I have to get this off my chest before I explode!! - MIL vent......LONG....

Mom2Boyz wrote: When I found out I was pg with Conner, dh's mother was extatic. She bought all kinds of stuff for me throughout the pg, and bought us our stroller, carseat, tons of clothes, bottles, diapers, the list goes on and on. She also MADE him at least 3 blankets a pillow, and a teddy bear. He was their first grandchild, so I assumed that is why she went all out when it came to making and buying things.

When we found out I was pg with Caden, her response was "ALREADY?" Not congratulations or great!! a sibling for Conner. She just never really seemed that "into" my pg with Caden. Not that we needed alot of stuff for Caden, but after everything she'd bought and made for Conner, I assumed she would be excited about Caden as well and do the same for him. But all she bought for him was a blanket and 2 onsies.

Larry's brother and his g/f found out she was pg in April (she's due 12/1) and their Mother was totally excited for them since this is his first child. I'm excited for them too!! I can't wait to meet their little one.

Her baby shower was last Sunday, and dh's mother did for their baby exactly what she'd done for Conner. She got them a Stroller, carseat, high chair, clothes, bottles, diapers, and MADE 4 blankets and a pillow. My feelings were CRUSHED!!!!

It's not about the money she spent, or even all of the gifts she gave them, it's the fact that she did it for Conner and for bil's baby, but not for Caden Like I said, we didn't need much for Caden, but it would have been nice to have a hand made blanket for him from his Grandma. I know this may seem like a petty gripe to some, but my feelings were really hurt. It's like since he is the second child for us he doesn't mean as much or something. Does anyone elses family treat their second child different than their first? It's just been eating at me and driving me crazy, so I had to get it out. Thanks for listening.

~KARA~ replied:
Vent all you want about your mil! I cant stand mine!!!
I already had a kid when dh and I got married. I saved alot of stuff from her but still needed alot. My Mil bought me noting. All my oldest dil bout was the bedding, that was a big help. After my youngest dd was born my oldest sil was the only one to "offer" of jut go out and buy stuff. My mil has boughten NOTHING for Kaden and he is 3mo old now!!

to you and Caden!! Im sure Connor wouldnt mind sharing a blanket or 2 with Caden, I know its not the same!!

MIL'S!

CCTandME replied: I would be upset about not getting the handmade special gift, too. That seems like that is what is bothering you most. Anyway you husband can talk to her. So Caden will have it when he is older?
By the way, Caden was born on my birthday.

MommyToAshley replied: I can understand why she didn't go out and buy the big stuff (car seat, stroller, ect) because I am sure she figured you still had all the stuff from Conner. And, the same with clothes, she probably figured since you were having a boy that you didn't need a lot of new clothes. But, it seems that you are more bothered by the fact that she wasn't as enthusiastic about the PG and that you would have liked for her to have been more excited, enthused, and a nice sentimental gift would have been a great touch. She probably didn't realize that you were hurt, and figured you already had everything you need. I am not sure how I would handle the situation... I probably would just sulk in private because I don't like confrontation. And, of course, I would vent on here to peopel who understand how I felt.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Although I adore my MIL, I have noticed that the first born for us, and for my SIL are treated slightly different than the others. I have noticed this across the board between my SIL and her (3) sons, our two girls & my BIL's (3) sons. My MIL does not do nearly the things with BIL children as she does with our girls & my oldest nephew on SIL side. It hurts me a little-- although she does her best to be fair (in most instances), I know that I love both of our girls just the same, and I know that she does as well. To say that the firstborn children are favored slightly more than subsequent children may be true to some degree. Like it or not. When it comesto choices for things, Christian (our firstborn) gets the first choice- because she is bigger. Christian had a twin bed at 12mos vs Kellie who stilll not have one at all. Christian gets slightly bigger portions than Kellie, although Kellie has a HUGE (growing girl) appetite. In a way I think we all favor the firstborn, somewhat.
Our love for our children is multiplied amongst all, but being the first born does have its perks!!

Celestrina replied: I'm not sure how I would react if my mil acted like that (Ben will be our one and only child). She should have at least acted excited.

amymom replied:

Oh goody I can rant about my MIL too! So first of all rant and rave anytime. When my son was born (he is our oldest) my MIL was happy but she had already had 7 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren. So for her there was no thrill or excitement and I did NOT receive any type of baby gifts from the in-laws. ( Then again she gave us $100 when we got married.) Then when I miscarried my next baby at 15 weeks my MIL said "Well, it is for the best since you are too old to be having a baby anyway." (I was 37 yrs old!)
Anyway, needless to say she wasn't very supportive when we told her we were expecting again (when I was 39).... but she does love my daughter and they have an unusual bond .

I wish I had something encouraging to say. My son was my Mother's only grandchild when she died. She knit him sweaters, blankets, hats, gloves. She was the best GM anyone could ever have. And I get to share those things with her (now 8 + one on the way) other grandchildren. I wish she could have been here for my dd and all of my neices and nephews but I share those things with them.

Sorry to get so long, just wanted to share that I understand and yes I think my MIL treats these two Grandchildren more like how she treats her Great-grandchildren, but my kids who are 14 and 8 do not mind or mostly don't even seem to notice.

kit_kats_mom replied: I have to wait until after Christmas to really get going on this cause sure as
I start in on it, Lauren will get all the handmade stuff for the Holidays

I do know how you feel though. K got monogramed pillows, handmade blankets & handmade toys from family members & Lauren has received nothing like that yet from any of them

I really have my heart set on a handmade blanket for her like K got from her step great grandma. It's twin sized & has her initals knitted into it along with other kid stuff ( a heart, puppy, duck, train etc) it's so sweet. I'm hoping that she is working on one for Lauren but her year has been pretty full thus far.

It does bum me out a bit but I try to remember that they are most likely not trying to slight us on purpose. First babies are a big deal and I haqve noticed that people do tend to be more forthcoming with gifts out of their own excitement.

CantWait replied: Well none of my family went as crazy buying as much for my second child as they did with my first and it really didn't bother me. I just figure it's because it's my second and they knew I still and most of the stuff from the first time around. I'm sorry you feel like she's treating your second one different because of this, but I'm sure that's the only reason by it, not because she doesn't love Caden as much.

holley79 replied: Amy, I'm sorry that she hurt your feelings. It would have been nice if she did for all as she does for the others. Maybe she is a first baby kind of granny. Who knows what goes though MIL's minds.

Can I trade you MIL? Mine is down right hateful.

LeesAnn'smommy replied: Well i can understand where you are coming from with you MIL. My mil told me for along time that she didn't want my husband and i having kids to soon after we got married. She had two other grandchildren to take care of right now. If we had our baby to soon she wouldn't be able to give our baby the time she wanted to because she had these other to grand babies. Which here is the kicker. They are not ever her biological grandchildren. They are her boyfriends childrens kids.So they are of no relation to her at all. When we got pregnant i really didn't want to tell her. I said to my husband can we just call her and tell her when we are deliverying the baby. He told his mom and she really seem happy at first. Then they left for florida on vacation and they stopped in georgia on the way to visit her boyfriends duaghter and her son. Well when they got back alls i got to her about was how wonderful they little boy was and she just thinks the world of him. Anyways i had asked her to come by and see the babys room i had just finished getting it together. She said she would because they where going to go by her dads house. Which we just live acroos the highway from him. So we are really close. Anyways she never came by and so i called later and she said she went to her dads house. I didn't say anything. When i got off the phone i talked about it to my husband. He went to his mom and told her that she was making me feel like she didn't care that we were having her first grandbaby. That she was more happy about her boyfriends grandchildren then her own. She told him that it was just to hard for her. She was about to be a grandma and she didn't know who to deal with it. It's not like are in high school having a child(nothing aganist anyone who went though this). I could understand it being something that would be hard to deal with if your child was in high school or something. We were married and 25 years old when we had her. For my baby shower she got the baby a ring and earrings. Knowing that this was our first child and we need a whole bunch of things,she got us jewerly for the baby. Now our DS is almost 14 months old and my mil is a grandma when she wants to be. If she feels like being grandma she will come around. That isn't very often. We see her about every three months or so.

My3LilMonkeys replied: to you.

I'm lucky enough not to have this problem - but our family has a different problem. MIL and StepFIL shower both of our girls with attention and presents - much more so than my SIL's two boys. On SFIL's part it is b/c he and MIL were not together when the boys were little so he is kinda going overboard since the girls are little. MIL has always wanted a granddaughter so she is going crazy buying/making girl stuff for them. I know it drives SIL nuts but she is nice enough not to mention it. Is anyone else's family divided not by first/second but instead by gender in their treatment?

Mom2Boyz replied:
That is exactly what I do I don't want to start trouble so I just keep my mouth shut.
Like someone else said, it's not about all of the big gifts that she bought for the other two, it's about the sentimental gifts she DIDN"T make for Caden.

kimberley replied: i know how you feel. i get it from both sides tho. my own mother barely acknowledges any child i had after my first since he is her favorite and DH's parents currently act as tho i am not pg. no one talks about the baby or names or anything. only my dad and his gf (and you guys of course) care. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that this isn't the best time for us to have another but i still can't help feel hurt and disappointed that this baby is not as "loved" as the others. lets just hope things change once our babies are here.