I am at my wits end - Advice please

luvmykids wrote: Kylie has always been highly emotional and dramatic but it seems to be getting worse as she gets older, not better. Today she couldn't find her tennis shoes and it was time to go so I made her put other shoes on (that she loved over the summer ) and all hell broke loose....I had to actually hold her down and put them on. I hate when it gets to that point, but there is no reasoning with her that it's time to GO and we can't look for the other shoes any longer, kwim?

It seems like she can be ecstatic one second and then the tiniest thing sends her into tears and tantrums. The wrong color cup, the wrong towel when getting out of the tub, etc. I honestly thought when this kind of stuff started happening it was a phase and she'd outgrow it but she's not and I don't know what to do anymore.

I've tried to handle it from every approach, as a behavioral thing, an emotional thing, I've tried reasoning, ignoring, discipline, etc and nothing makes a dent in it

BAC'sMom replied: See this is what I have been warning you about

Sorry Monica just part of raising a little girl

Maybe have her lay out all her clothes, socks and shoes the night before

grapfruit replied: How old is she again???

A&A'smommy replied: Alyssa is the SAME way!

grapfruit replied: She sounds like Megan (to a T!) and she's 8 1/2...

btw Cyndi noticed an upswing in her "emotions" and the melt downs and about a month or so later Megan started complaining about her chest hurting. Low and behold, she has "bumps"

I blame all the stupid hormones and stuff in the meats.

luvmykids replied: She's five....I can't say it's because of anything in particular either, it's been going on since waaaay before school, it's the same if DH is home or gone all week, etc. The thing I think I hate the most is her acting like the world is out to get her and everyone is mean to her, etc

Some days, literally, there is NO pleasing her, NO reasoning with her, it goes on and on and on, just switches from situation to situation and I can't deal with it

lovemy2 replied: First of all - when you get the Manual for Raising a Girl - Please do share.....

Second of all I am with you 100% sister - in fact - Olivia's nickname has always been Sybil - she can be happy go lucky one minute and the next her head is spinning and she is spitting chicklets And when that head spins you can't stop it - you can soothe, you can scream, you can walk away (by the way - she follows ) I have tried every method out there to deal with her but to no avail - I am told she is a SPIRITED child

So - one thing I have made a connection to is that it always seems to happen a) when she is tired (which can literally be 10 minutes after she wakes up) and at a transition - whether its getting ready to leave, getting ready to eat lunch, getting ready to do something different, etc. etc. I guess in some respects it is my fault cause as she has grown I in some ways have forgotten to realize that she really is still a little kid KWIM? She can't go on 14 errands in one day and then go out to dinner, she can't even go on 1 errand in the am and then go to school all day then to the YMCA and then I can't expect her not to fall face first into her dinner plate- I have learned to organize better with her - let her know what's coming - and most of all to just SLOW down with her - it may mean getting up 15 minutes earlier or leaving someplace that I am actually enjoying 15 minutes earlier or even skipping something I want or think I NEED to do - sometimes I have to let the world revolve around her - it makes her more comfortable - not all the time - believe me she doesn't run my life in anyway but I tend to share my life with hers more if that makes any sense at all.....

Last nite she bombarded me with a phone number her friend gave her on the bus (she's FIVE - what FIVE year old gives out their phone number ) and can I have a play date and so and so didn't talk to me on the bus and this boy is not very nice to me and this one is very nice to me - I walked into the other room and burst into tears - DH thought I had finally blown my last gasket - she wasn't having a tantrum or even being difficult - she just hit me with so much that I honestly am not ready for - I thought her GOING to kindy was hard - her BEING in kindy is even harder

Hang in there - I am afraid it has just begun.....

luvmykids replied:
I KNOW Colt wanted to call his friend over the weekend and I said we didn't have his number....he whipped it right out of his backpack I don't care, five is way too young for the phone talking thing

I feel much better knowing I'm not alone, apparantly it's a girl thing I guess. I just hate it because it makes me feel like she must generally be a miserable kid, kwim? Like she wouldn't be so roller coasterish and easy to set off if she was happy I go to bed everynight praying that isn't the case.

lovemy2 replied:
I don't think that is it at all - I think they are way too smart for their own good and have way too much going on in those little girl bodies - I worry more about being able to give her the tools to deal with herself and life in general along the way

TheOaf66 replied:
not true, Tanner is a 5yo boy and does that...he is so wiped when he gets home from K he has meltdowns over what we're having for dinner, pants not buttoning, etc

grapfruit replied: You know, I don't think they're unhappy, I think they're genuinally happy, they're just emotional. I'm like that somewhat too. I can cry one second and laugh the next (and I'm not prego!).

I think it's just their personality.

moped replied: Can I ask Monica, how many hours of sleep does she get?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: All I can say is I'm sorry Monica. No advice, as Wil does some of the exact stuff you described and I have no idea what to do anymore. I think Christine had a lot of good advice though!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I can relate, Mon. It's so hard when they get in school. I'm having a really rough time with Maddie right now. I can especially relate to Christine's meltdown. Every single day I get bombarded with so much stuff and it all seems to fall on MY shoulders. It's hard to keep up with, especially with other children in the house. You don't have just ONE person to please, but you have 3 others that need attention, too.

The things that seem to be working for us is a really strict routine. Maddie knows what to expect every morning before school and every afternoon when she gets home. I don't promise anything until all her homework is done, chores are done and grades are in for the week (they get progress reports every Thursday.) At that time I decide what she will do the following weekend. AND, thanks to my mother, I now have something of value to her that I can take away. I sound so mean, but really this is the only thing I have found to work. She needs that structure. I also try to cut down on her expectations before we do something. I've kind of gotten a sense of what she expects out of certain things and I nip that in the bud early. For instance, when we go somewhere I will tell her "You might be expecting a toy when we go to Target, but just know that unless you have saved your money up and are prepared to spend your own money, we will not be buying anything." That way there are no meltdowns. (that's a mild example)

It's funny that you guys mentioned phone calls. There's one girl in Maddie's class that calls her constantly. Maddie tried telling her that she can't have phone calls on the weeknight, but she didn't listen until she called one night and caught me in a bad mood. She hasn't called back.

Just a fair warning...it doesn't get easier. Sorry. It's constant drama.

Brias3 replied: I'm sorry you're going through this And Monica, I can't imagine any of your kids being in the generally unhappy category, so don't even think that! You're a great mom. Sometimes those individual personalities just do a bit more shining through than others!

Although I can't offer much advice outside of what you've already tried, I certainly can relate. It actually makes ME feel better too, reading this post, and knowing I'm not the only one going bonkers having a drama queen in the house.

Are there things in particular that seem to ALWAYS set her off? I know with Aliyah it can be impossible to predict, but certain things just always get to her so I can almost anticipate it, KWIM? I'd say if you could recognize anything in particular, the best thing to do would make that particular action (whether it be getting ready in the morning, etc.) extremely structured and "planned ahead" in a sense.

I feel for you though. I face the same exact thing with Aliyah. Trouble is, she's not acting this way at school so I'm the only one who really faces it...kinda puts me at a loss, you know? Many to you- it can tough! Hang in there

luvmykids replied: Whew, I can't tell you all how much better I feel just knowing it's not only her

We do have a fairly strict routine, it has been screwed up a little with the fact that DH isn't gone as much these days, just him being home to play with them sometimes changes the order of things and then when he is gone again that aspect is new all over again. Plus when he's here, I'm off the hook with some other things and when he leaves, it throws my routine out of whack having to deal with the horses, etc which in turn throws their routine off too. That's probably a good starting point, to get it back to very concrete.

This has been going on for two to three years now, she is extreeeeeeemely senstitive, if Colt or Macie interrupts her while she's talking, she falls to pieces saying they're mean. No matter how nicely I ask her to do something, she cries and says I make her do things that her siblings don't have to do I haven't the foggiest idea what will set her off ahead of time But Aimee, I LOVE your idea of reminding her of more realistic expectations, whether it be that we're not buying toys that day or that my mom saying she has a suprise for her may be a pan of rice krispie treats rather than a cell phone

Jen, she sleeps about 10-11 hours at night, I'm thinking she may need more since she's so hard to wake up in the mornings but it seems like no matter what I do, I cannot get them to bed before 8:30 Maybe we should start eating dinner at 4

Thanks again for all the input and reassurances, it means a lot and definitely makes me feel better

bawoodsmall replied:
I agree. I think I am finally starting to realize Aiden's personality is prob not what I would have picked but he has some great traits. I do think aiden is "spirited" and I am learning to pick my battles. ( and he is only 17 months) Good luck, it will get better with time.

redchief replied: Maybe try disappointment. Let her be late to something due to her drama and then either punish her for being the cause by taking away something she was looking forward to, or tell her that since she was late for school this morning (or late for a doctor appt., or a social gathering... whatever you can come up with), she will not be able to play with her whatchamacallit for the next three days... Make sure she understands that her over dramatic behavior (be specific about the act that caused it... girls, in my experience, don't like to be labeled as drama queens by their dads) is the reason she can't have this or that today.

I'm working out of my element here because I've always found disciplining girls is harder than boys.