I feel sick to my stomach! - so upset! and stressed!

mummy2girls wrote: I don't know what to say or think of this all... I recently had a write up on me about how good of a job im doing and how much the family loves having me. But recently i was told differently. They said that they dont think im doing a good enough kob around here. They think i pay attention to jenna more than thiers( i bring jen to work with me). That they fear the girl is lacking attention. That i am not keeping up with my chores around the house. That i have it really good and would find it very difficult to find another job that will let me take jenna with me to work! I just dont get it! I vacuum and do laundry, clean bathrooms and mop the floor just as they said thats all i haver to do. they are saying they pay me 1750 a month to sit on the floor with jenna. That i never put her down and when i do she cries. That i just pay attention thier child whenever she eneters the room im in.

I feel 2 feet tall right now. I feel horrible and that they really dont want me to work for them. I am looking into options with jenna. maby i should put her in daycare. It will give me the freedom to be able to do things around the ouse at work and to pay all my attention on the girl i care for. I dont know. I just cant leave this position as i would be in a big bind concerning my fiancial situation. I dont know. I am tiattly sick to my tummy. it feels as if i have a thousand butterflies in my tummy and i want to throw up! I am so stressed. How can they things like that? i take my job seriously! UGH!

Kaitlin'smom replied: aww hon I am sorry you feel this way, maybe you need to find out the truth and then consider putting Jenna in daycare a few days a week, maybe that would help. I hope you get things worked out.

A&A'smommy replied: BTDT! That is so mean of them to say that! I hear about this stuff all the time my SIL recently had a run in with one of parents of the kids she takes care of, althought I think she deserves it I took VERY good care of her kids one day she tells my husband (b/f then) that I don't feed Savannah enough, pay enough attention to her, didn't give her enough to drink and she had diaper rash from where I didn't change her diaper. BOY was he mad he was there that day and he KNOWS that wasn't true! That girl had ALL my attention and was attacted to my hip, and as far as the diaper rash thing goes that wasnt my fault she had it when I got there, and you can give that girl the wrong color coolaid (literally) and she gets diaper rash!

Sorry but it really bugs me when parents treat their childrens caregivers that way, ESPECIALLLY when they say one thing to you and another to someone else! I hope you get this straightened out sweetie because I know that not only do you take wonderful care of their child (and house) that you really need this money too! (((((BIG HUGS)))) Try to relax too because its hard to take care of so much being as upset as you are!


edited to say: sorry for this being so long!

jem0622 replied: My neighbor did the same as you and the parents were not nice to her AT ALL. She too brought her daughter with her while she did house chores and tended to their son. What those parents want is for Jenna to be out of the picture. It has nothing to do with you doing a good job...they just think you should be given 100% of your time to their child. Frankly...I would not care about the $$ if it were me b/c I couldn't be treated that way. Plus with the cost of daycare what would you have left for bills and such?

HUGS

Julie

mummy2girls replied:
i get childcard subsidy si i would only have to pay 25 dollars a months for fulltime care for jenna.

mckayleesmom replied: Is this the little girl with Down Syndroms parents? Maybe they are mad cause you are going to work with another family or have been saying stuff about her biting. They are probably just being mean right now cause their daughter is having problems behavior wise because she knows your leaving. Maybe the mom feels threatened because she realizes that her own daughter is haveing behavior problems because she is going to stay home and her daughter will miss you..KWIM?

coasterqueen replied: Ahhh I'm so sorry to hear that I'm sure you give it your 110% and nothing less! How dare them think that of you ((HUGS)) and hang in there!

Elle replied: Jeez, how rude! Hope everything works out (I don't have any useful sugestions )

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry that they are saying that.

mummy2girls replied:
yes its the one with downs... Im just not sure where this coming from. they kept telling me that they have no problem that jenna is at work with me and every once in a while tell me im doing a wonderful job around the house.

So i did look into the daycare by my work(the one she was last in...the good one) and i called childcare subsidy and they said i would be covered 100% so i wont have to pay anything out of my pocket! Im thinking i may have to put her in day care until Nov... i hate that thought but i do pop in visits so i can see her during the day.

porksdad replied: sorry for your nasty situation.

guess point one is..you know if you are doing a fair days work for a fair days pay so don't let their opinion make you feel bad about yourself k.

reading between the lines I would say there are other issues here, my brothers wife has a filipina yaya in their house in Dubai (he is the successful one in the family LOL)--when their first child was about 2 years old she had many issues with the maid- and was constantly criticisng her work- some of it fairly but mostly(as she admitted) out of a sense of jealousy that her child preferred being with the maid to his mother...6 years on and two children later those issues are all sorted

seems to me that these `parents' have taken help, but then cannot handle the fact that their child has become familiar with you and even wants you--nothing hurts a mother more than having her child crying for comfort from someone else.

also as their child is a downs syndrome child maybe they get jealous of your Jenna also, and seeing you two together may make them see what might have been.

finally, anyone who is prepared to hand over that much responsibility for the running of their house and children carries with them a sense of guilt, covered by the fact that in finding fault they can tell themselves theya re tryingto make sure their child has the best.

I am sure the `biting' and behavioural problems you mentioned in a previous post are at the root of this, if they can convince themselves that it is you and jenna `neglecting' their child that is causing the problems rather than anything they have done (or are not doing) then they can continue to live in the fantasy that they are good parents


my suggestion- don't just stick your child into daycare, though do the invesitgation so you know your position- then go talk to them-politely of course, and discuss what they expect from you, ask them if they feel you leaving jenna (which you are reluctant to do but will do if they insist) in daycare is the answer?

above all--don't let others people's cr@p grind you down

jen replied: I think one of the best advantages you have in your career is getting to spend every day with Jenna, KWIM? If it doesn't work out maybe find another family to work for and keep Jenna with you.

Or tell them that you didn't realize they thought of you this way and it is upsetting because you are giving 100% and they might need to re-evaluate all you do!

In any case, hang in there and don't sacrifice your time with Jenna because of this, maybe look for another family to work for or talk it out with them. That is just my thought! Best of Luck! and lots of hugs!

Lily replied: That's terrible. I would be so hurt if they were saying that to me. I don't know what to say. Just that you deserve BIG HUGS and to just hang in there.