I really REALLY need your help/prayers!

Danalana wrote: A little background....
my father never wanted anything to do with me. He cared more about partying/drinking/drugs than he cared about being a husband or father. He didn't pay child support...nothing.
Well, now he is trying to be in my life and often tries to guilt-trip me when I don't call him much. He just got kicked out of his 3rd marriage and is depressed (STILL into drinking and drugs). I asked when he wants to meet for breakfast and he starts into the guilt-tripping. I have kept my mouth **** SO many times when I wanted to ask him where he gets his nerve...and how he can expect me to have a magical father-daughter relationship with him when I decided a long time ago that I don't want a father.
Anyway, I finally decided I was done tonight and I confronted him. We have been arguing back and forth (no, I'm not proud of that), and he has been calling my mother a liar and all kinds of crap. I asked when he was going to take some responsibility for the stuff he has done...his last message said I could find him in the obituaries. I seriously don't know what to do. I know he is probably drunk/high, so maybe he didn't mean it. But do you think I should call somebody? Isn't that a suicide threat? I am so stressed right now!

Insanemomof3 replied: I would call the police. I had someone do that once, and I called the police and they went to check it out. Sorry you are going through this hon.

Danalana replied: I would call the police but, since he got kicked out by his 3rd wife a few weeks ago, I don't even know where he lives.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry Dana. I don't know what to say, only wanted to offer my support to you.

ZandersMama replied: no words , im just sorry. I know what it's like to deal with poison family.

Crystalina replied: Dana, it IS a guilt thing.
I have the same relationship with my father. He was in and out of my life so many times and in the past 10 years (or a bit more) he's been only an hour away (before it was always a State or continent away) and we barely speak. My sister talks to him all the time but, unlike her, I have issues with his lies about the past. I can't go to his huge fancy house and not have a tinge of 'WTF and where was all this money when mom needed it'. KWIM? I just can't get past that and the fact that he tries to act like he didn't miss a beat with us.

The obit comment...that's a guilt trip as well. I just went through this 2 months ago with my little brother. He was having issues, me and my sister tried to intervene and help him (but not the way he wanted help) and he literally left the hosp (was in there for a possible overdose) and when we got in touch with him he said the next time we would see him was in his grave.
Hello!
That's what we are TRYING to prevent!
And yep, drugs had a lot to do with it.
After that day I washed my hands of if. VERY HARD TO DO. But he's a grown man. He is well aware of what drugs will do to him. And you can only help those who want to be helped.

Basically, just don't let his guilt trips get to you. Especially if he's invovled with drugs. You can offer him help but if he doesn't take it...he's a big boy. He knows what suicide will bring. Tell him not to threaten you with that.
As for the relationship with him. Do what you know is right. Just because he's your father does not mean you owe him ANYTHING. Anyone can contribute sperm. Doesn't mean they should get the benefits of being a father unless they WERE a father.

Okay, I'm done. I'm stepping down now.

A&A'smommy replied: Oh Dana what a mess.. any new news today?

moped replied:

Danalana replied: After the obituaries comment, I asked what he meant...never heard anything else.

jem0622 replied: Sometimes there are people (even family) who are toxic and it is not healthy for us to have them involved in our lives. You should never feel obligated to be a daughter to him when he was never a father to you. God bless you for trying, but it sounds like your breaking things off is best and I pray he leaves you and your mother alone! Get a peace order or restraining order if he gets unreal. HUGS.

Danalana replied: Thank you...I still haven't heard from him.

luvmykids replied: Oh gosh Dana, what an awful situation If you're still worried, could you call his wife just to let her know?

Danalana replied: I honestly doubt she'd care.

youngmomofone replied:

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Technically it's not a suicide threat, but it is a cry for help. It's a desperate attempt to make you feel guilty, don't let him! I would strongly think about what you want out of this and if you don't want a relationship with him, then don't answer his calls anymore. You need to think about yourself and your family!