I am so frustrated!!!! - vent

Schnoogly wrote: I am just about at the end of my patience with Iain not sleeping, and then with him not sleeping anywhere but on me. I just spent 3 hours trying to get him to take a nap and Finally, after letting him cry a little in his bassinet while I went to the bathroom, he fell asleep (on me) only to wake up 20 minutes later. All I ever do is try to get him to sleep or hold him while he is sleeping, afraid to move lest I wake him. He just screams and thrashes and kicks me. He won't eat, his diaper is clean, I put the hylands teething gel on him in case that was bothering him, and still no sleep. Why did he wake up? He's about to freak out on me any second since my 5 minutes without screaming after he wakes up are about over. It's so hot here, I'm tired of holding him all the time. I'm hot, he's hot! Wouldn't he be more comfortable in his nice bassinet which is under the fan? I wish I could sleep in it, it looks so comfy.

Does anybody else have a high needs baby like this? Even when he is awake he won't play for more than 10 minutes without getting overstimulated and screaming. I can't do anything except pay attention to him or else he freaks out. I am just feeling overwhelmed and wondering when it gets better--he's 5 months old! He should be getting a little more independent. He should hardly remember the surgery--it was two months ago, that can't still be bothering him. I thought it would get better since we figured out about the dairy allergy, and though his eating is better, his behavior is not.

Waaaaaaa!!!!

Steph

ediep replied: I wish I had some advice for you, but I wanted to tell you that I too have felt the way that you do.
Do you have a swing? I sometimes try to put Jason in there when he is fussy and the rocking of the swing tends to help sometimes. The vibrate feature on the bouncy seat sometimes helps too. Otherwise, is there some family member that you can call to give you a break for a while.....I know that I definately need one once in a while!
Good Luck

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry... I thought he was sleeping better since you got the allergy thing worked out.

Just a thought, how often is he napping? If I remember correctly, around 4-5 months we had to change Ashley's nap schedule to have more time in between naps. At 4 months, she started taking 20 minute naps all of a sudden. So, we had to make a change. She still needed that nap (and still does) that nap about an hour after she gets up in the morning. But, instead of having 2 hours in between naps, we went to 3 or 3.5 hours between naps and she went back to takin 45 min to hour naps. Maybe if he has more time between naps, he will sleep longer during his naps. And, ifhe is napping better during the day, it could help him to sleep better at night. I don't know if that is the problem, but definately worth a try.

I hope things get better soon... hang in there. And like Edie suggested, maybe a family member can come take him for 1/2 a day once or twice a week to give you a little time to yourself. You need to take care of yourself as well. Babies can sense your frustration which can just add to the problem.

Hugs!

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am so sorry you are going thru this. I wish I could help more. My son is 6 months and sleeps well. He wakes around 6ish am and plays until 7:15 then eats breakfast and goes back to sleep from around 8:30 to 11. When he gets up we never stop going, he plays everywhere and in every toy we have. Then a hour nap from 1-2. After that we are at the park until 3:10. Then he sleeps for another hour and eats dinner. Then one more nap later and bed around 10:30 ish.. Sammy has a very active day and sleeps all night long. I would sugest changing toys around, maybe go to the park. Tire him out real good. Sammy is also sitting up by himself and we do alot of playing that way, which makes him very tired. I know it's hot and that does not leave you alot of options. Maybe a baby pool in the shade outside?? You could get in to. I hope I have offered some helpful hints and they will work.

Schnoogly replied: Well he's easily overstimulated so changing toys just makes it worse. I have a shirt that has patterns on it which I can't wear anymore because it excited him too much--he just stares at it and his eyes get bigger and he starts flailing around and then screaming. And once he's tired there's just nothing to be done. His naps are wacky. A few days ago he took a 1 hr nap 1.5 hours after he woke up, was awake for an hour, then slept 3 hours on DH's chest. Then another 2 hour nap in the afternoon. This is so rare though. Usually it's 40 min naps in between being awake for 1-1.5 hrs, and he starts getting tired after 1 hr.

Let me put this into perspective--of the 24 hours in a day, I (or DH) am holding him (or he is sleeping next to me, I mean next to me, like snuggled against my side) about 23 hours in that day. After he wakes up from a nap I have about 30 minutes of "happy time" when we can play. But I am usually holding him for this because he can only be put down in a swing or on the floor for 5-10 minutes. Once he's tired he can't be put down for any reason, no swing, nothing. That's how I know he's tired. Then we begin the hour of yelling and rocking and nursing before he finally goes to sleep. I think we could go to one morning and one afternoon nap if he would only sleep longer than 30-40 minutes, but he won't.

Hearing about all your babies sleeping in their cribs and playing happily just makes me think I'm being punished for something! I must have been a very bad person in a former life. Now you know why I enjoy going to work twice a week!!

Steph

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am so sorry Steph, I was trying to help. Have you asked the doc about this? Does he have any teeth yet? Has he always been this way? I really hate to suggest this but if the doc says he is fine than maybe you will have to let him fuss when he is playing. Since his surgery he might be soooo attached to you that he can't let go even for a minute. Ask your doc what kind of options you have. Do try the pool, that would have to keep him occupied for some amount of time. Have you tried a mommy and me class? Sorry I am just throwing out stuff here. I would be out of my mind if I were in your shoes and I feel for you very much. Sending hugs to you guys. {{hugs}}

Schnoogly replied: I know you're trying to help, thanks. I guess I just wanted to vent. It's hard to make people understand the intensity of his behavior.

Not even my mom believed me when I described his behavior until she spent a few days with us. Now she just says she's sorry

And the doc knows all about his behavior. That's how we found out about the whole dairy allergy thing. She said he just needs to be held a lot, which, like DUH I already knew that. From what I have read it may or may not have to do with his surgery--some babies are just like this. That's why the term "high needs" (Dr. Sears made it up). He is teething I think, although the doc couldn't see any coming through, but the behavior seems to have little to do with the teething. He has always been like this. Well, we had a "dream" week after he came home from the first surgery where he slept all the time in his crib like an angel but after his first dr. visit at 3 weeks he turned into super-clingy baby. From what I have read I have to change my expectations for him, not expect him to change to fit my own needs. I am just finding this hard to accept.

He does like to go out, but we only have one car and if I want it I have to drive DH to work and pick him up, which means packing Iain up in the car an extra two times (which he hates). He likes being outside, so it's too bad it's 100 degrees out there!!!

jcc64 replied: Hi Steph,
Your exhaustion is coming through loud and clear. You definitely need a break somehow. Can you just get out and walk around a mall with him in a stroller, or does that wig him out too much? And do you have a Baby BJorn or a backpack? I find that if Corey's fighting a nap and I just can't sit or lie with her anymore, if I throw her in the BB and go about my business, eventually she'll just pass out. It's a real lifesaver. W/O it we'd probably never get a meal cooked. I wouldn't describe her as "high needs" or easily overstimulated, but she's a real challenge in the sleep dept. If she hasn't passed out after a half hour of trying, I usually give up and just let her stay up. I have 2 other kids, and I can't revolve the entire day around her sleep idiosyncrises.
You're right to suspend your expectations of what he's "supposed" to be like. It's our job as parents to help our kids be the best version of who they are, not who we want them to be. Having said that, it's ok to feel exasperated. Everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time. That's when it's time to call in the troops. Mom, MIL, Dh, whoever, but do it. Don't become a martyr; you're no good to your baby if you let yourself become depleted.
I'm sending some good sleep vibes your way. Hang in there!
Peace,
Jeanne

kit_kats_mom replied: I can feel your pain and we can commiserate over why our little ones are making our lives so hard. I TOTALLY understand. My 8.5 month old is a crappy sleeper to put it bluntly. Her naps are all over the place and she fights the sandman like he is some demon out for her soul. It drives me NUTS! We have the book "The no cry sleep solution" and we are slowly working on some of the tips. However, what I find most helpful about the book is the part about understanding infant sleep. She basically just points out what their little mammalian brains are probably thinking and that they are not trying to torture us.

We are currently trying to get a nap schedule down then we will work on the night-time sleeping. I have a "hold-me-baby" too. For example, last night, she was tired at about 9 (which is much earlier than her usual 1am sleepy time....ACK!) so we did her bedtime routine and I whisked her into the bedroom, rocked and nursed her till she fell asleep. Then I pulled her off the nipple and counted 300 more rocks. I wanted to make sure she was way asleep. Then I got up and swayed with her for about 5 minutes and she finally let me put her in the crib. This all took about 45 minutes just to get her to sleep. She woke up an hour later and since I was busy, I just put her boppy on my lap in front of the computer and let her sleep there. She woke up for good at 9 am this morning.

Anyway, there I go ranting too! LOL I reccomend the book and also check out Dr. Sears' website. He has some tips that seem pretty helpful.

Good luck honey! If your little one does find the sandman, could you send him our way...and maybe dress him up like a teletubbie so he doesnt scare DD?

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry... I can't even imagine. I have gone through the sleepless nights and still do sometimes. That alone is hard enough!! But Ashley is not clingy all day. I couldn't imagine dealing with a clingy baby all day on top of not getting any sleep. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. There are not many people that could walk in your shoes!

I can't think of any advice to add, but I just wanted to say that you should feel free to vent here anytime. If there is anything we can do, let us know. And, like it has already been said, recruit some help...even for just a few hours!!!!

supermom replied: Steph-
Can't say I have any more suggestions for you than what the other wonderful moms on the board have offered, just to let you know that I truly do feel for you and hope that some day you are able to look back on all of this with just a bit of humor!

If you need to vent, by all means, just go for it, and to let you know we are thinking about you both!! Hugs and hopefully here comes a little rest your way!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Don't really know what to say but I wanted to send (((((HUGS))))) your way! I'm sorry he is such a high needs baby! My first DD was like that some days I just had to put her in her crib and let her cry it out! She eventually outgrew it!

Hope things get better for you!
Kirsten