I need some advice

My2Beauties wrote: I posted this over in P&I too so sorry for those who may have read it twice, but it seems as if more people are hovering over here today and I this is really bothering me!

OK so for the past few days, well I'm lying ok weeks Brian and I have been arguing a lot. Some of it has been my fault some of it his fault (don't ever tell him I mentioned some was my fault ) Anywho, I personally think it's from the stress of everything, we are gettng married in less than 2 months ( 1 1/2 months to be exact (see ticker)) and I'm stressed due to planning it and I think he's stressed well because he is a man and he's tieing the knot BUT the million dollar question...is this normal? Did you guys find yourselves arguing with your SO more before your wedding, or do you think he is rethinking it? I mean one minute he will be so extra nice (like the dinner and rose thing Monday night) then the next minute he is really hateful and just short and acts as if he is very down about something.

Also one thing that he is doing that needs to be nipped in the bud now before I do go off on him, Brian likes to run! Point blank - he just cannot sit at home (I seriously think he has Adult ADD I'm not joking about that), if he has to sit at home he gets agitated and whiny and in a bad mood and then he just falls asleep! So he constantly plays sports, bowls, etc...He bowls every Tuesday night, plays basktball on Thursdays, will start Softball in a few weeks and another bowling league on Wednesdays in May once I graduate. The thing is is I have class On Monday and Wednesday nights right now and the only time we have together is the weekend, then he wants to run around with his single friends. I am not opposed to him going out every couple of weeks with his friends for guys night out (I have long gotten over this) and I find friends to go out with myself and it's fine. We go out together sometimes but the minute that someone mentions something on an off night, such as last Monday he wanted to go bowling until midnight as a sub on a league for a friend, after I get home at 8:30 from school he would have to leave at 8:45 I get upset when he even asks to do these things because well I want to spend time with him and I think we should have family time! I'm scared - because he keeps saying stuff like I wont let him do anything and I try to keep him in the house I DON't! We got into a really bad fight last Monday (with me ending up throwing Hanna's sippy cup at the wall because I was so mad) because he made the comment that he never does anything - but he does everything, he is hardly ever home, he plays sports constantly, he goes out at least once or twice a month with his friends, on the weeks he doesn't go out with jsut guys we all go out in one big group of friends, etc...how could he say such a thing? I got so mad at him when he said that that I just completely and totally lost it!

Now I am very stressed out due to school, work, taking care of a child, a step child, planning a wedding, looking at houses, etc... I have a lot on my plate and he makes me feel as if I need to be superwoman. He always gets on me about me not cooking enough (when do I have time ) He gets on me about the house being dirty sometimes (when do I have time ) and he gets on me about not having any money, all of my extra money is going on this wedding! I'm scared that maybe he is getting cold feet - I mean what are your experiences, does it always get this bad before weddings ?? Brian is normally the happiest, goofiest person in the world, he calls me everyday and says Hey beautiful sexy baby how is your day, now he doesn't call as much anymore and when he does he doesn't say those things and when I call him he just acts like I am bothering him? Please give me your thoughts guys!

TANNER'S MOM replied: I think it has been said..two most stress things in a marriage is the wedding and building a house!

I think it might be time to slow him down a minute and talk. I am sure it is just how stressed and busy he is.

I know that you are very in love w/ him. But I want to say just don't marry him thinking he will change. He won't. He will be the Brian you dated, that is busy, and like ME time for the rest of his life. But the good part is..he will also be the Brian you fell in love with that does the sweet phone calls, and thinks you are the hottest woman any where! And the best Daddy in the world..

I hope it works for ya! Just try to make a date and slow down together!
I think it might be bubble bath for 2 time!

Mel

My2Beauties replied:
Thanks Mel and I don't fault him for wanting ME time...but I think I give him plenty and he seems to think I don't I don't know where he would ever think of such a thing! Brian is like the first of his group of "real friends" to get married (he has friends who are married but they aren't his close close buddies and they are a little older than him too) but his "real friends" are like Man you got a month and a half to say no...yeah HA HA They are joking but still, he is catching heat! So maybe that is part of it, I wish guys would lay off their friends sometimes

AshleyRose replied: things were pretty on the edge with DH and i before our wedding as well. the night before we had a huge blow out just cuz of all the built up stress from it all... and we are fine.. HTH been there and done that...

My2Beauties replied:
*sigh of relief over here, wiping sweat from forehead* Good at least we're not the only ones, even if you're the only other one, that gives me hope! Thanks Ashley!

Boys r us replied: LeaAnn, 3 days before we were set to get ont he plane and go get married, we weren't speaking to each other..got so bad that I threatened to call the police for "forging" my name on a check that he wrote on my account(with my permission at the time..lol) and of course his response to me was...great..go ahead..the car you're driving is in my name and has turned up missing from the driveway! LOL NICCCCCEE!! yeah we had it out! He stayed at his mom's for a couple of days before we got things worked out!

My2Beauties replied:
*again even a bigger sigh of relief* Nichole sorry to laugh but that is so funny that you were going to say he forged a check and he was going to say you stole his car OK thanks for that one! You always cheer me up!

Boys r us replied: Always ready to lend a laugh!

DVFlyer replied:

Winner! Winner! Winner!

We were pretty stressed before our wedding, so yes, I think it's normal. It got to a point where my only words were "OK and "dear". I knew the stress was because of the wedding/ future uncertainty etc. I also knew it would all be back to normal after it was over. It is after all a day for the bride more than the groom. She should have (almost ) everything she wants.

jcc64 replied: Steve and I didn't speak for 2 straight weeks before we were married!
Everything you're experiencing is totally normal and predictable- I'm surprised you hadn't heard about the pre wedding jitters before.
I'm certain he's pondering the end of his "freedom" with some anxiety- it IS a big step after all, and even after all these years, my dh still guards his autonomy like a jealous dog with a bone. It's normal guy stuff. Don't breathe down his neck, it'll only make it worse, trust me. In a calm friendly moment, approach him and try to negotiate something you can both live with regarding his "guy time". And make sure you get the reciprocal time off as well so it's balanced.
It'll work out, Lea Ann. It's just stress, trust me.

Josie83 replied: Lea Ann I posted a reply over in p&i xx

GavinsMommy replied: You sound like you have a pretty good relationship despite your differences. You'll be okay! But I must say, if you have doubts about marrying him, then you probably shouldn't. You probably aren't having any doubts, I just thought I'd throw that in there. Jer and I had a pretty good relationship in the beginning, but slowly it dwindled and still is, and I had my doubts...I wish I would have listened to myself. But then again, I have a little bundle to show for everything, so if for nothing else...if in 50 years I'm on my death bed and start to have regret, I can at least say I did it for my boy

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Scott and I fought a lot right before we got married too... always over little things that didn't matter. I hated it! So yeah it must be normal, but I really wish I'd made more of an effort to not always be on each others case, you know? Hang in there! Maybe you guys need to take a break and just sit and cuddle and talk about something not wedding related.