I hate feeling this way - I hope this is NORMAL.......

jen wrote: I have been feeling really selfish lately about Maddy. For example when my Mother IN Law starts talking about taking off 2 weeks when she is born to "be there" I just about have an anxiety attack. I want that time for ME and MADDY and DH. But I also know she will be there when i call her and wouldn't smother the situation and it isn't fair to feel this anger towards her. I love my Mother in Law very much!!! I just feel awful for feeling that like. It isn't just my Mother IN Law it is my friends, other family members and anyone who wants to help!!!!!!!!!

Then when I was talking to my doctor, I don't want Maddy taken away from me unless it is medically necessary. I actually burst into tears when I asked him if they were going to take her away from me. He said that I will have a private birthing suite and she will stay in with us to ease my worries . Why am I feelings all of this now. I hate thinking that I am going to be the most over-protective mother ever! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I just feel like I am fixing to explode! HELP!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: What you are feeling is all natural! Don't worry you are not being selfish! Maybe try to explain to you MIL that you appreciate that she wants to be there with you, but that you would rather she just come and spend a few days rather than 2 weeks!

amynicole21 replied: Welcome to parenthood - lol Be prepared to feel anxious and over-protective for many many years.

I felt exactly the same way when Sophia was born. I wanted time alone with my new family, and didn't want to share that with anyone else. I am SURE that your MIL will totally understand if you let her know that you would like to bond with the baby for at least a week or two before you have her come to stay. I would actually recommend a month, but that might be too long for her This is YOUR time, and you do not need to worry about hurting people's feelings.

jen replied: Thanks! I am starting to feel better! I just had to vent! The sad thing is my MIL wouldn't be staying at my house for 2 weeks she would be taking off from work for 2 weeks and she lives 10 miles away. I guess it isn't that big of a deal. I just don't want her dropping by every day and "hanging out" LOL!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Relax~It is perfectly normal to feel this way. I am so torn and conflicted on what to do when Ethan is born. I didn't have a good experience before and I want it to be different this time. I know it will all work out but it still keeps me up at night. I was worried about what to do with Maddie while I was in the hospital and I wanted my parents there, but I wanted them to leave that evening and go back to my house. They won't drive in Dallas, though. I just found out that DH won't be staying in the hospital with me b/c I won't have a private room. That made things so much easier and I felt so much better knowing he could leave that evening with my parents and be with Maddie at home. And I can have Ethan all to myself that first night! I just don't want a lot of visitors until I get settled in my room. I don't want anyone waiting on me to have him other than my parents and DH's dad. I know my BFF will be there, but she is like a sister to me and I don't mind. That is really a lot of people! LOL!

I felt the same as you when I was pg with Maddie...I didn't want anyone to hold her, etc. That was before she arrived! LOL! My mom didn't take over, but she helped so much b/c I absolutely felt terrible and I needed her more than I thought I would. She never over stepped boundaries. She sure did bond with Maddie, though and they are best friends now!

Don't worry hun...it will work out.

jen replied: Thanks Aimee

I am feeling a lot better! I am just going to be more open with telling them all how I feel too. My friends are getting a little carried away with the ahem "CALL LIST"! HA HA! I don't want anyone there except my husband that first day or night. But I know I have little control over that and I am sure my feelings will change, but it would help to let people know how I am feeling instead of trying to be Super NICE about all these decisions being made for me.

I am at my breaking point so it will not be too hard to let them all know! LOL!

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

Yep! That is where I am! LOL! Unfortunately it has to come to that and they force us to be ugly to them!

jen replied:
Yes I have been forced to bring out The Master "B" in me! haha! Sorry but they have been asking for her, HERE SHE COMES!!!

kimberley replied: i was the same way at the birth of all my kids! i had "guidelines" for family, friends and even DH as far as the baby was concerned. my mania stems from something that happened when Jacob was a newborn. my best friend at the time came over and her bf loves kids and asked to hold him. i didn't really want him to, but didn't want to be rude so i let him. well he had him for about 15 minutes (which seemed like eternity) and by the end of that 15 minutes i was almost in tears and angry because he took him away from me for so long. i now blame it all on pg/ post-partum hormones lol. Jacob's father didn't even get to hold him for the first couple of days but it passes lol. (yes i know i am nuts)

regardless of what you are feeling now, once the baby is here, don't be afraid to take help where you need it and on your terms. it is not selfish, it is smart! if you don't want them handling the baby, have them make food or do laundry or something. that was my hugest mistake with my first. i thought i was superwoman and burned out pretty fast.

A&A'smommy replied: awww sweetie this is perfectly natural!!! i dont have any advice because i believe that the other girls will have better advice than i can give!!! ((((BIG HUGS))))

jen replied:
Thanks Kimberley,

I am so the independant type. I am going to try and let them help. I am so sorry about your past experience with Jacob, I think this is EXACTLY how I am going to feel and I guess I am just worried I will hurt people's feelings but I think mine come first and I need to put my foot down.

I am so preoccupied with how I am going to feel about people being around her, this definitely wasn't what I thought I was going to feel when I first found out I was pregnant and had my whole DREAM PREGNANCY and Motherhood flash before me! LOL OH how reality has set in!!!

I need to work on letting everyone help me more, I know I will need their help when she comes and I don't want to scare them away!

Thanks A lot! I really appreciate your advice!

coasterqueen replied: It's perfectly normal. I was very protective of Kylie before she was born, and especially after she was born! I still am I guess it's just part of being a parent

jen replied:
Thanks Karen! I am so anxious for Maddy to get here! and I just want her all to myself! I don't think this protective instinct coming up is going to go away, I think it will just get stronger I guess it is better to be this way than not!

Beccas_mom replied: I had the Same thing happen when I had Becca. We were in Monterey at the time and my mom was coming out for 2 weeks to help since we did not have any friends or family. I did not mind this, but I did have to make my mom cry when I told her I did not want her in the room for the delivery. I just wanted me and DH in there with the docs and so forth. Of course this ended up not really mattering since I had a C-section. We all have to go through this and I am sure your MIL will understand! Good Luck!

Jamison'smama replied: Big Hugs--you are VERY normal. Remember---that baby has been your sole responsibility for 40 weeks --it is hard to then turn her over to someone else--she is a part of you---right now she is yours and yours alone---sure, DH and others talk to her and feel her move but for goodness sake, she is in your belly!! It was really hard to remove her from my body and give her to someone else to hold--but it gets easier. Remember, you will be doing a lot of sleeping after giving birth. That is an excellent opportunity for others to see and adore her. Just maybe set guidelines or visiting hours for the first few days--Once you get home, you'll need to rest and recoop and some extra hands will be handy at times but like everyone said--you have to make your wishes known.

I didn't put a lot of limits on visitors--my parents and in-laws were in town for the birth and spent all day with me in my room and I didn't really mind--I think that just makes her an even luckier little girl to have all these people who have nothing they would rather do than love my daughter.

Try to stay positive---it is all wonderful!

kit_kats_mom replied:
my mom lives in town so its sorta like your situation. She was just here to shoo unexpected guests away, feed me and dh, clean the house and cuddle with the baby while I got a shower or took naps. It was actually very nice....I kinda wish she'd quit her job and do that full time.

mummy2girls replied: Oh dear what your feeling is normal! I was very protective over Jenna for the first few months. When we were released from the hospital Aron wanted to bring her to his sisters for an hour because she never saw her yet (without me there). Its not like i didnt trust aron or his sister but i ended up saying no because i didnt want to be away from jenna. And i didnt feel like going to anyones house.

Im still protective of her just not as bad..LOL.