help.

coasterqueen replied: Some parents can be cruel....I know that for sure . I would be disappointed but I would help my child out in every way I can. I would make her accept her responsibility, though, I wouldn't do it all for her - like I've seen other parents do. I've seen it done to the point where the grandparents are still basically the parent of the child and the parent of the child is 36 years old. Would I help her at night? Not sure. I say that because I breastfed my girls so I did the majority of work at night anyways and I have a husband. Now my husband is great, and he did get the baby up, change diaper, and then give her to me to BF, then come back and put the baby to bed. Now he didn't do this with Megan, just Kylie. So I guess I'd help out in that way sometimes with my daughter.

I don't know until I'm in the situation. I do know I'd never turn my child away, though, or force them to make any choice they don't want to make.

moped replied: First of all.....you had swine flu??? Did you go to the doctor? Was it horrible?

cameragirl21 replied: This girl didn't BF (was too worried that it may ruin her boobs) so anyone could have fed the baby at night.
Idk, on the one hand, the mother was mostly supportive and allowed the girl to decide if she wants to keep her baby, did agree to buy her a car, spent plenty of money on the baby, helped the girl finish high school early at the local college because other kids were giving her grief about being pg (she was really popular and a cheerleader and then it all went to you know where once she became pg), etc and yet refused to do anything at night...I just found it surprising.

cameragirl21 replied:
Yes, I went to the doc, no it wasn't horrible, nor was it fun. I've been through worse...I was interviewed on the local ABC news station this morning about it as they were doing a story on swine flu.

coasterqueen replied:
Well, I guess she wants her daughter to have some sense of what it's like by herself, I guess. I dunno. I don't think that she didn't BF, makes a difference. I was just trying to point out that I got up every night by myself with no help and I'm married...so just because the father wasn't there doesn't mean she couldn't do the same.

moped replied:
Yuck, not cool! Cool on the tv thing, is it on abc.com?

skinkybaby replied: I would expect her to get up with the baby at night and take care of it the majority of the time. I'd absolutely help her out on really rough nights though.

PrairieMom replied: i wouldn't turn them away, I know that for sure. I would try to be supportive with any decision she made. There is no way I would raise the kid as my own, or do most of the work, but if I had to baby sit during the day so she could work to support the baby I would.
Its hard to say until you are in that situation.

Mommy2Isabella replied: Being on Bed Rest and having the same extended time in front of the tube, I have watched the show as well. Posted on FB about it. How the show was in my opinion totally GLORIFYING teen pregnancy.

I would support my child, but I would surely be asking my daughter what about a job. How are you going to diaper the baby. If you aren't breastfeeding how are you going to afford formula. Personal opinion if you hand it all to them they SURELY won't learn.

My sister had a teen pregnancy and my mom took care of EVERYTHING. My sister is now on her 4th child that she already has plans for the baby to go live with the aunt of the baby. Which is who her 3rd child lives with.

For those of you that have been around here for awhile, I took care of two of my sister's children for quite some time because my sister pretty much abandoned them. I don't KNOW that it would have been different had my mom handled the first pregnancy differently but I think she would have thought twice about having another baby if she knew the REAL responsibility behind it not just OHHH I HAVE A BABY!!

luvmykids replied: I've seen the show too, and don't at all see it as discouraging teen pregnancy. In fact, I came away feeling quite the opposite, I think it could leave a lot of teens thinking it's not so hard, thankyouverymuchMTV

I'm with Tara on this one, I'd help out as much as I could without crossing the line into taking care of everything....yes it is a tough lesson to learn the hard way but if my teen was pg and chooses to keep it, that is her decision and she has to take responsibility for it.

I had a friend in college who had a two yo and her parents really did make it sooo easy for her....not judging, but geez she was 18 with a 2yo and out partying with me every weekend until who knows what hour of the morning, not working, getting an allowance from her parents for pete's sake! Again, not judging, but even back then I thought it was a little bizarre, he was definitely more like a sibling than her son.

danahas4monkeys replied: I would be disappointed to say the very least but I would be supportive and helpful. Even as full grown adults we need help so I would help out as much as I could because even though the circumstances aren't great I would want my child to still get their education. I would stand by my child and support them but try to have a balance of some sort, it's their child and they would do what they could. My oldest daughter is at an age where we talk about this ALOT she is 14 and many many of her friends are sexually active and I talk to her about the consequences of her actions. She wore the baby belly at school and did not like the reactions from her teachers or peers. I wouldn't be happy about the situation but I'd like to think we'd make the best of a bad situation.

A&A'smommy replied: well first of all I was a teen mom, I got pregnant when I was 17 and had my baby 9 days after I turned 18 it was NOT easy I can't imagine doing it much younger than that or without the father in the picture.
If it was my child I would help her with whatever I could BUT I would also encourage adoption, if she didn't feel she could do it I would help her find a way to support herself and her baby, and still go to school because education is extrememly important. I would encourage her to do it on her own (she could stay home though) BUT if she ever got to a breaking point (not enough sleep, Post partumn depression, ect..) then I would step in and help her. I hope they don't go through that though its hard!!!

luvmykids replied:
My stepdaughter is 14, there have been quite a few convos about this in our house too. Lord help me through the teen years!!!!!

cameragirl21 replied: How do some of you see it as encouraging teen pg? The reason I see it the way I do is because in every eppy, the teen mom goes to great lengths to say the pain of L and D was SO horrible, worse than they ever imagined and how ostracized they are with a pg belly, how their friends get to go out and party while they are stuck with a baby and there are always tears due to how tired they are taking care of a newborn. I've yet to see an eppy where there wasn't a total breakdown by the teen mom (I mean major waterworks) at some point after the baby arrives and if the dad is in the picture, there always seems to be strain between the teen mom and the dad at some point after the baby comes and sometimes before.
I don't see anything good about teen pg from watching this other than what I said previously--my amazement at how mature some of these teen girls seem to be, at least once the baby comes.
Some of them have never even held a baby before whereas I babysat a lot but I know for sure I'd have had no idea what to do with a baby of my own.

Nina J replied: I would help my daughter. I know it is hard to raise a baby, I've never done it alone. Which makes me think how much harder it is to do it alone. I know we have friends who are single parents and we've always made it clear if they need a day off, even a night, we're here to help out. I've taken friend's babies for the day quite often so my friend can get a bit of r&r and some time out. And occassionally, when the baby is a bit older, we've done overnight babysitting.

With the baby, the day's are a bit easier, I find. You've got more to keep you occupied if baby is fussy, I used to find it easier to carry one of the girls around and get some tidying up done when they were fussy. But at night, with other people asleep in the house, and a fussy baby, it is hard. It is like you're centred on the baby, it gets frustrating, and generally I found the girls could tell when I was frustrated and it didn't do much to help them. Then the day after, with lack of sleep, you're just grumpy.

So, I'd help out as much as possible. I do believe it would be my child's responsibilty, and I wouldn't be up with the baby every night. But every few nights, I'd be more than happy to take on the responsibility of the baby. And during the day, too. But then I am a big softy, I know if one of my baby's had a baby and they were struggling at night, I'd probably get up and help out as much as possible.

But I do think, if you have a child, you need to be responsible. I know of teen mothers who had parents who did everthing for the baby, then the mother would be out shopping, going drinking, etc. I wouldn't allow that. But I know everyone needs a social life. We get people to babysit if we want to go out for the evening, it doesn't happen often. But when it does, it is always refreshing to see friends, be able to go out. I do call the babysitter though...quite a bit

luvbug00 replied: haven't seen the show yet, i was a teen mom, preg at 17 had mya at 18. I would support mya 100%. wouldn't be dissapointed in her at all. I would only ask that the legal stuff was taken care of so dad has to pay up!. If he stays arround then wonderful. still doing the legal thing to protect my daugter and her child.
I honestly have nothing negitive to say about teen pregnancy.

luvmykids replied: Jen, I don't think it promotes teen pg, and I know they show the rough parts, but I also think seeing these teens moving to an apartment with their boyfriend and ending the show with the mom cuddling her cute baby makes it look a little "happier ending" than it is. I don't mean teen moms can't make it work and have a happy ending, just that it seems a little sugar coated in spite of them showing the rough spots too.

Maybe it's the mom in me, I cringe when Nikka flips channels and pauses on that (before I say "NIKKA! You're not watching that! ) because I know that no matter how MTV shows it, it's still not "reality".

luvmykids replied:
Nadia, I'm curious...wouldn't you be at all disappointed that Mya was putting herself through the tough times you've been through? I don't mean any offense, and I know you've done a great job as a teen/single mom, but isn't there a small part of you that would be disappointed maybe not IN her, but FOR her? Again, no offense intended, and I'm just curious.

Calimama replied:
Well said. I'd much rather help my daughter than have her abort it or give the baby up for adoption to be honest. Yes I understand that's her choice. Just saying.

I got pregnant at 18. But my situation was different because I was married first and not living with my parents. My parents have never even babysat for me. It's Antonio and I. We also don't have a lot of the struggles teen parents (well he wasn't a teen actually) do. So again, I'm not sure I count.

I don't really see how the show is glorifying teen pregnancy either. It's hard but it certaintly isn't impossible NOR is "cool". I think the series shows that. It showed the good and the bad. No tv show is going to be able to 100% properly display how what it REALLY feels like to be going through it anyway.

Calimama replied:
I do see your point.

However it also showed the girl having a deadbeat boyfriend, having to miss graduation, having to give up her dreams of being in the AF, being kicked out of a house, having to struggle to make ends meet, having to give up dance class, the dad having to give up his PS3, having to give up time with your friends, having to give up sleep.. etc. None of that sounds pleasant to a teen. Hopefully.

luvmykids replied:
LOL!

Maybe I haven't seen enough episodes to make a fair judgement, the one full one I watched looked pretty "happily ever after" and the other ones I've partly seen did, in all fairness, show some of the tougher realities but still left me feeling like I wouldn't want a teen to see it for fear they'd think "Ok, so it's hard, but we (being SO mature and in love ) could TOTALLY do it!"

I think my fear from this show is that teens will understand some of the realities but still think "how cute", kwim? I'm sure what a teen gets from the show depends a lot on the teen, too...at 14 I sure don't want Nikka getting any ideas, maybe if she was a little older and our conversations on the subject were a little more mature I'd feel it was beneficial but right now I wouldn't want her to get even one ounce of the impression that it might not be that bad, kwim?

CantWait replied: Being 17 or 37 doesn't one able to focus more or less on very little sleep with a baby. I was probably more tired having a baby in my 20's regarless than when I had Robbie at 18 (you're still so full of ..........- you fill in the blank).

The fact is, you had the baby, you take care of it. If I really noticed though that my daughter / son, regardless of age was tired and needed to catch up on sleep, I would offer to take the baby during the day so that they could catch a nap. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while.

paradisemommy replied: well i just watched the season finale and i think it was by far the best of the season. it showed 2 very responsible teens who came from horrible upbringings and decided to give their baby a chance and gave her up for adoption and that was with both their parents fighting them on it and not wanting them to give up the baby.

i was through the whole show especially right after she had the baby and was saying goodbye..

my sil got pg when she was 14, had the baby when she was 15 - both mom's raised the baby while she finished school. she is 16 now and the two of them do NOT get along at all - maybe it's because she was never around when she was younger or maybe resents her for being born - who knows..but it breaks my heart because i think she would have been WAY better off had she gotten adopted by an outside family..

jcc64 replied: I've never seen the show, so everything I say is based on the OP. From what you said, Jen, it sounds like the girl's mother has been very supportive financially. Do I think it's harsh that she's not bailing her dd out at night--absolutely not. That's what parenthood is all about--the exhaustion, the long sleepless nights, the sacrifice, and that is the choice her dd freely made, against her advice, apparently. I don't think the mom is being selfish or punitive, and I don't think we parents are required to mop up every single drop of every single mess our children make. She is no longer a child, she made an adult decision and is a mother herself now, and she needs to find a way to battle through the fatique, just as the rest of us have. I really don't feel sorry for her--she's not going through anything every other new mother hasn't also gone through, regardless of age. I suspect she's feeling very sorry for herself, in that self indulgent way that teenagers often do, and feels entitled to a bailout from Mom, who imo is making the right choice.
It's not about punishment or retribution, it's about teaching your kid how to step up to the plate, which is obviously an essential life skill when one has chosen to become a parent.

mummy2girls replied: Well if Jenna or Breanna came to me and told me she was pregnant I would help her as much as i can. I would give her the 3 options of what she can do and help her decide. Ultimately its her choice and i just want to be there to help her get through the decision. I am against abortion but my daughters may feel differently and i cant push my beliefs on what she wants or feels is important. If she chooses to keep the baby then yes that her ultimate decision so she should have to take care of the child. I would let her stay home of course and help her get through school for sure. The night time feedings yes is her responsibility because she choose to have and keep the baby BUT that being said if she was finding it hard, having no sleep, baby colicky, PPD setting in then yes i would step in and give a hand. Because me at 33 right now i am finding it harder with breanna then i did with jenna 7 years ago. It doesn't matter what the age of the mother everyone needs help time to time.

Marcus told me that if jenna or breanna got pregnant then he would make her keep the child, no option of abortion or adoption. because she chose to have unprotected fun then she should have the responsibility of what comes with that. he said he would be there to help her get through school, and anything that consists of taking care of a child.

moped replied: Honestly I would discourage her having the baby and if that didn't work I would do whatever I could to help, but still have to let her do enough that she knows it is not an easy or glamorous job at all! As far as nighttime goes, if I was still working then she would be on her own a lot, that is how moms deal with it, they still get up in the night and have to function the next day. So, yes I would help out of course, but not to the point where she would think it was an easy thing to do......make sense?

My2Beauties replied: I'd be inclined to say (I'm such a softy) that I'd help out. That being said, I definitely would not do everything. I'd make sure my grandchild had the necessities and help my child out financially and I would babysit from time to time so my child could do normal childhood things as well. I'd help out at night sometimes, but no I would not help every single night no I would not. I think as you get older you probably can't handle it as easy with less sleep, my opinion.

Cece00 replied: If my teen got pregnant I would desperately hope she would have an abortion and would fully encourage it and make it quite clear I would not be too happy with any other choice.

If she decided to have the baby anyway, and didnt give it up for adoption (the next best option I suppose), I would help her. I would be so upset she was having a child I'm not 100% sure to what extent I would help out but I would not turn my back on my child or kick her out or refuse to ever watch her baby or anything, but I surely would not be playing mommy and letting my teen walk all over me.

mckayleesmom replied: I'm going to tell my child the same thing my mom told me. Don't be afraid to come to her, don't make any rash decisions. She would definantly have helped us all she could.



I saw that vh1 episode where the mom wouldn't get up with the baby at night and I felt really sad for that girl. She did chose to have the baby and the baby was her decision, but her mom also made it clear that the father was not allowed around.elminating any help the girl could have had.

BTW...the father of that baby was killed in a car accident sometime after the birth of the baby.

luvbug00 replied:

No i wouldn't be. I would/am open with mya and will try to show her the path of correct B/C. If either that path fails (ex. bad pill) or she decides not to listen then I will support her choise to keep her child. But be disapointed ..no. There are things not worth losing the connection with your child and fighting about then bringing another life into this world. I'd be dissapointed more so over drug use or if she were a prositiute but not because of getting pregnant. regardless of how it happened my job will be to support her. Mya has seen what her dad has done and she repremands him for it all the time. I don't think she would wish anything less then the best for her kids.

Cherie replied: I don't have any girls... atleast not yet... but if I did, I would make sure right from the beginning she knew she could come to me about anything - and not be scared. I would help her.

I wouldn't push anything on her. I would go through all her options with her and help her come to a decision. Regardless of what she chose I would help her. I'd even consider raising the child myself if needed... although not sure how dh would feel about this.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Ok, I have a teen daughter who is PG! We are more than disappointed. We are heart broke. Not just for ourselves and the failure we feel as parents, but for our childs future and dreams and the future of our first born grandchild. We are talking about a young woman who has braces that are orange for halloween! She is not mature enough to be a mother. We talked and talked about coming to us for BC when she needd it. We discussed honesty, self respect, no pressure. But she wasnt' mature enough to ask for BC so now she has a baby on the way.

Her mother is making it easy on her. Us not so much. Yes, I will buy clothes and diapers. But the responsibility for the babies care should be hers. Our fear is if you make it too easy then she will be living on the system and having 3 kids by the time she is 18. I guess for every parent it's a different choice. You hate to see your child suffer, but then when you think about the person your child is bringing into the world you don't that baby to suffer either. It's almost a no win situation.