I need advice/help. - Big moment.

Insanemomof3 wrote: A little background. My first marriage fell apart. I left, moved from Montana to Oregon and lived with my family. I had custody of my daughter (now 10 years old) for summers and every other Christmas. When she was 5 years old, (and ex was remarried) she told me she hated me and didn't want to be with me. She said she wanted to stay with her dad. At that time, I saw how unhappy she was and let her go. I told him that she was miserable and I could not do that to her. (Bad mistake)

Well, I talked to her yesterday for the first time in 5 years. She asked me why I didn't want her. I explained to her what happened and she apologized to ME. I told her there was no reason for an apology because she did NOTHING wrong. I told her I was wrong for letting her go. I told her I love her and always would and that anytime she wanted to visit me (or me visit her) we could. I told her to call me whenever she wanted to. She got excited and asked if she could see me SOON. She got sad because school is in right now and she doesn't want to wait for summer. I told her that I would figure it out and come see her.

I looked it up. It is $110 for a round trip ticket on greyhound. I talked to James (my hubby) and told him I need to go for her. He asked me why we always needed to be the ones to go visit people???!!!! I was like well, this is my daughter and she wants me. I told him we could put off a bill for a week so that I could go. He won't do that.

WHat should I do?

mckayleesmom replied: Is there someone you can borrow the money from? I think your husband is being a little selfish...Im sure you have waited for this day for a long time.

luvbug00 replied: first off let me say I'm happy you two can reconnect before she hits those teenage years! All I've ever done is ebay stuff. sell and use the profits for bills or what have you. I'm not much help... Good luck!!

Insanemomof3 replied: I don't know anyone. I MAY be able to get my ex to pay for it...but it isn't really right for him to do it. That should be MY HUBBY's job.

He did say I could go. He did say we would get the ticket. BUT. When we could afford it. Which I understand. But I feel like if I don't go NOW, I could ruin the first sign of headway I have made with her. KWIM?

Boys r us replied: I would put your foot down...I mean, nobody and I do mean NOBODY would EVER come between my child and myself! if he can't see that you NEED to do this, for her, for yourself..then that would be the last of my discussions of it with him! I would go buy my ticket and go! no questions about it!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry! It seems to me that putting a bill off for one week isn't that big of a deal in comparison to going to your daughter! Do you have any credit cards you could put it on? If you don't maybe you could apply for one? I hope you can figure out a way to get the ticket.

KingMom replied: Can you charge it on a credit card and try to pay it off next month??

Insanemomof3 replied: Yeah, I have no credit cards, and putting a bill off should not be a big deal. If I said I am going and did it anyway he would just tell me to get a one way ticket.

I don't know what i am going to do.

mckayleesmom replied: I will donate 20 dollars.....your husband needs to be kicked...

KingMom replied: Have anything you can sell you don't use?? I agree with Happymom, ebay is a great way to bring in some quick cash.

amymom replied: I hope it works out for you. I am glad you are reconnecting.

Boys r us replied: I've never done one, but what about one of those cash advance places?

I don't mean to butt in or give unwanted advice..but if my dh were stopping me from going to see my daughter, I would probably WANT to get a 1 way ticket! This is HUGE I don't get why he doesn't understand that!

Sarah&Mackenzie replied:
I so agree with you and can't understand why he doesn't understand that!! Maybe you should try talking to him again and try to explain why this is so important to you!!!! I hope everything works out for you!!!

Insanemomof3 replied: I did try to explain it to him. I went to see him a bit ago and he told me that since they are so slow at the shop we just can't afford it. I knew that. But we could put off a bill for a week. He told me no...because what if the next week we can't afford to pay it? GRRRRRRRRRRRRr

I just want to cry and say that fine, I won't go see her. I told him that I wanted him to understand how I felt, and he said he can't becuase he is not in that position. He told me he would not put off a bill if it were HIM in this position. Sometimes I really think he is selfish. But then, he thinks the same of me. He says I am the most selfish person.

kimberley replied: i agree that you should go now and your DH should be more understanding and helpful. this is your daughter, not some passing friend. do you have any friends or coworkers to turn to.. maybe raise money? if worse comes to worse, just ask your ex. your daughter is worth swallowing some pride, kwim?

MommyToAshley replied: I would have a serious heart to heart with your DH once the kids go to bed. Maybe he doesn't understand how important this is to you. Or, maybe there are reasons other than financial ones why he doesn't want you to go. This is a whole other part of your life that he was not involved in and has no control over. You'll be seeing your Ex and YOUR child that he doesn't know. All of that can be threatening, maybe he just needs to be reassured. I think it is wonderful you were able to talk to your daughter and you will be reunited... especially for her. But, I am sure your husband is wondering how it will affect the life the two of you have built together. I could be totally off-base, but you won't know for sure until you sit down and REALLY talk to your DH. And, after that, if he still doesn't want you to go... I think it is one of those things where you have to decide for yourself what you want to do. Personally, I would go.

Insanemomof3 replied:
He does know my daughter, and my ex. He met them one Christmas when we went to pick her up for the holidays. It is strictly finances that is bugging him. I understand that. I really do. What I can't understand is why he won't be understanding about how I feel? I have told him EVERYTHING about my feelings on this, both last night and today. But he won't budge. I am going to ask my ex if he can pay for it since he will save on daycare while I am there. Hope that works.

3xsthefun replied: Ugh..sometimes men can be. I really hope things work out for you and you can go see her soon!

CantWait replied:
ITA Good Luck, and congrats on reconnecting with your daughter.

redchief replied: I'm glad you're communicating with your daughter and I understand your desire to go to her. I also understand all of the moms' feelings that you have to find any way to get to her possible. That's where I feel differently. I truly do understand your need to see your daughter, but I also understand how finances could get in the way of that. Bringing it all down to money sounds cold, but it sounds as if you really don't have the money available to make the trip right now. Is there another way you can stay in contact with your daughter until it becomes more fiscally feasible to make the trip?

USMCwife replied: I think that it is wonderful that you have the chance to reconnect w/ your daughter! This has to be an amazing feeling for you and her!

I dont think that your DH is being very understanding right now. He knows your situation and IMO, I think that he should also be very happy for you both.
I know he may be worried about your finances , but I think that you seeing your daughter for the first time in 5 years is more important.
Hope everyhing turns out OK!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Me too! Good luck working out the details!