Ideas... concerning Jenna

mummy2girls wrote: Miss Jenna is what I call a high spirited girl. She is 8 years old and still will throw a massive tantrum. This year Jenna was enrolled in an elemetary right behind the school marcus works at. She goes on teh city bus with him every morninga nd after school as well. She is up each morning at 630am and out the door by 7am. This early time has never been an issue because this is pretty close to her schedule last year when she was picked up by the yellow bus. And last year she nere threw these awful tantrums. She will whine and scream if she gets the answer no. They get off the bus and she says marcus can i go on your shoulder? he goes no jenna you can walk and she Screamed all the way to his work. He was worried that the police would of been called.... She was put in a timeaway when they arrived at his work. This is an ongoing battle.... sometimes the tantrums start as they are walking out the door here and i can actually hear her a block away threw the window and the window is closed. Its awful! She get home and she starts at the dayhome kids. becoming miss bossy pants, not listening to us and just being down right defient! She even bosses the parents demanind they close the door because her cat might get out..Very embarrassing for me that for sure. any ideas on how to get this hoirrible behaviour to stop.... reward system... consequence system...i am so tempted to return her ipad we got her for christams and tell her santa didnt like your tantrums and behaviour so he chose not to bring you one. But aside from that idea what else do you suggest?

cameragirl21 replied: personally, i'd return the ipad because there's a good chance she'll throw it or drop it during a tantrum and it's very fragile. it seems to me that she is too young for it.
but overall, something is obviously going on with her...is it possible she's being bullied at school? kids her age don't act like this all the time for no reason, especially as it seems to revolve around school times, like on the bus to and from school, at home after school, etc, suggests to me that it has something to do with what's going on at school. many kids who are bullied don't tell their parents or anyone because they are either ashamed or they don't believe the adults will be able to help. if it were me, i'd sit her down and ask her what is going on, why she's acting like this and i'd also talk to her teachers, perhaps visit the school during school hours (if you can do this with dayhome kids in tow) and try to find out if anything is going on in school. good luck.

mummy2girls replied:
she would never throw the ipad that i know about her. she throws her fits and never throws things... I honestly dont think she is getting bullied at school. teh school she is do not at any circumstance tolerate bullying. and there is always a teacher there for recess and such. Jenna is one to tell us things....

she doesnt only throw these awful tantrums around school times and i should of put that in and explained more and im sorry for that....she does it on the weekends and anytime she gets the answer no or not her way... I just want to get this stopped and fixed before it goes more serious:(

lisar replied: That sounds like my Raygen. She will pitch a fit if I tell her no. However, she will throw her things if she gets mad. So I dont buy her the nicer things like that.
As for how to help, get onto her. If you say something follow thru with it. No matter how bad it upsets you follow thru with it. Timeouts DO NOT work on Raygen, she will sit there and do her time with no problem and then get right back up and do it again. Never fails, stuborn.
I have found that taking certain things away from Raygen helps sometimes, for instance she brought home a bad color the day and I told her no trampoline for the day she was MAD, and I wouldnt let her on it she kept telling me she would be good I told her she could prove it the next day at school. Or sometimes I will make her sit on her bed and do nothing until dinner time. She really hates that one, but it works better than most anything else.
Lexi is closer to Jennas age though, Raygen is 5 lexi is 10, when Lexi gets into trouble she knows what happens. She has to hand over her laptop, Ipod, and Remote to her tv. If that doesnt work then has to clean the house, empty the dishwasher and things like that. Normally Lexi will straighten up real quick though, she doesnt like not having her laptop. LOL

PrairieMom replied: could it be something like low blood sugar or a growth spurt or hormonal changes? Maybe she needs more sleep?
Does she get breakfast in that 1/2 hour between when she gets up and is out the door?

my2monkeyboys replied: Sounds to me like she needs some strict consequences to her actions.
I would start by you and Marcus deciding what the punishments will be for certain behaviors. Then sit down with her and explain them in detail. After that, follow through with what you have decided, regardless of where you are, who is there with you, or anything else.
I imagine she is doing this for the same reasons all 8-yr-olds do it -- because we let them.
Please don't feel like I'm saying you're a bad mom or anything - we are going through the same things with Will. He doesn't throw fits or screams, but he does want to argue every little thing and thinks he can talk back to us however he wants.
We are on the same roller coaster ride, but have found that the more consistent we are the better he behaves, esp when we gently remind of how we expect him to act.

Motherhood -- such a lovely ride isn't it!?!

moped replied:


I agree

Be strong and conssitent!

mom21kid2dogs replied: Didn't she have some sensory issues that she was seeing an OT about in the past? If so, I would definitely check with her OT about this. Many SI kids have meltdowns after long days that require much physical and emotional energy. Many don't handle transitions well, even if they are on a daily, routine basis. An OT should be able to help you with some strategies or maybe even build some OT in at the end of her school day to help her manage the transition easier and better.

As for using something she never possessed as a consequence, don't really see that as being effective at all. To me that should be a totally separate issue, especially if it boils down to SI and not just something she uses for attention. If she has one, it might be something you can use as leverage but I doubt any 8 year old could feel the consequence of something she never really had. Mine certainly wouldn't at that age.

amymom replied: I think everyone has good points already. I think a conversation with the OT is in order and clear and consistent actions on everyones part will work well for you. I lke John Rosemond 's advice sometimes. (some love him and some don't)

The following article may be useful, not in that Jenna is anything like the child described, but you could adapt Rosemond's advice to fit her situation.

article

Good Luck! You will do fine, you are a wonderful parent!

mummy2girls replied:
yes:) And then at marcus's work before school...

mummy2girls replied:
no she doesnt have SI she sees an OT for her eating issues, drooling...

mummy2girls replied: Thnx for the ideas and advice:) me and marcus sat down last night and discussed what we will do, etc. When we tell her no and is about to throw the fit we will warn her that if she continues her computer time will be gone, i pad goes away for the day etc etc etc.

One big thing and it just dawned on me.... DOH!!!! Jenna get sthe consistency here and if we take away somethingw e always follow through no matter what, we ignore the tanturms even if it the middle of the mall, etc. BUT when she is at her dads its a diff story. Her dad Aron, his sister and his mom have always admitted to me that they cant handle her meltdowns so they always give in to what she wants.( She has always had this since she was old enough to do it) So if she is crying and screaming because they said she couldnt have the chocolate beffore dinner they give in and give it to shut her up. This goes for bedtime etc etc that why she is so tired on sunday when comes home from a weekend with aron. So she get sthta at his house so she feels she can here if she keeps at it... So i think sitting down with aron is due...

youngmomofone replied: I'd def return the IPAD. I wouldn't let my child have something as expensive as that if they are going to be acting that way. That's rewarding her behavior. If she is still having tantrums to that extent, she's not old enough/mature enough for something as expensive in the first place.

luvbug00 replied: Brad does the same thing with Mya. But she stopped tantrums like that here because I told her if she wants to
pull that mess with her dad thats his problem. but ill be darned if she thinks that flies with me. i take away her thonhs. last time was for a month. days didnt work. lol. the ipad tjong is up to u. i would also see it as rewarding this behavoor. just do as u said u plan too sounds good.

mummy2girls replied:
Actually she is mature enough for the ipad. I know my daughter and she can get alot out of it and has already:) Marcus uses one at work for an autistic child and they let him bring it home as well. And jenna uses it for a bit before bed( if she was good) and she has played with the educational, matha nd reading games they have. This invesment we feel was a good one and my parents paid for half so we only paid 200. The tantrums are stemming from something and we are trying to figure it out. We dont let her get away with it at all and we dont feed into it. We are very consistent and we follow through. we give her the warning and its up to her if she wants to keep going or stop the tantrum. I read it up and researched ideas and they said it still can happen at age 8 you just have to be TOUGH and she needs to kn ow this can not continue. But when she is at her dads on the weekends and she gets anything to stop her tanturms and such she thinkls that all she needs to do. For this to stop it needs to happen at both houses... Buta ron can be a stubborn goat when it comes to this. His theory is the faster aolution is teh best solution.

mummy2girls replied: As for the ipad. some may think its too expensive of a gift and such but we only paid 200 for it. And she gets restrictions and rules for it. She can not use it unless undersupervision because of us having Wifi and getting on the net easy. She sits down at all times but the person at the apple store said its a pretty durable item so if she should drop it on the livingroom floor it wont break. She can use it on long car rides and such as well. She will have only an hour a day to use it, just liek she does the computer. Some of your kids have thier owm laptop and costs close to or more than an ipad.... so why is the ipad such a bad gift?

Calimama replied:
I don't think it's a bad gift. It's your child, if you want to buy her a pink convertible to sit in the driveway until she's 16, that's your right. (if so, adopt me!)

Anyway I think I would give it to her, and then take it day by day. If you know that's the most important thing to her, and would work when time-outs don't, use that. Maybe 1 warning, then if the behavior continues, she can't use it for the rest of the day? Something similar. I agree to be consistent. Same punishments at your house and her dad's house. Make a rule chart, explain it, and stick to it.

boyohboyohboy replied: Could it just be then that she is acting out as some kids do who go between two homes and divorced ? You have mentioned before that her father leads a rather colorful life along with his new wife and child....and you and Marcus just got married and added another child, maybe she is acting out for attention? Trying to figure out where she fits in?

I think we are mentioning the iPad because you ended you OP with, the thought of maybe you should take it back and tell her Santa doesn't reward this behavior. I just got one myself and don't let my kids use it. I was just telling DH that I think the iPad actually isn't a good thing for kids for one reason is you type with your thumbs like the cell phones or black berries and I think it takes away from people actually learning basic typing skills on a real key board. Kids learn basic typing and the use of a mouse on a desk top.

She seems to be reaching out for something, I hope you find the. Answer soon, as a mom of a screamer....it's not easy at any age.

mummy2girls replied:
i know i ended the OP with taking the ipad back... and i am tempted to... BUT people are telling me she is too immautre for it and its too expensive a gift.... thats all. BUT i dont want this to start into something bad again. So aside from teh ipad i just needed advice on the tanturms is all. I know what you mean about the ipad and i did mention it so i knew it would come up I realize that I understand that I just want other idea on the tantrums is all:)