I hate being broke.... - can't buy X MAS presents, I'm sad

CAMSMOM1 wrote: My DH and I finally got our finances in order this year. My MIL took over our finances (she's an accountant) well she basically has taken over our money. Yes, all our bills are paid and our credit is good now, but she never allows us to have any fun with our money. ( probably why we got in the situation the first time!)
I've been telling her that I want her to set aside 50 dollars every week for Christmas money...I've been telling her this for 2 months now! I've always made a big deal out of Christmas, and I love buying presents for everyone.
Well she never saved the money, and I saw our statements, and she could've. Now it's a week before Christmas and I haven't bought 1 present. I feel so depressed right now...I'm actually crying right now.
It's our money, and I understand we put her in charge of it, but she should also listen to us when we tell her something. We're waiting until Feb. so we can refinance our house, and get her out of our hair. We apprecaite her help, but it's becoming to much.
She said she set aside 100 dollars for Christmas...WTH?! What is that going to buy? I'm just glad my son is still young enough that he's not going to feel sad when he only has one toy.
Any one else been broke during Christmas? I am usally in a cheerie Christmas mood, not this year.
Ann

PhiMuMommy replied: most of alex's presents are hand me down stuff and yard sale stuff. i'm behind on rent and had to get "emergency" help with my elec bill.. my brother moved out and left me in charge of all the bills with my part time job. my checks don't even cover the rent and my car payment .. much less anything else. i skipped my car payment to get alex's bed.

i feel you. it's not that i'm bad with money.. i just don' have any..

mammag replied: I know how not having a lot of money at Christmas can get you down but try to get into the spirit.....he'll be happy as long as you are. You'll be glad you did it once your finances are all settled because then he will be old enough to notice.

A hundred can go a long way if you are cautious with it and what you buy. Look in the clearance sections....he's too young to know it's not the "now toy".

kimberley replied: many years i have shorted my rent just to get a few things for the kids. it really sucks. i stopped buying for people other than the kids quite a few years ago. it was hard and embarrassing at first, but people understand we are a young family who is struggling to survive because they have BTDT. it is all about the kids anyway and they truly dont need the presents. hanging paper rings and popcorn, or baking cookies is all they need. i agree with Jeannie, remember the spirit of the holiday. go to church if you belong to one. they often have parties for kids that are wonderful and give a gift. hang in there hon.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Yeah... seriously. It's not about the presents... the kid will likely play with the box more than the actual gift anyways. Mine always do.

Gift wrap some food... he'll love it!!

Like Kimberly said... string some popcorn and bake some cookies... spend some time with your son.

These days, time spent with your own children is very precious... how many people only see their kids for a rushed 30 mintues in the morning before sending them off to daycare to go to work.. and spend a rushed 3 hours getting dinner cooked, eaten, the kids bathed and in bed?

He's only little once... don't spoil him too much with gifts now... you'll have plenty of time in a few years when he'll get mad for not having gotten what he asked for...

We've all been there.

mommy_loves_chase replied: i know the feeling hun, this christmas is really hard im on maternity leave and not getting paid for it and my fiance broke his arm at work and so he isn't working right now we are just hoping his umemplyment comes thru, hold your head up things will get better

C&K*s Mommie replied: I say that Christmas gift giving is for the kids anyways. If I were to recieve a present on Christmas or any random Tues of any month I would just as happy.

I read another persons post that they bought their son Cheerios, and juice boxes one Christmas. (they needed that anyhow) But that is a good idea! Think about buying practical usable things, your son, I promise, could care less, whether you purchased the "in" toys or not. ((besides "in" toys go "out" sooner or later))

Think about going to the clearance and sales racks of stores. I love to shop there. Now that it is cooler for most regions, stores have to get rid of their summer clothes. Buy estimated big clothes for your son, for next summer, even some stores here are even deeply discounting their winter merchandise. But with winter starting, it may be advantageous for you to get ahead of the pack, and purchase winter coats at the sale prices.

Anyhow, think ahead. Walmarts in every city I have been in, almost always have toys for a few dollars. Try Dollar General for toys, our girls love it there. The Dollar Stores, or Family Dollar are great places too.

Cheer up! 's for you!!

coasterqueen replied: ((HUGS)) While we are not broke we are in debt above our ears. So Christmas time is just a depressing stressful time for me in general.

I agree that $100 can go a long way especially if you just make it about spending it on you, your husband and your child. We stopped buying presents in DH's family for the adults years ago because it was just too much. We just buy presents for the kids because we love to sit there and watch them open them. It's made it a much better Christmas since we've done that.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Yes I think we all feel it. I know I do it to myself. My father raised me alone and we were very poor. I had many Christmas's were I didn't recieve anythign at all from anyone. Alot of times my father was drunk b/c he couldn't deal with out problems..


So I really go overboard with my kids..wanting it all to be perfect. I feel like I can't do enough and it makes me feel like a failure in the same way I feel my Dad failed me in those area's.

But I remember one Christmas and me and Randy had $100.00 to spend on 3 kids. It was hard..but you know our gifts were really thought out and well purchased. The kids got a lot of little things..but I think they used the crayons and coloring books more than have the things we have bought them sence. Sence we were so broke that Christmas we really used the time to make it about FAMILY..and I still remember snugglin in the floor that night wrapping presents..and my DH and I singing Christmas Carols to each other.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I am sorry! ITA with everyone above~Christmas can still be great on a limited budget-the year before we got married DH and I spent $100 on his nephew and all (at the time) 7 of my siblings and he got me a bridal magazine! It is truly still one of my favorite Christmases!!! We had so much fun picking out just the 'right' gift for each child! I am the oldest of a LARGE family-it takes alot of $$$ daily to keep them going so Christmas has never been a $5,000 day like you would need to get all the 'in' toys but Christmas has also never been a disappointment! Go to dollar tree or big lots they have great stuff for less $$$ than the big retailers look at goodwill and clearance....You will have a wonderful Christmas Day just remember the REASON we are all celebrating in the first place! And Thank you for this post my advice to you has really brought some memories and thoughts back home to me! I have been very stressed all week but we are going to pull in the reins for a minute and take my own advice! THANKS!!!

Merry Christmas! Abbie

TsurugiButterfly replied: I'm definitely in the same boat! Mike and I have been doing OK keeping up with the bills but that was because even though I wasn't working, I had been collecting STD for the pregnancy. But when my job and doctor decided to be jerks about things, I ended up leaving my job... and leaving us with only one paycheck.

We had wanted to have a medieval wedding -- nothing too fancy, but definitely in our own style, KWIM? But we decided to scrap that in favor of getting married sooner (February instead of September) and for next to nothing, and then saving the big festivities for our anniversary.
I had applied for WIC, and for cash assistance to help get us through until Tristan was born, but since he came so soon, I only got one payment of cash -- for some reason we don't qualify when they factor in Mike's income, even though it's not enough to support the three of us.

It breaks my heart that he's only ten days old and I'm already job-hunting. So needless to say my Xmas season's been spent looking for work and feeling guilty that I won't get to make Baby's First Christmas as special as I had hoped (Considering he wasn't due until January., BFC would have been next year). But we'll squeeze out the funds to get Tristan something, and I'll just continue my tradition of baking cookies for everyone else. I've found that delivering a basket of cookies to each "family" (ie, his parents, my parents, my great-grandmother, our best friends...) is much more well-received than purchasing gifts.

I find myself often reminded of this poem when I think too much about how broke we are.

"A hundred years from now
it will not matter what my bank account was
the sort of house I lived in
or the kind of car I drove.
But the world may be different
because I was important in the life of a child."

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I know how you feel. The only people we are buying for this year are our parents (really cheep stuff too) and my sister and her dh because we drew their names for the gift exchange. Everyone else understands that we just don't have the money for it this year but it is hard. Andrew will only be getting one $20 or less toy from us - I'm so glad that he's too young to even know what a present is!

jcc64 replied: I think everyone's given good advice already. On a practical level, you can provide a nice pile of little gifts for him by visiting the $1 section in the front of every Target, where they have some really cute stuff. Or The Dollar Store. Your ds is most definitely young enough that he will be happy with whatever new/used thing he gets. I used to wrap up my older ds' things for middle ds, and he had no clue they weren't new- they were just fun toys. Maybe you have some friends whose kids have outgrown some of their stuff?
But more importantly, you have to try to keep your sadness about your economic situation in perspective. It's virtually impossible not to feel left out of the consumer spending bonanza that we are all perpetually encouraged to participate in. But consider the source- and remember the real meaning of Christmas, which has nothing at all to do with overconsumption. It's about you, and your family, and your health and well being, and if you have that, you have EVERYTHING.

And btw- I understand your inpatience with M-I-L controlling your finances. Even if it's all to a good end, it's no fun feeling out of control of your own destiny, and she should at least respect the fact that your wishes need to be considered within reason- it still is your money.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Very well said!

TsurugiButterfly replied: jcc64 - Thank you soooo much! Amusingly enough, I used to work for Target on their overnight team... you think I would have remembered about the Dollar Spot. Such a great idea... Now that I've thought about it, I might still be able to buy my sisters a little something (they are 14 and 8).

A&A'smommy replied: it sucks having NO money last year the ONLY reason we were able to get anything for my daughter was because we were living with my parents and ONLY had our car and insurance bill to pay so we had quite a bit of money to get what we wanted to get everyone. Just try to make it the best that you can sing songs (which we have been doing for months so now she knows the songs )bake some cookies or something and just enjoy what you can We have definitly been there where you are and it is definilty hard, it wont be long you wil have your finaces straightened out and then it will all be worth it!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

Thanks so much for that poem, it really put things in perspective for me. I do need to get this chip off my shoulder and be thankful that we have our bills paid, we have our health, we have each other, and this season for me is the Lord's, and I need to put that back on my priority list. Presents aren't everything, it's how you spend the holidays that count. I guess I was having a pity party for myself last night. I was sitting in my living room with no Christmas tree, and was thinking, "This is my 1st Christmas since I was a child that I haven't had a Christmas tree!" But I think baking cookies is a good idea.
Last Christmas we pulled names in our family. So my DH has a person to buy for, and so do I. So the rule in our gift game is that we have to spend 40 dollars per person. So that's 80 dollars out of our hundred. But I'm thinking of buying a nice 20 gift, how will they know I didn't spend the full amount. And I have talked to many people in my family and we all agreed that next year we are going to leave the adults out of the drawing, and only buy for the kids. It's for the kids anyways, and it'll be less pressure on everyone.
Can you think of a good 20 gift for an adult?
I'm going to the dollar tree for my son. He loves cars, and I'm going to buy him a few cars there. He'll love it!
My DH won a gift certificate at work for our favorite Resturant, so we are going to have that as our present to each other. We need a date!
So now I'm settled down, and reading to sing Jingle Bells again! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's been broke for Christmas. I have to keep reminding myself that most people my age don't have a mortgage, and a child. And the fact that we have our bills paid on top of that....we're doing pretty good.
And I can always go and buy a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree...that would still be fun!
Thanks again for putting a smile on my face. I feel really selfish for feeling the way I did. Now I have things in perspective!
Ann

TsurugiButterfly replied: No problem. I've seen that poem in a lot of places, and I found out it's actually part of a larger essay by Dr. Forest Witcraft, who was a Scout leader in the 1950s. But nonetheless the message is still true.

Both Mike and I come from families that didn't have a lot of money, and there were plenty of Christmases and birthdays where we didn't get what we wanted. Sure it's taken a few years, but now finally living on my own and having a child has made me come to realize what a struggle it can be, and how hard it must have been for them to not be able to give all that they wanted to. But the real truth is, Mike and I have been helped so much this year by our parents that no physical gift could ever repay it. From the financial things, like giving us stuff for the baby, and my mom buying us a small Christmas tree, to Mike's mom planning a surprise baby shower that brought tears to my eyes... to the emotional things like being able to call whenever I felt in over my head with bills and being pregnant.

I'm glad I logged onto the board this morning. Reading this thread and posting has really made me feel a lot better about Christmas this year.


Here's to a happy and healthy holiday for all of us! No payments and no interest... ever!

CantWait replied: I can totally relate. My first Christmas with Ron, Robbie was only a few months old, and even the Christmas after that one we had next to no money. At that time, Ron didn't really believe in presents for Christmas, or maybe just because we didn't make enough at the time. We literally had enough to get Robbie one small gift and a new baby bottle, not even a stocking. I bought Ron a gift with money I had gotten for Christmas from family, and he bought me a cheap $20 watch. We bought our first Christmas tree, a 4 ft charlie brown, and the ugliest decorations and star to hang on it. Although I don't hang the ugly decorations anymore, I still hang the ugly star. I don't think I'll ever not put it up.

Everyone has given awesome advice on things you can do. I only wish I had thought of these things back then. Even now I try and hit the dollar stores for little things, some of them have a huge selection of toys to choose from. Even socks and underwear from stocking stuffers.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Isn't it funny how we can all remember our 'not the most memorable' Christmases, (the ones where we were so poor, but so happy )-- yet the ones that should have been memorable--- are not so much? KWIM??



Ann, ebay would be my suggestion for a inexpensive gift to give still under $20. There is still time, though. I bought 2 heart charm toggle bracelets, & 2 circle necklaces (like the diamond "O" necklace, Oprah wears- but mine are Austrian crystals) all 4 things together were less than $6.00 (not including the S/H). It may be worth a look. BTW: Some sellers on ebay may even offer overnight shipping.