I feel so lost

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Adam has been lying to me for the last year - He's said the reason we don't have sex is bcause he is depressed and has no sex drive well I found about 200 pages of porn on my computer I even caught him havin a good time on the couch at 3am last week while elooking at thosee darn websites. If that isn't enough I brough home a drug test and made him take it - it came up positive for marijuana and opiates. Apparently he took 12 percosets last Saturday. He's telling me now that he feels that he should be allowed to take 12 percosets whenever he feels like it cause he doesn't have a drug problem. Meanwhile hes been through rehab MANY times before. I have to do whats best for Maddie and me and I feel like I should leave but I havee no where to go

mckayleesmom replied: Can you stay at your parents house? Im sorry this is happening to you. Personally...I would leave until he decided to grow up. I would have chopped the cords to his computer too.... I think that is very imature of him not to be honest with you and do that stuff behind your back....you deserve better. Don't let this get you down....I know its hard, but this too shall pass no matter what happens.

mckayleesmom replied: Also...maybe you should take some time and re evaluate the whole situation. Start by not worrying about Adam and taking care of you and Maddie. If he wants a marriage where he only cares about his needs....give him a taste of his own medicine. You have made posts in the past that make him sound like he needs a kick in the butt...so give him one. You deserve to be equal and respected in your marriage...despite what he thinks. You are only treated the way you let someone get away with treating you.

Cece00 replied: Honestly, if it were me....I'd leave.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I cannot tell you what to do, only you are the one who can decide that for certain. But as mentioned, evaluation of this relationship needs to occur, and not simply by you. He needs to stand on his own two feet and loosen the grip that the addiction to the pornography and drugs has on him. Only he can make that decision to quit. Until then I would do what it takes to ensure that your daughter is well taken care of. It is means moving back home to your parents place, or even with a trusted friend than do what it takes, even if only for a time. If he is serious about this marriage and his relationship with his daughter then I would hope that he would be willing to take steps to break the addiction. Certainly it will not happen overnight or quickly, but you have to crawl before you can walk. It may mean disrupting the cable service to the internet, or any other avenues that can keep him on the path of marital destruction he is on, then so be it. I hope he can stand up and give all that up so he can be a father and a husband to the two of you.

I wish him and you the very best.

CantWait replied: Right now it's you and Maddie that you need to think about. I'm so sorry.

JadensMama05 replied: Wow.. That sucks. I am SO SO sorry. I wish I could do something to help you. All I can say is I'd be so far gone if I were you. I understand it's hard to get out but ya gotta do something. There's gotta be somewhere you can go. Oh my, I'll be sending all the positive thoughts/vibes/everything I can muster up to you. Good luck. I'm so sorry. Be strong!

amymom replied: I am so sorry! Could you and Maddie stay there and kick him to the curb? Good Luck with everything.

sparkys2boys replied: I think that you need to decide for your-self what is right but IMO I would be leaving and trying to get him to get some help. His addictions will get worse not better without help. I am SO sorry that you are faced with this right now.

3xsthefun replied: I'm so sorry you are going through this. I really wish I had some advice to give you. Really it is up to you though. If it was me I would leave or kick him out.

TheOaf66 replied: hmmm, don't know what to really say but he needs rehab number one and as for the other situation I have no ideas. For some guys I guess porn is no big deal but I think if it starts interfering with "reality" and you prefer that to the real thing there is a big problem with that. I guess I would remove yourself and daughter from the situation for awhile until he reevaluates his priorities and decides what is important to him but as of right now there is not much you can do for him...he has to decide to do it himself or he'll just keep doin it behind your back. Sorry you have to deal with this and find out the way you did

lisar replied: I would leave. What about your parents or maybe even his parents if thats an option. But you and her should not have to put up with that.

grapfruit replied: First off It really sounds like you need it. You sound like you're strong and you have your daughter's needs at heart. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

You mentioned he'd been through rehab before. It sounds like he has switched part of his addiction to Porn. I know it sounds strange but Porn addiction is real and powerful, no different then drugs or alcohol. My church did a series on the 7 deadly sins, and during the Lust service the pastor talked about Porn addictions. Apparently a huge number of Americans have some level of addiction to Porn. (I can't remember the exact percent but it was up in the 60s). Even Kirk Franklin (well known gospel singer) recently "came clean" regarding his addiction.

Here's the article: Kirk and Tammy Franklin

I would wager to bet that his "lack of sex drive" stems from his porn addiction (at least) but the drugs can't be helping...

jem0622 replied: Gosh. I am so sorry. I have to say that it is normal for guys to have an interest in at least glancing at porn...but not to the point that it should make them not want to have sex with their partner/wife/SO. Also, the drug thing is serious. How is he getting access to it? Most pharmacies will limit how often you can get that sort of thing filled. He's got a prescription drug addiction, and is addicted to porn. Not sure how to handle all of that. If it is something that you have addressed before and he has not sought or been ordered to get help, then I'd leave. BUT...if that hasn't happened then I would come down heavy on him (kill the internet and admit him for an addiction) and then see where that takes you. Once those things are resolved then get counseling. He'll need individual counseling and then you'll need joint counseling. If you do love him then I think it's worth the fight.

boyohboyohboy replied: I am so sorry.

I dont know if anyone can tell you what to do, but you seem to know the best thing is for you to put your dgt first. Its so hard to be strong, when all you want to do is cry, but it sounds like you are strong.
I hope you have a strong support system there.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree with this

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh dear..I'm so sorry!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
ITA! No sense in keeping yourself and a child in that kind of environment. And what kind of relationship is this going to be if he is doing these things behind your back? Not a good one. I hope you can find somewhere to go. Talk to family, friends, whoever you can.