How do you know when you are done? - having kids

PrairieMom wrote: I always just assumed that I would "know" when we were done. like a feeling of completeness or something.

Right now DH says we are done, but I think I would like one more. not now, in like 3 years.

i loved being PG, even tho it was totally uncomfortable, and really hard on my body, and caused me a TON of anxiety. I can't imagin that I will never in my life ever do that again. I have so many eggs yet, and each would grow into a totally unique person, I would love to see what kind I would get if I got PG again.

I really don't think i am done. I have 2 years to figure out how to convince DH, and figure out how to afford another kid!

luvbug00 replied: I too would think you would just know. I wouldn't stop then though. i'd have like a whole dozen. my sanity couldn't take more then that though. I hope you can decided what is best for you and the family. doing what would be most benificial to everyone I think would be a determining point for me. when I feel like others could be negitively affected is when i think i would stop.

gr33n3y3z replied: My kids are about 2 years apart except for katie
Erin is 17 and katie is 13 Rick is 22 and John 19 soon to be 20
after erin was born and a few years later I knew I wanted another
I told Ed if were having another it will before I hit 30 Katie was born in May and I turned 30 in Aug.
And trust me you know when your done

CantWait replied: Well for me, I still feel empty, like the need to have another. Obviously that's not going to happen though, so we're done.

TheOaf66 replied: when your DH goes and gets "clipped" that kind of say you're done

PrairieMom replied: i originally wanted to be done by 30, but I also originally only wanted 2. After The boy was born I got baby fever like I had never had before. I knew right then and there that I would have to have at least 2 more. I would be done by 33.

PrairieMom replied:
There is no point to that. He doesn't "get any" unless we are TTC.

okay. that is a little exageration.

TheOaf66 replied:
well maybe he will go under the knife, not tell you, and then say yep lets start trying again..."darn honey, guess we will have to try again next month, I don't know why you're not getting pregnant"

C&K*s Mommie replied: we are done because my DH and I cannot agree. I want more, he does not. Better to err on the side of caution and stick with the two that we have.

Crystalina replied: Well, we were ttc at the begining of the summer. That has fizzled out though. We figure if it happens it happens but we are no longer trying. I thought I wanted another one until Evan started talking clearly (which he is doing now. ). Now the baby feeling....not so much there anymore. I am now 33 so I am thinking I'm done. I know that some say that 33 is not old but really, I want to enjoy my retirement, not be sitting at a graduation. I also look at it this way...I have a beautiful daughter and a very handsome and loving son. What more could I want. I could never improve on either. If there were another sex I may try but I got one of each and I'm happy with that.

C&K*s Mommie replied: between all of the nephews on Chris' side, we almost have a enough players for one side of a football team- there are 10 boys. Chris and I have the cheerleaders , but we need to try to make the 11th player on the team

ataylorm replied: C&K*S Mommie,

Don't be so sure that he will never change his mind. Tish has been begging me for another pretty much since Andy was born. I have been completely against it until recently, it wasn't that I mind having more kids. But as the sole bread winner and such, I worried about being able to support more. However as I get older and think about things like "I really don't want to decide to have more when I am 40 and will be retired before their in college" the more open I am to the idea of having more now.

Just keep up the hinting, find out what his real reasons for not wanting more are (trust me, there is something there), and then work on those reasons.

mom2my2cuties replied: I have to agree with Andrew on this one I have been driving him insane about more children since she was born.

I am super excited that we have decided to have one more - but I really think that will be it for me. I always say I want a whole soccer team - now I think I will settle with my 1/3 of a soccer team

And it isn't that I wouldn't want a ton of kids - Because I think that would be great - I already tend to have higher risk pregnancies and I don't want age to be an additional factor.

jcc64 replied: You know. I'm 41, my kids are 14, 10, and 4. We're done, plain and simple. Sometimes, when I see a pg woman, I feel a tinge of sadness that I've moved beyond that stage of life, but the end has to come eventually. I can't keep having babies in order to avoid coming to terms with the reality of ageing.
You, on the other hand, are young enough to entertain the idea again. Don't close the door, and don't force yourself to make a decision imminently. The right thing to do will reveal itself over time.

kimberley replied: this is a hard question for me. i always said i'd be done at 30 but i was wrong . i was convinced i'd only have the two boys. i was wrong. i thought Jade was it. i was wrong. Kaleigh is probably the last....

the honest truth is, i would have another child if i could but it is just not financially feasible right now and i don't know that the situation will change before the timer runs out on the clock, so to speak.

PrairieMom replied: I just don't want to have regrets and live with that empty feeling you know? but... I am forgetting that they will some day been teenagers, and I don't know if I can survive that more than twice. I am beginning to understand why my mom and MIL are crazy.

3xsthefun replied: I really don't know. After we had Maegan, we said no more. DH was even going to go get a vasectomy. But a few weeks before he was to have it done. I kept having that feeling like we was not done. So he ended up not getting one.

Right now it don't look like we are going have any more kids and probably won't. DH is older then I am and he says, that he really doesn't want to be 70 yrs old when our last kid graduates from highschool.

I am happy with my 2 girls though and feel very blessed to have them. So if we don't have a 3rd child then I will know it was not meant to be.

TANNER'S MOM replied: For me.. I know Tanner was it. I thought after Justin no more.. but then when I feel in love with Randy I knew I had to have his baby..a part of us. After Tanner.. I knew without a doubt I didn't want or need anymore children. I knew I would want to spend quality time with each child..and 3 of my own was all I could ever handle.

Now I used to tease the kids and ask if I could have a baby..they said Heck no.. they didn't one.. I can have grandkids some day!

mom2my2cuties replied: I asked Andrea last night if she wanted a baby brother or baby sister and she looked at me and said "I want a baby boy" and of course Andrew was like - no she needs a sister - less peeing on me that way

Bee_Kay replied: With my DH and I, it was after we found out that our youngest was a boy. I've always wanted a boy and a girl.
After Tyler, we decided that we were done.... even way back then, we were thinking about their college years.

We stopped at what we felt we could afford throughout the years to come. There have been times that I've went through the baby blues and longed for another baby, but I had to bring myself back to reality and appreciate, and thank God, that I was blessed with a boy and a girl who were/are more than I could have wished for

coasterqueen replied: I thought I wanted one more after Megan, but we are done. At first I was very sad to think I'd never be pregnant again or go through the baby stage, but what I realized is that I really had a fear of moving forward. I'm very comfortable in my decision to be done now. Dh was always done after 2, but I needed a bit more time.

I have many reasons for why I know I'm done. One is we can't financially afford more children and I don't believe it's fair to the four of us...or a fifth to cause financial stress in our family just to have one more, kwim? Things are tight now and I don't think it's right for us all to wonder how we are going to pay for this or that when we don't have to. Sure we'd find a way to do so if we wanted one more but I don't think that's a reason to have another. My second reason is I can barely give 2 children enough of my attention, why would I want to make things worse. I believe pouring all my time and attention into the two of them instead of struggling to give 3 or more attention is best for our family. And lastly, we want very badly to give our girls a better start than what we had, i.e. helping them with college. That wouldn't happen if we had more children. For us there is a TON of love to go around for more, but financially and physcially there's not enough.

I also think my family is just perfect the way it is, why change things.

Boys r us replied: I always said I was done after 2..but i had 2 and I still had that yearning to experience it again and it really had very little to do with wanting to try for a girl..I would have been happy with either this time..though I'm THRILLED to be having a girl!

I do know that I am done now..I feel complete and she's not even here yet. There are other things I want to do in my life besides have babies..things I can't do with infants and small toddlers. Don't get me wrong, I would be content if my kids stayed the ages they are now forever...god would that make me happy..I fret everyday over how big they're getting! But a small part of me is ready to find a little bit of me too..once the kids arent' quite so needy!

Boo&BugsMom replied: I think this is something that we have always agreed on, just having two. So, after this one we are done, unless an oopsie happens. For awhile I thought about having more, but with our financial situation it's amazing we can support one let alone two . If I was a stay at home mom and my hubby brought home a lot of bacon, I'd love to have 4 or 5. But, being that I have to work full time to support our family, I don't want to imagine juggling that many kids. 2 is great for us. Even if this one is another boy, we're done, and I'm pretty sure we are both happy with that. Neither one of us came from really large families with an extravagant amount of children so it's normal for our families to have 2, 3 at most.

boyohboyohboy replied: I thought two would be plenty for our family but then once we had Jake and he is out of the infant stage, I started thinking about being pregnant again. I love being preg. also, I cant imagine what its going to be like when we decide we are done, and the idea of never feeling another baby inside. I am sure even when you know you are truely done, you must go thru that feeling of, emptiness. at least for a while. or every once in a while.

Kids are just so precios. I cant imagine ever being done....

My3LilMonkeys replied: I think I'm done, but not 100% sure. After Brooke was born I wanted to hold on to every piece of clothing "for the next one". When we found out Madison was a girl we decided to think about another when she turned 3 because I would like to have a boy. I LOVE being pg and would really enjoy doing it again.

But the older Madison gets, the more I think our family is perfect the way it is. When she turns 18 I will be 40 and still have a great part of my life ahead of me to enjoy and I like that idea. Also, financially it just isn't feasible and I can't imagine it will be in the next 2 or 3 years. The big "I'm done" thing for me is the last 2 months I have been wanting to get rid of all of the old clothes. I have the uncontrollable urge to get rid of all of them, and that's what makes me think I'm really done.

However, DH and I will still discuss it around Madison's 3 birthday before we make a final decision.

mom2my2cuties replied: I think that might be why I haven't been able to get rid of Andrea's clothes just yet - It's so hard because I just love seeing her outfits - I can still picture her in most of them. Well the ones she got to wear.

luvmykids replied: After the twins, we said we were done because, honestly, boy and girl in one shot...what more could you ask for? But then Macie came along and although it wasn't planned and at the time seemed like horrible timing, I soon knew she was sooooo meant for us and our family. I had my tubes tied immediately because I knew right then and there that for us, any more would be too many. Mostly because of work, DH was gone A LOT and it was hard for me. Partly because with three itty bitties I couldn't wait to get out of the tough stages and couldn't imagine doing it all over again.

There are times I want another one, or at least the option of having another, because I'm just know realizing how fleeting the baby stage is and wishing I could do it all over for the sake of really knowing how to enjoy it now but I'm also at the stage with no more diapers, no more bottles, and I think it would be hard for me personally to go back.

I guess to make a long story short, as much as I'd absolutely love another little one, I'm also at a place where I'm ready to move forward and enjoy the three I have.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I honestly thought I was done, and I was with Zack. I know that if I find the right person and that person wants a child that we created together then I would do it. Jordan is going to be 1 in 19 days. It went so fast and I'm over here hanging onto what remains of her infant stage. I would love to be pregnant again. I would like to experience a boy. I guess we shall wait and see.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I've wondered the same thing - right now I can't imagine ever being done. I could just keep having babies forever! Ok probably not but I think that I'll be really sad when we decide to not have anymore. Hopefully that will be quite a few years away.

Heather77 replied: That's a good question. I've wondered the same thing.
At first we wanted two. A year after our second was born we decided we wanted one more..then that was it for sure! Well we recently had our third and we've already decided we'll try for ONE more... but then we are done. Finances play only a small part in our decision. We get by just fine.... not a ton left over after bills etc., but enough to be comfortable. Somehow we always get by. I grew up as an only child, and always wished I had a sibling.... so I'd love to have a big family. I have no desire to have more than 4 children though.

siblingtooolivia replied: I am about 99% sure I am having my tubes tied during the c-section for this one...one of each and hopefully both are healthy - I can't ask for more, I am satisfied plus for me, like you said Tara, this pregnancy although much better than my first was hard on me and I simply think it was age...I will be 36 when this one is born, so although one more would be nice (sometimes I think anyway) I think it was more a matter of me facing that fact that I am getting older and will be closer to 40 than 30 when this one is born and the older you get the more you tempt fate with their health and yours...........plus, I want to be there when they graduate and get married and have babies of their own.....

PrairieMom replied: oohhh grand babies. thats another thing. I want lots and lots of those, and if I only have 2 kids I will probably only have 6 grandbabies max. Probably just 4. That isn't enough! My Inlaws will probably only have 3 grandchildren, and I am so sad for them.

MyLuvBugs replied: I agree with ya Tara. I always thought I'd just know when I was done, and I've always thought that number would be 4 kids. (2boys 2girls) But I come from a BIG family, so lots of kids doesn't really scare me. DH on the other hand....wants to stop now, but he says he'll consider 1 more. (hopefully we'll get PG with twins )But he comes from a REALLY SMALL family....like you can count them all on one hand practially. So, lots of kids and a big family scares him. I guess we'll have to talk more and more and more about it over the next few years. Maybe I can convince him.

I also would love to have lots of grandbabies.....but gotta figure out the kiddos first.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'd like to have twins someday.

Cece00 replied: Well, for me...as much as I was up in the air about Jack being our last, I knew he needed to be the last. I love the idea of being pregnant & having an newborn and having a lot of kids, but I knew that eventually all of that had to come to an end.

After I had my older 2 boys & I split up with their dad, I KNEW I wanted another baby.

So then my Dh & I got married and we knew we wanted a baby right away, we started trying the month before we got married...it took almost 4 months to get pregnant.

She was a girl, which I was THRILLED with, as I had 2 boys.

We knew we werent DONE, but we wanted to wait awhile before we had another, so I went on bc. We eventually wanted one more, and DH wanted it to be a boy, to name after him.

Well, low and behold, I got pregnant on bc, when Natalie was about 2.5 months old.

So we both said "After this one, we are DONE!" because we knew we'd have 4 kids under 5. Then it was "Well, if this is a boy, we're done...if its a girl, we might try for a boy..."

Then, it turned out to be a boy...so we were like "Ok, we're done!"

Then I had like a 2 month period when I was up in the air about it.

But I really thought about it, and decided this needed to be it, for a few reasons...

I want to move past the baby stage. Even though I LOVE new babies & I still get a tad sad that I'll never have another newborn, its not realistic that I'd keep on having babies all the time. I'm ready for the kiddos to be getting older & doing the bigger kid stuff....I know eventually I will be glad that I dont have any more in diapers, any more waking up @ night...

I want to go back to work...I'll probably go back in about 1-1.5 yrs...I dont want to be home forever, I really like working & contributing to my family financially & interacting with adults, but at the same time, I wanted to be home at least for a few years with my kids and I have been very lucky to be able to do that but I am slowly getting to the point where I'd like to do the work thing again.

Financially, we felt 4 was best for us. After bills, we live comfortably. We arent rich, but we arent poor, we support ourselves and we have everything we need, and most of what we want. My kids arent spoiled, but they arent hurting for material possessions. We have more than enough love and time for them, but I know once they are older, things will cost more, and we dont want to stretch ourselves as thin as possible, we prefer to stay comfortable.

Anyway...I was still up in the air and I felt it better to err on the side of caution & just let 4 kids be the magic number. I always wanted at least 3, and I felt VERY lucky to have been given 4 beautiful, smart, HEALTHY children...

So I had my tubes tied during my last csection.

So far, I have been very happy with our decisions. Our family seems perfect right now.