I left maddie with him

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Adam and I have been fighting (what else is new)... I have spent the last 2 days at my mom's house, and this morning Adam called and said he missed us and to please come home... So i did.... 4 hours later he was like "i'm going to go play in a poker tournament can I take your car? (he still has no license) so I was like fine whatever you piece of s***... So once he left I decided to go look at his bank account statement online, and there $400 missing from last night.... I called him up and asked himi where it was and he said he took it out cause he played in a different poker tourney friday night... I FLIPPED!!! I told him he had 20 minutes to get his butt home or else I was calling the cops and reporting my car stolen... So finally he got home... I left Maddie with him and took off.... I feel guilty that I didn't bring her (he would never hurt her) But since hes the jerk why should he get the luxury of not having to wake up with her and take care of her tonight I have had her to myself for the past 2 days.... Sorry to ramble....

You know I would leave him, but I don't really want to live at my moms right now, so my thoughts are to put up with him til I'm out of school... But I dont know if Ic can last til then Hes driving me nuts!

luvmykids replied: I'm sorry things are so rough right now, I hope you're able to come up with some kind of solution, with or without him. And don't feel bad for leaving her with him, you deserve a break too, especially when tension is running high.

Twelve Volt Man replied:
Since you posted this publicly, I'll offer my advice, even though it's not likely to be popular.

You and your boyfriend have been arguing, so you've been staying with your mother. He claims to have missed you, so you immediately return to his side. Upon doing so, he leaves to play poker. You allow him to take your car, despite the fact that he has no driver's license (which means YOU can be charged, criminally). You then log into his bank account, and discover that he's gambled money away, as opposed to tending to his family. You then threaten to accuse him of stealing your car, despite having alllowed him to take it, knowing that he has no license. Then you leave your daughter with him, so "he should get the luxury of not having to wake up with her and take care of her tonight."

I honestly feel sorry for your situation. But, it's time to step up and change your future. Stop alllowing his behavior, and make a stand. It seems to me that you're at the point where it's between your child or your mate. Who's more important?

lovemy2 replied: I am a firm believer in fixing the problem no matter what it takes - you have been miserable for some time - remember that misery does rub off on Maddie in some senses - that being said - I know you are a WONDERFUL and dedicated mother but the stress this relationship is putting you under has to begin to wear you down sooner or later - seems like its sooner since you had to leave and leave Maddie with him....

Go to your local Department of Social Services - see what you can qualify for - I don't know which state you are in but I know in NY - you being a single young mother AND in school - you would qualify for lots of help...you are obviously dedicated to bettering yourself with school, etc.

Do something now before you end up like you were recently - pregnant again with a child you at this time aren't ready for with a guy you obviously don't plan on being with for the rest of your life...

KUP and good luck - you and your daughte deserve to be happy....

ZandersMama replied:

kimberley replied: i completely agree with the above posts. for yourself and your daughter you must be proactive in doing what's best for both of you now. i know what it's like to be unhappy in a relationship, and with kids that are 10, 9, 3, and 1... i have seen the pain it has caused them even if you THINK you are protecting them from it. living with mom may not be appealing, but isn't your daughter's mental health worth the temporary inconvenience? i don't know about where you live, but here, a single mom qualifies for so much.. including grants to pay for school, assistance and subsidized child care.

that being said, i have one question for you... do you still love him? if you do, that changes a lot. i am sorry things have been hard for you for so long, but maybe now it's time for a change. i am here if you need to talk.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
I don't know, I had a dream the other night it was just like it was in the beginning when he was proud of me and he would do anything for me... And i would have done anything for him... when we were madly in love and it made me so sad... i care about how he will end up and i love him because he is my childs father... i would love to be in love with him but he says it doesn't exist, that its only in movies... Well I need to find a man who isn't embarrassed to hold my hand in public, who cuddles with me, who treats me like a princess.... Whos opinion of me doesn't change throughout my pregnancy when I gain 70 pounds and look like a cow...

Do I still love him? Not right now... Do I think I could ever be in love with him again? It would take a lot of counseling and work and change that I dont think he can make

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Know what? Sounds like you need to kick his butt to the curb... and suck it up and live at your mom's for a while. Is it really worth all the misery of staying around him? I know it's easier said than done... but in the long run, do you want your baby to see the tension between your bf and you?

Be strong.

lovemy2 replied:
I think you have answered your own questions dear.....

You deserve all you have said - don't settle for less...maybe splitting now is the best thing - who's to say you won't end up back together in the future when he has have grown up a little and matured....

kimberley replied: i agree, you answered your own question by replying to mine. move forward and start feeling good about yourself again. maybe one day he will grow up and realize all he lost.

amynicole21 replied: I've heard really good things about this book, and it was recommended to me by a marriage counselor: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I don't think that putting up with all of that is worth it... your mom's might be an inconvenience, but in the end I think it is the best option.

MyBabeMaddie replied: You all have really good advice, I think I am going to stay at my moms at least for a month or so, its gonna suck but I think we all need some time away from eachother.

lovemy2 replied:
Good decision - now follow through and KUP, we are here if you need us

Cece00 replied: Definetly time to leave. I dated a loser for 4 yrs (and had 2 kids with him) and they dont gross up. Now I'm married to a GREAT man, a good father, someone who loves and respects me.

If he hasnt stepped up at this point, he never will. Dont teach your daughter its acceptable to be treated like this by allowing yourself to be treated like this.

HuskerMom replied:

luvmykids replied:
I've read this book, it's very helpful. The tough part is doing something about it once you realize the answers to your questions Good luck to you, I know it's not easy but you can waste an awful lot of time waiting for someone to change....

msoulz replied:

My thought exactly. "Do as I say not as I do" is a fallacy.

Danalana replied: He sounds like my father (except my father was/is also an alcoholic and drug addict)...here we are, all these years later, and my father still focuses on himself. He's in his 3rd unhappy marriage, and there are a trail of scorned women behind him. He rarely had anything to do with me...the point is, he's 57 and hasn't changed in all these years. I'm not saying people can't change, cause I know they can. I'd just hate to see you wait around for that.

Calimama replied:
It'll be hard but do what's best for your daughter.