I feel so defeated - and like a BAD mom
moped wrote: I am seriously at my wits end, i don't know what to do with Jack anymore. OMG today has been one of the worst and let me tell you - we have many bad days.
Went to Childrens Place to return something and he was standing right beside me and says "Look mom I didn't put underwear on like you told me to", I turn and he has his penis hanging out of his pants - I am MORTIFIED!!! We leave there and quickly grab boots for Laila and paying for those he says "Look mom, I am holding my penis"....the guy working nearly turned purple from trying not to laugh.
WHAT DO I DO?????????? That isn't all
He will push every single button I have on an hourly basis
He whines
He is demanding to me and Tom, saucy mouth.......I could go on and on, I don't think I am very good at this gig......I have ZERO patience with him right from the time we wake up - he begins all of the above.
In regards to the penis - I tried to explain it wasn't soemthing you do in public, but I am sure he didn't understand and thought it was quite humerous - I did not!
Is this normal or is my Jack just bad? Are 4 year old this nasty?????????
I should mention that he is an angel for other people................  We throw toys away, but that isn't effective anymore, we tell him no tv, but that only works for a short time because he can play with toys instead. He acts ridiculous at mealtimes and is starting to get pushy with Laila........UGH
I an at a loss and need serious parenting help here
ZandersMama replied:  im sry you are having a hard time. zans big thing right now is screaming really loudly in changing rooms or even here, MOM DONT LOOK AT MY PENIS ITS MINE. while im trying to change his clothes. so opposite ends but still super embarressing .
A&A'smommy replied: I certaintly don't think you are a bad mom and honestly I think he is just a normal 4 year old boy. Do you think he might be trying to get your attention for some reason? is he jealous of Laila?
moped replied:
No i don't think jealousy because she still sleeps ALOT so we have tons of one on one time, maybe I need to pick my battles better.................
BAC'sMom replied: Wow I don’t even know what to say. He is really pushing his boundaries to see Mommas reaction that is for sure. Sounds like you and Tom are going to have to go back to the drawing board. Your not defeated. Your doing a great job, so don't let this get you down. He is just trying to get your goat and doing a good job at it. Let me think a bit and I will pm you what I would do.
moped replied:
Oh please do - I am totally frustrated.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I can relate. Oh can I ever relate!!! Ethan is obsessed with his penis. He seems to be doing a little better lately with that, but he has other issues. Like telling me he doesn't have to do what I say and he has gotten quite the potty mouth. Everything is "poop, fart, butt...." It's driving me crazy. He didn't take me serious when I told him to watch his mouth, so I started spanking him. (we spank in our family) If that doesn't work, I wash his mouth out with soap. (yes. I'm serious.) Fortunately for him that has only happened once.
FWIW, Ethan is home with me all day everyday while Maddie is in school. So I know it's not an issue of wanting more attention. He just thinks he's cute and needs to learn his limits.
MommyToAshley replied: I think it's more than just a boy thing... it's an age thing. Once kids this age learn what pushes our buttons, then we're done for. I would just try to not over-react but continue to explain in as simple terms as you can why that is not appropriate. As for the other behaviors, it is just going to take a lot of consistent discipline. That doesnt' always mean punishment... it can mean rewarding for the good things too. Hang in there. They aren't this age forever.
BAC'sMom replied:
Sorry Aimee. Boys are fun huh.
mckayleesmom replied: I think all little boys are obsessed with their penis's. Just the other day Russell told me all about how he played with his "wiener"...I told him to keep that information to himself.
I don't know what you could do to stop him...perhaps just ignoring it. He is getting negative attention for it and that is just as great to some kids. I know you said that he is getting attention at home while Laila is sleeping, but I also found that it helps to go somewhere one on one with mommy or daddy and have a fun day every now and then. We have started that lately and it has worked as a great tool.
A&A'smommy replied:
I agree with this
lisar replied: he isgetting at that age to where when he messes with it he gets a sensation feeling. So maybe thats it. I know my sisters son came out of his room one day and told his Mom that his penis was standing. He was about 5 when that happened. I thought I was gona die laughing.
As far as acting out though, good luck, I have tried just about everything I can think of and it doesnt work for me. They are so good when daddy is here, but not when I am with them alone. It has come to the point where I refuse to take them to the store with me.
luvmykids replied: I think with the penis thing, it's totally normal. BUT I do think, at 4, he can understand you saying "You can touch it all you want in your room, and thats it." Whether he obeys that or not is the issue.
I don't have much advice, since you already do most of what I'd suggest. The only other thing that comes to mind is a pop on the rear or standing in a corner. Colt went through a very stubborn phase when NOTHING worked except spankings and standing in the corner.
You're not a bad mom, and definitely not defeated. Sometimes we just have to get creative. And like Dee Dee said, he won't be this age forever, it will pass at some point
msoulz replied:
And just when does that obsession stop?? 50?? 
No different advice either - talk to him about appropriate behavior and he will get past it. I think they just start being really aware at that age.
Jamison'smama replied: Maybe he should wear overalls when in public.... Just kidding. My Jack has his penis moments as well but that's not his main issues right now, it is more a fit throwing/ crying/ whining thing we have going on here and we are at our wits end too. I think 3 and 4 can be much more challenging than the terrible 2's.
We have tried humor, punishments, rewards but we haven't found our miracle yet, so we keep trying. Sounds like you are doing all the right things.
momofone replied: I have to punish everyday for her nasty mouth and talking back and it doesn't work. So you are not alone.
Does he go to school? It is definitely a nice break.
Do you get a break from each other - maybe on the weekends - i find that really helps.
My me time really helps me be calmer.
moped replied: BRianne, I think you nailed it actually - because I need to ignore more stuff. I just go so angry with his mouth and the things he says.....reaction reaction.
So, starting tomorrow I am going to be the "Ignoring Mom"......I don't mean with everything but I think he is looking for a reaction. Even with the penis thing today - he wanted to point out that he didn't put on his underwear like I told him to!!!!!
Blah, I am over the whole penis thing, but honestly on a daily basis he is sooooo hard to manage 
lovemy2 replied: Oh My - How did you keep a straight face? I would have had to bust out laughing after I lost my ever lovin' mind on him 
I have to disagree about it not being an attention thing - Olivia actually had a HARDER time once Dylan got a little older - they are so cute when they start walking, etc. and people tend to notice them first, etc. - she had a really hard time with it and started just mauling him, etc. just to get our attention - so yes she still had alot of one on one time but it wasn't just that - it was a real competition for her - but the good news is it does pass - hang in there you are a great Mom and are doing all the right things....
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I can definitely relate too Jen! Wil is nasty. Perfect word for it! And it's like you described, from the time we wake up until he goes to bed. Problem is Wesley is getting to be the same way, so I have two of them!!! And everyone tells me what angels they are, either at my mom's or at school. So it makes me feel like they hate ME or I'm just a bad bad mom.
FIL was over for dinner last night and stayed until bedtime. He doesn't discipline the kids at all, lets them walk all over him. So I'm trying to wrangle them, but because FIL doesn't speak up and he laughs when they do something bad, they take his cues and totally ignore me! DH was not around. SO as FIL is hugging Wil goodbye, Wil looks over his shoulder at me and sticks out his tongue!! As if to say "haha Mom, grandpa let's me do whatever I want. You lose" I lost it and seriously had to finally lock him in his room screaming at the top of his lunges. It gets embarassing sometimes, but like you said, nothing like taking away toys or priveleges works anymore. He is all about his penis too, takes it out of his underwear, plays with it at the dinner table, thinks it's so funny. I've never had it happen in public, but I wouldn't hold it past him.
Sorry I totally hijacked this...But know that you are definitely not alone! And I don't think it's anything YOU are doing or not doing. I think it's the age, his comfort level with you, and just part of their personality. Part of it is being a boy too, IMO.
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: P.S. I am doing the ignoring thing too. Until he can talk to me in an appropriate voice, I do not respond. It has helped the whining some. But it takes many many tries.
moped replied:
Thanks Rae, it does help to know I am not alone
moped replied: Oh FYI - he is in bed right now napping or being quiet because he was so saucy to me just now 
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Jen, we had a really bad day on Saturday at the pumpkin patch.
this too shall pass, right?
moped replied:
Honestly it is getting worse here - I just can't believe this is the same boy I once had - right this second he is not happy cause he just lost his Lightening McQueen pillow for his bedtime silliness that alwasys happens when Tom isn't home to tuck him in - sooooooooo I get the crap at bedtime. It was the same way the day began, went from bad to worse, I even had to carry him up to his bed for a nap today - which did NOTHING  he was still the same when he woke up
jacobsmama replied: I remember Jacob going through all of what you are saying. He will be 5 in January so I think he finally understands who is boss for now.
One thing I know I had to do was be consistent. I was terrible about it! I would threaten to no end all the time! Always saying if you dont stop it blah blah..
Now, I threaten or warn ONE time..then that is it..now it is consequences. For us that is time out/corner whatever you would do.
BUT you have to do it each time. So when he is rude in the store you give him 1 warning and if he does it again then you leave and he gets the punishment/consequence.
Also I tell Jacob "mommy is NOT proud of you when you act that way"
It nearly breaks his heart. It was very hard to say to him but he doesn't like it when I am NOT proud of him. So tell him that disapoints you.
One last thing. I set a few ground rules with Jacob when I started being consistent. Things like...
Touching your winky or getting it out in public is no warning you get consequence.
Hitting or whatever you say gets you immediate consequence.
Good luck and keep thinking positive. I know it is hard but he will come out of it, this truely is a phase and someone said it earlier
THIS TO SHALL PASS.
CantWait replied: Anthony was the same at 4 and still at 5 
Hang in there. I swear us moms got to stick together.
Boo&BugsMom replied: Jen, Jack sounds just like how Tanner is. Tanner use to be a PERFECT angel...then he turned 3.  Tanner never did anything wrong, hardly ever, then it was like he realized he was human and could make his own choices...bad choices.
I say 3 and 4 were the worst for him. Around 5 it started to taper off, but even now he has his ways about him...the sassy mouth, the whining, and the selective hearing.
Tanner is also a "flasher". He is very comfortable with his body and he does'nt really get why they are our privates. He does things like that all the time...still, and he's 6. He thinks it's funny to just strip in front of someone.
It does sound like he is trying to get a rise out of you. I can tell you, picking your battles is really important...especially with kids like Tanner and Jack where they are waiting for our reaction. They will do things to see our expressions, then when they realize we wont react, they stop and don't care about doing the said naughty behavior anymore.
The whining and sassy mouth probably wont go away for quite awhile...sorry to tell you. But, when it comes to just out of the blue annoying behaviors that just make you want to scream...those do get better, esp. if you ignore some of them. If he's not hurting himself or someone, destroying something, or putting himself or someone in danger...ignore.
Boo&BugsMom replied:
WHY are boys so obsessed with their junk?  And everything is poop *giggle*, fart *giggle*, etc. around here too. ARG! I can't stand "potty words" (what we call them).  It's just SOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying!!!! And Aiden isn't far around the corner either....he's already starting to pick up some of Tanner's annoying habits.
jcc64 replied: 4 is a tough age- I don't know why that's kept so quiet. You hear so much about the terrible twos, which pale in comparison to 4, if you ask me.
It sounds like you need an occasional break, b/c the stuff he's doing, while annoying, is pretty run-of-the-mill acting out, and if it's sending you over the top, you may just need to get away from it on a regular basis, girls' night out, retail therapy, whatever works for you. It's amazing how much more patient you'll feel if you can get away even for an hour or two.
About the penis thing, totally age appropriate. Explain calmly and simply that you know it feels good, but just like going to the bathroom, handling your winkie needs to be done privately. Period. Leave it at that, no punishment, no freak-out, just matter-of-fact. He'll get it eventually. That behavior never really goes away, btw. Dh still sits on the couch watching tv with his hand down his pants, and I don't even think he's aware he's doing it- it's like scratching an itch or twirling your hair. My boys are the same way. We women don't get it, but having grown up around boys and having some myself, I now know it's just what they do. Eventually they learn how to confine it to less public places.
About the acting out, it's consistency, consistency, consistency. But remember to discipline calmly and rationally, not in a freaked out state--your goal is to model self-control for your son, and if you're losing it, how can you expect him not to do the same?
Good luck
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