I need advice about Jack - and preschool PLEASE

moped wrote: I got a call from his preschool teacher that she is having a few problems with Jack. He only goes 2 mornings a week. He does not participate in the activities if they aren’t what he wants to do, he will roll his eyes and huff and puff if it isn’t what he wants to do (this happens at home as well) He will give the “too cool” attitude sometimes that she doesn’t like because come K he will have a hard time when things don’t go his way or the game doesn’t include cars and trucks. She is concerned that he isn’t liking school anymore, but he is always very happy and excited to be there and tell me all about the day. I assumed all was going well because I had not heard from her and when I did she said he was doing great and will have no problems in K next year, now I am not so sure. She said they played “Red Light, green light” and didn’t want to play it the way they were playing it so he crossed his arms and “checked out”. She wants him to be a kid, but said he is far beyond his 4 years. She feels she isn’t doing her job if he isn’t enjoying his time there. But the odd thing is that he is enjoying his time there as far as we know. He is always happy to tell me everything. She has mentioned in the past that he doesn’t start and finish things, but that was normal for a boy that was interested in other things. We have been working on this at home, and I feel her pain with that.
If he brings out paper and markers then he will do it, but if I suggest it, it will not happen and I will get silliness and attitude. I am disappointed because I thought he was doing so good and then to get this negative feedback has made me feel like I am not doing my job either. He is a good kid, and yes he is beyond his years. The kid os obsessed with Barack Obama and knows A LOT about him. The other day he told me exactly how daddys new satellite radio would transmit signals in great detail to get all these radio stations. He is like talking to an adult.
Blah, anyone have any suggestions?

momofone replied: Maybe expose him to kids more - like activities ( maybe karate class ) or something that might interest him.

It is hard in the beginning i had similiar problems cuz i had DD home for 6 years then i put her in school it takes a year to get used to .

CantWait replied: It's either it's not challenging him OR, maybe he's just not ready for that kind of structure yet. You may have the same problem in Kindy.

cameragirl21 replied: Get his IQ tested...I am not a big believer in these numbers in principle but I think it's possible he is not challenged enough and that may be the problem. A really high IQ score would at least help explain what is happening and would make it easier for teachers to figure out how best to work with him.
If his IQ is normal, then it may be more attitude than anything else but if it's on the high side then it's likely he's just not stimulated by the environment and other kids and his behavior is just his childlike way of expressing that as opposed to attitude, etc.

boyohboyohboy replied: Caleb has that odd birthday that missed the cut off for kindergarden, we started him in a very structured preschool when he was 4 yr old. I swear I could have written what you did.
He was always doing what he wanted to do. It was hard to know what to do, because he knew all the work he was supposed to, he was ready for kindergarden in that aspect but he wasnt socially. He just couldnt sit down and focus like he was supposed to..so we kept him in preschool another year, at the age of 5 because the schools wouldnt let him go, and you know that was the year he matured and listened better and it just worked itself out.
he is always like that, if he knows the work then he looks for other ways to get himself busy and that usually means disrupting others to play or not doing what he is asked to do.
the teacher had some trouble when we started first grade because he knew most of what she was teaching..she finally had to make it so that if he wanted to do the things he wanted to, like recess, and the play time, he had to do the structured work and he had to do it when he was supposed to..or else lost his recess.
I guess my point is, for us it worked itself out. It wasnt that he was bad, or that we didnt teach him manners, it was just that he had to mature a little more.
the respect will come.

Now my dh will say that he feels boys do not sit at desks and color and do those kinds of activities very long, he feels boys should be seperated because they are more physical and learn better when they can be more physical..
so as far as setting down and doing what is asked...I think it just comes with age.

you did a good thing by teaching him all he needs for his education...he has to learn for himself how to behave in a social setting and what is expected of him.

how about a reward system if he gets good reports from the teacher? we used a log book that each day he was there if he got a smile face sticker and that meant he was good he got a prize, and if he got a check mark that meant he hadnt followed the rules and he lost his prize..and maybe Jack could lose his trucks or what ever he really finds interesting.

the teacher always gave three warnings before he got a check also..

lovemy2 replied: I would have to agree that he is maybe not challenged enough - BUT that being said he has to learn to deal with doing things that he may find boring or just not his thing - I am a firm believer in not putting a whole lot of stock in how "smart" a kid is at that age - I am not saying ignore it but in my opinion they need to learn more about the "social" part of the school setting than the actual book stuff - most may not agree but if he is doing good academically and staying on target then in my opinion he needs to learn to work on the parts he doesn't like - the listening, the finishing a task, the waiting his turn, the interacting with other kids, etc. I am not saying ignore the academics of it but put some effort towards the other part - it is quite obvious he is smart you have known that all along - and I don't mean make your kid focus on being social I mean help your kid learn how to interact in the world - the books will get him far but the social side will be just as important IMO -

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I completely agree with this. Wil's preschool teacher used to teach Kindergarten and she 100% believes Wil needs another year. I said similar things to her, like "I'm just worried he will get bored doing another year because he seems to know so much already". And the teacher said "it's not important how well they are doing academically. Wil does know a lot for his age and is even above level. But it's how he handles things emotionally, that's important for Kinder". Wil is a smart kid and could handle K on the academic side, but emotionally and socially, he isn't there.

I think getting him in karate would be great. I know you do an amazing job disciplining him Jen, but maybe he needs someone else to keep him in line. A role model, like a karate instructor, to show him that following directions is actually fun. And it's a confident booster.

My biggest fear is having Wil's confidence level go down if I were to put him in K this year. He definitely acts out in school and I think it will be a rude awakening for him to find out other kids are more "mature" than he is. That's JMO. But that's where I'm at on this topic if it helps. I'm signing Wil up for itty-bitty kung fu in a few weeks!

moped replied: I asked her if he was going to be ready for K and she said YES, he will just have to understand that he will have to do the things he is told even if they don't entail cars and trucks......LOL
I know he is ready and she said he certainly is without a doubt.
I don't know if it is boredom or not, but the bottom line is he needs to do what he is told like it or not.
He is just a kid and she wants him to be a kid, not talk like an adult like he does.

I asked him last night what his reason was and he said the games are all new and he doesn't know them. I told him that he will get it and not to give up so easily if he doesn't know the game.

moped replied:
He plays soccer twice a week (when the snow melts) and I don't agree with more than one activity at a time........he is only 4 after all

momofone replied:
I apologize i was not aware that he plays soccer already. I'm sorry.

moped replied:
Oh no problem - I totally like the sports thing, but not too many at once.......cause it is expensive and I also thinkt hey need time to be a kid....which is the teachers issue, she jsut wants him to be a kid.

Sorry if I came off cranky about it, I didn't mean to.

I did question posting this because being that nobody really knows him it is hard to give advice ya know............

Anyways, thanks!

lisar replied: My problem is a little similar to yours (well kindof) mine is that Raygen doesnt want to go to school at all, she starts pre-k in August and I am so worried about that she isnt going to do good. She goes to school now 1 day a week (well its not school its really just daycare but we tell her its school) I put her in there to get used to going and being around other kids. She has been with Granny and me since she was born. I think for kids that stay home with the parents or grand parents its harder on them sometimes to get used to going to places like that. Lexi was the opposite though her first day of school she didnt want me to walk her to class, she wanted me to leave and not go in with her. I walked her in anyways though weather she liked it or not.
I just have this fear that Raygen is not ready for pre-k I personally think she can do the work and things, but mentally she isnt ready if I even make any sense.
And when I do take Raygen to school she pitches a tee total fit and they just take her from me and I walk out. It breaks my heart to do this but I know I need to. Also when she actually starts pre-k they arent going to do this for me. So I dont know what to do on that aspect.

Sorry I know this dont help you any, and its really off topic.

moped replied:
Yeah that must be hard.......sorry.

Jack loves to go and always has very positive things to say after, so that is what baffles me a bit.

Kids are hard to deal with sometimes!

Boo&BugsMom replied: Jen, I agree about the challenging! That was my first thought too. Tanner was the same way. He did not want to do anything if it didn't pose a challenge. He gets bored SO easily. I also wanted to ask if the teacher makes it fun enough for him. Kids this age need it to be fun and hands on. Learning centered obviously, but kids his age, especially boys, need to be SO hands-on. If he is just sitting at a table doing "work", then that isn't going to cut it.

My guess is that come K, he will not have this issue. K will be much more structured and that is probably what he needs. He is probably ready to move on, and is getting bored with the work he is being given. I would talk to the teacher about possible ways he could be more challenged.

Brias3 replied: I agree, its tough when we don't know him! Sounds like you're doing awesome in all regards though. Perhaps he just needs a boost on the academic side. Maybe his teacher can suggest ways you can do that at home too- hopefully that will curtail some of the boredom he might feel at school!

I totally think kids go through different adjustment periods too. Mason's, for example, wasn't in line with when he began school. He was quite a bit into it before he started to struggle with the social aspects of the classroom. He's gotten better as time goes on, an extra curriculars definitely helped. Maybe you could also try doing things that are "out of the ordinary" at home too- like games, activities, etc. Maybe its the school environment paired with the newness of things that is disengaging him. Who knows! As I always say, I must have left the instruction manual on my kids back at the hospital