I need a shoulder to lean on (sorry, very long)

coasterqueen wrote: I'm sorry, but I am going to vent or else I will just burst into tears. I feel like I've been venting a lot lately and I'm so sorry. Maybe I should take a break, I don't know.

I just feel like I'm going to explode inside and I have no idea at all why. And the things I can think of for reasons why are just really trivial and stupid.

I was gone all day at a motivational speaker conference yesterday, you'd think that would keep me in a good mood and renew me, but it hasn't. I'm trying so hard to utilize the tools they gave me yesterday so I have a "good day" instead of a "bad one" but I just can't muster anything up.

DH and I decided to let our cleaning lady go right now so we can save that money to use on the basement. Dh told me not to let them go if I didn't feel we could handle the house on our own. Well, I thought I could, but I guess after having someone do it for 9 months, I just feel like going bonkers! I thoroughly cleaned last Friday and already the house looks like a ZOO! Usually the house stays fairly clean between the 2 weeks they come, but not this time! WHY? Because I'm cleaning it now? I don't know. But it's driving me sad, not mad.

Then there's the fact that I was gone all day. Do you think 2 people can keep an office going while I'm away? It shouldn't be THAT HARD! The BRAND NEW copier broke yesterday, no one did anything about it and of all days that I need the copier like I need a cigarette is TODAY! UGH! The feeder is broken so it's taking me FOEVER to copy everything. Could someone have called yesterday? Well, I guess not! So I called today and they won't be able to get here til sometime next week because of backlog. I have huge reports going out tomorrow and I can't leave til they are done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My lovely co-worker looked at me and said, "Oh, it was broken yesterday, but I just thought it would fix itself today. Guess I should have called." Well, NO, do you think so???????? Grrrrrrrrr.

Then there's the fact I found out my boss' wife is pregnant. I didn't find out from him because for gosh sake he can't tell me anything. He thinks he's a spy and has to keep HIS ENTIRE life secret and we live not even 1/2 a mile from each other. The man barely waves to me on the road. Well, I'm not mad that he didn't tell me. I believe it was not planned because both their kids are young but in school and they are in mid 40's and said they didn't want anymore kids. They barely parent the 2 they got. But for some STUPID reason I'm depressed because his wife is pregnant! WHY? I guess because I want so badly to be right now, the yearning is getting unbearable and I don't know why. But, Dh wants to go on that stinking canoe trip in July and then because of AF's timing we can't even try til later in July. I'm so ready NOW :-( 2 months just seems like an eternity. And I know that sounds very stupid.

Then there's my AHA business which is NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE. I'm so far in the hole so far that I'm afraid to buy supplies I need because I don't want to go negative anymore. Dh is nagging me to stop, but I really want to do this. I haven't been able to get any bookings from the parties I've done. The people LOVE the product, should it's great, but I've concluded it's not the product it's me. I STINK at sales. I'm a horrible salesperson. My presentation is dry, boring and it stinks! No wonder no one wants me to do a party for them. I just hate feeling like a failure at something. I know I stink because a good friend of mine was kind enough to tell me the truth after the party I did for her last night. She said it nicely, though. My sales at my parties are GREAT, but I get no bookings from it.

I'm exhausted because I didn't get home from the party til after 10 pm last night. I'm too exhausted to even want to be near Kylie tonight and that makes me feel awful. I'm eating like a pig because I feel so low. I want a back rub really really bad, haven't had one in 2 months, but Dh hurt his hand playing basketball a couple months ago and apparently it still hurts. I'm about ready to find the first man I see and beg them for one.

I need to go pump right now, well actually 45 minutes ago, but there is a member in the office where my pump is at so I CAN'T. I don't want to go in there and say anything because I'm tired of getting crap for still nursing and pumping at 19 months. So I'm about ready to burst! I'm also tired of pumping, but have to keep it up til June 30 so I can stash enough away to leave for Kylie while we are on our trip.

I'm just so burn-out right now. I'm sorry for bringing everyone down with my trivial problems. I just really need to get my feelings off my chest so-to-speak. I feel like crying. I can't wait til 5 pm. I hope there is a good song on the radio because I plan to get in my car, turn my radio up to the highest volume level possible and just cry all the way home. It always makes me feel better, lol. I'm going to go deaf someday because of how high I listen to my radio. It's the only way to clear my frustrations. Weird, I know . Thanks for listening.

amynicole21 replied: Oh Karen, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time!!!! It sounds to me like you are just taking too much on right now! You don't have any time to yourself to decompress, and you must be exhausted I wish I could come there and take some of this stuff off of your shoulders.

Does AHA give training materials and offer resources for getting better at the sales part? I don't really think it's something that necessarily comes naturally. Don't be so hard on yourself about it!

I'm getting the baby itch, too. I need to hold off for a few months as well because I will have a HUGE meeting at the end of next Jan in Vegas, and need to be able to attend. It's difficult to talk yourself out of the baby crazies once they are upon you, though... I know!

I really hope things start turning around for you soon. Maybe this weekend you can really focus on yourself and get everything back into perspective. And remember, we're here for you if you need to rant some more!!!!

kimberley replied: like you say to everyone else, don't apologize for venting. that is what we are here for. and your problems aren't trivial if they are having this effect on you. you sound a little overwhelmed and very much in need of a break and some TLC. if i could, i would come there and take care of Kylie for you, smack DH on the butt, and give you that back rub after you had a nice relaxing bubble bath. i really hope things get better for you soon.

paradisemommy replied: +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+offering you a BIG cyber shoulder to cry on+_+_+_+_+_+_+

*sigh* i wish so much i could offer you some advice or help or both but i know how it feels to be overwhelmed and tired and have every little thing get on your nerves. you should really get dh or someone to watch kylie and as soon as you can, go book yourself a massage because you sound like you totally deserve it and it may do you some good!



hang in there, karen. sounds like you should call in sick and stay in bed and cuddle and play with kylie all day..that's another thought..there's something about hanging around a toddler that always puts me in a good mood when i'm feeling down!!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry things are so rough for you right now! I wanted to offer Remember to BREATH, take a nice deep breath from you abdomen, in through your nose, out through your mouth! This always helps keep me focused and also your brain does need oxygen! It sounds like you could really use a break! Do something really nice for yourself tonight, take an extra long hot bath, go to a small cafe and have a nice flavoured coffee/beverage, go window shopping, just do something to get out of the house! Don't ever feel embarrassed for posting about how badly you feel! A few weeks ago when I was feeling badly you posted your support to me! We all care about you and we all have bad days! You are an important part of this board and we are all here to support you! I hope things get better for you!

A&A'smommy replied: Awww Sweetie! I'm so sorry your feeling so down today! (((((BIG BIG HUGS)))). I hope that your tomorrow is better! And hey don't feel so bad about the sales thing because I can't even get up the nerve to CALL people and ask them to host a party for me !

ediep replied: awwww, Karen...I wish you lived near me, I would definately host a party for you!!!!!
Of course you are tired...I'm tired just sitting here reading about all that is on your plate!! Try to relax!!
(((((hugs)))))

kit_kats_mom replied: You sound like you have a LOT of stuff going on.

The suggestions that the other ladies listed sound great. Even if AHA doesn't offer sales training, you could probably find some good tips online...just do a search during all of your free time. LOL

I have such a tenious grasp on my sanity right now, I have little advice to dole out but perhaps your boss would let you take the reports to Kinkos (or another printer) to have them done since the copier is broken. And perhaps if you break down your household chores into small daily tasks you can keep up with it. I am right there with you on missing the maid. I've tried to do at least two small things (like empty all the trash in the house and clean out the fridge) every day and then tackle the bathrooms on the weekends. that way it doesn't get out of hand.

Good luck with your days and try your best to relax.

MommyToAshley replied: (((((HUGS)))))) Whew, I am tired just reading your post. You are taking on a lot right now, maybe you should take a step back and relax a little. The house, AHA, and everything else can wait. You need a weekend of relaxation, a backrub, and some family time! I hope you get it.

Here's a big cyberhug

Elle replied: Here's another big cyberhug
Unfortunately that's all I can do for you I'm sorry you're going through all this, you don't deserve it

CantWait replied: I think at the very least you need a hug. I'm so sorry you're so stressed right now. I hope things calm down soon. And don't be silly, we're here to listen, I'm sure we've all done the stressed out mommy thing on the board, or at least will at some point. Sometimes you just need someone to vent too.

MylittlePaige replied: Karen.

"I just feel like I'm going to explode inside and I have no idea at all why. And the things I can think of for reasons why are just really trivial and stupid."

It sounds like to me that all of the things that you have mentioned are legitimate concerns. No it isn't a huge deal that a copier is broken or that you can't get a back rub or that your bosses wife is prego but it is the issues that stem from them-other people need to be able to take care of things in your absence and you want your DH to make you feel better and you have the baby itch big time!

It is when things like this start happening that it just builds and builds till you feel like you are about to burst at the seams. Isn't it much easier when you have one problem or concern that you can focus on so you know how to deal with it. When you have a bunch of things that are irritating you is when you feel really overwhelmed and that the odds are against you!

Unfortunately I know from my own experience and from other friends that there are going to be plenty of times as Mommies that we feel this way. Karen-you are a fab mom and Kylie is lucky to have you. Just remember you are not SUPER MOM, WIFE and EMPLOYEE sometimes you need a break too. This may mean the house getting a little out of control (I am at about neck level with my laundry right now ) or that you need to take a break from the sales till you feel better prepared for it. Don't beat yourself up over this stuff-you are only human!

I hope that you can have a relaxing weekend and that it can revive you. Sometimes you just need a few days to work out the funk! I think it is a good step that you posted though. Sometimes it just feels good to get it out.
Alli and Paige
BTW I don't think it is weird at all to blast the radio and let out a good cry-whatever works for you!

coasterqueen replied: Thank you all so very much. You all are so very awesome to me. It's amazing how kind you all are and haven't actually met me IRL.

I feel a lot better today. Just venting made me feel better, and then that loud radio cry on the ride home last night made me feel good too. I also turned on the radio when I got home (not loud though, lol) and boogied with Kylie for a bit. She was cracking me up shaking her tushie. Sometimes just doing things like that just make me feel so much better.

DH must have known something was bothering me, because he took over the responsibility of doing Kylie's nighttime routine and put her to bed to let me watch Friends. I haven't watched Friends in, well, I don't even remember the last time I got to watch it.

He also let me veg out and watch the last few innings of the Cardinals baseball game while HE did the dishes, picked up the kitchen, made our lunches for today and got Kylie's sippys ready for daycare. I asked him what I did to deserve all this and he said "well mother's day should be celebrated every day not just on that day". I quickly knew he had something brewing in his mind, ahem, if you know what I mean. LOL.

He even gave me a backrub even though his hand hurt.

Even though Kylie slept about 3 hours last night I actually feel better this morning. I got up and let her played in the mid of night while I looked through some of the material I received at that speakers showcase the other day. It reminded me of some of the things I should think about about all the small stuff in life, etc. So that kind of renewed me for today.

Thanks again everyone for all your kind words. You all mean so much to me. Words just can't express it enough. to all of you!

Lily replied: You know, venting is such a great thing sometimes. Just getting all the thoughts that are building up in your brain OUT is great. They will backlog and explode if you don't get them out. I know! It's happened to me many times when I try to be so strong and SUPER MOM. lol And I'm so glad your dh took the time to take care of you. Bet that helped so much more than anything else.

MomToMany replied:
I'm glad you are feeling better! What an awful lot to deal with at once! It's great you got to vent, though. It always does a world of good to get it all out! I can picture Kylie boogying! That must have been cute!!

to your DH! How nice of him to do that!! Hopefully he will keep it up !! I'm glad you got to relax a little!


Sorry I didn't get to post sooner.

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww I hope your having a better day. I send tons of hugs you way and feel free to vent anytime.

I am glad you got some mommy time......Hope you contintue to feel better.

CantWait replied: How sweet of your dh, what a great guy
Glad you're feeling better today

jen replied: AWWWWW snaps to DH I am glad you are feeling better! Lots of Hugs!!!!

chloe&tysmommy replied: Glad your feeling so much better today! It does make a world of difference when you let it all out.

That was so sweet of your dh to say that...and I'm glad you finally got that back rub too

DansMom replied: It sounds like you have too much on your plate---I know I feel that way too sometimes. It's definitely good to vent---sounds like DH did a good job letting you get some much needed Karen time!