I think im getting a divorce

TeagansMom609 wrote: Well tonight Shawns ex girlfriend's boyfriend called yelling at him. oh also his ex girlfriend is also his daughters mother. So anyway he is yelling at Shawn which makes me VERY curious. Well they get off the phone and Shawn tells me that Mike was mad because he found a card Shawn had got for his ex from his daughter saying cheer up because her boyfriend broke up with her last weekend and wants her to move out. So I flipped out because #1 he never even mentioned he did that, and #2 he hasnt ever gotten me a card before. Well then i went into the bedroom and called her boyfriend and said whats going on? Is there something I should know? He says well yea...the other day I found a gift bag in Katies car, (the ex) and it came with a card from Shawn, chocolates, and a little coupon book that says on the front "To my long lost love" and inside are coupons for candle light dinners, bubble baths, a night of falling in love all over again, etc. Well I got off the phone and to be blunt flipped out and kicked his a** all over our apartment. Well he says it wasnt meant that way. YEA OK! So then I called her and asked her about what the card said and she said Shawn wrote I feel like your unhappiness is my fault. HA! How about my unhappiness?!!!!!!!! So then he leaves and walks down to his brothers. (he told me he was going to stop there before work...he works nights. ) He told me we would talk when he got home in the morning. I told him I want a divorce. i feel stupid, and embarrassed. So when he left I looked at my cell phone and saw that while i was in the shower he called his work. So I knew the only reason he would call there was to call out. So he lied to me! Nothing new... So then I call his brothers house flipping out and of course he plays dumb. Then when he comes back here he says it doesnt matter where he goes, what he does, or if he lies because I said I wanted a divorce. So im really mad, hurt, upset, confused. EVERYTHING. He is acting defensive like someone who got caught. So thats it. I wont take that from him. We have only been married a month. Its so sad

MommyToAshley replied: I am so sorry! ((((((HUGS)))))) I know how much that must have hurt, I am so sorry he treated you this way. ((((((HUGS))))) We're here if you want to talk, vent, or just need someone to talk to.

momof2girls replied: I am soooo sorry hon!!!!!

Mommy2BAK replied:
I'm so sorry... that's terrible!

GavinsMommy replied: I have a few issues w/ my DH as well and we've been married for almost three months...not long, so I know how you feel. My problems are a little different though because I haven't really caught him in anything with solid evidence.

I'm sorry you're going through this. How awful. Better to get out of the situation now than later though. Your daughter is at the age where she wouldn't know what was going on...so better now than later. Kids sense things, KWIM? Seems to me like you are way too good for him. That whole card and gift bag thing to his ex was totally uncalled for and I'm sure that's EXACTLY how he meant it! I wouldn't even give him a second opportunity to pull another stunt like that. I know it's hard, but you know what to do! If you stay with him, you are just letting him do it all over again and be rest assured he will be more careful next time! Not necessarily saying to divorce him (which is what I think you should do), but I would at least stay away from him for a while...by moving out or having him move.

If you ever need to talk, you can private message me.

Sorry you have to deal w/ such a jerk!

Hugs

Lauren

amynicole21 replied: Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear that. It definitely sounds like he's acting like he's been caught, and that makes it all the more evident that he was doing something wrong. Will he consider counseling? It may be worth looking into - for Teagan's sake and for yours. We're all here for you

TeagansMom609 replied: Well Ive been balling my eyes out now for almost a full 24 hours. Ive talked to my mom, his mom, and my sister and everyone suggests couseling. He came over to me this morning when I started crying again and said "Kelly, it really wasnt meant like that." I dont know...I think it was. But then I think, what if it wasnt and he is just really stupid? Even if it wasnt "meant like that". It doesnt matter...he never buys me a card, or chocolates. Im just in shock still, confused and dont know what to do. I will never trust him around her, or to even be on the phone with her again, but they have a child together so its almost impossible. I feel like we need to move far away.

GavinsMommy replied: Oh dear! Don't let him fool you into thinking that it wasn't like that bc it clearly was! Maybe not, but if it wasn't meant like that then sorry but...he must be REALLY REALLY dumb. Seriously don't fall for that. Chocolates and a card and a coupon book??? PLEASE! He is trying to be nonchalant about it to make you think that you are overreacting. Chances are if everyone you tell about this thinks it's bad...then it's bad. Especially if he never gets you a card or anything. But he gets her one to make her feel better? Come on! And what's up with that...I feel responsibile for your unhappiness? Sounds to me like he is trying to get back w/ her on the side and is trying to butter her up. He has issues. Meant like that or not...he should NOT be giving his ex anything like that. Period. So either way he is in the wrong and needs some help. If it wasn't meant like that then he would have felt comfortable enough to tell you about it. Instead he lied by ommission and is now trying to make you think that you misconstrued the situation. When I know you didn't! You have every right to be upset and I am sure his intentions were not harmless.

coasterqueen replied: Well, I'm not sure how he says "it wasn't meant like that" when he sent her a coupon book with dinners, romance, etc. Uh.....there's only one way that can mean. Don't let him get to you, but I do think maybe counseling might at least help. You both should at least give it a try for Teagan's sake.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Josie83 replied: I agree, it might be hard to trust him but is there anyway you could give it another chance? I know you've been having problems though . . . I hate to think of you being so unhappy. Make sure you use us all to sounds off against when you're feeling We're all here for you xx

A&A'smommy replied: OH hun I'm SO sorry! (((((BIG HUGS))))) I know this must be REALLY hard for you I hope that you guys can work things out!

kimberley replied: oh sweetie, i am so sorry!! i agree that counselling is the best place to start from here. have you asked him directly what he DID mean by the gift/coupons? it makes no sense. just know we are here for you.

TeagansMom609 replied: Shawn went to work today for a little while and called my cell phone and didnt leave a message so I called him back and asked what he called for and he said do you still want to go to dinner tonight? (the other day before all this I mentioned going out) I said uhhh....I dont know. Then I said ok. I think it will be amusing to see what he has to say. Im still so pissed and think hes a liar. He makes me feel sick.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OMG I can't believe your DH would do something like that. I definately agree that maybe you do need counselling! I would be furious if my DH did something like that. Hang in there and try talking to him again in a few days when you have calmed down!

jcc64 replied: I'm so very sorry. As much as you want to believe his assertion that he didn't really mean what you think he meant, DON'T, not for a second. Unfortunately, he hasn't or isn't ready to accept the "forsake all others" part of being married. I agree that counseling is essential, for your dd's sake you need to give it your best shot. But if this is the kind of guy he is, you've got to draw a line that you will not cross. That is, make a list, either literal or figurative, of deal breakers, and then live by it. Share it with him if you want. But the real point is for you to get it straight in your own mind what you are or are not willing to live with, and then stick to it.
So many people get married, you'd never think it's as hard as it is to make it work. Imo, any successful marriage is a miracle in itself. Don't get down on yourself, it's hard work, it's complicated, and sometimes you can do everything right but still fail b/c your partner wasn't who you thought he was. Take a deep breath, gather up all your energy, and then do the right thing, whatever that is. We're here for you, and for what it's worth to you, you're in very good company.

TeagansMom609 replied: Well, heres an update. We went out to dinner at a some what expensive place, got into an argument while waiting for our food, and I left. Just left his sorry a** there. I took one bite of my food and left. I came back...feeling bad for just leaving him there, and caught him at the bar ordering a southern comfort on the rocks. If anyone has read some of my previous posts then you know he has a problem and isnt supposed to be anywhere near a drink. So I said oh, ok let me call your AA sponser (his uncle) and he got up and left. Walking towards TGI Fridays which is one of his favorite drinking spots. So I left and called his parents, and Uncle and said you better go get Shawn before he drinks himself to death. So anyway, thats that.

mama3x replied: I am so sorry he's being such a pain in the a**. I can't see him doing something so special and romantic for his ex - even though she's the mother of his child - and it's not something in his character to do for you.

I am on my 3rd marriage and let me tell you, divorce is not fun no matter what the reason or who files. Although I am starting to believe that marriage sucks just as much. I know the feelings you are going through, I am there myself. It seems that this marriage of mine is heading for divorce as well. I think I am just no good at it. But I will have to post about that later on.

It's not really my place to recommend something and my track record is horrible but just IMHumbleO, if you do still love him and you haven't reached your limit, you may want to try a couple of counseling sessions. If however you have reached your limit, you do what you need to do to keep yourself in one piece and take care of that sweet little girl of yours.

I wish you all the best and hope you will find happiness one way or the other. Take good care.

LovingmyBoriqua replied: Man what an idiot.. I mean if his ex broke up with her boyfriend/finance whatever he is to her that shouldnt even been any of his concern. If my ex broke up with his gf and we shared a child i could careless the only thing i would be concern about is the relationship he shares with my child. I mean the chocolate candies shows that he has feelings for this woman. What about his wife?? Do you get enjoy his chocolate kisses?? Arghh Men.. Men can be born stupid sometimes i think its inherited from someone who was actually stupid in the family.. I hope everything works out for you (( HUGS))

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh sweetie...I'm terribly sorry you are having to go thru this. Please know we are here for you anytime.

momof2girls replied: I just wanted to offer support!
This is a hard situation!!!

TeagansMom609 replied: Thanks everybody for your advice, thoughts and support! Its really nice to know I have people to talk to about it with.

Boys r us replied: ((hugs)) Wow! I don't know what to say...that's pretty messed up!
How can he say it wasn't meant like that? He gave her coupons for a romantic candlelight dinner for god's sake!
I don't knwo what to tell you to do, the answer is in your heart..you have to look in there and find it!

good luck and let us know..also, we're here for you hun!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Oh Dear..I am sry. The only advice I can give you is to say go with your gut b/c you are smart beautiful women and you will not lead yourself wrong. Don't second guess yourself and when people tell you who they are believe them.

To many stories lead to the wrong answer here.

I am sry dear. I will be here for you. I am sooo sry for your hurt.

My2Beauties replied: First of all I'd like to get permission to kick his a** all over the place a second time! SOmetimes I wonder where a man's mind is when things like this happen to women. Here you are, just married one month ago, and already he pulled a stunt like this! How dare him. Don't believe for one minute it didn't mean what you think it meant, because it did, espeially if he isn't the type of guy to just send chocolates and...love coupons for pete's sake! Honey I would be very upset and angry right now and you have a right to be. You know in your heart what you can and cannot put up with so please by all means take as much time for yourself in order to figure things out, don't let him push you into thinking he didn't mean it that way! Sort your feelings out and ask yourself what you really want from this?

darrylswifeskylersmom replied: Omg!!! hunnie Im soo sorry yur going thru this!
u deserve better than that! U are a beautiufl women
and that stunt he is pulling is crap!!
soory to be soo blunt but u deserve so much better and so does yur daughter!!!
hugs!!!
but could i get yur premission to go kick his A$$!! PLZ!!!

TeagansMom609 replied: Permission granted for those who would like to kick his a**! I will even pay for your plane ticket here!

smullin replied: I am so sorry about everything. Me saying sorry really doesn't change the situation. How was he before you got married ? Did you ever question what he was doing ? Did you trust him ? When a man is one month in a marriage he should still be in the honey moon stage. Obviously he is not because he is sending another woman cards. It doesn't make it better that he shares a child with her. I would really look and ask yourself why did I marry this man ? Try to think of the good things about him, and also think of the bad things about him without including this incident. After looking at the positive and the negatives, which one is greater ? Are there more positive things then negative or the opposite ? Now if the positive are greater then try to go to counseling to resolve this. If the negatives are stronger then start working on what you should do with your life for you and your daughter and start to move on now. Don't wait. Now this is advice just depending on what the positive and negative are in the relationship and about him. Let me know if you need support in anything.

Sarah

Sunflower04 replied: Wow sorry about your DH... At least you caught it now and not years from now. I know things are tough and I have never had to deal with something like this but I can only offer you some prayers that you will make the right choice for you and your little girl. Keep your chin up.

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry.

Nicole replied: (((((((((((((( HUGS))))))))))))))) Hon i hope all works out for you!

favre4fan replied: Sorry to hear that u are going through this. i have been down the divorce road and I know it is not easy. I have always learned to trust my instincts. I hope things get better soon.

TeagansMom609 replied: Ok well here's an update. I called his ex's house the other day and left a message on her machine telling her she is not welcome to come to our house, or call anymore for any reason and that her child support will be mailed. Well this morning while I was getting ready for work she called and gave me her address with an attitude. I hung up then decided I would call her back on the way to work and ask her why she had an attitude with ME! So I called her back and we had a loooooooong talk. I asked her a billion questions about the whole thing. She said she came over to drop off her daughter and Shawn just handed her the gift bag and said here I feel bad. Then she said she didnt even open it until she got back into her car. She said Kelly you have nothing to worry about at all. She said Shawn was trying to say he felt bad but did it in the wrong way. He shouldnt have bought me a card or anything, he doesnt always think right. Even though he was trying to be nice, she said he messed up things between her and her boyfriend who she has lived with for 2 years now. She said "Woman to woman, Shawn has NEVER flirted with me, said anything about getting back together, and hasnt bought me anything ever before". Everything she said made me feel alot better. Im mad at him for doing what he did but I do feel alot better talking to her. But were still going to counseling tommorrow night for our other issues. Lets see how it goes. I hope I dont sound stupid.

kimberley replied: ((hugs)) sweetie, you are not stupid at all for working on your marriage. i think too many people give up when it gets hard and it is a shame because it could have worked with a little effoet and patience. i am glad you got to talk to her and straighten some things out. fingers crossed that counselling goes well. keep us posted.