How do you handle the question - how many children do you have?

MommyToAshley wrote: Or the question, "Is she your only one?"

Most of the time, I don't feel like answering a lot of questions or explaining anything to strangers so I just mention Ashley. But, then afterwards I feel a little guilty about it, and don't want Joshua or anyone else to think that I have forgotten about him. I still love him and miss him, and he is still my child. Sometimes I just don't feel like explaining something so personal to a stranger... do I sound horrible? (If it is someone that I will have a long relationship with then I usually explain)

lsjulee replied: au you don't have to go into details indeed. Joshua lives in your heart. That is good enough.

Proudmom2Hope replied: OH sweetie..please don't feel guilty. I usually say im a mom to twins. One here on earth and one in heaven. I do find myself saying just hope is my one and only... and that because i dont feel strangers need to know because i have passed upon a couple strangers that would say..Oh she is in a good place right now. its for the better. etc etc. Like how do they know. to me the best place is in my arms... for me it depends on the situation...((HUGS)))

kimberley replied: funny you should say this. i often hesitate when asked that question with the same feeling of guilt as you mentioned. i think it is perfectly okay to say you only have Ashley, especially with strangers. you know Joshua lives in your heart and always will, so don't feel bad if you don't feel like explaining it to those who probably wouldn't understand. you sound perfectly normal to me (or i am just as weird as you lol).

coasterqueen replied: I think you say what is comfortable for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says .

jem0622 replied: I'm very open about my children (birthdaughter, boys, and my miscarriage...plus the twins). And I do mention that Nathan had a twin. Not to everyone, KWIM? Just if I'm on the topic of it all.

ediep replied: don't feel guilty, I would do the same thing. Joshua lives in your heart and he knows it. I wouldn't feel like explaining something so personal to strangers either

CMD3989 replied: Please don't feel guilty. When people ask me if I have children I say yes I have a child but she's in heaven or she isn't with me. I always say something like that. You don't always have to mention the child you lost but if you think it will make you feel better then tell people it's not your only child. Don't get into detail though.


Chelci

Guest_angelhair replied: I think to that you can just say no when asked do you have any more children and if they ask do is she your only one yes. you do not need to explain yourself because you know that in your heart you have two. strangers do not have the right to know the details that is private and personal info that should be shared only if YOU are comfortable doing so!

ctymom replied: I know that is always tough. Here's a link to my site regarding this question.

How Many Children Do You Have?

For me... it really depends on my mindset. What I can handle at the time. If I'm able to say a few words, then I'll say 2 sons with me, 1 son in heaven and 1 girl. But otherwise, I'll say 2 boys and 1 girl. I know I'm still Jason's mommy. Just sometimes it's too hard for me to talk or really not the time or place for such a topic.

So dont ever feel guilty for your answers. You have to do what gets you through.

Hope this helps,
Pamela

Mom2Boyz replied: If someone asks me if Conner is my only child, I almost always say yes. I had a m/c at 12 weeks 5 months before getting pg with Conner, but I don't feel that I have to tell everyone about it. I know that I have another baby in Heaven, but it's easier to just say yes than to tell the story every time someone asks.

loveydad replied: I usually don't have all the kids with me so I can just say "no". And because theres so many they usually go "Oh, are these ALL yours" or something stupid.

The kids live inside my heart, but I don't like going around giving my life story to strangers. Once in a blue moon I'll get to talking to someone about the loss of my kids. One time, I was in the store, and this lady was grabbing her kid and looked about like she was just going to shake it. I was so anger (my son died of Shaken Baby Syndrome). I went over there and said something about how cute he was, but my son (who's very verbal sometimes) walked over next to me and says "I hope you weren't about to shake that baby. My brother died because he was shaken". I was shocked and the lady was anger, and I was embarassed. Since then, we both keep our mouths shut.

5littleladies replied: I've been wondering how to handle this question. I guess since I haven't even miscarried yet it seems impossible for me to not acknowledge this child. This is too hard.

Guest_micah replied: I lost two babies. In my mind & heart I have 5 beautiful children. To others who don't know me, I have 3. Those people who know me & care for me know the situation, so no need to explain. To others it really doesn't matter to them anyways. I still have a hard time with it & don't care to go into details with those who want to know for"curiosity" sake. Those who want to be my friend & continue a ralationship, then in time they will know.

~KARA~ replied: I always just say I have the 2 girls. Its to hard to attempt to "talk" about my baby in heaven. This is something that I dont normaly talk about to strangers. But as christmas draws closer It gets harder for me.
My baby girl would have been 11yrs old back in July. She went to heaven december 23, 1992. I was only 15 but could never imagine having more kids. I love my girls more than life its self. My 2 living dd's dont know that they would have a sister cause right now at the age they are I dont think I could handle it!
Im still having a very hard time handling it!

mummy2girls replied: Oh Hun! I didnt know you lost a child. I know that Christmas can get very hard when it comes to losing a loved one. I am sending hugs your way (((HUGS)))

angelhair replied: I am so sorry as well!!! I say I am the mother of two and leave it at that if you want. if they persue you can say I do not feel like talking about it. do not worry about offending anyones feelings, those who care about your feelings will get the hint!!! love dee