I am getting some ANXIETY!!!!!

jen wrote: Ok I need to vent and get some advice! My MIL has decided she is taking off work the entire month of April when Maddy is born to "help out". She asked me if I thought that was going to be okay and I politely said SURE, I really don't want to hurt her feelings. We have a great relationship. My mom is planning on not traveling that whole month and practically moving in, which we have a very loving great relationship. My friends will stop and in and out which isn't a big deal. Then I have a super high maintenance friend from New Mexico that is flying over and wants to stay at my house and be entertained. She will expect to be our guest and to be entertained seriously. I just feel overwhelmed. I have always been a very social, easy going person and I feel like I am being taken advantage of in a way. I don't know how to describe my feelings. I feel so selfish for wanting just me and Maddy and Josh to be together in our own private world for a couple of weeks. I tried talking to my best friend about this and she got defensive, pretty much telling me I am being unreasonable. This is just how I feel. I am so protective of my baby now and I haven't even had her yet. I am so emotional about her well being and just want her to know how much DH and I love her before all these other people crowd in on us. I want to have my privacy. I hope I am not thinking with Preggo Brain and I am not being stupid or that I sound selfish. I really don't intend to act or sound selfish because I am so blessed with family and friends. I just want some bonding time with this little angel.

~CrazieMama~ replied: I think that you are being very reasonable. Too many people around would be stressing. Why would you need stress at that wonderful time in your life? If they don't understand, they will eventually.

DansMom replied: I agree---it's difficult, but you need to tell them what you want for your first couple of weeks home. Ask them to not take it personally. It's your time---you have to claim it. I hate doing stuff like this---so yucky. I hope you are able to talk to them. If you do have your high-maintenance friend around, don't hesitate to ask her to do a bunch of stuff for you (like dishes, laundry folding). Tell her in advance that you will need lots of help if she stays with you. She may just change her mind about coming or stay someplace else?

coasterqueen replied: (((HUGS))) I definately think you should tell them what you pictured your first few weeks or so with your new baby would be and that picture is only big enough for the 3 of you

I know how you feel though. My mom wanted to be there at the birth of my DD and I didn't want her to be. Even though it hurt and was uncomfortable to tell her, I told her I just wanted it to be me and DH, something we did together and that we wanted some time alone with our DD afterwards before they came.

Well, Dh told them he would call and update them often. So he called as soon as we were told we could push and two minutes later my mom stormed into the room! I yelled "get her out of here". I felt so bad for saying that like that But I did tell her I didn't want her there. And I still don't know how she got there so fast. She must have been in the lobby

This is a huge thing and if you want it to be a certain way you have to tell them. IMO you will regret it if you don't know matter how hard it would be to tell them. If they love you they will understand.

Jamison'smama replied: My

How long is DH taking off for paternity leave?

That could be how long you would like to spend just the three of you. Now, MIL can bring in an occasional meal, do some shopping, allow you to nap occasionally but for the most part you could be together to bond and get used to the OVERWHELMING experience of bringing your baby home.

How is it that your MIL wants to "help out" can it be anything or does it have to be in your house with the baby--maybe she can get stamps, address your thank-you cards, do laundry (at her home), cook, bring over movies etc. Ask her what she is thinking. --Make her a list

You will enjoy having people there a couple of weeks after the baby is born when you want to actually take showers and visit with those who live outside of your home. I felt up to it about 2-3 weeks after Jamison was born--those first few weeks are TOUGH--especially if you are planning to breastfeed--they eat constantly and it isn't always easy---you don't generally want an audience the entire time.

At this point the important people are the three of you---do what you need to do for your family---have your DH do the talking--it is his mom after all. Buy a couple of movie passes for your friend--she and your MIL can catch movies while she is there--that's how your MIL can help you out


Good luck--Hugs

Schnoogly replied: I agree that a way to let them down easily is to postpone their visits--tell them that when you really need them is when DH goes back to work (which will be true, believe me) so that you'll have the first 2-3 weeks just the 3 of you and then when the others arrive, put them to work. There will be PLENTY to do. Tell the high maintenance friend that having a baby is hard and you won't be able to do the kinds of things she is used to, so if she is expecting that, she best not come. And take advantage--get naps in, let MIL bathe her. Man I wish someone had come up to help me when Iain came home from the hospital and DH went back to work. I thought I was going to die of exhaustion.

A&A'smommy replied: ugh i would feel the same way too! but then again no one ever really offered to help me but i also know that if i do ever need help all i have to do is call. Just tell them how you feel that you and you dh need a little privacy time to get use to and get to know you baby girl!!! I dont think your being unreasonable at all i think your friend is being rude (no offense) if anything she should offer to help you out because its going to be difficult to clean house and cook and stuff your going to want to spend every moment with you little sweetheart! anyways imo i think you should tell them how you feel i know thats easier said than done! (((((BIG HUGS))))

paradisemommy replied: i was kinda in the same boat but it was my mom and dad that had planned on coming over for a whole month. i really politely told them to consider coming later instead of right when the baby was born. i explained to them that i had been thinking a lot about them coming to visit and i know that they want to come over to help me out but that it was pretty useless for them to come over right as/after the baby is born because i planned on breastfeeding and knew the baby would pretty much be sleeping and eating and with me breastfeeding - it's not like they could help me out any. That and dh planned to take off the first week or 2 to be home with us too so even more so, i really didn't need their help. And i told them it was gonna be rather hectic with the baby getting used to be outside in the real world. they took it ok, i guess. they ended up not coming over but then dh had to go take a class when taven was 6 to 9 weeks old and my mom ended up flying over then and staying with me so it worked out good in the end.

if your friend doesn't understand your point then she really isn't your friend at all. anybody knows that you can't be out running around with a newborn because there is just way too many germs and yucks out there! sounds to me like your friend is just being way too selfish.

hth some!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: EEK!! I know just how you feel! As a matter of fact, I was so overwhelmed with people when Maddie was born that I could care less if anyone shows up this time. I already told DH that it will be he, Maddie and myself in there the first night Ethan is born...no one else. My mother will be in the delivery room with us and there are a few VIPs that I will allow in to say their quick hello, but for the most part I just want to be left alone to bond.

My advice: Do what YOU want to do and don't feel as though you are stepping on toes b/c you need to be comfortable and so does DH and Maddy. (((HUGS)))) I hope it all works out!

jen replied: Thank you all so much for you advice. I agree about my friend, in fact I called her on my way home from work and suggested maybe she come in the late summer like August when Maddy will be older and we can go and do things together. She agreed that it wouldn't be much fun for her! HAAAAAAAA! OK! With that comment maybe I will hook her up with my MIL when she does come in August so they can go do stuff together LOL!

I think I will start planning out how I want things and then make it very clear as tactical and as nicely as I can.

I am so glad I have so many friends here. You guys are so great and wonderful and it is so nice of you to share your experiences with me! I feel much stronger in how I feel now! THANKS!!!!

* Oh my DH is taking just a week off for paternity leave but he is self employed so he will be in and out throughout the day :-) So I am planning on that week keeping visitors to a minimum.....That is what I am shooting for anyway, gotta keep it real with a goal~~!!! ha ha!

A&A'smommy replied: lol you are a sweetie too im so glad you joined this board!!! and also very grateful m2a and tlcdad created such a wonderful board!!!

CantWait replied: That is absolutely NOT UNREASONABLE and if your friends and family don't realize this and understand it, then they're the ones being selfish. I saw that you've resolved this already which is good. I hope that everyone understands. Having a baby truly is a special time and they grow up so fast you really do need that time for just you baby and hubby. Good Luck

kimberley replied: glad you have found a solution. it is a very special time and you and Dh both need some alone time to bond with baby

i am so excited for you! it won't be long now!