How do you make grandmas listen?!?!

my2monkeyboys wrote: I have a small problem... my MIL and mother both are typical "spoil them rotten and send them home" type of grandmas. The biggest problem is getting them to realize that Will needs his sleep. When he stays with either of them they let him stay up until 10 or later, and then he still gets up by 7 AM, regardless of much or little sleep he gets. (I tried to tell them this before he ever spent the night with them, and they both acted like I was crazy, saying, oh no, he'll just sleep later. Not!) So of course with that amount of sleep he's bound to be a hyper, attitude-ish little brat. Then they say, oh, he's just tired. Well no sh**! ya think??? I love that he likes to spend the night with them and all, but I hate having to either be the bad guy and get on to him all day the next day, or I have to let him to slide on things and that teaches him it's ok to do it, tired or not. How do I make them listen? Any grandma's out there that can help???
Thanks for letting me rant!

ediep replied: wish I knew....see my other post, I have the same problem with MIL

When you find the answer....let me know!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I have the same problem with my MIL too. My mother listens to me pretty well. My MIL is so behind the times in terms of what you should or shouldn't do with a child. It's not that she's a bad parent at all, but she's just a little clueless. If my Wil just turns his face once while she's feeding him, she immediately says "he's not hungry!" Same goes with sleep. He cries out once, she picks him up and says he's not tired. But then he's starving and tired and so cranky by the end of his stay with her and of course I have to deal with him!

Anyhow, I don't know what to tell you. I understand that grandma's are just excited to see their grandkids and that's probably why they don't "want" them to sleep really. So sometimes I try and let it go. Do you think your MIL will listen to your DH if he puts his foot down? I've noticed this to work for me sometimes, but my DH is quite a pushover when it comes to his mom!

my2monkeyboys replied: Boys and their mothers! My DH is the same... he just hates to say/do anything that could hurt her feelings. I just keep telling myself that if/when I am a grandmother one day that I have to remember what I am feeling now! We'll see how well it works.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Yeah, I totally kwym! DH will always stick up for his mother even if he knows she's done something bonkers and it drives me crazy sometimes! But it makes me think, I am having (have) two boys myself, so there's some good to it too, right! It will come back to us in a good way I hope!

A&A'smommy replied: OH goodness I wish I knew... and the thing is my mother keeps my child 3x a week so who knows

luvmykids replied: If the kids were with their gparents more it would bother me but since they aren't I have a deal w/the grandmas that whatever happens at their house stays at their house. I know I'll have to deal with cranky kids but if they had a good time at grandmas I don't mind.

CAMSMOM1 replied: My Mothere really listens to me, plus she had a daycare in our home for 15 years, so she understands children's needs. So I'm blessed with that.

But my MIL and my DH's Grandmother are another story! They both have great intentions, but there aren't with the times, and do things their way, not mine.

My MIL has never had children of her own. (She is my DH's Step-Mom) So she has never had an infant of her own. So she is CLUELESS! If Cameron is sick, she doesn't believe in taking him to the doctor. She thinks I overfeed my son, ect. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of different issues.

And DH's Grandmother, watches Cameron when I'm at work. Even though she used to be a Preschool Teacher years, years, years....ago....she doesn't understand certain things. She insists on putting Cam to sleep on her bed, even though I'm pleaded with her to put him in a play pin. She swears the "weather" is what causes him to be sick, and it's not a virus. She doesn't take him outside to play, and the poor kid is bored to death! Thank God it's only another month of that.

There are certain things that I don't budge on. So I "choose my battles" so to speak. Like the bed issue. I told her the dangers of sleeping on a bed, rolling over, ect. (since he's not used to sleeping in a bed.) So after a couple of weeks, she put him to sleep on the couch. Not what I wanted, but at least it was better. I recently found out that he's back on the bed!

You are his mother. You know what is best. Try to approach them in a loving, but firm stance. Tell them that Wil is on a sleep schedule, and everytime you get him back after his stay, he is exhausted. And if he is going to stay the night, he had to be in bed at his normal bedtime. And that he does cry for a few min, do not rush in, ect, ect. Affirm that he loves to spend time with them, but that there is an issue with this and that. You may have to tell them everytime they watch him, but eventually they'll get the message. Call them at his bedtime, and ask if he's in bed. Make a point by your words, that there are guidelines.

Grandparents can be stuck in their ways. They don't have to agree with your parenting style, but they should respect it.

I hope this works out. There is a way, to get what you want and keep the relationship good.

On the good side, it's not an everyday thing. So it's not going to hurt Wil if he's up a couple hours once a month. KWIM? But if it's on a consistant basis, like mine is, it's time for a nice talk.

Let us know how it goes.

Ann

my2monkeyboys replied: Well, Will got to spend the night with grandma again last night... I tried to stress teh importance of him getting to bed on time, so I guess we'll see when he gets home in a little while. (fingers crossed!)
Thanks for all the help!!

3_call_me_mama replied:
This is exactally why I do not let my children spend the night elsewhere. (well part of the reason)
I would be very clear and firm wiht them and tell them " Will cannot spend the night for a while because he clearly isn't getting enough slepe when he is staying over and he is far to young for late night slumber party type sleep overs. Maybe when he is older and he requires less sleep or is more willing ot go to bed at an earlier hour for you then we can try agian" and leave it at that. That way you aren't placing blame, jsu tstating matter of factly. Child seem to be "wired: to sleep from a certain time to a certain time. They sllep by a clock not necessarily by how much their body needs. SO you are right he won't jsut sleep later.. and they probably arent' going to "get'it" if they dont' "get it" that he's stayign up too late and that they shoudl be making him go to bed earlier.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: I am sorry. I have no experience with this WHAT so Ever LOL!!
My husband, Sabrina and my parents all live together (happily by mutual decision) and chris's mom well she bothers with us on holidays and sabrina's birthday. Other than that I can't say we see her. Maybe her from her once every 3weeks but unless its a "special" occassion well then forget about it with her......

Chris's mom new years resolution was to see us more or at least Sabrina, that never happened. LOL she came to see Chris in the hospital with his broken leg but that was ABOUT it.

I am sorry. I would just nicely explain to them that you understand that they want to spoil them but letting a child stay up late isn't spoiling him or her its teaching bad sleep habits. ( i dunno something liek that) Tell them you love them and want them to be a BIG part of his/her life but you don't want him/her come tired and crabby....etc.... just explain it to them and hopefully they will understand and tell them if they continue to disregard the bed time well then maybe he shouldn't sleep there. He can still go just not sleep right!

my2monkeyboys replied: Well, maybe it's getting through to the MIL... the other night when he spent the night she said she put him in bed at 8, but that he kept talking and what-not until almost 9. Then he got up at 7:30 (his normal wake-up time). He wasn't TOO ill acting, so hopefully it will be better from now on. If it goes back to 10:00 bedtime though it will just have to stop for a while. He loves staying with her and vice-versa, but I just hate having to get on to him all the next day.
Thank you all for your help and support! It's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. LOL