How would you respond to your sitter? - long

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I don't see my sitter very much, because dh is the one that drops off the kids to her house before going to work, i get the kids dressed and ready while he gets dressed - iu get ready after. Anyways... she always has snarky little comments in the daily care books for the kids. About 3 weeks ago, I sent her a note asking her if she noticed that the kids seemed more "emotional" than usual, as in crying, whining etc... and she wrote back saying (translated):

The kids are not whiny here. Zacharie sometimes hides under a desk and refuses to come out and participate to activities - he's very quiet and sullen some days. Emilie doesn't communicate her emotions well - she represses them, and one day, she's going to blow.

I was really ticked off at her note - as in - why hadn't dh said anything to me? I'm assuming here, that she would tell dh of these situations, and dh never thought them important. But no - dh says she NEVER mentionned anything about their attitudes to him.

Anyways, I let it go at that.

2 weeks ago, there was a note saying the kids got to daycare with crust in their eyes, and that it's important to wash it out in the morning, for his health's sake. *I* get them ready for daycare, and in that getting ready routine, their faces are washed and inspected for traces of breakfast, and traces of sleep - so I KNOW they didn't leave the house with crust in their eyes. I sent a note back saying that I wash their faces everymorning - and if she takes notice, she'll notice that EVERYTIME they cry - their tears leave a white trail and CRUST.

Then yesterday, the note in Emilie's book was (translated): Emilie could not speak 2 words yesterday without crying. Here, we encourage the children to expess their emotions, they should not be told to repress their emotions.

I was FURIOUS. I took it as she was insinuationg that we try to get our kids to repress their emotions? What a load of crap. Anyways, I spent like 45 minutes writing and writing to tell her what I thought of her comments... and finally I re-vamped them all and came up with just one. I put a note in the book, saying: what, exactly, are you trying to insinuate with this ocmment? It's the second one of it's nature

And the note that I wrote, which I didn't include today (I most likely will Monday) says basically that I don't appreciate her insinuating that we don't take care of our kids. I said that it wasn't the first comment in the book, that there are several, and that until now I was passing them off as childhood issues (I'm not stupid, I check up on stuff and do my research - but I didn't put that in the note) and that when I was concerned about it, I did something about it. I told her that I was perceiving her comment as a hidden accusation rather than a comment showing her being concerned. I said that For her info, we DO encourage the kids to express themselves, and they do, so if Emilie doesn't seem comfortable enough to show her emotions at the daycare and if Zacharie feels he has to hide under a cabinet to be alone and away from everyone else, that maybe she should check further on her her side before throwing accusations my way and assuming that behaviour is repeated at home - which it totally isn't. I told her that I thought that perhaps I should be the one questionning her comments and ways to see why the kids are only acting that way at her daycare.

Ooooh I was TICKED. I'll see what she has to say to my note in the book askig her what exactly she meant by her comment... becase I could have just read it wrong - and she really could "just" be concerned... but she's the typical Quebecker... TACTLESS.

What would YOU do?

booey2 replied: I am sorry you are having to deal with a sitter like this. I would try and go and talk to her face-to-face. I have found that notes (like typing stuff here) can sometimes be read wrong. Hugs to you may you get it sorted out soon and the children don't suffer for her ignorance.

3_call_me_mama replied: Honestly i would have flipped out and pulled my kids. I'm just overreactive that way sometimes. But i feel your approach is MUCH better. Also i woudl probably request a parent teacher conference to clear up the matter. Find out EXACTALLY what she's thinking, as things often come across very differently in writing than in spoken word. HUGS adn hope it gets better!

luvmykids replied: ITA that you should talk to her, it's easy to catch the wrong "tone" in writing. HOWEVER, having said that, I would've been livid and probably called her right then. Good luck, sorry you have to deal with this. She doesn't sound all that wonderful to me.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: She just called my cell phone, but I missed the call. I thought I would want to talk to her - but I don't. I'm still too angry, and would pobably say the wrong thing.

In writing, I'm confrontatiuonasl - but face to face, i'm a big wimp and I bite ,y tongue more.

moped replied: WEll that is not very nice for you to have to deal with - I would feel very much like you do Rocky! I don't know what I would do but I think you are going about it the right way!

Sorry!

luvmykids replied:
Me too, and then I'm even madder for not being able to say what I need to say and kick my self for wimping out.

moped replied:
Really Rocky????
I am too

Daisymom2 replied: New sitter time.....

kimberley replied:
i agree! sounds like what i was getting from the school.. and now i have CCAS crawling up my behind nip it in the bud!

blue72 replied: Unless your children love this daycare provider, I would look for a replacement. It isn't worth it. Whenever I am upset with my daycare provider (which is rare), I try and remember it is the children that have to spend all day at her house, not me. If your children are happy, don't change because of her remarks. I would maybe suggest that she indicate far less in her notes. Keep here editorial comments about parenting out. You just need to know if they ate, got hurt, or were unusually fussy or caused any major trouble. Nothing more.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
But I WANT to know how they are emotionally. I want to now if there is something bothering them.

Today, dhy told ne that Zach said: Shut your yap to her son, in french.

One, we RARELY talk to our kids in french... and 2, we don't tell our kids to shut up - we ask them to wait their turn if we are talking.

Besides - i'm not so sure they like her... they cry in the mornings

my2monkeyboys replied: I would have to say that if they are crying in the mornings and aren't really happy to go, maybe the reason they are behaving the way they are when they are there is connected to her, not to you. It could very well be that they would rather not be there, for what ever reason. I'd talk to your kids about it, encouraging them to be as open and honest and they can be, and also to the teacher. If things don't seem quite right, then I'd send them somewhere else. JMHO, though. Good luck on all of it... I'm sure it's a tough thing to deal with.

blue72 replied: If they crying starts why you pull up to daycare or start taking them out of the car, I'd say it is probably a sign that the kids may not be happy. Also, if they are very fussy every night it might also be a sign they are not happy. Try and ask you kids. I had a hard time getting mine to say much of anything until they were 3 - 4 years of age. It is hard. I've had kids in daycare for 7 years and I must say I am sick of it and I'm happy with my provider. I can only image what you must feel like when things are not going so well. Good Luck!

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree. Sounds like she is trying to place blame instead of trying to figure out why they seem so withdrawn at daycare. I still think a face to face would be good though. I am the same as you, I don't always say everything I want in a face-to-face meeting. But, it certainly wouldn't hurt. I'd even drop in unannounced and see what is going on first hand.

b&bsmom replied: Being a former day care provider and now do so in my home, I would have to say I agree with most everyone. First, go with your gut. If you feel the children are not happy then find a new day care provider. I also think you should have a meeting with her as you may be reading it wrong. From the way it sounds and this is JMO she seems unprofessional and doesn't really care about how the kids are feeling. I think it is important for the parent to feel comfortable and happy with their provider. I also agree if the children cry when you leave to go to day care or the thought of it there could be a problem. However, I have 1 that will cry everyday but stops before her mom leaves the driveway. So as I said go with your gut feeling and the signs your kids are giving you. Good luck and let us know what happens.

PhiMuMommy replied: i would look for another day care and let the kids help pick.. if they aren't happy there is prolly something going on. but that is just my opinion.

mckayleesmom replied: Personally...I would be alarmed at why my child thinks he needs to hide under a cabinet and my other child crys all day. Perhaps she isn't the nicest daycare provider she claims to be.