I guess we arn't friends anymore

Nina J wrote: I decided to ring one of my friends today, we havn't been talking as much as we usually do in the past year or so. We live a big distance apart so we hardly see each other but we've been friends for years. So, I rang her because we hadn't talked in over a month. She wasn't very talkative, but she did tell me she'd had a baby a few weeks ago. I didn't even know she was pregnant, she didn't bother to tell me.

I'm happy that she'd had a baby, and that her baby is healthy, but we used to talk nearly everyday and I make an effort, but she doesn't. I send her card's for every holiday and birthday, I ring her as often as I can, e-mail her and she doesn't reply. I don't know if she is annoyed because I've been busy lately and havn't been able to call her, but she hasn't called me so I don't think that's it. And she's been steadily more distant for about a year.

It just made me so sad, we've been friends for so long and used to tell each other everything, now we don't. I don't know whether I should keep on trying or just give up on her.

mammag replied: I'm so sorry. I know that must hurt a lot. Maybe if you just give it time it will work out.

PrairieMom replied: I say give up. Its so sad when friends break up> I know, it happened to me when I got PG with The Boy. apparently my friend didn't think that me having a child was compatable with her idea of what our friendship should be.
If your friend isn't willing to make an effort there is nothing you can do. Fridnships are a 2 way street.

Nina J replied: Thanks guys I agree with you Tara, but I also hope that it will work out like Jeanie said. Just wait and see, I guess.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry. I've been there before, a couple times. I'd say it's time to cut the friendship strings. The fact that she didn't even tell you she was pregnant says a lot about what she thought of the relationship.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: WOW. I am the worst to sympathize with this... i am the type if you don't put forth the effort OH WELL tough luck on your part. I give what I get etc...
Chris yells at me all the time cause if I call someone and hang up saying call me next time to talk. They don't call guess waht I don't LOL I am bad..

I am sorry that it happened thou. it sucks when you loose close friends. I cant' believe she had a kid and never mentioned it, shoot even i picked up the phone and called people i haven't talked to in years LOL

I noticed when i got married i lost 80% of my single friends. Then when i got pregnant i lost the other 15% leaving me with 5% of my friends.. Now with baby groups and stuff I make friends with people who are couples and have kids ....
I never believed my mom she aways said getting married and having kids you find a WHOLE new group of people

ashtonsmama replied: YOU'VE JUST HAD YOUR SECOND BABY, FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

That's lame-IMO:
Tell her that you're there for her, whenever she wants to talk and re-connect, but Nina, it really isn't your responsibility anymore--you've done your part, she hasn't done hers and reciprocated on the keeping in touch. So I'd say try to let it go. I've gone through the same thing, and I know it's hard, but HTH.

ashtonsmama replied:


EXACTLY the same with me, Missi.

A&A'smommy replied: BTDT All I can say is call her and tell her how sad you are about the distance and that you would like to try more if she doesn't make a effort after that than you have done all you can do!!

Nina J replied: Thanks everyone. I've possibly lost one close friendship this year, but I've definatly gained a whole group of friends here

DH said maybe the friendship will go back to normal, now she's had a baby and we can relate over being mothers. He said I should wait awhile and call her again, but if she acts the same way to leave it. So I think I'll wait a week or so and give her another call and see what happens, but I'm not getting my hopes up. DH said it's her loss if she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

MommyToAshley replied: Maybe there was a misunderstanding of some sort? I think you should tell her how you feel. I think your friendship of so many years deserves that. After that, if she still doesn't make an effort, I agree that it is time to move on. Unfortunately, sometimes people just grow apart.

luvmykids replied: I agree with Dee Dee, the sheer amount of time you've been friends deserves some kind of attempt at clearing it up, but if that doesn't work it may be time to let go. It's sad but sometimes even without any wrong doing or bad intentions, friends just grow apart.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I agree!

The same kind of thing happened to me, but this friend lived very close to me. As soon as she got married and her and her new husband moved in together she stopped calling and wanting to hang out.