I didn't know my husband could be - sorry this may get long...

3xsthefun wrote: such a jerk!

Last weekend my mom called me asking if Rob could work on my parents outside wood stove. My dad was gone to China so she didn't have anyone else to work on it. She said that her and my brother could not get it to heat. Well I emailed Rob at work to tell him.

Well he went out after work and worked on it for them. I guess while he was at my parents house. He was talking bad about my dad to my brother.

I get a call from my dad today asking why Rob was chewing my brother out last weekend. I was like about whaT? He told me that while Rob was out working on the stove he was talking bad about my dad, and saying he should had worked on the stuff before he went to China. Of course I feel bad and had no idea he had said anything bad to my brother. Also my mom was still having problems out of the stove about all last week, but didn't want to call Rob. Because of what he had said to my brother.

My dad told me if Rob didn't want to help, that he didn't have to anymore. I told him no, Rob didn't care he was probably just having a bad day.

But now thinking about it. It really does not suprise me he said anything and he can be a jerk. It seems anytime I talk about my brother he says how he is dumb, stupid or lazy. Well he might think he is joking, but I don't find it funny at all. Also he talks about how my dad don't do much and when he does he rigs stuff together. It really hurts my feelings when he starts talking bad about my family. It is not like it is every once in awhile either. It seems like it happens all the time. Oh and it is just not my parents either. He also calls my grandma a nosey bi**** sometimes also.

Another thing really gets me is he don't have any problems helping out his parents or his friends. But when it comes to my family he just complains about it all the time. He does complain some about helping his parents but like he does mine.

I don't know what to do or think anymore. I'm finding it really hard to think of him being a loving and caring man.

Sorry for the rant. But I had to talk to someone. My dad don't want me say anything to Rob. I think in away I should confront him but then again I don't want to start a fight.

Calimama replied: I'm sorry he's so negative towards your family. If it were me I'd talk to him about it, or at the very least next time he talked bad about them I'd stop it right there. No one deserves to be bad mouthed, especially family members. Whether he likes it or not, they are his family too.

CantWait replied:
Sorry, no words here.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Wow that was awful! I think you need to sit down and talk to your DH about everything that has happened, tell him that you will not tolerate the way he speaks about your family.

redchief replied: As I read this I thought about whether I ever did the same things your DH is doing. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but on examination of my conscience I realize that I have misspoken about family and friends, especially when and after I found myself involved in late night repairs and things like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending your DH's words or feelings, I'm just admitting that I've been guilty of this too, and I don't consider myself to be unloving, nor do I disrespect the family and friends I've helped. In fact, I will freely do it all again, except upon reading this and thinking, I think I'll keep my negative thoughts to myself.

You see, until this subject came up I didn't associate my grumbling (and you can ask Lisa - I'm a world class grumbler) with disrespect toward those I love and admire. I say all this to help you perhaps see this in a different light. You really do need to speak with your husband about this. I hope I'm right in thinking that perhaps he was just grumbling after a long day and didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. This was an eye opener for me.

holley79 replied: If it were me I think I would have to talk to him about it. Put the feelings out on the table and get it out in the open. Maybe if he sees how much it hurts you he will think twice before he does it again.

gr33n3y3z replied:
yes Ed is a grumbler big time
even tho I know he means nothing by it I still say to him when he grumbles to me whats your problem ,what crawled up your umm you know what or what did I do now bc thats how it comes off and ppl. do get hurt by it.

I hope things work out and everything get strightend out for you

mckayleesmom replied: I had a boyfriend that did that alot....One day I realized that sometimes I complained about my family in front of him....therefore it was kind of my fault...In doing that I was kind of in his eyes giving him permission to rag on them. One day he started to say something about them and I looked at him and said "stop, I don't want you talking bad about my family. They are my family, Im allowed, you are not".

He never said anything again.

Sometimes we accidentally give them an opening to think its ok.

A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry honey!!! Honestly I would have already confronted him, he shouldn't talk about your family like that PERIOD, tell him how it makes you feel and how it hurt your family...

3xsthefun replied: Thanks everyone for your advice, replies and hugs. I still haven't talked to him about it yet. He is at the fire department right now for a meeting.

I don't know if I'm going say anything at all to him about it or not. My dad didn't want me say anything so I just might not say anything this time.

I know I've ranted about my inlaws before here and have to my family. I have also said somethings in heat of the moment about them. So I'm thinking this is what happened last week. Yeah I've fussed about my family too and maybe he thinks it is ok. But really it is not.

The thing that gets me this time is that now he said what he did to my brother. Now my parents or any of my family will think twice before asking for his help.

I really don't need him getting pi$$ed of right now because my brother said something to my dad. I'm sure he would.

Right now I just don't need anymore drama in my life. I'll just sit on this for few days before I decide for sure if I want say anything or not.

jem0622 replied: That is really unacceptable behavior. And even worse...that it got back to your Dad. I'd rip him a new one and make him apologize to my Dad with EVERYONE who knew about it in the room.

luvmykids replied:
I'm sorry, Tina. You could have been describing my husband with that statement. And it stings even worse when you've made efforts with his family.

I know it's part of the dynamic with inlaws and extended family but it still stinks, especially because it's one thing to grumble about your family but not TO YOUR family.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Tina I'd wait until the next time Rob says something bad about someone in your family, then I'd chew him out over it. And if he gets pissed off about it, too bad. And, you have the added bonus of being able to "blame the pregnancy hormones" Then it may not seem like your brother told your dad... ya konw?

Seriously though... when I rant about my own family, to my dh, he thinks he's allowed to talk that way avbout them too... and when he does, I remind him that they're my family - I'm allowed, he's not. Just like as much as I don't like his mom... he's allowed to call her names, but I'm not. At least not to him.

3xsthefun replied: Thanks you two.

I believe I'm just going wait until next time he says something. After I've had time to calm down. You all are right he hears me say something about my family so he thinks he can start in on them also. And ha..ha.. yeah I can blame it on those darn pregnancy horomones.

I didn't have the heart to chew him out last night anyways. He was so excited about a new job he was going have at the fire department. I just couldn't say anything.

Oh, well all I have to say he better watch out next time...