I really need some advice

coasterqueen wrote: I hate life so much right now. I am angry at my husband because I feel like it's his fault we are in this position, but I know it's not and I know I shouldn't be angry at him.

I have a yearly work trip every year in Chicago. It's 3 days and it's next week. My condition to agreeing that Ryan go do this FEMA thing was that he'd find someone reliable to go with me to Chicago to watch the girls while I work. I will be working VERY LONG hours 2 days and the other day is a travel day. He swore he'd find someone. Well he asked his mom and she said ok. I thought I'd give her the chance but was worried. A month went by of me thinking she was going to do this and then she emails saying she just can't handle my girls and won't be able to go. Uh, ok, so I had a month left to find someone else. Ryan asked his dad and step-mom. They said, sure no problem. Ok, as long as it was both of them I'm fine with that. Well last Friday I asked my FIL if everything was a go for Chicago and he said that his wife couldn't go and it would just be him. He said he would "give it a try" but that if he couldn't get Megan to stop crying that he'd have to call me to stop working. I told him that was not possible. I HAVE to work. I'm the meeting planner in charge of this event and this is the third year in a row Ryan has left me high and dry for this trip. I don't even want to go into past years.

So of course I got upset at Ryan because I feel like it's his family that has stranded me and I'm just stressed. My mom and dad can't go because they are taking care of a close friend who's going in for open heart surgery tomorrow. I bribed my sister with $300 to go with me and she asked her boss yesterday and her boss never gave her an answer. So she told me if I didn't hear from her by 9:30 am this morning that she couldn't do it. Well it's 9:45 am and I haven't heard from her.

So now what? Well, Dh said he would see if FEMA would let him have 2 of the days off and I'd deal on the 3rd. He'd fly in to Chicago and back out asap. But we'd have to pay for the tickets which would be OUTRAGEOUS on short notice as well as he's not sure FEMA would let him off since he just did the Memphis thing. If they did let him off then he wouldn't get to come home for Christmas because he'd owe them more days

Now I'm sure most of you are saying why not just leave them with someone here and make it simple, right? Well I have an 8 month old nursling, that's why. I swore when I became a mom that my children would not spend the night with anyone until they are at least a year old and we have hit our milestone of 1 year of nursing. It's bad enough they ahve to get bottles while I'm at work. I was able to do that with Kylie and it breaks my heart to think I won't be able to do that with Megan. To most of you you probably don't see the big deal, for me it is and if I have to leave them at home I don't ever think I can get past this. I feel like I will always blame my husband for this, even if it's not his fault.

But what other choice do I have? SO, who do I leave them with? Well my FIL and MIL don't get a rat's behind about the girls, they rarely ever see them and it was bad enough I was considering them going with me, there's no way in this world I'd leave them here and me be long distance from them. So then I was thinking of my parents. Well they kinda ruined that for me the other night when they offered to watch her for a bit while I went into work to do a few quick things. In less than an hour I get a phone call from them saying Megan's been screaming her head off and they don't know how to calm her down and for me to come get her. If they can't handle her for an hour then how can they handle her for 2 days?

My only other thought is my sitter. See Megan has a very sensitive nervous system which causes her to go into screaming fits that are very hard to control. It took me months to figure out what helped calm her down and it can be very nerve wrecking. It took my sitter a few months to learn all the "techniques" as well. So I'm thinking that she would be the best candidate to watch the girls while I'm gone. She'd already be watching them during the day so the night time would just be the new part. Course the night time scares me because Kylie has been sleeping with me since Ryan's been gone and Megan co-sleeps most of the night with me too. I can't expect that of my sitter. Kylie tried spending the night at my parents house a week ago and cried all night long that she wanted me. My parents never called me. Well this time even if Terri called me I couldn't get there .

I just don't know what to do. I hate, hate that I have to leave them 3 hours from me anyways. Haven't they been through enough with Ryan being gone? And I know someone is going to say can't you tell your boss you can't go? No. For the past three years I've had to say I can't go because Dh's job got in the way AGAIN. I promised my boss when I got back from maternity leave that I could handle this event and I would be there no matter what. Since Ryan's been gone my boss has been fairly good about understanding the many times I've had to take off, etc, etc, etc. I just don't think he'll understand this. He's not a breastfeeding friendly type of guy and hates that I'm even taking time away to pump at work, but he lets me.

Any thoughts? Hugs? Anything? I am so upset and so angry right now.

mckayleesmom replied: ...I think that asking the sitter is your best bet....Just warn her that you won't be able to come back if Megan is crying or Kylie is upset that your gone....I wish I lived closer to you...I would take them and maybe they wouldn't be so upset because they would have other kids to play with...that always seems easiest on kids. I hope you find someone.

5littleladies replied: I agree-your sitter is probably the best option. I'm sorry Karen-this really must suck for you! I could grab Sara and we could drive out and watch the girls for you.

Boys r us replied: Oh Karen, I 'm so sorry that everything seems to be falling apart with your well planned plans! You're in a tough spot, but I would have to say, the babysitter would be the best bet..the girls are already very comfortable with her and so are you! Would she do it?

TANNER'S MOM replied: Oh Karen I am so sorry. This seems unfair to all involved. I can understand being mad at Ryan..but try to not resent him. You are doing so much alone and I am sure you are very way overwhelmed.

I hope something works out for you.. Hugs x's 10 million

MommyToAshley replied: So sorry you are in such a tough spot.

Could you ask your sitter to go with you? Then the girls could still sleep with you at night?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Yuck, that sucks.


Have you talked to your sitter about it at all?

moped replied: Oh I can offer you hugs all day long Karen- I know you are feeling so much pressure and we allthink you are handling this great - you really are!!!!! YOu are a wonderufl Mom. SO, can your sitter go with you?? Or stay with them??? WIll she?????
If I were closer I would be there in a heartbeat - regardless of the crying - crying I can handle!!!!!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry Karen! It does sound like your sitter is your best bet, allthough it would suck to leave them 3 hours away.



I was going to say the same thing. I'd love a trip to Chicago!

DansMom replied: Karen, that really is a tough spot---you are between the proverbial rock and a hard place. I was thinking you might ask the sitter to go with you, rather than leaving the kids there. Something's got to give. I wish I knew of a solution

luvbug00 replied: I'm not good at advice so instead I just wanted to send you

Kaitlin'smom replied: If I did not have to go to FL, I would so be there. Sorry I was wondering the same thing if the sitter could go with you.

Jamison'smama replied: ANY possibility your sitter can go with you?

coasterqueen replied:
You two are very sweet. Thank you.

As far as those who asked if the sitter can go with me, no she can't. She has three other children she watches so it would impossible for her to do that. I guess I'm going to ask her when I pick up the girls tonight.

Insanemomof3 replied:

amymom replied: Oh My I am so sorry. Lots of hugs going your way. I wish I lived in Chicago, I would help you in a heartbeat. Is there anyone you could hire to come and be with the kids, I know it would be expensive, but ..... Or what about the hotel's nanny service. Or a local daycare service.

I wish I had a Magic wand for you. Good Luck to you.

3xsthefun replied: I really don't have any advice. But wanted to say sorry you are having such a rough time right now.

I agree with the others I think the sitter sounds like the best bet.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: If I didn't work full time I would drive to Chicago and watch them for ya (I am only 65 miles S. of Chicago) I really hope everything works out for you!! Sending your way!!!

kimberley replied: i am sorry you are in this position is there anyone you can get to go with you? friend, colleague, family? i really have my fingers crossed that your sis can help you out because it would be easiest if the girls were with you at night for all of you. lots of hugs and prayers your way. i wish there was more i could do.

CantWait replied: I have no thoughts for you but wanted to wish you luck, I see you got your sister to go in a more recent post. Hope all works out for you. I can't believe she's charging you so much though

gr33n3y3z replied: I hope your sister can go
Call her and ask
If worse comes to worse cant your sister just call out sick?

redchief replied: Sorry and hugs!!! Hope everything works out!

holley79 replied: To you sweetie. I am so sorry this is happening. I think your best bet is to go with the sitter. Offer her the $300.00 that you offered your sister.

I hope that everything works out.

jcc64 replied: God, I really feel for you Karen. I also agree the best thing would be to bring someone with you, as you've already figured out for yourself- but who? I know all those bad feelings that come up when you feel abandoned or let down by extended family. Try to put that aside for the time being and focus all of your energy on the task at hand. Any girlfriends you can think of?
I'm so sorry- your frustration is so palpable. The worst part is it's not like you're trying to go off on a holiday at Club Med or something- you're just trying to work- it shouldn't be so much work to, well, work. Good luck, hon, I hope something works out for you. In the meantime,

My2Beauties replied: to you hon, I am so sorry! Hon if I lived closer I would drive to pick up the girls everyday and bring them back to you when you were done working, I would take vacation to do it, but *sigh* I live about 6 hours so that won't work out You are in a really tight spot, I hope your sis can come through but if not I hope your sitter can! let us know what you figure out!