How did my little boy get so cold?

my2monkeyboys wrote: Will had gotten into telling me he doesn't love me lately, particularly when I've had to discipline him. I've let it just roll off my back and told him that I still loved him and he doesn't have to love me, and all that.
Just a little while ago I told him to go get the chip clip that he left in the computer room earlier so I could close the bag. When he came back he said, well, I don't love you. I guess it hit me wrong and I sent him to his room and told him he could come out when he was ready to apologize. So after about 5 min he came out and said he was sorry. I started crying when he left the room though, and when he came back in he saw me crying. He of course asked what was wrong, and I said nothing, baby, don't worry about it. He said, is it bc I don't love you? And he said it just matter of factly, no concern what so ever. I just shook my head and he went off to play again.
I don't know why but I absolutely broke down crying over that. I know it's just something they do to get a rise out of you, but when he acted like he didn't even care that I was upset, that really got to me. How and when did my little boy get so cold-hearted? I'm still just so upset over this.
I'm sorry I've rambled on so long. Thanks for listening.

KingMom replied: sounds like pg hormones to me??

my2monkeyboys replied: LOL, I guess it does... either that or a BAD case of PMS! (I guess I'll find out which one in about 5 more days.)
I really wonder though if I'm failing him in some way. He just showed no concern at all, and you'd think that a young child seeing his mother upset would at least be a little concerned.
Am I over-reacting? (Please be honest.)

Calimama replied: I don't think you are overreacting. If Bella said that to me I'd be crying, pregnant or not. I'm sure he doesn't mean it, and he's simply saying it out of spite but it is still a hard thing to hear. Just know he DOES love you very much, and you are a wonderful mother. You are still human, and we humans have emotions.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I had the same reaction one time when Brooke told me she didn't love me and wanted to go live with Grandma. I know she only said it because she was mad, but it still made me cry.

my2monkeyboys replied: Thanks... at least I know I'm not the only one that this kind of thing affects. My DH was just like, "Awww, don't cry." He said it sweetly, but I could tell there was a smile on his face (he was on his cell working) like he thought I was being silly. And I know I was/am, but it still hurt, ya know?
Of course, now he acts like it didn't happen and came up to me a few minutes ago and said, "Momma, I love you." 4-year-olds... what do ya do!?!

lovemy2 replied: I think it is pretty typical at that age - Olivia has told me the same thing in discipline situations and I always tell her she doesn't have to love me but she still has to listen - that usually makes her realize that it didn't work - but it is pretty hard to hear....

Hang in there - you are a good momma

luvmykids replied: Ouch. I've heard that too, I tell them that it's ok to be mad at me but it's not ok to say something to hurt someones feelings on purpose. They tell their siblings that too, which makes it easier to not take it personally

Farelle replied:
I totally understand what you are going through!! We've had some similar incidents lately. Just this morning Andrew told me he wanted Daddy to take care of him and that I should go to work, and when I kiss him goodnight at bedtime he wipes his face off and tells me he is throwing my kisses in the garbage.
He's siad before too that he doesn't love me or his brother....never Daddy. He used to come and give me a hug when he saw me crying and tell me not to be sad but now he just ignores me. It breaks my heart and hurts like heck!!
I think they do do it to get a rise out of us, but it doesn't make it any easier to hear. I just keep telling myself that he doesn't fully understand the impact of what he's saying. Wow.....being a Mom is sure tough, isn't it!

DillsMommy replied:
I don't think you were over reacting at all. That would brake my heart and I would have cried too! I remember telling my mom that (and of course didn't mean it) I think most kids say stuff like that to test their parents.

boyohboyohboy replied: i do not think you are over reacting at all. it would send me into tears.....although i am hoping you are preg. also!
I sure hope its a fast moving phase he is going thru.

my2monkeyboys replied: Me, too. It's always some phase they're going through, isn't it!?!
I really like the idea of combining the "you still have to listen to me" and "you can't say hurtful things regardless of how you feel" ideas. I thought at first that that just basically ignoring it would make it go away quicker, the way it did with the tantrums when he was 2. So far though that's not working at all.

He told me a week or so ago that he was leaving, going to Grandma's to stay a while. He even had this little bag of some toys to take. He was just playing then, going to the door pretending to open it and then when I'd say, "Oh, don't leave me!" he'd giggle and run around.

Boy, if someone told us (and we listened!) how hard being a mom is, there'd be a lot less babies being born I'm sure! It's so tough sometimes!
Thanks for all the help and support -- it's so nice to know y'all are here.

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh you poor thing, Blakely actually told me "mama I don't like you" the other day and it really hurt my feelings, but I know she was just saying it to get a reaction out of me... either way it hurts so bad when children say things like that

moped replied: I am sorry..........that is hard. Jack started saying things like that sometimes too but just know that htey really don't mean it and you know he loves more than anything.........

Maybe you are PG

A&A'smommy replied: awwwww That would have broke my heart too... I'm guessing it is just a phase but my child is 3 and she hasn't said anything like that (yet ) anyways I'm sorry!!

Farelle replied: I had DH have a little talk with Andrew the other night and tell him how lucky he is to have me for a Mommy and that it makes me sad when he's fresh and says fresh things. He's been a little better, at least now he's laughing when he throws my kisses in the garbage
Maybe your DH could tell Will how lucky he is to have you too!!

moped replied:
Jack actually says:
I am not very happy with you right now.....NICE

my2monkeyboys replied:
I'm sorry, but that's kind of funny!

grapfruit replied:
Hmmm....that sounds like he's copying somebody.

moped replied:
ya think

msoulz replied: My son told me "I want a new mommy" somewhere around the age of 3. Even knowing he really had no idea what he was saying it still felt bad. He thinks I am OK now though.

my2monkeyboys replied: That's a relief! At least now you're "ok" !

msoulz replied:
LOL!! I have days when I am the BEST too!

grapfruit replied:
Probably right after you give him something he wants right?

tammyhopkins replied: don't worry you are not alone. Josh started saying that about 5 months ago for no reason. I woudl say to him "I love you Josh" and he would turn around and say "Well I no love you, I only love Daddy". I did have my moments but i truly do not think they even understand what they are saying they just knwo it gets a reaction from us. what i do know when he says that i walk away and do not say anything and he comes running saying " I love you mommy i really do".

Anyway they do get over it for the time being anyway

momofone replied: I definately know how you feel - I get "your so mean all the time" and "stop being so bossy". And tells her friends at school I'm mean so now I think her friends hate me. I agree on what you said about parenting be hard I feel that way alot. I feel like I get no respect like Rodney Dangerfield

msoulz replied:
Yes, and when he is buttering me up for something that he wants. He is no dummy!

my2monkeyboys replied: They can be so smart to be to young, can't they!?!