I need to vent

aspenblue1 wrote: My DH and his father haven't spoken in about 4 years due to all the awful things that his father did to his mother before he left. They were married 26 years and he talked her into getting a divorce supposably so he could file bankruptcy and it wouldn't affect her and they were still together just not on paper. Well shortly after that he said his duty to his family was over and he moved to Colorado then things got really ugly between him andhis ex. So the children have cut off contact with him until he decides to take responsibilty for his actions.
So he wasn't allowed to attend our wedding or his daughters. He also wasn't told about Isabella (per my DH request)
Well my briliant MIL sent a picture of Isabella to him and told him he had a granddaughter but didn't bother to tell us she was doing it. So out of the blue we get an email from him stating that he was sad that he couldn't share in her life. So then my DH called his mother and asked her why she did it.
5 min later she is calling me crying because her ex is such a horrible person and she just did it so maybe he would do something for us or his grandaughter.

I am sorry this is so long I just need to get if off my chest. I really don't know what to do if I should respond to his father or not.

kimberley replied: wow that's a tough one. i am sorry you have to deal with all this since it really should be just between DH's parents. i don't think it's right when parents drag their kids into their probelms no matter how old they are. i would let DH deal with it and let him decide whether or not to respond because it is his family and will affect him the most.

sending you lots of (((((hugs))))) and support.

mckayleesmom replied: I don't know..I kind of agree with Kimberly. The parents shouldn't have dragged the kids into it. And I think its sad that he wasn't even told about his grandaughter. Thats kind of harsh. Im not my dads biggest fan either, but I would never leave him out of Mckaylees life. It sounds childish to me. If they are divorced then they are divorced. Move on and mend fences. Life it too short to be petty.

A&A'smommy replied: yikes i dont have any advice for you just hugs and i hope things work out for the best!!!! (((BIG HUGS))))

MommyToAshley replied: Aweee! I am sorry you have to deal with this. I am not sure what I would do. I hope it all works out.

ediep replied: awweee that is a tough one. If it were me, I would probabaly just let DH deal with it!! Man, it stinks when parents drag their kids into their stuff

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am not to sure how I would handle it either. Sorry. Just wanted to send some hugs to you. I hope it gets worked out.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry you have to go through this! I know what your family is going through, my Dad's family hasn't been very nice to us. Actually he is my step-father and he was adopted into that family so basically anyone who isn't "BLOOD" related gets treated like "SH*T"! They weren't invited to Claudia's baptism and they weren't invited to my sisters wedding. Now around the holidays my Grandmother tried phoning my mom, crying and wanting to know what was going on and why we were all treating her this way. I have basically stayed out of it. At Christmas my Grandmother dropped off a bag of gifts for the family. It was very ackward. I understand what you and your DH must be feeling that ackward, strange kinda tension! You just don't know what to do or how to react. My suggestion is to keep letting your FIL make contact and don't get involved. If he was a JERK to your MIL than he will always be a JERK!

aspenblue1 replied: I totaly agree that the parents shouldn't have brought them in it. I think he is just trying to protect Isabella from his Dads way of doing things. He just gets rid of what he doesn't want to deal with anymore even his own children.

Kaitlin'smom replied: Sorry you have to deal with this but your DH needs to make the choice weither or not to enclud his father in his life.....I kinda have a smiliar sutitation with my DH biloogical father (who gave up he rights when he was 3 or 4 years old so he could be adoptid by his moms new hudband) well I did not met him until after we were married and I told him it was up to him and I would support him either way. I could get into more but this was your post not mine. All I am saying is let him make the choise and be there for him. People can change (not always but sometimes) and if you can let the past go if he decides he wants to give him another chance

jen replied: (((((HUGS)))))))))) I agree that it is your DH choice. Just remember the power of forgiveness. I believe in my own experiences it is so much easier to forgive and be the bigger person then to hold onto a grudge no matter how bad it may be. Maybe he could just forgive him, find some closure, and move on somehow! Much easier said that done. As for MIL she shouldn't have done that but I am sure she has scars that haven't healed, how awful for her. I think it would benefit everyone to find forgiveness in their hearts and mend some fences and move on. You don't have to be close, it may even be threatening to your DH to ever be close to him again but it would be so rewarding in the long run to have the bridge rebuilt. Best of Luck to your family.

coasterqueen replied: Well, let me put it in this perspective. My DH's grandmother left her DH (the grandfather) when Dh's dad was a little boy. She never tried to see her son or her husband. She ran off with another man and moved to New York. So DH's dad and grandfather wanted nothing to do with her and as DH grew up he wanted nothing to do with her either. I thought this was very sad because why should DH hate his grandmother for something that happened to his dad and grandfather? He didn't even know his grandmother so why should he hate her, right? So when Kylie was born I told DH I wanted Kylie to meet her grandmother. I had never met her either. He firmly said no, end of story. I told him I was going to at least write her a letter and send a picture. She deserved that no matter what she did in the past. Well, I said this for many many months of the first months of Kylie's life. Well, I can't remember exactly, but I guess around the time Kylie was 10 or 11 months I got word that DH's grandmother passed away

So Kylie never got to know her greatgrandmother and I will never have a picture of her and her ggm will have never known or seen her precious ggbaby's face. This makes me cry every time I think about it. And it's all because of hatred that Kylie should never have been apart of. KWIM?

So I can't tell you what to do, but I know I WISHED I would have followed through with what I said I was going to do. I know DH would have been very angry at me if I would have gone thru with it, but I felt Kylie should not have paid the price for something she had no part in.

((HUGS)) and I hope you can decide what is best in your situation.

mckayleesmom replied: This is why I think its childish and there should be some forgiveness here. Say something happened to your family ( this is only an example...I don't wish harm on your family)...What if you guys went on vacation and were killed or something and the only person left to care for Kylie was her grandpa...wouldn't you want her to go to someone she knew? Or would you want him to be a stranger to her?....I don't know..thats just the way I think about things...life it too short.

mckayleesmom replied: Isabella...sorry...

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry! I know how hard it can be when you are on the outs with family. My DH has been through a lot of this. I say let your DH decide when and if he wants to include his father in his life. Apparently he is very hurt. Your MIL should not be involving you at all and in a polite way you could tell her this. Just tell her you are leaving that up to your DH, but as of right now he doesn't want his father in his life no more than his father wants to be in his life.

I'm so so sorry!

((((HUGS))))

aspenblue1 replied: I feel like he needs to talk to him but I really can't get involved everytime I do we end up getting in a huge fight. He still has a lot of issues that need to be worked out. I keep tell him to look at me and my father we didn't have a relationship until I got married now I am getting close to my brothers and sisters. I hope one day he will be able to get over it. If his Dad would just say "I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you" This would have all been over but they are both too stubborn to admit anything. Hopefully it will all work out.