I wasn't sure where to put this.... - advice needed
Hillbilly Housewife wrote: When I work, I work in an office at the end of my home. (my home is long, butnot very wide....)
Today, I went to go change the wash in the bathroom (which is huge, it's the laundry room as well) but efore I went in, noticed the door open a bit and the light on, so i peeked in, and the sitter had Emilie sitting on the toilet, and Zach next to her with his pants down. She was telling Emilie to peepee on the toilet, and telloing Zach to pull his pants up, she didn't need to help him, he was a big boy.
Shouldn't it be OUR responsibility to teach her about the potty? She's hardly even 16 months old!!!
What should I do?
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This morning also, we were chatting while I went to get myself my coffee this morning - she mentionned he was really afraid of dogs, I told her I knew. She said I'll fix that. I asked her what she meant, she said that confrontation was the best cure for fear.... I told her not to force him to go near dogs, I didn't want him traumatised, that he would go when he was ready. She said that when she'd take them swimming in her pool at home, she'd try to get him to go near her dog.
What did she not understand?
I told her not to force Zach to go near a dog.... he's VERY scared of them. Running, screaming and crying when a dog is around.... I don't want to force him.
And shouldn't she be ASKING me if she can take the kids to HER house, and in a POOL?????
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I don't think this sitter is working out..... I just don't know how to approach her.
JAYMESMOM replied: I would definitely put my foot down about the dog issue. Children do not need to be scared to accept something. I was a sitter in someone elses home and we had a list of what I did and what my responsibilities are. Do you have that with her? If not sit down and make one. She definitely has boundary issues and if you don't put your foot down now - it will get worse! 
Has she been with you for a while or is she new?
Potty training needs to be a parent decision to do and yes 16 months old can be young if your daughter has not expressed any interest to do so.
I would sit down with her and explain that she is not to take the kids anywhere without your permission and is absolutely not to take him around any dogs to "try to fix him."
If you don't have a list and want some input on what was on mine let me know. Feel free to PM
PascosGirl replied: Well the best thing to do is just be honest with her. If you feel uncomfortable telling her in person and around the kids, then do it on the phone. Just pay her what you owe her. It's also ok to lie IMO, tell her that you have decided to cutback your hours working at home and you will do your work when your DH is off of work and that you simply won't be needing her services anymore. Offer to write her a letter of recommendation. Or, you could be honest and just tell her that your ideas of parenting are totally different and you feel she should honor your request at all times. If she becomes upset, end the conversation and be done with it. You are not obligated to keep someone as a sitter if you feel uncomfortable.
CCTandME replied:
I ditto this! 
~KARA~ replied: Potty training should be your call, and I would say something to her about the dog issue. She has the right idea about confronting the fear but it should be you or your dh that helps your ds confront his fear, not the sitter. And as for her taking them to her house, Id definatly put an end to that!!
Kaitlin'smom replied: she deffinalty should be respecting you and if you dont put an end to certain things it will get out of hand. I am glad my sitter asked me about potty training and I gave her one (I bought 2 identical ones) and now we both work on it but we ae not forcing the issue.
the dog if he is totaly afraid then she should not force him, Kaitlin has freeked out over certain things but all we did to get her over it was keep showing them to her or showing her it was not going to hurt her, dogs are different but the sitter has a small lizzard and Kaitlin freeked at first but the sitter did work with her to get her past being afraid, she did not push just showed her he was okay and eventually she would pet him and now she will hold him with no problems
if you are not comfortable with the sitter than talk to her or find another, my sitter and I talk alot about different things and since she is a mom I listen more now than I did at first, granted we dont always agree but we talk about it and how to help each other, and find something we do agree on.
I know its not easy but really you have to deal with it now.
Oh and the pool I am scared about them with Kaitlin we have an on gound and I know we wont leave her to climb in but my sister has a ingound and the thought of her just fallin in scares the cheese out of me. I dunno how it will go when the pool is open and I need her to watch her for a day or two. i will probably be a nervouse reck.
Best of luck
Hillbilly Housewife replied: With the dog.... it would be different if I had one. Zach was the same way about cats too, and he was like that for about 3-4 days when we got our kittens. Now, we have to run around him to get him to leave them alone....
for potty training, we weren't planning on trying until the summer. I want to stick to that. Regardless.
I'd LOVE to fire her, I don't like her period.... however since it is DH's work that is paying for her, I don't want to cause TOO much trouble, and I'm not allowed to fire her. However, they are my kids first, and I will TAKE the right to tell her what I expect.... I just don't know how to go about it....
gr33n3y3z replied: I would fire her and get some one else bc you dont need to have to worry about your children while you are working.
It sounds like you have a step in Mom and not a sitter
Sorry 
Boys r us replied: I might get my head bit off for this one, but it honestly seems like she's really interested in your children and being there for them..*I* and this is just me..I'm not you, so don't take offense, but I don't really see anything wrong with putting her on the potty, whether she's ready to go or not isn't really in question, but familiarizing her with the potty will do no harm..I began putting both of my boys on the potty around 11 months and subsequently, they both trained rather early, without me forcing anything with them.
In addition to that, I would have given ANYTHING for my sitter to help me with potty training..it was one step forward and 3 steps back..he was doing great when I was around but I thinks he was too busy during the day to want to bother with it..she wanted him to train himself.
As for the dog, maybe give her the benefit of the doubt...maybe she's going to socialize him with the dog..and not force it, but introduce him to the dog frequently, after all it is true that something we're exposed to more often, we're likely not to fear it.
I don't know..thos are my thoughts..I know maybe it didn't come across right from her, but it really does seem like she is taking a genuine interest in your children!
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I agree. However, when I told her I'd rather Zach not be forced to confront the dog, but take it slowly, she said she'd "fix his fear" by taking him to her house and making him play with the dog..... I'm not opposed to frequent "small" visits.... just not te fear-factor type of confrontation, which is what my impression was of her talking about it... lol
I do very much agree that she is taking an interest to the kids, no doubt about that. She is good about it, and all of that.... BUT....I have a problme with her being paid as a children's educator if all she's doing is baby-sitting. KWIM? She's supposed to be working with him on manners, letters, numbers etc.... (Emilie too) and she hasn't been. I asked her for her "educational plan" almost 2 weeks ago, and she hasn't come through yet. She's "working" on it....
Sorry, but it doesn't take too weeks to write, for example:
Morning:
-activity with building blocks and counting
-drawing activity where we learn to draw a sun (which he already knows how to)
-stretching excercise
Mealtimes:
-taste activity during snack time - the orange is sweet, the cracker is salty
-table manners
-hygienic - washing hands before eating etc...
Afternoon:
-how to clean up after playing in the toy room
-playing outside for at least 30 minutes
-outside activities, like tag, or little outisde games (no offense to anyone, but she doesn't seem the physical type...)
Misc:
-how to pull his pants up properly after using the toilet
And of course changing out the accurate activity.... playdoh snakes and balls, or baking, whatever!!
Maybe I'm too demanding, but that is the type of activities my kids are used to with their previous sitter, and they've learned so much. I want themn to continue learning lots of stuff, while not stiffling their childhood.... learning CAN be fun. It just needs to be done.
Like reading a book - fine, read it to the kids - but after, ask questions about it - read it again without reading it - questions like what type of clothing are they wearing? color? What is he doing? Did you like it when he did...? Did you find that funny when he...?
kwim?
coasterqueen replied: ITA with Nichole and if you have expectations of her and she's not meeting them have you told her of them? If not then I'd say it's time to and if you already have then I'd reiterate them one last time.
mummy2girls replied: I want to add my 2cents...LOL
If you have problems and issues with hert please sit down and talk to her. I am a fulltime caregiver and i want my employers to always tell me if i am doing something they dont like. Because i cant read minds. That is my pet peeve with the carrer i have.... because if they do tell me what they are not liking then i can improve on it. KWIM? Plus if you let it go without saying anything she will continue to do that stuff and more and then you will get more frustrated and more upset!
If she wont do up a educational program with the kids then you do one up and give it to her. And if she doesnt follow through then talk to her. That list you wrote is not demanding at all. I do more than that and all i care for is a 5 year old girl. But i made up the plan on my own.
I hope this situation improves...
PascosGirl replied: Bottom line, if you feel ANY amount of discomfort, you should let her go. If you are finding reasons not to like her, that should tell you something. You are not getting the right vibes from her and only you can know that. I hope it works out for you! 
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